I DID IT!
I was really struggling with an ending for this... and then, as per usual with TVF, i just kept writing and it all fell together.
Um, I think I did alright with this contest...Iunnoo, its up to you :)
I don't own the characters, but I can take credit for their OOCness! Also I don't own Spiderman, the Green Goblin (sniffle), Doc Ock, Harry Potter, Voldemort, the Escalade company, Edward Cullen, Dracula, Taio Cruz, the Pussycat Dolls, UPS, or anything else that gets mentioned.
1 Week Before
1 Week Before
Darren really should have learned his lesson by now. Over the several years he had spent living among the undead beasts of Vampire Mountain, he had learned that Vampires are incredibly dangerous skiiers, obnoxious travelling companions, completely hopeless in matters such as cooking, decorating, and building, they do not cope well with Christmas unless it involves opening gifts, they may even get drunk on eggnog, they are unable to see the meaningful side of a wedding due to the fact that their view is blocked by the open bar, they can barely camp without getting themselves struck by lightning or losing the Escalade keys, they can pretty much be garunteed to blow up Valentine's day, and when in a plane without supervision, they are likely to crash on a deserted island and go insane, not to mention 8 of them at once are no match for a baby.
Darren had crossed off almost every human tradition on his list. He was giving up all hope of ever having a normal life he could share with normal friends, when he remembered that one last special evening in autumn, which had been his and Steve's finest hour, back in the day of humanism. His face spilt into a wide grin. Surely, this would be the ONE thing his friends could exceed at. And all they had to do was be themselves.
Darren bounded down to the kitchen, little head abuzz with ideas, as per usual. He was greeted by the average scene:
Kurda concentrating on the orange juice as Mika flicked Fruit Loops at his head. Arrow and Harkat finding out how Gatorade tastes with Frosted Flakes, and making notes on this matter. Seba screaming at the toaster, which had apparently "thrown toast at him without cause". Paris carefully trimming his fingernails, and Larten browsing for a new couch online. He happened to look up as Darren trotted into the room.
"Darren, you have that sneaky look in your eyes like you are about to make us do something human-ish." he snapped.
Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and stared murderously at Darren.
"Really, Darren? Really?" said Paris in his Dr. Phil voice.
"THE ABOMINATIONS MUST END!" Seba howled.
"What he said, bro." said Arrow apologetically.
"No no way way. Just accept the fact that you're not a human." said Mika.
"ARE YOU GUYS ALL PHSYCIC?" said Kurda. "What are we TALKING about?"
"Darren, you are...my bestest buddy...but we don't need...any more...adventures." said Harkat.
Darren's jaw dropped. They got all that from just one look? But he played it cool, turned to leave the room, and dropped the bomb:
"Fine. I guess you guys don't want free candy."
5 minutes later, they were huddled in the living room deciding on costumes.
"I am going to be Spiderman." said Larten primly. "And Madam Octa wil be my radioactive spider."
"You decided that fast." said Darren incredulously.
"He's been looking for an excuse to dress up as Spiderman for decades." Paris announced. Larten went totally red.
"Imma be a princess! No, a sexy spy. No, a sexy spy princess. No, a Spice Girl. No, Lady GaGa. No, AHHH OMG I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA BEEEE!" Kurda wailed.
"No one has to decide right now." Darren informed them. "For now, we just need to decorate."
Everyone cringed automatically.
"Free candy, guys. Free candy." Darren reminded. "We'll start with the pumpkins that just arrived from out good friends down at eBay.
"I did not know eBay sold live vegetables." said Larten.
"VEGETABLES ARE ALIVE?" two voices yelled at once. One was Kurda, the other was something of a suprise.
"Mika? Did you...just have...a blonde moment?" Harkat asked.
"NO! I knew vegetables are alive! I was just being...um...sarcastic!" Mika bellowed. "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"
Harkat chuckled. Mika frowned.
"Who here knows how to carve a pumpkin?" Darren asked loudly.
"Just for the record, vegetables aren't alive when you eat them." Paris noted.
Kurda and Mika were clearly having a day of great realization.
"PUMPKINS, ANYONE?" Darren hollered.
"Okay, it's quite simple. Everyone pick a pumpkin partner."
The pairs were standard: Mika and Arrow. Larten and Paris. Seba and Kurda. Harkat and Darren.
Darren ran upstairs to grab his box of pumpkins which he slowly and painfully hauled out of his room and down the stairs. Bump, bump, bump, bump, crunch, "OUCH!", bump, bump, whump. Once he made sure his crushed toe wasn't shattered to bits, he continued to drag the box out to the living room, where he pulled out 4 extra-large pumpkins. Express shipping for these things had cost as much as a trip for 8 to another continent.
Now that each pair had a pumpkin, Darren handed out the part that required a bit more concern: the carving knives.
"These knives are for pumpkins ONLY. If your knife touches anyone else, you will be giving them half of your candy. Are we clear? Good."
It seemed the only way to avoid casualties was to put free candy on the line.
Darren held up a poster of some examples of how to carve a Jack'o Lantern.
Mika and Arrow proceeded to slash and stab their pumpkin to bits. Kurda refused to touch both the pumpkin and the knife for fear of getting "slimey or stabbey" so he instructed Seba on how he wanted it done. Paris decided to use the opportunity as an artistic outlet, so he took over completely and began to carve a perfect portrait of Larten, after telling him firmly to sit still. And Darren was pleased to carve the most traditional face possible, triangular eyes and nose, upturned smile...he did, however, add fangs. Harkat took the liberty of drawing on some stitches and scribbling around the eyes in green Sharpie to make it a Little Person...with fangs. Whatever.
