Disclaimer: I am not Hino-sensei, therefore I do not own "Vampire Knight" or anything related to this manga, game and anime.
Author's Note: After reading this, please don't kill me. xD I really wanted to write a fic like this for a long time, but I haven't got the time. But, please, do review and tell me what you think about it in the end! :D
"Grieving Over Nothingness"
I have always thought of death. How did it feel like, having your life taken away from you slowly? Was it painful? Was it blissful? Was it . . . simply nothing at all?
Living and dying are both mysterious in my eyes. How did everything work? Was our beginning and end already planned before we even know it? I didn't know; I didn't understand it the slightest bit.
To live . . . Did it mean to breathe? To get up every morning, do our daily routines, and go back to sleep? Nobody really knew the answer to this; I doubt anyone did.
Everything was so complicated.
'D—Don't cry,' I croaked, raising a blood-coated arm to touch Kaname's pale cheeks. I caressed them lovingly, smiling sadly at his anguished expression. I was the only one to cause him such grief and pain as much as I didn't want to be. I didn't want Kaname to cry; I wanted to see him smile brightly just as I do to him.
'I—It's not l—like it's the end,' I tell him softly, coughing up blood when I forced myself to sit up straight. I could feel him tense, gripping the hand I had placed on his cheek tightly as if frightened to let go, and his free arm circling around my waist.
Kaname was crying, his burgundy orbs filled with tears of sadness. He buried his delicate face in my messy auburn hair, hugging me to his chest so secure that I almost forgot my current state.
He looked at me directly in the eyes, brushing his cheek against my own as he pleaded, 'Don't leave me, Yuuki. Please, don't.'
'I w—won't leave y—you, Kaname,' I said nearly inaudible, attempting to surround my other arm on his neck to no avail. My arm fell to my side instantly, alerting Kaname and causing him to hug me tighter.
My eyes started to well up as well. I couldn't stop a sob from escaping my mouth; it was getting harder and harder to put up a courageous front for Kaname. 'I . . . I promise not to leave you. That's why, please, don't c—cry,' coughing more blood, I could feel my body limping, my eyelids drooping from fatigue and my breathing slowly disappearing.
As if seeing through my assuring lies, Kaname cried harder, knowing all too well that this might be the last time he would be able to speak with me.
I cried with him, my chest tightening in misery. I didn't want to leave this man. I didn't want to leave the only person I have left.
I didn't want to make him even lonelier.
'I promise to be with you for all eternity, so that you won't be lonely. Kaname, I'll keep holding on . . . for your sake,' I knew that everything I was telling him at this moment were lies. I could feel the thread of my life being slowly cut.
I was about to leave this world; leave Kaname forever.
It was funny on how I mused about life and death when I was young. I never really understood how it felt . . . until now.
It was so lonely, so sorrowful and difficult. There were many things that crossed my mind when I was in the verge of dying; so many things I have never thought of before. Like what would happen if I left Kaname alone in this world? Where would I go? What would happen to my adoptive father, Kurosu Kaien, after receiving news of my death?
And . . . What would happen to Zero afterwards?
Kiryuu Zero was my closest and most treasured friend like Wakaba Sayori-chan. He and I had been together ever since childhood. I know that the two of us were different from one another, that we were the exact opposite, but I loved him like a sister.
Even now . . . Even being killed by his own two hands.
Coughing more blood out from the wounds I have dealt, I could no longer see. The bullet from Zero's Bloody Rose was struck directly in my heart. It was a miracle, actually, that I was able to hold on for this long and didn't die immediately after being shot.
I couldn't feel Zero's presence. Perhaps he had fled to safety after achieving his motive? No. He wasn't recreant. I know for sure that he would come back to kill Kaname, eventually. I couldn't let that happen.
I tried to move my arms, tried to feel . . . to see . . . to hear . . . to smell, but I couldn't. My senses were already dull to begin with.
'Ka . . . Na . . . Me . . .?' I mouthed, slightly satisfied that my mouth could still move even though there were no sounds coming out of it. I wanted to make him feel better; to enlighten his growing sorrow.
I didn't want him to break any further.
Regardless of my hopeless state, I could tell that he was paying close attention to me; staring at me with pleading eyes . . . begging for me to hang on and don't give up. Because he, too, knew that everything was futile. I wouldn't be saved.
With those three words that he had longed to hear, I attempted to say them with a gentle smile. He would at least be happy with this. 'I . . . love . . . y—'
But I failed in the end. I never managed to tell him how I really felt; the overflowing emotions I had kept for a long time.
I passed away; perished from this world forever.
I truly was a failure.
I'm sorry, Kaname.