AN: I wrote this before last night's episode aired. Just finally had the second to actually post it. Seems rather fitting now I suppose. Also, for those who know my writing, I don't tend to write drabbles, or really really short fics, but this was what came, and it is short. I'm sorry.
Dean kept asking what was wrong. Honestly, he didn't know. He knew something was off. He knew that letting Dean getting turned into a vampire, and letting Dean suffer was wrong, he knew that he should have run to his brother, fought the vamp with every last inch of his will, strength, and power. He knew that was what he would have done a year ago. That's what he would have done before hell. But now, now, he made different decisions; decisions that went against who he had been his entire life, but really was that a bad thing?
He knew that there was a cure for Vampirism, knew that Dean would get into the nest and find out everything they needed to know. He trusted Dean to curb his base vampiric needs to get the goods and to save himself. So, when you hash out the numbers that way, it was a win-win situation. Dean would be fine and they would have the information they needed-quite possibly they would even figure out what in the world was really going on in the monster community, and if that happened, Dean could even go back to Lisa and Ben and continue living his normal life.
Sam hadn't banked on Dean going to Lisa and Ben, hadn't anticipated that he would try to say good-bye to him, because experience dictated that Dean only cared for one person—Sam, and with that, Sam figured that if Dean knew that he was all right, he wouldn't feel t he need to go anywhere, wouldn't need to escape, wouldn't possibly hurt anyone. However, now he realized that error, had not factored in the new Ben and Lisa variable, and in turn had ruined Dean's chances of having that normal life.
He should be sorry, should be upset, should be sad, should be ashamed, but "should bes" and "ares" are two totally different things. Truly, without Ben and Lisa in the equation any longer, that should put Dean's head back in the game, should hone his hunting skills, decrease his distractibility and increase his focus. When Dean was fighting his own personal demons, he became a hunter like no other, and that was what Sam needed at his side.
But he knew that he needed more than Dean as a demon terminator at his side. He knew that he was broken, that he wasn't feeling things, and truth be told that was the real reason he wanted Dean back. Dean would see the lack of emotions, the lack of empathy, the lack of humanity in him, and Dean would get to the bottom of it, Dean would do whatever was in his power, or whatever was in anyone's power to get that piece back, to fix him. Sam needed that. And Sam knew it.