Several minutes later, Darren examined the other's progress.
Mika and Arrow had retrieved some other vegetables from the kitchen and had coloured them to look like Criminal Minds characters, gathered around the crime scene which included the slashed-to-death pumpkin. They'd even included real police tape. Darren decided not to ask where they'd gotten it.
Kurda and Seba's pumpkin hadn't been carved in the slightest. It did, however sport stick-on googly eyes in a blinding shade of baby blue (with real mascara), and a blonde wig that Kurda had sacrificed off his Hair Salon Stylin Head doll. And for the finishing touch, there was a slightly lopsided mouth scribbled in neon pink lipstick.
And Paris's pumpkin now looked scarily like Larten Crepsley. Laren even looked a bit nervous himself. Every time he glanced at it, he jumped.
Once everyone certified that their pumpkin was indeed finished, they were moved out to the front steps in the off chance that Vampire Mountain might possibly recieve Trick Or Treaters.
"Speaking of which, young Shan, where will be partaking in this ridiculous Tricking-And-Treating excursion?" Larten inquired. "To the extent of my knowledge, I do not think anyone lives in the other mountains around here. Of course I could be wrong, but it does not seem as such."
"We'll drive the Essie into town, park it, and walk around." Darren replied.
"We have to waaaalkkkk?" Kurda whined.
"Did you think Trick-or-Treat came with a drive-thru?" Darren snorted.
Darren sighed. "Okay folks, back inside. I volunteered to decorate the Hall of Princes for the Guardians of the Blood's annual Halloween dance, so chop chop!"
"They have an annual Halloween Dance? In OUR Hall?" Mika gasped in disgust. "WHY do we not KNOW this?"
"Well they usually have it in their own Hall, but they're upgrading this year due to budget increases." said Paris.
Mika and Arrow stared.
"That means they found a spare laptop and ordered a truckload of candy to buy us off." Paris clarified.
Mika looked suspicious. Darren wanted to know why the Guardians had an Annual Halloween Dance and the Vampires didn't.
"NO MORE DANCES, DARREN. I MEAN IT." Mika snapped, seeing the boy's expression. "Remember the last ones?"
Darren had several flashbacks of a Vampire conga line, Larten getting wasted beside the Pit of Stakes, Kurda dancing to Hilary Duff music, etcetera. He had to agree with Mika on this one. However, it was still a win-win situation because he still got to do some decorating.
"Where the hell did the Guardians GET all this stuff?" Arrow gasped as the Gang unpacked several very large boxes full of Halloween decorations.
"They have their ways. Halloween is their most sacred holiday." Paris explained wisely.
"Boo!" said Mika, throwing a life-sized plastic skeleton at Kurda. The blond screamed in absolute terror, and hid behind Harkat.
"OH COME ON! I didn't even say Boo in a scary voice!" Mika groaned.
"Stop screwing around and hang these from the ceiling!" said Darren snappily, throwing a box of rubber bats at Mika, duck tape and string at Kurda, and pointing Arrow in the direction of the 100-foot ladder.
"Oh no." said Kurda.
"Oh crap." said Arrow.
"He's using his organizing voice!" said Mika.
"Hey Spiderman." Darren pointed at Larten. "Practice up for Halloween and spread these around." he tossed a large bag of fake spiderwebs at his mentor.
Larten gave Darren "the look".
"Darren, Spiderman does not fling webs while wearing his every-day clothes. Except for that opening fight scene in the third sequel...but that does not count, he was victimized in a suprise attack by the New Goblin...and other special occasions randomly dispersed throughout..."
Darren gave him "the look" right back.
"Mr Crepsley, in a secret place, I have hidden your Spiderman DVDs. Unless you help with the decorating, I will feed them to the Green Goblin. Am I clear?"
"The Green Goblin does not eat DVDs!" Larten said, aghast.
"He doesn't? I thought he sucked all the metal-y stuff into his little electro fireball thing?"
"That is Doc Ock you are thinking of, young Shan. Plus, DVDs are not metallic. And the fusion reactor does not eat."
"Just decorate." said Darren through gritted teeth as he covered the drinks table with a neon-orange table cloth.
Meanwhile, Seba was having the time of his life spreading the plastic skeletons around the Hall in a decorative manner. One hung from a noose , one sat on Mika's throne with a party hat on its skull and a wine glass in its hand, two made out in the left corner, one stood by the door holding a tray on which there would later be rice krispie squares.
Somewhere near the ceiling, Arrow was standing atop the ladder and was taping the 24th bat in place.
"And that one's name is Brangelina!" Kurda hollered.
"Kurda, I swear to Charna, if you name one more bat, I will destroy you." Mika growled.
"Can you destroy him after I'm down from the ladder?" Arrow asked hopefully. "You're kinda holding it up, and if you let go it probably wouldn't go well for me. Just sayin."
"I will restrain myself." said Mika regretfully, tightening his grip on the ladder.
"Thanks bro." said Arrow, now on bat #27.
"That one's Gwennifer!" Kurda announced. "I hope you're writing this down, Arrow."
At this point, Bat #28 "accidentally" dropped on Kurda's head. Of course he was under the impression that it was a real bat and was momentarily rendered senseless by his own screaming.
