Sometimes in your life, taking wild chances is what really matters. Daring to do something that everyone else advises you against is not necessarily brave, but it will be those daring deeds that make you who you are. So what do you do when you make that wild decision, and that wild decision has consequences that scare the living hell out of you?
Only I get to make my mistakes, and I don't exactly see them as mistakes.
I don't regret the decisions I made. The decisions I have made have made me. Even the little ones. Decisions that wouldn't make most people blink once and wouldn't involve more than a seconds thought have been the major ones for me.
Like, for instance, saying yes to the handsome boy who the town avoided. Meeting just one man has completely changed my life. And I wouldn't go back, and do it all differently. No. No, I have made my choices, and I can live with all of them.
Even though, because of those decisions, I now stand and face death. Because I got him from it all. So I do not regret my choices. My question is thus: Do you?
SUMMARY: Twilight - except with Jasper instead of Edward. And a very gutsy, witty, much braver Bella, because I didn't really take to the old Bella. Look, just a whole new version of it.
WARNING: Bit of bad language, perhaps a little smut, haven't decided fully yet, danger, angst, and a very, very sexy and bad-boy Jasper, which immediately asks for an M rating, no?
A/N: My personal, ideal Jasper was the frame for this story. Jasper is wonderful, no? ; )
I can't regret my decision to leave Phoenix. It's not like I ever really belonged. I'll miss it anyway, with it's blistering heat and pavements that shimmer by 8 in the morning. Where it never snows and rains about five days a year and the less you wear, the more comfy you are.
But I don't fit here. I am not blonde and sporty, I am brunette and clumsy. I go for jean shorts over skirts, shirts over dresses, over-sized men's baseball shirts as a beach dress. So I'm trading Phoenix, Arizona, for Forks, a tiny town in the Olympic Peninsula, Washington . Where it rains and snows, with about five days of sun per year. And it'll be cold. I wear my favourite shirt, and I wear it as a farewell gesture. I have a parka, which we had to go out and buy.
The reason for my rather dramatic move is my mother, Renee. She got married again, to Phil, and he plays baseball. They want to go on tour together, so I'm going to spend some time with my dad, Charlie. I hate the rain. But Renee misses Phil if she stays home with me, so I'm going to make everyone happy, and move to Forks.
Muse is on my iPod when we hit Port Angeles. Charlie is waiting with his police cruiser. I need to get a car. I am not being driven around town in a cop car. We aren't much for talking, me and Charlie. The hour drive to Forks is in silence, and it suits us both. I am forced to break my self imposed silence when we pull up in front of the house.
"Whose truck, Ch- Dad?"
"Yeah, well, your Mom and I brought it. Homecoming present. So you won't have to rely on me or friends to drive you around."
"That's cool, Dad, thanks," and I really mean it. Big truck, truck for someone who can't walk over a flat surface without tripping. Sort of truck you see at crashes, totally unharmed.
The weatherman is ridiculously chipper the next morning. My alarm goes off and a very cheerful voice fills the room.
"And whilst it will rain again towards evening, that won't be until nine pm and for the day's forecast, there will be substantial cloud cover. Temperature wise, it will be around twelve degrees centigrade and -" I shut him off. No way should someone forecasting rain again be so happy. He's gotta be on Prozac. Ah, first day at school. I'm kinda too old for this. Plus, it's March, middle of term. I'm going to be the freaky newbie who doesn't know where to sit at lunch, where to go to class.
I hang onto the shred of hope that in a town this small, the school can't possibly be all that big. So I drive to school. I park by the front office, go inside. I get a schedule. I get a map. I get a helpful smile that announces to the goddamn world that I am Charlie Swan's daughter, and everyone in this provincial little hole somewhere in Washington, has been waiting for me. I get stared at in the halls. Hey, I'm not just the new girl. I'm the headliner in the freak show. I don't bother with the canteen. I can't be arsed to act nice, put on some fake smile, pretend I'm interested in their chatter. I don't want to talk about Phoenix, whether I'm liking Forks, what's it like living with the Chief of Police blah de fucking blah.
I seriously contemplate skipping biology. I did Advanced Placement in Phoenix. Chances are I've done the lab. No, it's my first day, I have to get my crap slip signed so they can be sure I'm doing OK. I drag myself there.
There's only one open seat in the room, right next to a blond kid who I don't remember seeing in any of my other classes. I guess it isn't all that uncommon, but still, most of the kids in here have been in at least one of my classes.
I get sent to sit by the blond, who actually looks a lot like he's in pain. Did someone kick him in the nuts? I sit down, he starts, stiffens, and snaps his head round so fast to look at me I swear I should have heard the bones snap. He glares. It's no dirty look, it's a full on glare. Hey, I've not even met you yet! There is no way I could have offended you. Jeez, will you quit glaring at me.
