Spark of Genius
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy verse, Girl Genius verse, or DC comics.
AN1: Ok, so back to writing again. First of all, I love comic books and DC comic books in particular. Why do I love comic books, you may ask? The heroes and hotties for one thing, but the main reason I love DC comics is because they have been retcon'd so many times, and there are so many different authors writing back stories about the characters, that I can pick and choose the character details that I want to use and it's still in line with canon. Some of the uber DC comic book geeks may cry foul with a portrayal of a minor character from DC lore that I use in this chapter, but I've picked the version that I want to use, and now I hope you can sit back and enjoy the chaos. Cheers!
AN2: It's been so long since I've done it, so here you go… BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA! (smirk*) I really needed to get that out there, it's been bottled up for too long. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
AN3: Not beta'd. Beta never got back to me, so I decided to give it a go over myself and just post it. That said, I have a fever, head cold and dehydration… seeing double is not conducive to good editing. Thus, you have been warned! Warned I SAY! FEAR THE WARNING!
Chapter 44: The Female Of The Species
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
~Rudyard Kipling, first two stanzas of his work titled, "The Female of the Species"
Xander tumbled backward out of the shadows of the Gotham alleyway and out into the warm Mediterranean sun, only to impact hard onto a cobblestone street.
"What the hell was thaaa…" Xander's words cut off midstream as he looked up and realized that he wasn't alone.
"Um, I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore Toto, or Gotham city for that matter." Xander mumbled as he looked up from the hard stone market square, a market square devoid of any vendors' stalls but by no means empty.
Surrounding Xander in a circle three feet in any direction was a shimmering shield of whirling gold light that twisted with the sound similar to a whirling tornado. Visible on the other side of the shield, the entire population of the hidden city of the Homo-Magi stared back at Xander as magic ushered from their hands to power the shield that held Xander trapped in the center marketplace of the Hidden City. Magic issued out of staffs, staves, wands and other associated magical foci as several thousand grim faced adult magic users cast their magic to power the runic assembly inscribed in glowing chalk across the large cobblestoned city square. The medieval looking city square was bordered by old buildings hung out over the streets and cast shadows on the standing crowds that stretched down winding roads out of the city square that was, at that moment, filled to standing room only. The population of the hidden city had turned out en mass as the magic users worked together to destroy what they saw as a threat to their survival, a being whom Dr. Fate hunted and who had already breached their boundaries and sloughed off their attacks; for if normal humans became immune to magic, the entire city and their way of life could be endangered… not to mention their feelings of superiority.
"Indeed Agent of Chaos, for it was your fate that brought you here before, and it is your fate that your time in this dimension ends here and now." A deep resonating voice drew Xander's attention over Xander's left shoulder. Xander's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he saw the golden helmet and blue and gold ensemble that was the trademark uniform of Dr. Fate.
"Uh, heh, Hi there Dr. Fate." Xander stated, looking around and seeing a lot of unfriendly faces surrounding him as he stood up and brushed himself off.
Standing next to Dr. Fate was John Zatarra, Zatanna's father and the current leader of the homo-magus. Both John and Dr. Fate stood slightly in front of the masses of homo-magus; otherwise known as humans with the gene enabling them to use magic.
"I thought I said I was sorry the last time I was here. Shame on me the first time, this time was all you though." Xander said with a friendly smile as he turned to leave the encircling shield.
"You will not be going anywhere but where we send you Alexander, you must pay for your crimes of twisting the fates of this dimension." Dr. Fate stated firmly from his place outside the shimmering magical shield.
Xander frowned in thought as his clothing shimmered and slimmed to form fit to his body, 'Crimes? What is it with these jumped up magical folks thinking that they can do anything they want just because they can do magic and regular humans can't?'
'My vote is shred them and let the pieces stay where they fall. They've kidnapped you and are threatening you. Nobody threatens the Alpha and gets away with it.' The Primal part of Xander growled in his head.
'No need for bloodshed just yet. It's not like their magic can hurt you.' The voice of Reason countered just as Xander's clothing shifted to a black colored armor that seemed to creep across his body like a living thing.
'Kitties!' The voice of insanity shouted in the back of Xander's head for no real reason, but Xander and the rest of his voices just ignored insanity for the moment.
In response to Dr. Fates statement, Xander just smirked and shook his head as before the eyes of the gathered Homo-Magi Xander's clothing shimmered and bled together in a black inky form until Xander was covered from head to toe in a mirrored black substance; unfortunately for Xander, the eerie formation of his armor furthered the belief of the gathered magical people that they were dealing with an agent of the Chaos Lords as Dr. Fate had convinced them.
"Well now, I thought we went through this before. Your magic can't touch me." Xander stated through his armor as he smiled and took a step forward to bypass the shield.
Only to smash face first into a solid wall of air, bounce off it and end up landing on his butt.
"You may be immune to magic by itself, but you aren't immune to the natural elements themselves when they are merely accelerated by magic. Even you, abomination, are subject to the effects of gravity, heat and so forth." John Zatarra growled at the man… no, the "thing" that had dared to sully his daughter's virtue.
