I never meant for this...whatever it was to get to far, I never meant to hurt anybody. I was just looking for someone to hold at night and talk to but, it seems that showing my caring and gentle side attrated more than I attended. All the late calls and hush whispers at night, all the loving caress, touches and the I love you's that were exchanged will forever be embedded in my head as I toss and turn in my cold bed every night. Never will I see Alice's heart-stopping smile again or listen to Leah's amazing voice when she sings a song she heard on the radio. All these things I will missed dearly but, it doesn't come close to the warm of thier bodies as we made love... that will forever be a part of me, slowly wipping the tears from my eyes I heard a knock on the door. I didn't want to talk to anybody, I just wanted to sulk and wither away.
"Bella I know you're in there, open the door" I heard Angela say but, I didn't make a move to get up and open the door, plus she had a key.
"Bella, we know your hurting...just open up and talk about it" That was Ben, her boyfriend for three years said, I closed my eyes and cried even harder as I pictured Alice laying in bed with me and talking my ear off about the new prada bag that came out or Leah laying here while I massage her back because, she always loved when my hands was touching her. I felt arms circle around me, snapping me out of my thoughts resulting in making more tears fall from eyes
"Damn it Bella, what have you done" Angela whispered as she cadled me in her arms, the grip I have on her was tight but she never complained and I was thankful for that.
"It hurts so bad...Angela, I...d...didn't mean to do it, I swear...it just happened" I stuttered through, barely making any sense, I felt the left side of the bed dip
"We know that Bella, but Alice, and Leah don't see it like that" he explained, just hearing their names I felt the pain swell in my chest; suffocating me as I gasps for breaths. I felt my eyes start to roll in the back of head but I felt Angela shaking me and calling my name, I refocus my eyes
"I...I c...can't stop the pain, it hurts so bad" I choked out, there was nothing anyone can do to stop the severe pain I was in. I had to suffer and deal with the consenquences, and seeing the heartbreaking expressions on each of my babygirls faces was like two knives right into the heart.
"Come on, Let's get you clean up" my room was a wrecked, its been a whole week and a half since the big blow-out and I haven't left my room since. Glass was everywhere and papers, the couch was flipped over, while the dresser was thrown into the closet door, I never remembered throwning the dresser but hell I didn't remember most of what happened in those days but the pain.
It was the dominate emotion I felt for the pass week and a half, they didn't desevered the sadness or pain I have caused. I didn't desevere Angela help, I needed to be left alone to suffer for the demage I've done to these two innocent beautiful girls who just wanted to love me. Fuck! Every time I think about them the pain starts to bulit and wash over my body like a dark cloud, and the harder I try to get away; the harder the pain got.
"Bella...come on wake up!" I heard Angela tear filled cry of my name, but I was so far gone, I couldn't comperhend what she was saying as I looked at her I saw the tears fall out of her eyes at a fast speed.
"Don't cry Angela...Please it breaks my heart to see a girl cry" I whispered to her as she quickly tried to wipe the tears away, I let myself fall backwards into the wall and slowly slid down until my legs were resting lifeless on the tile floor of the bathroom, I wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out.
"Bella...what's going through your head right now" Good fucking question. What was going through my head right now? Shit. My mind was blank like a paper without the lines, its like Alice and Leah was my mind and soul, without them... I'm fucking nothing.
"Angela, do you think they miss me" I asked in a small voice, my fucking throat was burning and icthy, it felt like I had a fucking cat crawling at my throat...that's what I get for trying to drown my pain with vocka.
"Who wouldn't miss you Bella, you have the most biggest heart and the most caring side that you try to mask with this hard badass attitude and you will kill for the one's you love...they would be a fool to not miss you" I nodded but it didn't make me feel any better; hell I don't think there's anything that will cheer me up other than my girls. I still can't believe I done what I did and got away with it for so long, it's been six months since I was introduce to my Alice and my Leah and that day was the best fucking day of my life.