He's up and out barely ten minutes in to the lesson. There is no way that is my fault. All the same, I ask the teachers permission to go to the bathroom. I see him crossing the car park from a window, and run after him.
"Hey! Hey!" He swings around, delivers the death glare again. "What the hell is your problem, kid?"
"You shouldn't stay."
"Like hell. You want to explain the death glares, the frankly appalling behaviour and, lets be honest, the downright rude stunt you pulled in there? How can you possibly have a problem with me?"
"Like I said, you ought go."
"I ought go? Ought? Jesus, are you from the 1800's or something? Nobody says ought any more. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you suddenly seem to hate me!"
"Isabella," says a new voice from behind me. I swing round and encounter a solid wall of muscle. The owner has dark hair and the same pale face and dark eyes that Blondie boasts.
"And you are?"
"My name is Emmett. Mr Banner sent me to look for you."
"Who's Mr Banner?"
"Your biology teacher. He's wondering where you've gone. I would suggest coming up with a better excuse the next time you want to sneak out."
"OK, Emmett, well, I'll be heading back. If we speak again, my name is not Isabella, it is Bella." I turn back to Blondie who looks almost feral. For the first time, I feel a twinge of fear. I hide it. "Seeing as I never got your name, Blondie, I'll just let you know that it is bloody rude to glare at people who've done nothing to merit the Glare of Death. We aren't finished."
She walked away in a swirl of that delicious perfume. The scent of her blood is driving me insane. That is the closest I have ever come to losing complete control. It would have been so easy. I would have killed everyone in that room in seconds. Emmett shoves me to Edward's Volvo.
"Car. Get in. Now. No arguments."
"Three different visions. One - you killed everyone in the room and drained the blood of Little Miss Firebrand. Two - you walked out, hid in a closet, and killed her. Three - you did what you did. Walk out and away. However, Alice did not plan on Bella coming after you and demanding an explanation, which is why we're going home. If she sees you back in school, she'll want to have it out." there is a long silence. "God, of all the people to be your damn singer, you pick the one who's got more balls than most vampires."
There is the row to end all rows that night.
"We need to leave."
"Like hell we need to leave, Rosalie." Edward says, impatiently.
"Of course we've got to leave!" I shout at Alice. "Of course we have to leave! I will kill her if we stay, and we both know it!"
"And if we leave? She's your singer, Jasper, do you honestly think that by leaving you'll be able to get her out of your mind?" Edward adds, irritably. "I can't even read her mind, we have no way of predicting what she'll do next! She's spontaneous. The decision to follow Jasper was made on a whim, and Alice can't see whims!"
"Oh, please, people, she isn't just his singer!" Emmett shouts, glaring round. "Alice can see it if she looks. Think about it people. She is Jasper's singer, but he doesn't leap on her and drain her blood right then and there - no offence, mate."
"Jesus Christ. Jasper, the fates really, really hate you."
"She is your mate."
"Son of a -"
"Sorry, Esme, but this is -"
"Piss-poor planning," Emmett mutters.
"She's my mate? No way in hell is she my mate, I'd have felt something."
"But you did," Carlisle says. "You must have! Something inside you gave you the strength to walk away."
"And how do we know that that strength will not fail him next time she gets up in his face?" Rosalie demands. "How do we know he can control himself?"
"Rosalie, your lack of faith in me is actually quite insulting. I appreciate that in the past, I have screwed up. I get that. But we all have. Look, if I didn't attack her today, why would I do it in the future?"
"Why don't we just move on now, save ourselves later?" Rose snaps at me. "You can't do this Jasper, and you know it!" There is a deadly silence. Emmett puts himself between Rose and me, and I know I have got the Major Whitlock face on, the one that says that if she tries that one again, I'll rip her to shreds.
The stand off continues. Would I, had Rosalie made another remark, killed Emmett to get to her? Possibly. Would I have gone for Rosalie anyway, with or without Emmett standing in my way? Yes. Alice breaks us up.
"Enough. I have seen enough to get rough idea of what will happen tomorrow. We are staying. Shut up, Rosalie, or I will shut you up. We stay. Isabella Marie Swan is Jasper's mate, whether we like it or not. Tomorrow, you go back to school. She'll want to have it out with you. You will have an argument about your behaviour, which you will naturally try and defend. I cannot see anything of the outcome of that row, bar that you do not attack her."
"And if we leave?"
"Jasper will find his way back here. They've met now - they will not be able to remain apart. I guarantee you're on her mind tonight."