"Dang, we're outta bats." said Arrow. "Harkie, do ya mind?"
Harkat obliged and scurried up the ladder toting a fresh box of bats as well as a replenished supply of duck tape and string. Arrow continued tieing and taping, Kurda continued naming, and Mika continued holding (both the ladder and his temper).
4 Days Before
Darren was deep in thought, searching for the perfect outfit for his carefully chosen costume. He was going to be a literary icon, undoubtably the greatest the world has ever known:
Yeah, that's the one.
He supressed a shiver of glee as raided the Mountain in search of an outfit that just screamed "DARRY". It didn't take long.
An old shirt of Mika's became his wizarding robes. Seba had a red and gold tie for some reason which seemed perfectly Gryffindor-like. Kurda's stuffed animal collection yielded a white owl which could be taped to his shoulder. In the depths of Paris' closet he found an ancient witch hat which looked and smelled very authentic. He found a wandly stick outside, and had ordered the little glasses on eBay.
And an excellent idea had dawned on him: this could be a joint costume. Every hero needs a villain. In real life, he had 7 phsycos to ruin his life. But Harry Potter needed a Voldemort! Harkat would do nicely, he didn't want a nemesis who looked more imposing than he. Darry Potter grinned in anticipation.
Now, to study his character thoroughly so he could produce the best possible performance for optimum recievage of candy. He went to go pop the disc in, he was going to have an HP Movie Marathon! But there was a problem.
7 butts were already parked in front of the TV, watching...Spiderman!
"Missterrr Crepppslleeeyyy!" Darren whined. "I gotta watch Harry Potter and study my character!"
"As do I. Surely Harry Potter is not that difficult to portray. It is only Halloween after all. Plus this is not the only television in the house, go find another."
"But this is the only one with the furry couch in front! Not to mention a Blu-Ray player!" Darren moaned.
But the furry couch was well-covered by Mika, Harkat, Arrow, and partially Kurda, and they didn't appear to be interested in moving, so Darren perched on the lumpy armchair and watched Larten watch Spiderman with great enthusiasm.
At one point, Mika tried to imitate a Goblin line.
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, YOU ARE SAYING IT WRONG!" the orange-haired Spiderfan shrieked. Then he turned to Harkat.
"Now Harkat, we are going to build you a small replica of the Goblin Glider, which we will attach to a wagon and then pull you about the streets with us. You are to make all the Goblin sound effects, possibly recite several quotes, and generally act manical. In exchange for 20 percent of my candy."
Harkat bobbed his head eagerly.
"Wait wait waaaiiit!" Darren gasped. "What?"
"Harkat and I are doing a joint costume." said Larten supremely. "He is going to be my villain."
Harkat made a growly noise for practice. Larten patted him on the back.
"But I was gonna ask him to be my Voldemort!" Darren whined "He's MY best friend, not yours!"
"Oh please Darren, save your moaning." Larten scoffed. "Not only did I ask him first, but I am also paying him in candy. 20 percent of my entire haul."
"Harkat, I'll give ya 50 percent to be my Voldemort!"
"Generous offer, young Shan, but we have already ordered the Green Goblin costume frim eBay." said Larten fiercely.
"They can cancel an order at no charge now, didn't you hear?" Darren snapped back.
"I asked first."
"He's my best friend!"
"The Goblin gets to ride on a Glider. Voldemort has to walk everywhere. Where is the fun in that?"
"I'd give him more candy! Plus Voldemort can apparate."
"And you will get Harkat to apparate...how?"
"HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!"
"I ASKED FIRST!"
"...Hey?" Harkat interrupted cautiously. Darren and Larten turned to look at him with identical inviting grins. Harkat took a step backwards.
"I will decide...what villain to be...for myself." Harkat announced in a nervous but firm tone.
"Of course, buddy!" said Darren, breaking out into sweat. "Absolutely! Can I get you anything?"
"Would you like me to clean your room, or make your hammock, or...um...get you some chocolate milk? Or a freezie? I know how you love freezies."
"No and...no. I will go...think about it." Harkat muttered, retreating out of the living room.
Larten turned to observe Darren and appeared to be so incredibly furious he was incapable of speech. Darren took this opportunity to hike down to the Hall of Princes to see if it needed any finishing touches.
The bats had indeed been well-hung, although several looked slightly squashed although they'd been thrown at the floor with great vengance. The skeletons were efficiently placed, and Larten had outdone himself with the fake spiderwebs. He'd also procured several live spiders to wander amongst it and add their own webs to the mess. In the clump neareast the door, there was a little sticky note that read "Courtesy, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman."
Darren made a mental note to destroy that DVD.
2 Days Before
Instead of foraging for another wizard costume, Darren had caved and ordered the Deluxe Voldemort Suit (child size) from eBay, along with an authentic wand that had been used in the movie. Throw in the life-sized plush Anaconda snake from Kurda's stuffed animal zoo, and the Voldie picture was complete. The entire setup had cost as much as much as a plane ticket to a better place, but Darren was hell-bent on having his own personal villain. He contemplated the idea of asking someone else to be Voldemort, but they all had their own costume ideas, and he didn't want to be the shorter side of the duo.
Darren presented the costume to Harkat with great excitement, only to have the Little Person smile and nod.