Xander put his hand flat against the shield of spinning air, and time skipped for a moment as his brain slid into a mode of superfast thought. Quadratic vector calculations and physics air flow models flew through his brain, calculating and double checking his math… all coming up with the end result of Xander figuring out that yep, he was trapped.
"Well crap, what the heck did I ever do to you that you felt the need to kidnap me?" Xander griped as he rapped his armored knuckles against the spinning shield of air that was accelerated due to the magical force pushing on the air from the outside of the circle. Without being able to connect with the magic itself, Xander was unable to disrupt it with his Nth Metal armor.
"You have twisted the balance of this dimension to the point where I can no longer see the fates of this dimension's champions, even more so millions of individual's fates have changed. You have stoppered death and created life in the inanimate, indiscriminately changing the passage of what was meant to be all to suit your purpose. You have destroyed the order of things. You have defied Fate! You are an Agent of Chaos, and I have been tracking the resonance of your entropy since you first entered this dimension. The Lords of Order will not be denied, and for your crimes against the balance, you are to be banished to the plains of oblivion." Dr. Fate stated definitively.
John Zatarra also chimed in with a growl, "And you sullied my daughter, tricking her into your bed only to cast her away once you got your fill of her." Zatanna's father's eyes flashed with anger as he glared at Xander.
Xander held up his hands and waved them back and forth, gesturing his denial, "Hey now, as for Dr. Fate's statement, a Man's got to do what a man's got to do to survive."
'Preach it brother!' Xander's voice of insanity skipped out into his mind wearing bellbottom jeans, a tie-died hippy shirt and peace signs hanging around Insanity's neck. 'Stick it to the Man… um… man.'
'Not now Insanity!' Xander mentally cursed.
"Besides, John, do you mind if I call you John?" Xander started to talk, only to have John Zatarra utter a low growl in reply.
"Jeese, tough crowd." Xander muttered while rubbing the back of his neck, "But anyway, John, it was your daughter that stripped me naked in the middle of her magic act, and it was your daughter who tackled me onto her couch, not the other way around."
"Lies!" John Zatarra shouted and took a step forward towards the trapped Xander, only to be held back by a hand on his shoulder from Dr. Fate.
"Do not listen to the champion of Chaos, let us begin the spell to open the portal to the plains of oblivion, to the realms of limbo and the Chaos Lords." Dr. Fate commanded, and raised his hands towards Xander while Dr. Fate's gold cloak began to flap in an ethereal breeze as he floated up into the air.
"Ah, come on guys, can't we all just get along?" Xander pleaded before commanding to the air, "Portal… Come on, Portal back to the castle, open up! Portal damn it!" Xander tried opening a transportation portal, yet nothing happened.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am unable to connect with any of the portal transportation hubs, the magical dimension in which the city is hidden is interrupting any flow of communications into or out of the Hidden City." The prim and proper British voice of Jarvis the AI communicated via Xander's armor and to Xander's internal nanoclanks.
Outside Xander's shielded enclosure, Dr. Fate and John Zatarra's chant became louder, and the gathered thousands of magic users chorused back in a repetitive chant as they took over full control of the shield while the two magical superpowers, Dr. Fate and John Zatarra, reached out with their magic to tear a hole in the dimensional fabric of their world.
There was a brief flash of light that momentarily blinded Xander, and he was forced to blink the tears out of his eyes as his armor hadn't been able to shield his vision from the blinding flash.
Xander subconsciously wiped at his face, even though his armor was coving his face completely.
"What the hell, come on, warn a guy first before you do…" Xander's gripe was cut off as he felt something drape over his shoulder and slither down to pat his armored rear end.
Xander's head shot up, only to look straight up into an open tear in the fabric of space and time, a tear that had several long multicolored tentacles coming out of it, one of which had just patted his butt.
"AHHHH! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! I gave up demon girls when I left Sunnydale!" Xander screamed as protective spikes shot up to cover his armored body as he swatted away the tentacle that had just goosed his rump.
'Not the Harem I want! Not the Harem I want!' The voice of Xander's libido screamed in fear and scurried off into the depths of Xander's mind.
Xander's clawed hands shredded the tentacles that dangled down into his enclosure, turning the long rainbow colored appendages into colorful goo that splashed across the shield around him and slid down to form a puddle on the cobblestones at his feet.
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Rape, attempted Rape! Help Police, Fire department, mail man! Anybody Help!" Xander screamed as he desperately fought off the ever growing horde of tentacles that tried to intrude out of the Chaos realm and into his tight enclosure. The small size of the shielded off area was both a curse and a blessing. Whereas Xander couldn't get away, the tentacles were forced to come through the small rip between the two dimensions, and only from one direction; directly above Xander.
"I'm not an Agent of Chaos! I'm not an Agent of Chaos! You're making a mistake!" Xander yelled desperately as he smacked away another tentacle that had tried to wrap around his throat before pausing to pound on the solid wall of air separating Xander from freedom.
Still, Dr. Fate and John Zatarra were unswayed.
