Loving Bellsper Contest
Pen name: evenflo78
Title: Like Oil and Water
Beta: Krismom & SouthernLady23 Pre-read by venis-envy
Rating: M for adult content and language. Also contains mentions of slash and mild femme-slash.
Summary: Bella has been in love with Jasper for years. Unfortunately for her, he's in a long term relationship with Edward. After a horrible break-up, Bella comforts Jasper, and a kiss turns into more than she ever expected. AH
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, not I.
My God, I loved that man.
He was barefoot and wearing nothing but a pair of Levi's. The jeans were old and worn but they clung to his hips and tight little ass in the most delicious way. I knew I spent far too much time staring at that part of him, but I wasn't planning on giving up my hobby anytime soon. It was, after all, a fabulous ass.
His shirt was draped over the back of the dining room chair, exposing the flawless muscles of his back - all for my viewing pleasure. If I had been a lesser woman, I may have been drooling, but I had learned to control that reaction long ago - mostly.
The sound of his humming could be heard over the clattering of dishes in the sink as he washed up from our breakfast. It was just loud enough that I could hear it, but low enough that I couldn't make out the tune. He was always humming, that one. I could handle the hums better than the singing. If he sang, then I swooned. And swooning around Jasper Whitlock was not an option for me.
The deluxe breakfast he'd made for us led me to believe that he was in an extremely good mood.
Jasper had gone all out this morning. We had the whole nine - bacon and sausage, eggs and pancakes, toast and jelly, and to top it off he'd made freshly squeezed OJ to wash it all down. It was enough to make me love him, had I not already. The way to my heart had always been through my stomach.
I was full. Too full almost and was tempted to go back to bed for an after breakfast nap.
But the sight of a barefoot, shirtless Jasper was more than tempting enough to keep me awake.
We'd been living together since senior year in college. Even after four years of the his sculpted torso, I couldn't get enough. I didn't think I ever would. In fact, I knew I never would. Nope, not ever.
He looked over his shoulder, and I couldn't help but to blush at having been caught ogling the man. He didn't seem to notice. He never did, thank goodness. He winked and smirked, his wavy blond hair falling over his eye, before turning back to his task.
I sighed and turned back to stare at the TV, flipping through the channels without really noticing what was on. If I squinted just right, I could see his reflection in the TV beyond the picture. Not that I was doing that.
Things were going to have to change soon. I couldn't keep tormenting myself with fantasies of Jasper. I knew nothing was ever going to happen no matter how much I loved him. I couldn't will him into returning the sentiment. Lord knows, I'd tried. And tried. And fucking tried again.
It was Saturday and we were both off. I was secretly hoping he had plans for the afternoon so I could spend a little QT with Captain Jack – my trusty dildo, and maybe copious amounts of chocolate. I always needed some time after ogling my dream man incarnate as he cooked breakfast and then cleaned up the mess. Most. Perfect. Man. Ever.
Yes, I really needed some alone time. If only to get my head out of the gutter for a little while. Jasper had a way of directing all my thoughts to Naughtyville in record time.
Of course, it didn't help that I hadn't had a good dicking since before James. My vag was on permanent hiatus until I could trust another man with her, or her with another man, as the case was.
If I'd been thinking with my brain instead of my hoo-ha, I wouldn't have had to worry about restraining orders or psychotic ex-boyfriends lurking in dark corners. I'd set myself up for it when I latched onto James so quickly.
The rational part of me knew it wasn't a healthy relationship with him. But with Jasper in a long term relationship and me head over heels with him in spite of it, I needed to get away. I needed that distance between us, and I needed to try and find something or someone for me, because I knew I'd never have what I wanted with Jasper. I had to find a way to let him go even if it killed me.
Luckily, James didn't get that far with me. Just a few bruises, cuts, and wounded pride. I didn't need any hospital treatment, thank goodness, but I did need a good swift kick in the ass to get over to the police station and file a report.
Jasper was really good at delivering those swift kicks as it turns out, and held my shaking hand as I told the officer what had happened. As if I needed any more reasons to love the man.
"I could kill him for what he did to you," Jasper said solemnly, obviously having caught on to my thoughts by my expression. I always was an open book.
I just sighed and turned away. "It's my fault for not reading the signs. I should've known it was too good to be true."
"Hey." I felt his fingers grip my chin and turned back to face him, knowing that was what he wanted. "You can't blame yourself. None of what happened was your fault. You know that." His fingers brushed the fading yellow bruise beneath my eye. "You deserve better. The best, Bella. Don't settle for anything less."