Turned out, Larten had also gone all the way with Harkat's costume. Harkat was now the proud owner of a Green Goblin Bodysuit (child size) as well as the authentic helmet from the movie. Larten had also promised 20 percent of his candy to Mika and Arrow in exchange for constructing a pull-along Goblin Glider for Harkat to sit on. This had been completed, and Darren had to admit it was quite good.
No one else had shared their costume ideas for fear of starting a war like Darren and Larten's. The two kept shooting each other dirty looks, or else attemting to shove one another down flights of stairs. However, their magic powers/spider senses kept them from harm until...
Everything was ready. Darren had gotten up extra early to set the GPS in the direction of the the town where they'd stopped for gas on many memorable occasions. The Hall of Princes was fully ready for a night of creepy dancing, and the Guardians had indeed come through with their promise, and a UPS truck full of everything bad for your teeth had pulled up at the Mountain as Darren munched his breakfast. He had the truck empty its contents in the garage before anyone else woke up.
"Darren, what on earth are THESE supposed to be?" Larten inquired of the rectangular desert he held in his hand.
"It's a rice krispy square and it's good." Came the snappy reply. Needless to say, Darren had spent the whole day running low on patience.
"Where did it come from?" Larten continued suspiciously, turning the rice krispy square/rectangle around in his hand.
"Me and Darren...made them." Harkat replied. "Right here in...this kitchen."
"Why are there little bats and spiders and skulls and pumpkins on it?"
"They're...sprinkles." said Harkat, holding up a sprinkler-bottle labelled "SPOOKY SHAPES".
"Even food tries to scare you these days!" Larten stated despairingly, taking a nervous bite of the square. His whole demeanor changed at once, and he scarfed the rest of the square, and 4 more wearing a stupidly happy expression.
"I told you they're good." said Darren grumpily, om-nom-nomming his 7th square. He then took advantage of Larten's distraction to pop the question on Harkat.
"So, Harkster, my man...have you by any chance decided whose villain you're gonna be?"
Harkat looked up at him very peevishly.
"Okayokayokay! I was just checkin', man. Take all the time you need! Just not too long, cuz we're leaving in 4 hours."
Larten glared at him over the juice jug. Darren returned the look. One of them would emerge victorious. The other was doomed to Trick-or-Treat as a villain-less hero, which would be extremely lame.
A fully-dressed Darry Potter waited in the living room as his costumed friends began to trickle in. First came Paris who was dressed as...a Vampire. Dracula, to be exact. His cloak looked scarily authentic, and he was wearing fangs. The classic Vampire look was quite shockingly different from the Hawaiian shirt-wearing modern Vampire that he so often inhibited. He carried a large leather briefcase for candy-collecting.
Next came Mika and Arrow, who had done a joint costume after many hours of researching their favourite show, Criminal Minds. Arrow was dressed plainly but streaked with fake blood, and holding an axe, pickaxe, chainsaw, and one of his boomerangs. He also toted a bloodstained pillow case for candy. He was a serial killer, and Mika was an handcuff-toting FBI Agent wearing his dark aviator shades, with a bag labelled "EVIDENCE" and wrapped with more real "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape.
Larten followed them, wearing a Spiderman bodysuit, carrying a white rope which was apparently supposed to be a replica of a spider web, and with Madam Octa sitting on his shoulder. Darren wondered of all that spandex was painful. He did not envy the tights whatsoever. Apparently it was difficult to see out of the face mask, because SpiderCreps kept bumping into things. Darren chuckled. SpiderCreps gave him the finger. His bag was a large kindergarden-style Spiderman backpack. It sorta ruined the look.
Following Larten came Seba, who was dressed completely normal...and wearing a paper bag (with a creepy face scrawled on it in crayons) over his head. When asked what he was supposed to be, his answer was:
Ah well, there would always be a weird bird in the flock.
And along came Kurda.
"Woah." said Darren.
"Ouch." said Arrow.
SpiderCreps put his hands over his eye things.
"What are we looking at?" Seba inquired from inside the bag.
Kurda was wearing tight jeans, an extremely tight white t-shirt, and his hair was gelled up at an alarming angle. His bag was a standard Kurda-pink leather purse. But that wasn't the disturbing part. From head to toe, he was encrusted with...body glitter.
"I'm Edward Cullen!" he squealed happily before anyone could muster up the courage to ask.
And then one more figure began to make his way into the living room. Darren gasped. Larten ripped off his SpiderMask and stared in shock.
Harkat, it seemed, had decided that both Darren and Larten's offers were too good to pass up. He was dressed in the Green Goblin bodysuit and mask...and he was wearing a wizard cloak over it, and carrying the wand, with the plush snake draped over his shoulders, not to mention he was pulling his Goblin Glider wagon.
Larten opened his mouth in a silent expression of horror.
Darren didn't know whether to laugh or punch him.
"Well-played, Mulds." Arrow grinned.
"What are you?" Kurda inquired blatantly, unable to puzzle it out.
"I am...Goblemort!" the Little Person proclaimed, standing on top of his Goblin Glider and accidentally dropping his wand.
"Sweet." said Mika appreciatively.
Paris chuckled in a Trannsylvanian accent.
"I don't get it." said Kurda.
"Let us just get this night of shenanigans over with." Larten grunted, wandering out the door with Dracula, the cop, the criminal, Darry Potter, Edward Cullen, something Horrifying, and Goblemort trailing close behind.
"Okay, it's really quite simple." said Darren. "We walk up to the house, ring the doorbell, and when the people open it, you say Trick-Or-Treat, they give you candy, and you leave."