"Hold fast. The Champion of Chaos is only trying to trick you. Hold the shield." Dr. Fate commanded before again joining John Zatarra in chanting the magic that held the rip in space open.
"I'm not the champion of Chaos, if anything I'm an unwilling pawn of Chaos! Ask Mr. Mxyzptlk ! Anybody, Help!" Xander screamed again as he spun in a swirling blur of blades and claws fighting off the grasping tentacles trying to drag him upwards.
A loud "Pop!" was heard and the imp known as Mr. Mxyzptlk appeared in the air, only this time he was wearing a velvet and silk house coat and slippers and looked like a short Hugh Hefner or millionaire playboy.
"I'm in a little bit of a hurry, but did somebody say my name?" Mr. Mxyzptlk asked as he hovered in the air as if reclined on an invisible lazy boy while drinking a glass of cognac.
"Help! They are trying to force me into another dimension! If you don't help me, you won't get to see any more pranks or chaos!" Xander desperately and loudly begged as he stopped for a second to address Mxyzptlk only to get choked out by a tentacle that wrapped around Xander's head and pulled Xander a foot off the ground before Xander could sever its grasp.
"Trying to steal my entertainment now are you? Well we can't have that." The imp stated before turning to show an evil smile towards Dr. Fate and John Zatarra. Around them, the magic users of the Hidden City started mumbling their spells louder, trying to reinforce the power of the shield surrounding Xander.
"Go back to the place you came from little Imp, you are overmatched." Dr. Fate challenged.
"Over matched am I? Was that a short joke! Oh, it's on now!" Mxyzptlk snarled, and it was well and truly on.
Red bolts of chaos magic shot from Mxyzptlk 's hands, only to be blocked by Dr. Fate's golden shield.
"Continue the spell to cast the Chaos agent back into limbo, I'll handle the Imp." Dr. Fate commanded quickly of John Zatarra.
"Handle me will you?! I'll handle you!" Mxyzptlk shouted, and suddenly another ten hands and arms shot out of the chaos imp's body, shredding their way out of the imps house coat before enlarging and trying to snatch Dr. Fate out of the air.
It became a game of cat and mouse as Dr. Fate disappeared with a flash of the symbol of a glowing ethereal Ankh every time Mxyzptlk 's hands tried to grab the illusive Fate. And around the two supremely powerful magic users magic coalesced and launched itself at the other. From Mxyzptlk flashes of multicolored magic were shot at Dr. Fate, only to be blocked time and time again by glowing shields, or were met by glowing beams of energy, or golden lightning that was sent back by the sorcerer of Order..
"Hold still will you!" Mxyzptlk cursed.
"But I don't want to get tentacle loving! Now don't get me wrong, its fine for some, but I'm happy with my girls." Xander quipped loudly as he still struggled to fight off the never ending waves of chaos tentacles that groped for him out of the dimensional tear.
"I wasn't talking to you Xander. Stand Still and take your fate like a mortal, Fate. I promise not to hurt you… Much." Mxyzptlk cursed as one of his chaos magic beams missed Dr. Fate entirely and turned the house behind Dr. Fate into a giant chicken that was roosting atop golden eggs.
Spells shot each way, and it was looking pretty direr for Xander, as Dr. Fate matched the fifth dimensional imp spell for spell.
A sudden explosion of sound and fury vaporized the large metal gates at the edge of the square with a loud. "KABOOM!" The hidden portal into the Hidden City was breached with an explosive fireball whose force sent magical citizens tumbling and crying out in pain as several were immolated by the flames.
Jumping through the hidden entrance into the city center came Jägermonsters in armor glowing with protective runes.
Four of the Jäger magical troopers plowed through the opening into the Hidden City, only for one of them to get hit with a blast of force that sent him flying backwards and out the opening just as Alec Holland entered and ducked the Jägermonster that flew over his head.
"HELP!" Xander yelped again, hoping that the new explosion outside his shield was somebody who wouldn't just stand there and watch him get molested by chaos tentacles.
Alec heard Xander's yelp and growled while throwing his hand forward, causing a wall of greenery to spring forward and block a fireball that had been heading right towards him. Dressed in a his commissar's uniform, the former Swamp Thing's long coat swirled around him as he yelled back through the portal, "The Leviathan is here and under attack! Kill all who stand in your way, but spare innocents who don't engage you, the Leviathan may want prisoners."
Wonder Woman and Poison Ivy stepped through the portal, a grim scowl on their faces, a golden shield on one of Wonder Woman's arms and her sword in the other while Ivy sported a commissar's uniform that form fit and hugged her body in red and green leather.
"Agreed," Wonder Woman added, "but try and spare any who are not involved."
"Agreed." Alec answered while dodging a lightning bolt that hit a Jäger and sent the trooper to the ground in convulsions as the energy wasn't fully absorbed by the armor.
"Zat tickles." The Jäger laughed in between coughs as the lightning grounded itself into the cobblestones and the glowing green runes on its armor smoked as they bled off the extra energy. The Jäger pushed himself back up its feet and re-entered the fight.