I closed my eyes with a shuddering breath. Jasper was the best, and he was what I wanted, but I could never have him. "You're right," I agreed, and decided to change the subject. "Plans for today?"
Jasper gave me a blinding smile. The love that lit up his bright blue eyes made my chest ache. If only he looked like that when he thought of me. "I'm going over there in a few hours. I've planned a hike up the mountain and a picnic at dusk. It's our two year anniversary, remember?"
How could I ever forget? "I remember. Congratulations. I'm really happy for you." I was. I wanted him to be happy and have the love he deserves. But my voice betrayed my emotion.
He gave me a small smile and kissed my forehead. No doubt he thought I was still upset and thinking about James, but he didn't say anything. His lips lingered a little longer than necessary, and I allowed myself a moment to imagine things could be different between.
Before I could get too far into fantasy land, he stood up and walked towards his bedroom. I fell back into the couch with a sigh and watched his ass as he walked away.
I really hated that the only man I've ever loved was gay.
I was half dozing half watching Resident Evil when I heard him scrambling up the walk way.
I spent most of the day in the same spot on the couch, only getting up when absolutely necessary, and I felt pathetic and emo. I could have called Rosalie, but I really didn't feel like pretending I was in a good mood. Fuck, I really needed to stop with the self-loathing/pity-party bullshit that had became my life.
I glanced at the clock and realized Jasper had only been gone for a few hours. It was just getting dark outside. I was certain he'd be spending the night with Edward. It was their anniversary. I tried straightening up my shirt before he entered, but there wasn't much use. The old ratty wife beater wasn't going to look any better.
It was pathetic really that I still wanted to look good for him even though I knew he never looked.
I cringed when I remembered I had gotten rid of my jeans as soon as he left. I eyed the red boy briefs with disdain. At least they were clean and cute. If he had to see me in my knickers, at least they weren't the skanky ones that I was forced to wear when I had put off the laundry for too long.
I was pulling the fabric out of my crack when he stumbled in.
All modesty and insecurity I had flew out the window when I caught sight of his haggard face. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, and I stumbled over the area rug in my haste to get over to him.
Jasper reeked of bourbon, and his shirt was askew, half was tucked in while the other half bunched and twisted around his belt. Holy shit, what happened? I must have said it aloud because as soon as I made it to his side, he collapsed against me with a choked sob.
I caught his weight with quite a bit of effort. Jasper wasn't nearly as slight as he looked. But my legs couldn't hold both of us up and we tumbled to the floor.
Jasper's incoherent sobs continued, and his face was buried between my breasts. I could feel his tears and warm breath soaking the thin material, but kept him pressed there with my hand as I stroked his rain-soaked hair.
"What happened, baby? What's wrong?" I cooed as I tried to soothe him with my touch.
His hands were digging almost painfully into my sides as he gripped my shirt. "Edward," he cried. "Edward and another... another... fuck."
My stomach was in my throat hearing him sound so broken. He continued to mumble, but the words were muffled by my chest and his wails. I ached so badly to take it all away, to take away whatever had happened. Jasper should never be broken. He should never feel pain or sorrow. I wanted to erase it all. Whatever it was.
His sobs quieted after a moment, but he didn't attempt to move. When my foot started tingling and going to sleep beneath the weight of his legs, I struggled to lift him and we made our way over to the couch.
Jasper collapsed nearly on top of me, and I had to squirm around a bit to get comfortable. I scooted to the back of the couch and pulled him to me lengthwise, continuing to run my fingers through his hair in my vain attempt to be comforting.
His hair was drying and tangling a bit around my fingers, but he didn't flinch whenever I hit a snag. He wasn't crying anymore, but every now and again he'd take in a shuddering breath and tighten his hold on me.
Even though I was sorely tempted, I didn't ask him again what happened. I knew when he was ready he'd tell me about it. Until then, I provided what he needed - a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold him as he did so.
I almost thought he'd fallen asleep. My fingers stilled in his hair, but I left them there, relaxing into his arms. Just as I closed my eyes, he spoke. "I love you, Bella."
I knew he didn't mean it the way I wanted him to. But my heart stopped and picked up again double time at his words. I couldn't trust my voice to respond without betraying exactly how much I returned the sentiment. I settled for kissing his temple instead.
He smelled like rain, and booze, and the musk of his sweat. It was intoxicating. Underneath it all, I could still smell a trace of his cologne, and that distinctly Jasper scent that made me want to crawl under his skin and exist there for all of eternity.