"Why?" said Seba.
Kurda looked painfully confused. "So, you go up to the house...and...?"
"So they just give us free candy, no questions asked?" Arrow inquired suspiciously.
"I'll demonstrate. You all wait here." Darren instructed. He sauntered up to the nearest house, gave the doorbell a good, hard poke, and waited patiently till the door swung open, revealling a bald middle-aged man.
"Arrow, look! You're one of those!" Kurda Cullen gasped.
"You will be too if you're not careful." Arrow grunted.
Kurda arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Huh?"
"He means he's gonna rip out your hair." Mika informed him.
"AH-ROW!" Kurda wailed. "WHY?"
"If you ever wear any of those clothes or the glitter after tonight, that will be the consequence." said Arrow.
"And the hair gel." Mika put in.
"And the hair gel." Arrow agreed.
Meanwhile, the Goblin Glider had started to roll backwards down the hill with Harkat still on it, so Larten and Paris had to chase him down heroically. Paris plucked Goblemort off just before the Glider rolled into a busy intersection, and Larten lunged for the handle with his other hand securely fastened to a stop sign.
Both Harkat and his transportation escaped unscathed, but SpiderCreps' left arm felt extremely stretched and Madam Octa looked extremely pissed.
"Good job, Webhead." Mika declared as they trooped back to the group which was huddled on the sidewalk near the house where Darren was Tricking-or-Treating.
Darren returned to the group with his bag a little heavier.
"Did you guys see that? That was flawless! Textbook Trick-or-Treat!"
There was a chorus of grumbled excuses. Arrow was dead honest as always.
"Nope. We weren't watching."
"Watch this one!" Darren whined in frustration, stalking up to the next house, this time towing Harkat.
A seven-year-old girl dressed as a mermaid answered this time.
"Oooh Kurda! You're one of those!" Arrow cackled, imitating the blonde's previous statement.
"Cool!" Kurda agreed happily. Facepalm from Arrow.
Darren's conversation with the kid was audiable:
"What ARE you?"
"Uhmm...Harry Potter, duh."
"Harry Potter! You know, from Harry Potter!"
"What the hell do kids read these days?"
"OMG TWILIGHTNEWMOON ECLIPSEBREAKINGDAWN OMGJACOB!"
"Okay...can I just have some candy?"
"What's he supposed to be?"
"Well he's my bad guy, Voldemort."
"Why's he dressed like the Green Goblin?"
"OH COME ON, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF HARRY POTTER BUT YOU'VE SEEN SPIDERMAN? He's dressed like the Green Goblin cuz even wizards like to dress up, now give me my candy!"
"What's a wizard?"
At this point, Darren walked away while he still had a shred of dignity left.
"So that's how you Trick-or-Treat?" said Larten.
"Ihatemylife." Darren muttered, trudging up to the next house, this time beckoning his gang to join him.
The inhabitant of the house opened the door to recieve a blast of "TRICKORTREAT!" loud enough to wake the dead. Darren had forgot to specify that shouting was unecessary. Not to mention they were standing extremely close to the door grinning hungrily. The shellshocked humans threw a fistful of candy into the crowd and retreated with a slam of the door. The Vampires lunged downward to collect the fallen candy, and after several headbutts and scuffles, each stood upright, triumphantly clutching their very own piece of FREE CANDY!
"ONWARDS!" Mika bellowed, pointing at the next house.
Arrow yelled an indecipherable battlecry.
Mika, Arrow bolted ahead towards the next house with Kurda skipping close behind.
"FAS...TER!" Harkat hollered at Darren who was pulling his Glider-wagon.
"Larten, when are you gonna pull him? The stupid wagon was your idea." Darry Potter whined.
Whatever snide remark Larten made was drowned out by a blood-curdling shriek from up ahead. Or, should I say, blood-Kurdling.
The inhabitants of this particular house had donned monster masks for the occasion, and when they opened the door and said "BOOOG GLLLAAGGA!" Kurda apparently had a coronary and galloped full-speed across the lawn and jumped on the Glider-wagon behind Harkat, screaming "DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!"
"Anyway, Trick-or-Treat!" Mika and Arrow grinned angelically as the monsters dumped candy into their bags.
"Ya know, Kurda...the people in these houses...they're just little humans. Like Darren. Nothing to embarrass us about." said Mika politely as he and Arrow returned to the group with considerably heavier candy bags.
Darren realized belatedly that he'd just been dissed.
"NONONO THOSE ONES WERE MONSTERS!" Kurda Cullen wailed, refusing to get off the wagon. Harkat looked very peeved about this.
"Kurda, get off the wagon. You are ruining the effect." Larten snapped.
Kurda yelped and propelled himself off the Glider-wagon as if it was on fire.
On to the next house.
Paris knocked on the door. Seba eyed the decorative fake witch nervously. Kurda looked around as though expecting an attack at any second. Arrow broke prematurely into his stash of candy. Mika asked if they were done yet. Harkat waved his wand boredly. Larten assumed a Spidermanly pose. Madam Octa appeared to be dead asleep on his shoulder. Darren stared enviously across the road at a gaggle of normal kids in normal costumes Trick-or-Treating with their normal parents.
An old lady answered the door eventually. Kurda heaved a shuddering sigh of relief which earned an elbow-punch from Mika.
"Trick-or-Treeeeaat!" chorused the Vampires sweetly. Darren had never been more proud.
