Betrayed. That's what Enma felt when Tsuna failed to turn up to meet him and attended school like normal instead. Enma thought that Tsuna was different from the other people from the Mafia and that he did not have to get revenge on the Vongola.
Heck, Enma was even willing to run away with him. But all that changed now, Enma felt stupid for believing that Tsuna was different and would come to meet him. What did he expect? Tsuna was a descendent of Vongola Primo after all, the one who betrayed his ancestor, Cozart.
Enma did not want to believe Adelheid when she told him that Tsuna was just like the others, she told him many times but he refused to listen. Enma wanted to believe that Tsuna was different, someone he could trust.
Besides his family, Tsuna was the first person Enma felt that he could open up to, the only other person he felt free and willing to open up to. But it looks like he made a wrong judgement.
When Tsuna said that they were friends, Enma agreed with it but that only made him feel even more betrayed when Tsuna did not turn up at all. He felt real stupid for believing what Tsuna said and by looking at Tsuna in a different light. Enma felt really comfortable and happy when he was with Tsuna but it was obvious that Tsuna did not care about him when he attended school like usual.
Enma felt stupid for changing his views on Tsuna. Before meeting Tsuna in person, Enma thought that Tsuna would be scheming and evil like Giotto. He thought that Tsuna was really warm and kind when he met him, especially when Tsuna got beaten up as well when he tried to help him. Enma felt that that was all an act and he was an idiot to fall for it. Tsuna really was what he thought he was and Tsuna would not hesitate to betray him like what Giotto did to Cozart.
Enma felt really upset and his heart hurted when Tsuna did not turn up. He had waited for hours and instead of Tsuna, all he saw was Adelheid. Instead of showing his hurt, he put on an determined expression which was to show Adelheid that he was going to give up on Tsuna and follow her plans even if he was unhappy about.
Adelheid reminding him that the only way to restore the strength and pride of the Shimon family was through the inheritance made Enma unhappy. He hoped that Tsuna would not take part in it, that way he did not have to fight him. But, Enma knew that chances of that are really small and he was nothing but a fool to think otherwise of Tsuna.
Enma hated himself for feeling hurt for mistrusting Tsuna and how much he was unwilling to hurt Tsuna. Tsuna deserved it but yet Enma did not want to hurt him. He really really did not want to follow the plan and Enma really really hated himself for that especially since Tsuna had betrayed him and had let him down. He could not control the feelings he had for Tsuna. Why or why did he open up his heart to Tsuna? He know knew what his ancestor, Cozart, felt when Giotto betrayed him. Cozart must have been as hurt as him when that happened.
Enma was not joking when he told Tsuna to run away. He really wanted to run away with Tsuna and get away from his fate in the Shimon family. Enma thought that maybe Tsuna and him could be really close and live a normal life together but that thought had already shattered like fragile glass, in many small tiny pieces that could not be put back together no matter what.
Spending time with Tsuna was fun and Enma found himself enjoying himself and feel happier when he spent time with Tsuna and his cat, Natsu. Enma thought that it was cute that Tsuna named his cat using his own name, except backwards. Tsuna was really nice to him and Enma really liked him. Most of the time, people were mean to him and he hardly had people who viewed him as an equal and actually is nice to him. Enma felt that he mattered when he was with Tsuna and that caused him to feel even more hurt when Tsuna treated him like he was not important.
Betrayal was something that he was told that people from the Vongola was like and he really really did not want to believe it when he met Tsuna. Why did he had to open his heart to Tsuna? Why must he always be hurted? Why is god so cruel to him? What did he do to deserve all this? All he ever wanted was to lead a normal life, with people that cared about him, no one to insult or pick on him all the time and a life without the mafia. Enma wondered why it was so hard to let him live a normal life.
Meeting Tsuna had given his life a light but that light vanished as quickly as it came and Enma found himself in the darkness again. Was it really too much to ask for a light in all that darkness? Why must god show him the light and take it away from him so quickly. He had waited so long for a light to appear and after it disappeared, it just made his life even darker.
Enma did not want to let his family see how betrayed and upset he was. Most of them already find he stupid and did not respect him already and he did not want to make their impression of him even worse. He tried to create a blank face to show that he did not care about Tsuna. Every thing in his mind and heart was not to be reflected outside for people to read. He did not need people to know that Tsuna really mattered to him and that he hated that he did not matter to Tsuna.
Enma thought that Tsuna and him were similar, the both of them being clumsy, getting picked on by bullies, unable to stop people from bullying them, both of them being small and short for their age, being the tenth generation boss of their family, both of them were unwillingly made the boss of their family and neither of them wanted to be part of the Mafia.
Looks like he was wrong about the last two when Tsuna told him that he was going to do the Inheritance ceremony after all when he saw him there. Enma decided that he was wrong about Tsuna and they could never be friends.
Enma was going to give Tsuna another chance if Tsuna had asked about him and explain why he did not come to the place Enma wrote on the letter. But all Tsuna said to him was that he was going to do the inheritance ceremony after all. That was when Enma finally decided to do the revenge plan that Adelheid planned.
Enma made sure he showed no sign that he was hurt and betrayed by what Tsuna said. Tsuna did not even seem bothered about him or ask how he was doing or ask him about what happened to him. This made Enma more determined to do the plan and that Tsuna really did not care or think about him. No matter how much he was hurt and betrayed by that, Enma refused to let Tsuna hurt him any more, even if it means forcing himself to hurt Tsuna.
