Author's note: Oh yes, instead of updating my other stories I typed up this oneshot for Halloween.
"You humans continue to confuse me with your useless celebration activities…" Vano, the menacing 8'7 tall sangheili Major of the new Covenant forces, said as he observed the various people decorating their yards with skulls, cotton and some orange fruit. "What exactly is this…Halowine?"
Ignoring the butchered word Raymond-G214 hung a rope of skulls over the doorway of his house. Now, you might be wondering why exactly Vano was there, well since the cease fire turned alliance between the UNSC and the New Covenant, Vano and a few other sangheili would spend a few days on earth and vice versa for the humans.
It worked wonders with only one incident of a human having a heatstroke because of Sanghelios' normal temperature!
"I don't understand it either…" Ray replied calmly as he finished hanging the skulls and jumped down from the ladder, landing with a small thud and walking over to the windows to place some stickers of ghosts and other things. "I just know this is what normal people do, so…I guess to blend in more I just have to do it."
Vano shook his head and tapped one of the skulls. "You humans kill each other for decorations?" he asked curiously, tapping a mandible.
"No, those are just plastic," Ray answered easily as he applied another sticker.
The Major shook his head and walked over to the TV set and turned it on with the hopes that his favorite program was on, Iron Chef, he enjoyed watching humans battle with food and skill, not to mention some of the things they made looked utterly delicious!
Ray walked by to get to one of the other windows and apply some stickers there too. Glancing at Vano to notice how the sangheili made the large couch look so much smaller. "You could help…" he said idly, attaching a vampire sticker on the window.
"I could, but then I would miss the cooking of the giant squid," Vano replied simply as he focused on the TV intently. "No! spices with that will not suffice!" he added when one of cooks said adding some spice to the squid recipe.
Ray shrugged and walked over to the hallway to apply come cotton webs over the doorway. "How has your time on Earth been so far?" he asked conversationally.
"It has been bearable, I have yet to grow accustomed to some of the laws, such as the law against carrying weapons in public," Vano shook his head and added. "No wonder the war was easy, you are not even allowed to carry weapons on you at all times, bar military personal."
"We're not a martial race," Ray countered calmly, applying more cotton. "That and we humans have a history of crime…"
"That is why we make examples of those who commit crime, no matter the crime their punishment is severe," Vano nodded sagely. "Perhaps if you humans let the death penalty or life sentence get thrown around a bit more, you would not have such troubles."
"I wish it were that simple, sangheili," Ray muttered quietly. "But our justice system means there must be evidence, a trial, investigation…"
"A flawed system, on Sanghelios, when there is a crime, we gather witnesses, family members and the one who committed the crime, they are judged before the Kaidon's and their will determines their sentence, in the end it is rarely merciful so other wrong doers are fearful of committing further crimes," Vano recited easily. "You humans howeve- No spices! Listen to me you foolish human!" he cut himself off mid sentence.
Ray chuckled and decided to leave the sangheili to his show and walked over to the kitchen and disappeared around the corner.
Vano continued to watch the show with baited breaths as the winner was about to announced. Finally… "Rah! I told you your spices would result in your defeat human!" he roared and stood with a stomp.
"Hey, sangheili, come give me a hand!" Ray's muffled voice called from the kitchen.
Vano stood, turned and proceeded towards the kitchen to aid with whatever the SPARTAN had trouble with. "What troubles yo- By the rings!" his energy sword ignited and the sangheili's eyes darted everywhere around the room searching for an enemy,
Why? Well because Ray was slumped against the wall with a dagger in his chest that was coated in a red substance that Vano knew was blood! Running over to the SPARTANs side he kneeled and hesitated reaching for the knife that was hilt deep into the body of the Spartan. "Spartan, do you yet live?" the Major asked gently.
There was a barely noticeable nod and Ray's hand slowly rose into the air.
The Major quickly raised his own hand and took the Spartan's own. "Hold Spartan, you have survived worse! I shall a doctor…" he glanced around for the telecommunication device and quickly rushed over to it, picking it up he turned it on and…didn't know what to do from there…
"Curse human technology!" Vano cursed as he spun around and rushed back to the Spartan. "Help is not coming! But you will still survive this!" he urged.
Ray's lips moved slightly and the sangheili leaned down to hear better. "What is it, Spartan?"
Ray's lips twitched and he replied in a whisper. "Got you…" and there was silence for the better part of five seconds as the sangheili stared at Ray.
There was a loud smack as Vano backhanded Ray and stomped back to the living room, roaring. "Cursed humans!" over his shoulder.
Ray rubbed his red cheek and laughed lightly as he stood and removed the 'knife' from his chest, which was strapped to his chest under his shirt and put it down off to the side as he continued to softly laugh at the sangheili's face at the revelation that he wasn't really hurt.
Ray was definitely going to enjoy screwing with the sangheili during his stay on Earth, oh yes, he was.
"Spices! Do NOT add spices! Why are all humans obsessed with spices!"
Hope it was funny, or chuckle worthy, now some reviews would be nice! Or maybe ideas for another?