The old lady blinked up at them for a moment. Then...
"DAMN TEENAGERS WITH YOUR PUNK-BITCH HIPPY COSTUMES, SHENANIGANS, NINCOMPOOPERY AND PUMPKIN SMASHERY! GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY! THIS NIGHT BELONGS TO THE CHILDREN! GET JOBS!"
And she slammed the door in their faces with impossible force.
"What's nincompoopery?" asked Kurda after a stunned silence.
"You, Kurda. You've nincompooped all over the place. Now let's get going here!" Mika snapped impatiently.
With the full moon shining down on them, the gang hauled ass over to the next house, where they managed to achieve a chocolate bar each. At the house after that, a little boy demanded to have his picture taken with Harkat who he claimed was the BEST supervillain EVER. Harkat obliged, earning glares from Darren and Larten.
At the house after that, they only just made it to the door alive after discovering the yard was a landmine of freaky decorations that glowed, moved, and cackled.
"Humans are scary." Arrow gasped after almost suffering a heart attack.
When the door opened, all 8 creatures shrieked in unision and bolted from the porch. The homeowners had been dressed as -gulp- hockey players. Which tend to look an awful lot like axe murders in the right circumstances.
At the next house, Kurda narrowly escaped being physically violated by a gang of the scariest things they'd encountered all night: Twilight Moms.
When they were all safe on the road again, Darren suggested they move to a different street.
"I think this one might be defective. This was much simpler when I was a kid."
"You are a kid, Darren."
"No! I'm...Charna's butt, I don't even know how old I am...I mean, let's hit up that street!"
He pointed. Pointed at a long and windey street which was visible to them because it was located on a picturesque grassy hill that extended above the rest of the town.
"Oooooh." said Harkat happily.
"Charming architecture styles." Paris mused. "Looks positively North-European."
"But to get up there...we gotta go through there!" Kurda whimpered.
What the hell kind of city planners decided to put the freakin Graveyard here, of all places? Come on! This is the main access point to the fancypants neighborhood. WTF. Darren thought. Maybe Paris had a logical explanation. But now was not the time to find out. Time was ticking away, and the nation's supply of candy was quickly running out.
"We can walk back to the Essie and then drive it up there?" Harkat suggested hopefully.
"Yeah." Kurda sniffled.
"No." breathed Darren in his best Fearless General voice. "We're pushin' straight through it, folks."
This did not quite inspire confidence as he'd hoped.
Kurda started to cry. Harkat pushed his Goblin mask down over his face, pulled the Voldemort cloak over his head, and activated the spear-blades on the front of his Glider, ready for battle. Arrow apprehensively raised his arsenal of serial-killer weapons. Mika borrowed the chain saw. Larten struck a Spidermanly pose and swung his rope. And in they walked.
Not even 10 steps in...
Kurda sent up a scream so shrill that dogs barked in the distance and several nearby bats dropped dead. Larten threw his "web" in an effort to defend himself. Mika fired up the chain saw. Arrow whipped his boomerang. Harkat retreated beneath the Glider.
This reaction was triggered by a squirrel darting across the path from behind a tombstone.
"IT IS A FURRY DEMON!" Seba howled.
It took about 3 minutes for the panic to settle. Darren reassured his peers that squirrels occured naturally and were not villainous in any way, unless you happened to be a nut.
"That means Seba's screwed." said Mika.
"Vat did I say avout Nut comments?" Paris snapped in a Trannsylvanian accent. He believed in staying in character.
"Keep walking." Darren ordered. "Think of the candy!"
"How much longer?" Kurda sniffed, wiping his nose on Paris' cape, leaving a smear of glitter.
"Well, we're approximately 10 steps into the graveyard...so...we have a bit of walking to do. CANDY, people!"
They started off again, moving quickly. At one point, an owl hooted somewhere, and Kurda tried to turn around and bolt for the exit, but Larten threw his web-rope heroically and lassoed Kurda around the neck. However, this did little to dissuade him and he would have likely strangled himself to death had Harkat not offered him a ride on the Glider-wagon.
And this left Harkat to piggyback on Darren.
They continued bravely with thoughts of tooth-rotting colourful candies dancing in their heads and leaves crunching ominously under their feet.
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood..." sang Darren under his breath.
"Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can..." Larten muttered.
"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying aayyyyoo, baby let's go..." Paris intoned.
"Paris, since when do you listen to Taio Cruz?"
"Since vhen do Vampires sing vhile valking through graveyards?"
"If you use that accent one more time, I'm knocking your fake fangs out." Mika snapped, although without his usual ferocity. He even looked a bit paler than usual.
Kurda hummed a tune that sounded like the Pussycat Dolls while trembling in terror.
Then, they heard the howl.
Darren, Harkat, and Larten recognized it instantly.
"W-W-W-W-W-WOLFMAAAAAAAN!" they hollered simultaneously, taking off towards the exit. Larten broke into a flit, leaving Darren galloping hopelessly with Harkat dashing beside him. Paris followed suite with Larten, as did Mika. Arrow flitted for about 5 steps, then he accidentally dropped his boomerang on his foot, and ceased flitting instantly by falling flat on his face. Seba was unable to flit due to the fact he was pulling Kurda on the Glider-wagon. In normal circumstances he would have dropped the handle and ran for it, but in this case he was handcuffed to it. (Cuffs courtesy of Mika's costume.)