Alec growled, the only entrance into the city was through the one portal and troops were stacking up on the other side of the portal, no doubt causing an international incident with Turkey if nothing else.
Magic blasted a second Jägermonster a step back towards the portal as the runes on the Jäger's armor flared bright green, causing the spell to slide past the armored trooper to catch a building on fire behind the trooper as the Nth Metal inscribed armor deflected most of the attack.
"They have armor! Use physical attacks or indirect attacks." A tall black shaman magic user commanded before holding his hand in front of his mouth and blowing a breath that stirred the air into a hurricane force wind that threatened to pick Alec off his feet.
"ROOTS!" Alec yelled as he caught ahold of Ivy who had been picked up into the air by the blast, and they both rooted their feet into the ground as woody vines exploded from their feet and twined around their legs before shooting out of the ground to catch and ground the troopers around them while Wonder Woman took shelter behind her shield and stomped her feet and dug her heels into the stone street.
"Open Fire!" Ivy Yelled at the troopers around her as she grabbed onto Alec's shoulder and pulled him down behind Alec's short wall of thorns just in time to dodge a fireball that would have taken off his head.
Laser fire erupted from the troopers and they crouched to try and aim through the wind blasting into their faces. Laser fire was exchanged with magical blasts as stones the size of basketballs and spears of ice began to pelt their armor and drive them back.
Alec looked to Ivy and Ivy looked back at Alec as they crouched behind their protective barricade, twigs, branches and leaves showering down around them as their barrier was slowly whittled away.
Ivy Smirked, and then Alec smiled, and then they hugged.
Giant trees erupted from the ground like an instant forest, throwing sorcerers, wizards and witches in every direction as entire buildings were split in half by trees the size grain silos suddenly sprouting up; giving the Leviathan's forces trying to enter the portal a few seconds respite to move more forces into the Hidden city.
"For the Emporer! For The Leviathan! Charge!" Alec Shouted as he and Ivy stood up holding each other's hand, and with a wave of his and Ivy's free hands the last remaining portions of the thorny barrier shot outwards as explosion of thorns before Alec charged forward with Wonder Woman and Ivy by his side. Behind him, Jägermonsters, Valkyries and black and red robed war mages of the Empire of The Leviathan shoved their way into the breach through the only portal gate and into the Hidden City.
Everything had been so simple in John Zatarra's mind when he had agreed to Dr. Fate's request to banish the Chaos Agent to another dimension. Fate and Zatarra had worked together before to destroy magical monstrosities. Together they had cast Demons back to hell, fought off dimension devouring beings from outside of reality and sealed off ancient evils that had tried to take over the world. What was one agent of Chaos versus the power of John Zatarra and Dr. Fate?
No, John had been convinced that he was doing the right thing, especially since said Agent of Chaos, Alexander Harris, had dared to sleep with his daughter. Alexander wasn't good enough for Zatanna; then again, no man was good enough for Zatanna as far as John Zatarra was concerned. Add to that the fact that Xander had invaded the Hidden City and was immune to the direct effects of magic, well it meant that Xander was a threat to the continued superiority and protection of the Homo Magus population that John led.
Xander had to be destroyed, and everything had been going as planned even to the point where Zatanna was safe back in Gotham City while her father cleaned up her mess and protected his people. John would do anything to protect his people, to protect his daughter, and if it just happened to allow him to smite the man who had sullied his daughter, then all the better.
Those had been John's thoughts and beliefs up until Xander had started fighting off the tentacles of the monstrosities that threatened to tear the man apart. John felt a moment of compassion for Alexander as the young man yelped and begged for help. However, Dr. Fate's steady presence and comments about the Chaos Agent's lying to try and get John to let him go, well Alexander's apparent lies were shoved down into the cold dark place in John's soul where he pushed away his emotions when he had to do something he thought was for the greater good no matter how abhorrent.
Yes, as far as John was concerned, everything was going perfectly… Right up until the point where armed soldiers burst through the secret portal between the Hidden City and the real world and created a barrier of earth magic.
Although, it wasn't the breach of his city's defenses or even the use of earth magic that caused fear to creep up John's back. No, he was still confident that he was doing the right thing, and for a moment there he believed he was only facing some allies of the Agent of Chaos.
No, what scared the piss out of John was that he heard the invaders bellow that John and his people had captured The Leviathan, the illusive ruler of the Empire of The Leviathan, the ruler of the largest and most feared military force in the world. It was at that point that John Zatarra put two and two together and figured out that Alexander Harris, the Chaos Agent was The Leviathan. He had made a tactical mistake… a big tactical mistake that was only drilled home more as he recognized the woman who used her golden shield to block several spells before using said magical shield like a battering ram to create a larger beachfront for The Leviathan's forces to enter.
And enter the forces of The Leviathan did as they poured through the gate in a steady run that saw more and more enemy piled up in the breach as each second ticked by.
"Keep up the shield on the Chaos Agent! I'll hold off the invaders." John yelled and released his hold on the portal and turned his attention to the attackers.