He pulled back enough to look me in the eye. The gaze he gave me almost made me waver, but I wouldn't if only out of concern for him. I needed to know he was okay.
I'm not sure what he saw in my eyes, but his face softened as he brushed a lock of my hair back, leaving his cool fingers on my neck. His sweet breath fanning across my face intoxicated me, and I had to close my eyes. Dear God, I still wanted him, and his lips were so close.
I squeezed my eyes tight trying to regain control of my thoughts. I shouldn't have been thinking of him in the way that I was. It wasn't about me, it was about him, and comfort - nothing else.
When my eyes opened again, he was staring at me unblinking. I wanted to run, for fear he'd caught on to what I was feeling, and just how desperately I wanted him. But I couldn't. I was caught, like a deer in headlights, and I couldn't look away.
He glanced at my lips and licked his own. I was certain I'd imagined the action, but his head moved towards mine, and suddenly I couldn't breathe.
The first touch of his lips against mine was hesitant. So soft and light like a feather. But my blood boiled and my heart raced. The reaction of my body was instant and all consuming.
Sure, Jasper had kissed me before - but never on the lips - never like that. "Jasper?" I questioned, my lips brushing against his. Our breath mingled, heating my already scorching face, and I screwed my eyes shut, unable to look at the revulsion I was sure was in his eyes.
Jasper didn't respond verbally, and when his lips pressed against mine again, it was with more urgency. His tongue, so sweet, smoothed over my lip. No matter how much I tried not to, I couldn't help but to open up to him.
His tongue was even sweeter than I imagined, exploring and tangling with mine. The taste and smell of the bourbon was present, but not overpowering, delicious. So gentle and hesitant yet somehow confident in its dance. I moaned into his mouth, unable to control the sound, or the ragged breaths that worked their way in and out of my lungs in panting gasps.
"I've wanted to do that for so long," Jasper whispered, still against my lips.
I stuttered in shock. "What?" It wasn't possible. I was certain I'd imagined his words.
"So soft," he breathed, stroking my bottom lip with his smooth, warm tongue. "So sweet and warm. You taste delicious, Bella."
"What are we doing, Jasper?" I had to ask, even if I feared him stopping as much as I feared what would happen if we continued. My hands were fisted in his damp shirt, and I was certain he'd have to pry my fingers open to disentangle himself.
The only move he made was when he drew me closer. "Kissing," he responded before doing exactly that.
His hand trailed down my neck, over my shoulder, tickling as it moved down my arm. Jasper's fingers skimmed over my hip and down my thigh, hooking behind my knee and pulling my leg over his hip.
I knew it was wrong. I knew I should have made a move to stop before things went further. I knew he was acting out, trying to get rid of the pain left in the wake of whatever Edward had done. But I couldn't find the strength to pull away from him. I didn't have the will to stop. I'd thought about it far too often and what it would be like too many times to keep my body from responding.
He shifted, pressing his hips against mine, and I moaned at the feel of his obvious arousal pressing against my most intimate place. All my doubt was erased at that moment. He wanted me. He wanted this just as badly as I did.
I ground my hips against his, unashamed, eager, needing the feel of him, needing the friction. His panting and grunting only spurred my actions more.
Jasper gripped my ass, flipping me onto my back, and I cried out as the hardness covered by his jeans pressed into me. I was aching for him in the worst way, but if anything was going to happen, if it was really going to happen, it had to be because he initiated it. I wasn't going to push him in any way.
Our lips continued to mesh together, tongues and teeth scraping almost desperately. If this was the only time I'd ever get to kiss Jasper Whitlock, then I was certainly going to make the best of it.
I poured everything I had into that kiss. All my love, all my want, all those years of loving him from a distance and never acting on it, because I couldn't. I wanted him to feel it in the way my lips moved against his, in the way my tongue moved with his, in the way my hands gripped him tightly and held him to me afraid he'd disappear if I let go. I gave him my all.
His hands were roaming, everywhere. The feel of his hot palms against my bare flesh somehow too much, but nowhere near enough. When I felt his fingers dip into my panties, barely grazing my lower lips, I shuddered.
"Fuck, Bella, you're so wet." His lips hardly broke from mine to speak before he was grunting into my mouth and assaulting me once more.
Things were getting heated and fast. I was panting; he was panting, and our clothes were hot and heavy between us.
I wiggled my way out from under him, holding my hand out and nodded towards my room. He looked at me almost shyly before standing and allowing me to pull him into my bedroom. Jasper hesitated by the door, but I let go of his hand and walked toward the bed hoping he would follow.