Enma refused to let himself falter even when he saw Tsuna's hurt expression when they revealed they were the ones who attacked Yamamoto and the ones who were after the Vongola. Enma kept reminding himself that Tsuna deserved it and Tsuna hurted him first. He did not have to feel hurt or hold himself back.
Hearing from Tsuna that Vongola Primo was someone that would not betray Cozart made Enma mad. Was Tsuna trying to say that he was lying and that he did not believe a word he said? Enma was mad that Tsuna did not believed him and instead believed someone who he never met before. This showed that their friendship really did not mean much to Tsuna. Enma refused to let himself cry or show any emotions that he was upset by the fact that Tsuna believed a person he never met before over him.
Enma did not hold himself back when he attacked Tsuna, the anger and hurt was too much for him to hold back and he released all of it into his attacks. Enma let out all of his emotions into his attacks without showing any signs that he was hurt, he did not want to let Tsuna know how much he had affected him.
Enma refused to believe that the hurt in Tsuna eyes were real. He convinced himself that Tsuna was doing it to make him free sorry and falter. Enma refused to let Tsuna have his way and did not cease in his attacks. Enma did not stop till Tsuna and his family had all been defeated.
The reason why he said that he wanted to fight them alone was so that he could spend some time with Tsuna again even if it was fighting with him, Enma wanted to spend the time with Tsuna. The other reason was to vent out all the feelings and emotions he had been bottling up in his heart.
In a sick twisted sort of way, by fighting and hurting Tsuna's family, Enma felt that he mattered to Tsuna. Even if it meant hurting Tsuna, Enma wanted himself to matter Tsuna. He could not take back the feelings he gave away and this was the only way he knew how to make Tsuna care about him. If Tsuna did not care about him, why should he care that Tsuna would be hurt?
Tsuna had called his family his friends and Enma was upset that Tsuna did not care about him as much as he cared about his family even though he called him his friend too. Does his value in Tsuna's heart really that little? Why did he even bother about him then? Enma would rather that Tsuna never shown any concern towards him right from the beginning. If he did not, Enma would not be feeling all these hurt and betrayal and he would not be hurting himself when he attacked Tsuna.
Even though Enma told himself many times that Tsuna deserved it, he could not stop feeling hurt whenever he saw that one of his attacks wounded Tsuna. The blood coming out from Tsuna made Enma hurt and angry at the same time. He was hurt that he injured Tsuna and mad at himself for still caring about Tsuna.
Weak. Tsuna was weak. Enma felt disappointed that he thought that Tsuna and him were equals. If Tsuna was only that strong, he should not have betrayed him. If he did not betray him, Enma would be more than happy to lend Tsuna his strength and fought along side him. But now, it was too late and Enma is going to be the enemy to take him and his family down.
Enma was surprised to see that Tsuna was about to find out where the Shimon hideout was. He give Tsuna credit for managing to find it and now their battle will start. The previous one was just a warm up and this time it would be real.
The Vendice appearing was something that Enma did not expect to see. The things they said surprised him even more. Enma just wanted to fight Tsuna and get revenge for himself and his ancestor but he had no plans on locking any members of Tsuna's family in the Vendice or risk having his own members locked in Vendice. But Vendice made it certain that they had no choice but to fight with the rules the Vendice said.
Enma decided that he would not lose no matter what as he did not want his family to disappear. Even if he had to defeat Tsuna and causing Tsuna to be locked into Vendice for the rest of his life, meaning that he would never see Tsuna again, Enma was willing to do that to protect his family and get back the pride that belonged to Shimon.
Enma waited for his turn to fight as his family members fight Tsuna's guardians. From the memories he got about his ancestor and Tsuna's ancestor, Enma wondered why Giotto ended up betraying Cozart. The both of them really looked like him and Tsuna and he wondered if they were the same as Tsuna and him.
Enma blamed them that he had to fight Tsuna and causing one of them to be locked up for the rest of their lives. None of them deserved this and why were they dragged into a battle from four hundred years ago.
But no matter what, Enma knew that he still had to fight and defeat Tsuna. Regardless of him winning or losing, Enma knew that he would never get to see Tsuna again and their fight would be the last time seeing each other as well as the final memories they would share with each other.
Enma wanted to cry that their last meeting would be when either of them is defeated and locked up in Vendice till they die. Enma hoped that he would be able to hear why Tsuna did not go to the factory before either of them get locked up. He wanted to put an end to all of his feelings as well as the problem that existed from four hundred years ago. Enma was certain that even if he lost, he would not be that unhappy as the last person he have contact with, physically and through sight would be Tsuna. Tsuna would be the last thing he see before he bid farewell to the outside world and that was good enough for him.
Enma decided that if he was going to cry, he would make sure he would only do it after the battle was over. No matter what happen, he was sure that his feelings for Tsuna would not change and the hurt from not seeing Tsuna again would hurt but this was a burden he had to take.
For now,Enma would just wait patiently for his turn. What Enma really hoped to happen was to have a draw, that way he could still see Tsuna or at least be close to him. He really wished that Tsuna cared about him and that he at least matter to Tsuna. He decided that if he won or lost, he would make Tsuna promise to never forget and that Enma would never forget him and to thank him for the short enjoyable time they had together.