John picked up his bejeweled cane that he used as an arcane staff and slammed it on the cobblestoned streets causing a tidal wave of stone to erupt on a collision course with the invading force; his hope being to fling them invaders back through the entrance to the city.
Behind John, now uncontrolled by either Dr. Fate or John Zatarra, the portal to the planes of Limbo did not shut as it was supposed to, but rather began to grow and stretch downwards to slowly try and swallow up Xander.
Wonder Woman bashed a male magic user in the head with her shield and used the flat of her blade to knock aside a spell that melted the stone at her feet where it hit. She had a mere second to feel a rumble at her feet before Diana was blasted backwards through the air and shoved backwards by a solid wall of stone.
"Arggh!" Diana screamed in pain as the magically propelled stone blasted into her ribs, only to have the pain suddenly vanish as the wall of stone disintegrated and Diana found herself rolling across the cobblestones until she stopped when she ran into somebody's shins.
Looking up at the person who had stopped her tumble, Diana was surprised to see a feminine hand reaching down to help her up… the hand of Circe the Sorceress whose other hand was pointed forward and was glowing green where it had just stopped the tidal wave of stone.
"Come Princess, now is not the time to be lying around. You're betrothed needs us." Circe stated with a smirk on her face. However Circe's smirk disappeared as she looked up and saw the tear in reality growing towards Xander, and between Circe and the trapped Xander stood John Zatarra glowing with power.
Circe helped Wonder Woman to her feet just to be shoved to the side by Wonder Woman.
Circe snarled but let the snarl trail off when she saw a smoking mystical fire still burning on the outside rim of Diana's shield.
Circe looked to Diana, and gave Wonder Woman a small smile and a nod which was returned in kind. Then both women turned toward John and attacked.
John spun in circles, to quickly spin up blades of red energy that blasted forwards towards Wonder Woman and Circe while at the same time blocking energy blasts from the witch while he used his staff to physically deflect Wonder Woman's sword and shield.
All around them the battle grew larger as a squad of Valkyries entered the city and took to the sky to bombard the magical forces from the air. Soon the magic users were mounted upon flying carpets, brooms and elemental constructs and bringing the battle to the sky where the Valkyries and magic users exchanged laser and electrical blasts versus magic and elemental forces.
"Use the natural elements!" John bellowed to his people as he locked his staff with Wonder Woman's sword and shield, magical trinkets glowing on his wrists and his tie-pin to lend him enough strength to match the magically empowered Wonder Woman. "They are partially immune to magic, but can be attacked by the elements!" John yelled out as he dodged to the side to miss a blast of arcane energy from Circe. Still, the command worked as the tide of incoming troops was almost immediately stymied as the several thousand magic users focused the power of the elements at the entrance to their city.
Meteor showers seemed to appear out of thin air to bombard the invading host, only shielded by glowing black and golden force fields cast by spells from The Leviathan's war mages. Necromantic energy shot back and forth across the field of battle as the life force was sucked out of a Jäger by an enemy sorcerer, only for the sorcerer's head to be disintegrated in a green blast of ectoplasmic fury that left behind nothing but a smoking skull. Spells shot back and forth as tidal waves of energy, water, wind and fire battered the encroaching host of The Leviathan, slowing the invasion force to a crawl or even backwards towards the portal.
The forces of The Leviathan were backed up at the portal and couldn't add new reinforcements as golems of stone and fire elementals moved forward to pound on the shields of the Leviathan's War Mages. Alec and Ivy caused vines to erupt from the ground to entangle Magi and pull them into the ground or slice through them with thorns, and Ivy even managed to cause one of the attacking earth elementals to sprout flowers of every kind before the elemental turned around and attacked the Magi who had summoned it. Still, it wasn't enough to enlarge the breach into the Hidden City. Plasma rounds from Toastmaster 4000's and assault rifle rounds from the Jägermonsters were blocked by kinetic shields or spells that matched the Toastmaster plasma rounds with spears of ice.
Dr. Fate and Mr. Mxyzptlk were evenly matched also, for Dr. Fate was probably the only magic user on the planet that could go toe to toe with an Lord of Chaos and win, and Mxyzptlk was just a bit weaker than a Lord of Chaos even if the variety and craziness of Mxyzptlk 's spells made them hard to block. Already several blocked spells had turned bystanders into giant purple bananas, a tiger was quoting Shakespeare's Macbeth at one side of the square, and the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man was currently throwing flaming marshmallow poo at a crowd of homo magi that were attacking him with fireballs. All of this was going on while Xander was still fighting off tentacles and getting more and more scarred as the shield around him hadn't dropped and the rip in the sky above him was growing closer.
This is when the situation went from bad to worse.
"Damn It! Stay Still Fate so I can blast you into last week." Mxyzptlk yelled in disgust as he hacked and then spat a wad of spit at Dr. Fate, the spit again hitting Dr. Fate's large magical golden shield spell before splashing to the roof that was directly underneath where Fate was flying; eating through the roof and causing screams to issue from inside the building as the building suddenly grew legs and a face and started walking off down the street.