So that left a panic-stricken Darren, a tearful Kurda who seemed unwilling to get off the wagon, a baffled Seba who was trying to figure out exactly what was going on, and a screaming-and-hopping-while-clutching-his-foot Arrow who was behing helped along by Harkat. On a sudden inspiration, Darren and Harkat had roughly shoved Kurda off the Glider-wagon, and dumped the wounded Arrow in his place, then informed Seba that The Wiggles were closing in on them. Ever loathing The Wiggles, Seba took off at a near-flit, unwittingly hauling the Glider-wagon. Finally, Darren, Kurda, and Harkat stumbled along behind him, occasionally banging into tombstones and getting caught in flocks of bats.
They made it out of the graveyard about 10 minutes after Larten, Paris and Mika, who had all regained composure and were calmly waiting for their delayed comrades.
Seba promptly collapsed in exhasution, appearing to have a heart attack. So he did not notice when the Glider-wagon rolled over his head.
"Dude, you're bleeding!" Mika gasped appreciatively as Arrow stripped off his right shoe to check out the damage.
"What were we running from again?" Kurda inquired.
"THEWOFLMAN!" Darren, Larten, and Kurda wailed.
"The whooha?" said Kurda.
"The dude that ate my friend!" Darren whined.
"Vaait, I heard zat howl!" Paris snorted. "Zat sounded like a poodle! I zought you saw a gost or somezing!"
"Poodles are...scary." Harkat chipped in. The statement sounded extremely funny coming from behind the Green Goblin mask.
"Are we going to spend all night standing here like nincompoops?" Mika grunted. "Let's hit that neighborhood so we can go home already!"
"We're gonna nincompoop all over the place!" Kurda yelled excitedly.
House number 1:
Darren rapped the door-knocker, a huge antique beast.
"Omg Paris, this thing looks almost as old as you!" Kurda gasped at the giant door-knocker.
"Knockers of doors are pointness humanly abominations." Seba grunted.
"Hey now! I used to collect them." Paris protested, forgetting his Trannsylvanian accent.
"Nerd." Mika muttered.
"EMO!" Paris shot back with vengance.
Mika looked up with a mega-death-glare. NOT the dreaded E-word!
"Oh no he did-int!" said Kurda with a finger-snap.
"What. Have. I. Said. About. That. WORD?" Mika snarled, throwing Paris off the porch and into the flowerbed.
The homeowner opened the door as Paris surfaced with a chrysanthemum sticking out of his ear and a dazed look on his face.
"YOU SICK DRUNK!" The homeowner screeched. "HAVE YOU BEEN VOMITING IN MY FLOWERS? YOU OBNOXIOUS DISGUSTING TEENAGERS!"
"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE ARE TEENAGERS?" Larten howled.
Harkat stepped forward and tilted his head like a puppy.
"Trick or...treat?" he asked politely.
The lady's face broke into a wide, warm smile as she observed the costumed child before her. He hopefully held out his bag.
The Vampire gang watched as she picked up her bowel of candy...and emptied the entire contents into Harkat's bag.
When they were back on the road...
"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" Everyone gasped in synchronity, staring at Harkat's very full candy bag.
"I...don't know." said Harkat truthfully.
"I want to observe something." Larten announced. "Harkat, try that house."
Harkat obliged, and walked up to the nearest house alone. He rang the doorbell, it opened. A middle-aged lady dressed like a cat emerged. She looked down at Harkat and squealed in delight.
"Oh MARVIN! Come here and look at this little angel!"
Her husband, dressed like Tweety-Bird, appeared beside her.
"Awww shucks." said he. "Take the whole thing, sport."
And he passed Harkat (insert awed looks from the observing Vampires) a ginormous box of assorted chocolate bars.
As he returned to the group, Darren figured he'd never seen anything that looked less like a Little Angel in his life. Between the Goblin mask and the giant Voldy-snake draped over his shoulders...eesh.
But then again, Harkat exuded an overwhelmingly cute persona in general, no matter what he was costumed in.
Harkat alone invaded 5 more houses in a similar way, then announced that the Glider-wagon could simply not hold any more candy, so he borrowed Darren, Larten, Paris, Kurda, Mika, and Arrow's bags until each had been filled in succession. Every last one of the homeowners had found him completely enchanting and loaded him up with enough candy to feed an obesity-stricken army.
A successful candy-raid it had been, Darren thought to themselves as they made the long trek back to where the Escalade was parked (taking the long route around the graveyard). But the outing had not exactly felt like Halloween nights he'd enjoyed in his human life.
It had been...anti-climatic.
It was a feeling he'd felt many times before, however. He'd learned to deal with it; Vampires were simply immune to human traditions. No matter how much candy-bribing was involved.
Eventually, they arrived back at the Essie and piled in, same seats as always: Harkat driving, Darren riding shotgun, Larten, Seba, and Paris in the middle row, and Mika, Arrow and Kurda lounging in the back. No, scratch that- Arrow demanded to lie across the back seat due to his "agonizing" foot injury, so Mika sat on the floor and Kurda smuggled in the trunk with the Glider-wagon, the candy, and Arrow's murder weapons. However, it was garunteed that he would not touch the supply of candy, because Mika had warned him that everything has 7 times the calories when eaten in a moving vehicle.
Feeling like a tired soccer mom, Darren turned around to observe the "kids".
"Did you guys have fun?"
There came a rumble of non-comittal repiles, and Darren felt like a failure once again.