"I've never, you know? With a girl. I mean, I've kissed one, and done other things, but I've never..." Bashful, and unsure Jasper was making me fall in love with him a little more.
I took a few steps, closing the distance between us before trailing my fingers down the buttons of his shirt. "We don't have to do anything, you know? We don't have to do anything you don't want to." It was going to be hard as hell to stop, but I would, for him.
"I want to. I've wanted to for so long." His voice shook, and I bit my lip as my fingers started to undo the buttons of his shirt.
I held my breath, scraping my nails lightly down his arms as I pushed the fabric to the floor. Jasper's skin was covered in goose flesh, and I watched with hunger as his nipples hardened by my touch.
Jasper stepped out of his shoes as I unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down his hips. Nothing and I mean nothing from my imagination had done Jasper justice.
His cock bounced free as his pants slid to the ground, long and thick and seeping from the tip. I licked my lips yearning to taste the fluid along the slit. Damn, even the man's cock was beautiful. He couldn't have been more perfect if he'd been molded from the finest clay.
I traced the lines of his chest, tickling the dips of his muscles and tracing the V that ended in a smattering of blond curls. Jasper's fingers almost seemed unsure as he played with the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms to assist, and he pulled it gently over my head, tossing it to the side swiftly.
His mouth was parted, his breathing was ragged as he gazed hungrily at my breasts. Jasper's touch was so soft it almost tickled as he slowly reached up and traced the curves of my breasts. I couldn't repress the shiver that started from my toes and worked its way up my spine.
"You are beautiful, Bella. Look at you. Breathtaking." His touch was more assertive as he rested the weight of my breasts in his palms, kneading them gently and running the pad of his thumbs over my sensitive nipples. "So responsive. So soft. My god, I want you."
I moaned at his words, the husky desperate plea in his tone. So fucking sexy. Pressing myself against him, I wrapped my arms around his back, giving that beautiful ass of his a squeeze before tugging him back towards my bed.
His mouth met mine, frantically, needy and wet and I devoured him, equally as consumed. We fell in a heap onto the mattress, the sheets and comforter forgotten. His hands were everywhere, touching and caressing, squeezing and exploring. I writhed beneath him, impatient for the next touch of his hand.
I'm not sure if it was Jasper or I that divested me of my underwear, all I knew was that they were gone and the head of his cock was brushing against my sensitive clit. I arched my back to get closer to him, eager and aching for more. More, more, more.
Jasper pulled back and I yearned for the feel of his weight pressing against me once more. I followed his gaze downward as he gripped his length with sure fingers and rubbed the engorged head along my slick slit.
"God, Jasper," I cried out, lifting my hips to meet his teasing strokes.
"Fuck, Bella. Do you have a condom?"
I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about that. As I scurried to the bedside table I prayed with all my might there were still some left over and that they weren't expired.
Apparently luck was on my side, and I nearly laughed in my glee as I slid back down to him. I tore the packet open, tossing the package to the floor before gripping his rigid sex in my hand. Fuck, I wanted to savor the feel of him in my palm, but I wanted him filling me even more.
I slipped the condom over the head and rolled it down with a little force. Jasper was a big boy. I felt the walls of my pussy throb and clench, eager to be stretched. Jasper groaned, pressing himself hard against my palm. His face was contorted; a beautiful picture of both pleasure and pain.
His eyes were closed, so I lined him up with my aching center and rubbed him against my opening. "Jesus," Jasper gasped, surging towards me. The tip went inside enough to make me moan and squirm beneath him.
His hips moved again, agonizingly slow. So good, but I needed more. I felt like I'd die if I didn't have him inside me.
When he moved again, I gripped his ass, lifting my hips to meet his. "Oh fuck, Jasper," I moaned as he filled me so completely, stretched me so wonderfully.
My pussy was throbbing so painfully, and Jasper froze giving me time to adjust once he was sheathed inside my heat. I didn't need the time, but perhaps he did. As soon as I moved, urging him to continue, he gripped my hips holding me down and still.
"It's so different. So hot. Tighter than I thought. So good, so wet. Fuck."
As much as I loved hearing him talk, I really didn't want to think about what he was comparing me to while he was inside me.
With sudden strength and agility I didn't know I possessed, I kicked out my leg, pressed my hips against his and flipped him onto his back. Jasper groaned as he went deeper, but didn't protest.