"Be Gone Imp! You are not of the stature needed to best Fate." Dr. Fate chided Mxyzptlk .
"AHHH! ANOTHER SHORT JOKE! LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE BEING SHORT!" Mxyzptlk lost his temper and glowed bright blue before putting his hands forward and roaring as magic exploded at Dr. Fate…
The magic shot at Dr. Fate.
And Dr. Fate disappeared into a glowing Ankh, causing the beam of magic to miss entirely and travel down to the street where it blasted into Circe and Wonder Woman who were tangling with John Zatarra.
John Zatarra lurched forward as his counter swing missed Wonder Woman entirely and caused him to spin in a circle.
John looked around, only to blink as neither Circe nor Wonder Woman were anywhere to be seen. That is, they weren't seen until he looked down and saw two plastic action figures in the shape of Wonder Woman and the sorceress Circe.
Mxyzptlk was so startled by what he had accidentally done, that he had missed, so startled that he didn't have time to react when Dr. Fate appeared behind him in a flash of yellow and bound the fifth dimensional imp in glowing gold chains that caused Mxyzptlk to fall to the cobblestones of the Hidden City's market about five feet from where Xander was imprisoned.
"That will be enough from you Imp." Dr. Fate stated as he started to float down. "Now watch as your champion is banished to Limbo."
Dr. Fate raised his hand towards the still trapped Xander, and the rip in the sky opened up like a mouth to swallow Xander.
The portal drew closer to Xander and thousands of tentacles burst forward and hooked about his limbs and started to pull him in.
'Game over Man! It's Game over!' Xander's voice of Insanity wailed in his mind as Insanity dropped to its knees in its bellbottoms and tie died outfit and cried.
The voice of Reason hugged Xander's libido in fear as even the Primal side of Xander cringed back from the destruction staring them in the face as Xander struggled to get free of the tentacles that had now fully wrapped around him and pulled him upwards towards the chaos realm that would utterly destroy his very soul if he was exposed to it.
An inch from the portal, Xander shut his eyes as everything around him suddenly went quiet.
A second passed.
And then a few more seconds, before Xander hesitantly opened his eyes to see that he was still dangling in the air, and that the tentacles were stone still and utterly not moving but still wrapped around him fully.
It was at that moment that Xander realized that he was still in the Hidden City, but that every other person who was present was frozen solid except for their eyes.
And that's when he heard a voice that caused absolute fear to course through him due to its inflection and power, yet at the same time a trickle of hope began to rise in him.
"WHAT… ARE… YOU… DOING… TO… MY… BOYFRIEND!?" A female voice screamed, and Xander looked to his right to see a drop dead gorgeous blonde supermodel of a woman floating in the air in nothing but black lingerie.
Golden blonde curled hair floated on the wind and creamy skin covered what could only be said to be a near perfect face that was situated above a slender neck that curved down before a slender yet curvy figure which showed two bulging breasts that were barely contained and covered by the straps of her black teddy. The silky fabric covered her chest, and her arms were crossed under her breasts as she gave a steamed look towards the direction of where Xander was in the portal as legs that seemed to go on forever and were encased in silk stockings held up by garters led down to very high black platform heels with which she was tapping her foot in frustration.
"Honey, I can totally explain!" the little imp Mr. Mxyzptlk whined in a begging tone of voice.
"You better Mr! I was waiting in bed expecting Snoo Snoo and you told me you had to run to the other dimension for a moment. A moment, as in One!" The woman stated as she floated past Dr. Fate, totally ignoring the sorcerer as she floated down to her bound boyfriend.
They made a weird couple, but Xander couldn't fault Mxyzptlk for his choice in girlfriends. Still he couldn't understand what she saw in the short little imp since she stood a good four feet taller than Mxyzptlk.
'Hmm, if that's what you get for being an agent of chaos, maybe it wouldn't be so bad being in the realms of Limbo. Would be a nice addition for the Harem.' Xander's libido chimed in before realizing that it was still hugging Reason, then both voices dropped their arms from around each other and coughed and mumbled as they scooted away from each other in embarrassment.
'Now is so not the time Libido.' Xander thought quickly, just as the Blonde turned angry eyes towards Xander.
"Hey, keep your thoughts out of the gutter unless you'd like me to turn you into a pile of sewage slime for all eternity." The anonymous women, uh, thing, up super sexy powerful being snapped at Xander before turning back to address Mxyzptlk.
"Now what is your excuse for ditching me to come play with these mortals?" She demanded.
"Sweety, it's not like that at all." Mxyzptlk begged from his place lying on his side on the ground, still stuck in the golden chains. "I did it all for you smookey wookums, I know how much you enjoy watching the mortal Xander on our date nights, and I didn't want him to be banished where we couldn't enjoy his escapades, my pummy umpkin" The imp tried to explain.
The imp's gorgeous girlfriend blinked once, and then twice at Mxyzptlk 's explanation. "You mean that's Xander?" She asked.
Mxyzptlk just nodded hesitantly, not sure how to react to his girlfriend's question.