He thought back to 7 days ago, when he'd been lying in his bed cooking up this entire whimsical Halloween fantasy in which he and his friends laughed and goofed and scarfed candy good-naturedly. In reality, it had turned into a bloodbath with his mentor, Harkat had been put to use as a double-duty villain not to mention scored more than 70 percent of the entire candy intake for the night because every one else was too dumb to handle it. Kurda had almost gotten raped (by TwiMoms, no less). Paris had to put on fangs and an accent in an attempt to re-live the glory days of Vampirirm, and clearly failed miserably (he was still picking chrysanthemum bits out of his ear). Arrow had almost lost a foot, and Mika was in a homocidal mood after being called the E-word. And Seba had spent the night with a paper bag on his head and a wagon handcuffed to his wrist.
Why oh why oh WHY didn't I see this coming? Darren wailed inwardly as they drove down a street past a line of Trick-or-Treaters. What was I THINKING?
Come to think of it, he remembered exactly what he'd been thinking:
Surely, this would be the ONE thing his friends could exceed at. And all they had to do was be themselves.
Darren's depressive thoughts were interrupted by a loud "RRRAAA HHWWW RRRAGGGH!" as Mika propelled himself upwards out of the skylight window to s care the living shit out of a group of 10 year olds, then sank back into the vehicle laughing manically. Everyone joined in. Then Arrow took a turn, this time flinging an unwanted apple at the unsuspecting Trick-or-Treaters. The laughter within the vehicle was tumultous, even Larten thought the prank was hilarious.
And all they had to do was be themselves...
Halloween could be saved after all!
"New plan, guys. Park it, Harkat!"
"Hey, what's that?" Little Timmy-Tim, dressed as Iron Man inquired.
"Umm...it's a big car?" replied Sherman, dressed as an elephant.
"Why's it parked here?"
"Well, there's a wagon fulla candy beside it! Let's go!"
Timmy-Tim and Sherman walked right up to the parked SUV, and prepared to dig their little hands into the wagon of succulent treats, when
"HEY HI HOW ARE YA!"
"WHO DARES TO GO THERE?"
"AAAAAA AAHHHRRRGG GHHHHH!"
The voices exploded into the night as monsterous creatures burst out of every window and door, even through the roof. There was a horrible black one who had eyes like death, one who appeared to be encrusted in sparkles with shimmering yellow hair that looked like an escaped demon diva, a grey-skinned freak with lime green eyes, an old dude who looked ready to eat them alive, one who looked like a legit fanged Vampire, a terrifying tattooed baldie, an orange-haired creep with a scar, and a kid only a couple years older than them who looked like he was having the time of his life.
Timmy-Tim and Sherman squealed like little girls and ran for their lives.
Once they were out of earshot, the "monsters" pulled themselves back into the vehicle and collapsed in hysterically insane rib-shaking laughter. Their discarded costumes were heaped in the trunk and the candy stash had been partially eaten.
"Get down, there's more coming!" Darren instructed.
"Omg there's like 10 kiddies!" Kurda shrieked in anticipation.
"This is gonna be so gooood."Mika chuckled.
"I've got the camera rolling." Paris added.
"We're SO showing these videos at the next Festival of the Undead. And we gotta tell them about this insane-ass Halloween deal. They love scary stories and I'm pretty sure tonight will top anything they can come up with ." declared Arrow.
The gang of human children drew closer...closer...reached for the candy...
("BOOO GGARO OOGA!" -Larten.
"BBBBLL LLRRRAA TTTT!" -Mika.
"VANISH, YOU SCURVY SWINE-FLU-RIDDEN ABOMINATIONS!" -guess.
"HIE THEE HENCE BACK TO YOUR SQUALID ESTABLISHMENTS!" -Paris
"AAIIIIIIEE EEEEEEE!" -Arrow
"BYE, THANKS FOR COMING OUT! Have a safe and happy Halloween from Vampire Mountan and Roxypony Studios International!" -Darren.)
...And ran screaming for their mothers into the night.
Darren had known it all along as he collapsed back into his seat nearly wetting himself with laughter. On Hallow's Eve, Costumes are unecessary if you hail from Vampire Mountain.
And above all, stay away from Twilight Moms if you happen to be walking around in body glitter.
Yeah! It was long! TAKE THAT! I simply can't fit TVF into a short story :P
Anyway, life's good, I try to write every now and then, Ill update some stuff soon, etc etc. I havent done much this month other than this fic, it took frickin forever! I honestly worked on it nearly every day to make it perfect :)
So this weekend, Im taking a pretty much well deserved break this weekend, and hosting a party in my very own drive-in shed! Youre all invited :P should be an interesting event...not sure who all is attending. Saturday night is the first of the back-to-back Year-End Award banquets where (as i've mentioned previously) they add up the points we've accumulated all season, they hand out the awards, we smile and say InYourFaceBitch to all the chicks who's asses we've kicked all summer, we eat a shitload of food, get drunk and dance till 2am D And then we go back to sleep till the '011 season kicks off in may!
But none of that means anything to any of you so Ill break it down: after this weekend, I plan on putting more effort into my updations. I knoow ive said that before and its gone nowhere, but now i have StayBeautiful1 to kick my ass into gear ;) Thnxb2God for having her in my pocket 24/7!
Anyway Im done blah-ing, thanks to RowanRawr and Amela333 for putting on this contest! The other entries are excellent, best of luck to all of us :D