I moved slow at first, raising up and lowering myself back down his length. He hit me so deep that way and it didn't take long before I was frantic and jerky with my movements. Jasper's fingers dug into my hips almost painfully, and my moans echoed throughout the room when I felt his hand on my breast, twisting my nipple between his thumb and forefinger.
My body collapsed as I felt my peak nearing. His mouth was opened to me and I didn't waste a moment before I was tasting every crevice. I continued moving, the bed squeaking below us with the force of my weight against him.
"Fuck, Bella. Oh, shit. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna..." His pleas were drowned out by the sound of my voice as I cried out his name. His voice, heady and strained, enough to send me tumbling.
My walls seized around him, gripping and quivering, the delicious sensation making me tingle and sweat. I felt him stiffen beneath me and forced my body to keep moving even though I was ready to collapse and melt away.
Even with the condom binding him, I felt him swell within me and with a hoarse grunt he was pulsing against my uterus nearly sending me over the edge once again. If I hadn't been so exhausted, I probably could have orgasmed again, but I was spent.
When his breathing returned to normal, I slid off to the side and grabbed a discarded shirt for him to clean up with. I heard him slide the condom off and I reached out blindly, taking it from him and tossing it into the trashcan beside the bed. I don't know for sure if it even made it in there. I was too tired to open my eyes.
I lifted up long enough to maneuver the blankets and get underneath them, holding up his side so that he could do the same.
Jasper didn't say a word, and I feared the silence between us. But when I felt his arms come around me, pulling me closer to him his body curling around my slighter one, I let out a sigh and relaxed. Holy hell, sex and spooning. I loved him even more.
I felt his breathing even out and knew he was asleep. I savored every bit I could of the feel of his naked body against mine. Everything was perfect. So perfect. Almost too perfect.
"I love you too, Jasper." I wrapped his hand him mine tucking in between my breasts and beneath my chin and fell into a peaceful sleep. My dreams were a repeat of the nights events.
I had expected it, prepared for it even. Yet still the pain and dread I felt when I awoke and Jasper was gone made me want to curl in a ball and cry for days on end.
He kept his distance throughout the week, studiously ignoring me. He avoided me at all cost if he could, sometimes to the extreme. I'd hear him as he woke, and yet he'd wait until I left for work before he'd come out of his bedroom.
I felt sick and empty. I couldn't even manage to eat a full meal without it turning sour in my stomach. I knew things would change between us. I knew they would. But I didn't expect to start living with a complete ghost. The only signs he still even lived there were his dirty clothes that would pile up in the laundry room and the occasional dirty dish in the sink.
He never even told me what happened that night. I had to find out from Alice, Edward's sister of all people, to get the details.
Apparently Jasper had walked in on Edward with another man. I had assumed as much from his reaction, but I didn't know for sure until she confirmed it.
There was a fight, names were called, noses were bloodied, and Jasper went to the bar two blocks from the house to drink away his sorrows.
Part of me felt like perhaps I had taken advantage of the situation, but the other part of me knew he was sober enough to know what he was doing. And there was a tiny part of me that thought perhaps, Jasper had taken advantage of me. Maybe things shouldn't have gone as far as they did. But they had, and that was no reason for him to act so childish all of a sudden. It was no reason for him to avoid me like the plague.
He had to know I had feelings about this, about him. He had to know I was pissed.
Sunday night, eight days of not speaking to Jasper, I set out to confront him. I was convinced I'd get him to talk to me, no matter what. Drastic times call for drastic measures and all that.
After I got home, I turned the radio on in my room and shut the door. I went to Jasper's room and sat in the desk chair in the dark and waited. I knew he would try and sneak in without getting caught by me as soon as he got home, and if he thought I was in my room, more than likely he'd run straight to his and hide out for the rest of the night.
I wasn't going to let him get away with avoiding me or what happened for one minute longer.
Just as expected, Jasper arrived home about an hour later. I heard his shoes scuffle across the hardwood floors in a vain attempt to be quiet. The door to his room squeaked open, and I squinted when the light came on suddenly.
"Bella?" Jasper gasped as he froze in the doorway.
"We need to talk, Jasper." I sighed as I stood and crossed the room. I left my arms at my side even though I had the desperate urge to cross them over my chest. He'd made me feel empty inside, and it ached to just breathe the past few days.
"I can't, Bella, not now." Jasper groaned as he ran a hand through his hair.
"You can't? Not now? Well, when, Jasper? Because I'm tired of having to tip toe around you. I'm tired of pretending it doesn't hurt you've done everything you could these past few days to not say a word to me. I'm tired of it all, Jasper." I may have started out yelling, but by the time I finished, my voice was broken and it was all I could do not to sob.