"SQUEEEEEEEE!" The girl squealed in joy, releasing a squee so loud that all windows within a 18.34 foot range randomly shattered, melted, and then turned into stained glass designs that would make Salvador Dali envious of their weird patterns.
The girl bent down and hugged Mxyzptlk to her breasts, burying the little imps head between her large mounds as his golden chains disappeared as she banished them with less than a thought.
"You're so good to me pumpky wumpky." She stated as she set the imp down.
Xander blinked, and then suddenly found himself standing on the cobblestoned street with Wonder Woman by his side, so was Artemis, Janna and Selena for that matter, and Tara and Dora were right next to them, all were blinking at suddenly being where they were. Xander didn't know if he was more surprised about the girl being there, or the fact that the shield around him had been banished, that the tentacles were gone, that the armor on his face had disengaged, or that the rent in the sky leading to the planes of Limbo was totally gone.
"Here." The girl said as she handed Xander a picture of him standing beside his girls with the blonde girl in the picture, and then a pen appeared in his hand. Xander looked down at the picture and realized that he had never taken that picture, even more so, the Xander in the picture winked up at the real Xander.
"Can you give me your autograph?" The girl asked hopefully.
'Xander, when the girl who can read your mind, banish dimensional portals, freeze Dr. Fate while at the same time transport people from one dimension to another asks you to sign an autograph, you smile and say YES!' The voice of Reason advised Xander in his head.
Xander blinked and looked back at the girl blankly and blinked once before he started to nod vigorously and he gave her a very big smile.
"Yeah sure you betcha, absolutely, Yes, Yep, yes, anything you want!" Xander smiled and nodded very quickly.
The girls next to Xander looked at him and then where they were, then at everybody that was frozen around them including Dr. Fate. They all smiled and nodded quickly also.
"SQUEEEEEE!" The Girl squealed loudly and hugged Xander to her chest, and suddenly half of the hidden city turned into a tropical paradise including palm trees and little monkeys swinging from them.
'Don't think dirty thoughts, don't think dirty thoughts.' Xander thought to himself as he awkwardly patted the girl on the back as she hugged him tightly in her lingerie while he was surrounded by his girls.
'I agree.' The voice of libido chipped in, causing all the other voices to pause, blink, and then turn to look at the voice of Xander's libido.
'What?' Libido questioned with a shrug, 'I admit that I think with my dick, and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm not about to scream HAREM when the girl hugging us could make us no longer count as a he, but rather a she or even worse, a neuter with nothing but a thought.'
The other voices in Xander's mind crossed their legs subconsciously and Xander cringed as the girl stopped hugging him.
"Hee hee, you're so funny to listen in on Xander. Would you please make the autograph out to 'Gsptlsnz, your number one 9th dimensional fan." The girl, now acknowledged as Mxyzptlk's even higher dimension girlfriend requested politely while bouncing up and down on her toes; something that had Xander doing matrix algebra calculations and designing new chemical protein bonds in his head, anything to keep him from looking at the physics problem of the effect of upward vectored force versus gravity and their relation to two large bouncing breast.
"Absolutely. Whatever you think is breast…" Xander started to say, only to catch an elbow to the ribs from Selena when he misspoke.
"I mean Best! Best! Whatever you think is best!" Xander quickly sputtered in wide eyed fear as he quickly scribbled in the statement and his signature on the picture. The girls gathered around Xander all gave Selena a wicked smile, which she returned, as it appeared Catwoman was going to fit in well with the rest of Xander's other girls just fine.
'How the hell is she reading our mind!? It baffles all of my calculations, and we already know that the Nth Metal stumps Mxyzptlk, so why is she still able to affect us? Or better yet, how is she able to affect Dr. Fate and everybody else when Mxyzptlk was on an equal footing with Dr. Fate.' The Heterodyne personality in Xander's head looked frazzled as he quickly scribbled calculations on a chalkboard. 'Carry the zero, cross with Z over Y to the square of epsilon… It Make s No Logical Sense!' Xander's inner Heterodyne finally threw his chalk in the air and started tearing at his hair.
"He he, silly boy. Since when have logic and women ever gone together?' Miss Gsptlsnz giggled before patting his cheek and sashayed back over to her boyfriend Mxyzptlk.
'She's right! That way lays Insanity! Whatever you do, don't try and figure out women! Even I'm not that crazy.' Xander's voice of Insanity stated, strangely sober for a moment before shrugging and then starting to chase multicolored rabbits around Xander's brain while wielding a sledgehammer.
Gsptlsnz picked her boyfriend up off the ground and snuggled the imp between her breasts with Mr. Mxyzptlk's feet floating free from the ground.
"Don't hurt yourself Xander, I get way too much enjoyment out of watching your everyday life and wouldn't want you to fry your brain. Suffice it to say, the female of the species is always more dangerous than the male." Gsptlsnz said as an evil alien grin spread across her face from ear to ear, showing that though she might look human, she was anything but.
Still, her comments had Xander's betrothed, girlfriend, and mistresses looking very smug as they nodded in agreement.
"Come on Snuggy wuggy, it's time for Snoo Snoo." Gsptlsnz stated as she squeezed Mxyzptlk between her breasts to the point where you couldn't even see the imp's face.
Her only reply from the 5th dimensional imp was a big thumbs up that Mxyzptlk gestured in Xander's direction.
"Bye Bye Xander, Bye Girls, make sure you have Xander take you out for an expensive date for giving you a scare and getting himself kidnapped." Gsptlsnz commanded before turning to look at Dr. Fate and the still stone still Homo Magi and army of The Leviathan; Myxzptlk was still clenched between her breasts, even with her hands free as she snapped her fingers it looked like the imp was magnetically attached to her chest and not going anywhere soon.
"As for you, no messing with My Xander and his Crazy Sparky Science Show." With that, she snapped her fingers and a bright flash of light appeared.
After Xander blinked his eyes and was able to see clearly again, it was clear that the battle was over.
Dr. Fate was gone, and the only thing left was his golden helmet which sat slightly smoking on the ground. The thousands of Homo Magi that had been battling Xander's forces were all knocked out and laid unconscious on the ground, and those who had been injured or killed in the battle were fully healed no matter whose side of the battle they were on; only Xander's forces were still awake though.
Xander looked around and smiled before turning to face his girls, only to be confronted with the combined frowns and angry looks of six women.
"WHAAAT?" Xander questioned defensively as suddenly his danger sense was tingling.
'Don't make any sudden movements. They can sense fear.' Strangely enough it was the Primal voice that was giving Xander advice. Then again, Hyenas were a matriarchal pack animal, so it only made sense that the Primal would recognize the danger Xander was in, even if he didn't know why he was in trouble.
Selena waltzed up to Xander and looked up at Xander with a frown and poked him in the chest. "You ditched me on our date. I demand an expensive date like Gsptlsnz suggested." Selena commanded imperiously before crossing her arms and glaring up at him.
"But, but, Wait a second. You make it sound like it was my fault I was kidnapped by these crazy magic users!" Xander tried to defend himself using logic.
Logic that Selena expertly turned back around on Xander. "Did you or did you not leave me standing in an alley behind your Sparkbucks in Gotham City?" Selena demanded, again poking Xander in the chest to drill home her point.
"Well yeah, but it's not like I did it on purpose." Xander attempted to explain in a reasonable manner.
Xander's reasonable manner was ignored and promptly trumped by Selena playing the emotional danger card, "Are you saying you don't want to take me on an expensive date?" She questioned with the slightest quirk of an eyebrow.
"Yeah, don't you want to go on nice dates with us?" The rest of Xander's girls chorused in together.
'Help!' Xander mentally pleaded with his other voices in his head as his eyes darted from one glaring woman to the next.
'Nope, that looks like a check and mate to me if I ever saw one.' Xander's voice of Reason responded with a definitive nod.
'Wait, you're the voice of reason. Don't you have something that I could reasonably explain this away without it being my fault?' Xander begged his inner voice.
'No. And why are you asking me? Do I look like the voice of insanity to you? Just bow your head say yes dear and take them out on a nice date. Now get out of here, I have to go grab some Twinkies to see if I can't tempt your now battered sense of masculinity out of the dark corner where he went to go cry.' Reason stated definitively.
"Yes Dears, I would love to take you out on expensive dates." Xander said with a sigh as he bowed his head to the inevitable.
"As it should be." Selena answered with a smirk as she patted Xander's cheek before taking him by the Elbow and leading him towards the girls as they all gathered around Xander and fussed over him while herding him over and around the unconscious magic users and out of the Hidden City.
This left Alec and Ivy as the highest ranking commanders of the remaining forces inside the Hidden City.
"Well then, I guess we will just gather up all of the prisoners and clean up everything to bring back to the Arcane University." Alec stated as he turned to a sweaty but still beautiful Pamela Isly.
"No, you are going to clean up here with the forces and I'm going to go take a bath and clean up for the date you are going to take me out on later tonight." Poison Ivy stated with a smirk as she leaned forward and kissed Alec on the lips briefly before smirking and sashaying out the exit to the city.
Alec's shoulders slumped as he replied, "Yes dear." For Alec was connected to the Green, the power of Mother Nature. He'd always known that the female was the more dangerous of the species.
AN: Short? Yes, yes it was compared to my other chapters. However I figured you would want to have something since it had been so long since I wrote. Did I guess wrong? Real life is still kicking my arse, but I felt like writing while I was stuck on a plane for several hours today. That said, I've had complaints about my uber long chapters in the past, and I had thought about putting in the date scenes in this chapter but this really was a good closing spot for that last arc. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and I'm glad to get a bit of writing done again. Let me know your thoughts, could use some good date ideas as I have some of them and purposes for some of them, but could always use the help. Remember, Xander needs a good date for Artemis, Wonder Woman, Selena (Catwoman), Janna Kalderash (aka Jenny Calendar) as well as Tara and Dora. Points for originality, and if I use your idea or part of it I will mention you in the notes of the next chapter. Cheers!