"Can't we just, I don't know, pretend it never happened? Go back to the way things were before?"
"No, Jasper, I don't think we can." Those words hurt worse than his avoiding me had. "I wish it were that easy. Damn it, I wish it was, but it's not."
"Fuck, Bella, I caught my boyfriend fucking another man that night. He was fucking some other guy twice my size, with dark skin and dark hair. He was all around the opposite of me. Some Native American fucker. Look at me. I needed, hell, I don't know what I needed, but I felt like shit after having walked in on that. On our anniversary no less."
"So I was what then? Some pathetic attempt to boost your ego? To make you feel like a man? Sure, come home and fuck the all-too-willing heterosexual female that you live with. She'll be down for it. Then I'll just pretend like she doesn't even exist instead of telling her what the hell is going on?"
I realized too late I was yelling, and took a deep breath to calm myself before continuing. "Shit, Jasper, did you think I would have any feelings? Did you think I wouldn't care that my best friend wanted nothing to do with me? I know what you went through, what you witnessed was shitty. It was awful. And I hate that it happened to you. But I don't deserve to be treated like this. How did you expect me to react? Did you expect me not to feel anything?"
"No, Bella, I didn't. Things shouldn't have gone as far as they did. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
"You shouldn't have used me, is that what you're trying to say? That it was all a big mistake?"
"Fuck you, Jasper." Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't, but I certainly didn't regret it. Though he clearly did. "Did you not mean anything you said? Were you just spouting bullshit at me? What was all that?" I knew I hadn't imagined the things he said to me. I knew that what happened between us was a mutual desire.
"No, it's not like that. I don't know. You know I love you, but I... Fuck, Bella, can we please just forget it all. I know we can't forget it happened, not really. But can't we just, I don't know, be friends again?"
I was done. He had broken me completely. I understood why he would want that, and it killed me.
"No, Jasper, we can't. I love you. I love you, Jasper. As in, I'm head over heels in love with you. I have been for a long time. I never, never, imagined you felt the same way until the other night. Something changed between us then, and I'm afraid I can't go back."
I stepped towards him and stroked his cheek, hating that I was going to be saying goodbye to him forever. He looked so pained, so haunted and I could see the tears forming in his eyes.
"Tell me you feel nothing for me." I kissed him slowly, relishing the single heartbeat that passed and he was returning the kiss. He shook his head, seemingly to try and clear his thoughts. "Tell me to stay, and I'll stay. Tell me you want to give this a go, a real go, and I'll stay. I can't do it anymore, Jasper. You're breaking me. I can't love you like I do. It's not healthy."
"Bella, I..." I covered his lips with my fingers.
"Give me a reason to stay."
He was silent, and as much as it physically hurt for me to walk away, I did. Jasper reached out, stepping towards me as I reached for the front door. He hesitated, his mouth open as if the words were caught in his throat. It was all the rejection I could handle.
The sound of the door catching in the latch behind me seemed to vibrate through my entire body. I couldn't even find the tears to cry. I couldn't even find the will to release my pain. I felt completely void and barren.
I scrolled down my contact list and hit send. She picked up on the second ring. "Rosalie, I need a place to stay."
I'd been staying with Rosalie for a little over a week. I wasn't doing great, but I was doing better.
It still hurt when I thought about Jasper. Not only had I lost my best friend, but the only man I'd ever loved. Maybe I was sick, maybe I was pathetic for still loving him the way I did, but I couldn't help it. He'd had my heart for so long, I just couldn't turn it off like a switch.
Most days I wished like hell it was as simple as that. But I knew, and was beginning to believe, that with time, I'd be okay. With time, maybe I'd even find someone else. Not that I was anywhere near ready to be thrown into the dating scene again. But maybe, just maybe, one day I would be.
That all changed one morning when I was walking over to the coffee shop. I awoke with a ravenous craving for a white mocha, and I felt as if I'd die if I didn't have one. Rosalie was still asleep, so I left a note on my side of the bed in case she woke up and got worried.
I was a block away when I saw him, or them actually. He was walking along hand in hand with a big beefcake of a man looking as if he hadn't a care in the world.
My whole world crumbled around me at that moment. Perhaps I'd been fooling myself into thinking he was just as miserable as I was. Perhaps I just wasn't doing as well as I thought I was.
The dark haired guy was huge, handsome, and muscled almost to the extreme. And I knew then if that was what Jasper wanted, I'd never be that. About the only thing we had in common was pale skin.
I wasn't as petite as Alice and I wasn't as curvy and voluptuous as Rosalie, but I was small, feminine, and had curves. I was all soft around the edges where the guy he obviously wanted attention from was hard and cut. It wasn't something I could ever be no matter how much I ached to be the person Jasper longed for.
He wanted a man, and I was a woman, through and through. The reality of it crashed down on me hard, and I found it extremely hard to breath all of a sudden.
It only made matters worse when the big guy gripped Jasper hard, shoving him against the window of the electronics store. I gasped, unblinking as Jasper held onto the guy and kissed him hard on the mouth. They didn't seem to notice they were in public much less care.
I couldn't help but to watch, my eyes seemingly glued to them as they kissed and kissed and kissed. Jasper was flushed when they finally separated, and I freaked when they started walking in my direction.
My feet wouldn't work fast enough, and I tripped and stumbled as I hurried to flee back the way I had came to avoid him at all cost. My coffee was forgotten as the tears ran freely down my face. I was heaving and out of breath by the time I made it back to Rosalie's. Whether it was from exertion or crying, I didn't know.
I ran to the bedroom, falling onto the bed in a broken, sobbing mess. I'd forgotten about Rosalie being asleep for a moment, but gasped in relief when I heard her come out of the bathroom. My relief only lasted for a brief moment before I was once again crying.
"I saw him, Rosalie. I thought I was doing so good. I thought I was better. But I saw him and he was with a man. With someone else, and I... I... I'm not okay. I'm not doing well at all."
"Oh, baby, it's okay. It's going to be okay," Rosalie cooed, pulling me into her lap and wrapping her arms around me shaking form tightly. "I know it hurts. I know it does, but you deserve the best, baby. Don't give him your heart and your tears."
She continued to stroke me and calm me until my eyes ran dry and my breathing regulated itself. She was right, I'd cried way too many tears for Jasper Whitlock and I was done. Though I would have gladly taken a physical beating from James in comparison to the gaping hole in my soul left behind by Jasper, I knew I was through feeling sorry for myself.
I pulled away from Rosalie long enough to thank her and wrap my arms around her neck as tightly as I could. I found my comfort and strength in her embrace and ate up as much of it as I could.
She pulled back, keeping me in her arms as she brushed the hair from my face. Her eyes were so soft, so caring, and so understanding, I wanted to cry all over again. But I didn't. I swallowed back the tears, forcing them down forever.
I should have seen it coming. But I don't know that even if I had, that I would have stopped it. Maybe it was the pain in my eyes, or the tenderness in hers that made me react. Maybe I just needed a shrink.
Rosalie's lips brushed against mine. It was only a moment, brief and chaste, but she pulled back, her eyes silently asking me for more.
I knew Rosalie was into women. It had never really bothered me. We'd been friends since grade school and there wasn't much in the world she could do to make me love her any less. I'd never really thought about her that way, but I hadn't exactly turned my nose up at the idea either.
So when her lips pressed against mine again, I responded, moving my lips over hers with little hesitancy. Her warm tongue caressed my lip and they parted on a gasp welcoming the intrusion.
Rosalie was the definition of beauty. Her statuesque body with golden blonde hair, legs for days and boobs you could serve a meal on. You'd have to be blind not to find her attractive, and I did, truly.
Kissing Rosalie was nothing like I would have imagined it to be. There was a tenderness in the touch of her lips I assumed could only be felt from the touch of a woman. It was nice, and I felt my body responding quickly.
Her hands roamed my body, lifting my shirt over my head with a swift tug. She pressed me down onto the bed, her body lining up by my side. Her mouth never ceased its exploration of mine and her hands were magic at removing my bra and shorts.
Wanting to make her feel as good as she was me, I allowed my fingers to trace her shape. I ran my hands over her hips down the dip of her tiny waist and stopped at the curve of her breasts. It was a strange feeling, caressing another woman's breasts, and hers felt so much different than mine.
Her nipples were hard enough that I could feel them through the fabric, and she gasped when I circled them with my fingers.
Rosalie's mouth left mine not giving wasting a moment before it latched onto my nipple. I arched my back pressing myself into her mouth, the feel of her tongue swirling around the hardened bud sent waves of pleasure straight to my center.
I stiffened, unsure and frightened and certain this was one huge mistake when I felt her fingers dance along my folds through my panties. My body may have been ready for this, but my heart was nowhere near it. And this was Rosalie, my best friend. The only one I had left anymore. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.
"Stop," I whispered, grabbing her hand with mine and ceasing its movements. "Stop, Rosalie. We can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't." I hoped she understood, and I hoped she wouldn't be upset.
"It's okay sweetie. It's fine. I just wanted to make you forget. Don't get me wrong, Bella, you're beautiful, and I want to fuck the shit out of you right now, but you're my bestie first and foremost, forever and always. This changes nothing between us."
I sighed and curled up against her, not really caring too much I was only my panties. "I'm glad. I love you, Rose, you know that, but you're not my type."
She chuckled and I knew everything was going to be okay between us. "You're not really my type either. But anytime you wanna play or experiment, I'm your gal. I'd be offended if you went anywhere else."
"I wouldn't dream of it Rosalie." I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her waist. We were good. I was good. Not healed, but not broken either.
The insistent banging on the door woke me up.
I knew Rosalie had already gone to work, and because she was the most awesome person in the world, I knew she'd already called and told them I wouldn't be in.
Two days in bed still hadn't healed my broken heart, but I didn't feel any worse. Progress, I thought wryly. Maybe I'd never be completely happy, maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me. But I'd survive and I'd live and I'd move on.
I was finished pining for Jasper Whitlock.
Whoever it was at the door had huge, heavy hands and they weren't giving up. The banging grew louder and louder with every step I took towards the door. Who the hell banged on a door like that at eight in the morning?
"I'm coming. I'm coming." I nearly fell on my ass when I opened the door. "Jasper?"
"Hello," he said almost bashfully. "Bella, I've been worried sick about you. You don't answer your calls, and I had to find out from Alice where you were staying. I... shit, can I come in?"
"Why?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. Though there was still a niggling part of my heart that wanted to slam the door in his face. What in the hell was he doing here? Did he want to show off his new boyfriend to me already? Rub it in a little? Salt in the wound and all that?
"I wanna talk to you. I need to talk to you."
"We can talk from here." Maybe I was being callous, but I had to be. I couldn't give him any more power over me. He could talk, but if it became too much for me to listen, then I could shut the door.
Jasper ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated and upset, but I stood my ground.
"Did you... did you mean what you said the other day?"
I didn't know what exactly he was referring to, but I knew I meant it all. Without a doubt. "Every word."
"You love me?"
With every beat of my heart and every breath that I take. "Unfortunately."
"I want to. I want you. I want to give us a try." His stuttering and insecurity made my will crumble, but I wouldn't go to him like I ached to.
"I can't, Jasper," I admitted in a broken whisper. "I can't. If you... I can't handle another broken heart. I won't be an experiment for you. I'm strong but not invincible. These past few weeks have been agony, and when I saw you with that guy the other day, it hurt all over again. I just can't, Jasper. Please. I can't expect you to change who you are for me just because you feel remorseful. I won't ask that of you, Jasper."
"You saw me?" I nodded even though I don't think he was expecting me to answer. "I'm not changing, Bella. I've always been interested in both men and women."
"But I've only every seen you with men, Jasper. I'll never be able to give you what it is you get from a man." I was so confused.
"It's never been about sex, Bella. Never. Sure, sex is great, but it's the person that you love." I tried not to get stuck on that word and failed miserably. "I can't get you out of my head, Bella. I tried, but I can't. You're all I think about. Dream about. I screwed things up, I know. Please Bella, forgive me. Give me another chance."
Jasper stepped towards me then, gripping me by the wrist when I tried to step back. He was making saying no so hard. So very hard. All I wanted to do was scream yes, yes, yes.
"I won't promise not to break your heart. It seems stupid to make a promise I don't know that I'm capable of keeping. But I promise you this - I won't let you go without a fight. I'm finished with running away from these feelings I have for you. I can't do it anymore.
"You're in me so deep, it hurts to think about my life without you. I hate waking up and you not being there. Hate it. I want to wake up and see you next to me in the morning. I'm an idiot for taking so long to realize how engrained you are in me. I need you. I love you, Bella. I'm in love with you. Please, just give us a chance."
I'm either stupid, or a total glutton for punishment. But I knew deep down, as cliché as it may sound, he had me at hello. "Okay." The words were hardly out of my mouth before I was in his arms and his mouth was on mine.
I didn't know if we would make it, and I didn't know if I'd come out unscathed. Jasper and I went together about as well as oil and water. I knew one thing, without a doubt, I was willing to give it my all and make it work. I loved him heart and soul.
A/N: To read the other entries to the contest visit the contest profile at http : / www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net /u / 2303411 / EvilTwinsCopyrighted (remove spaces) Voting will run from October 23-29.
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