Happy Halloween! I'm a fan of Rocky Horror Picture Show and this week, thanks to Glee, everyone has been talking about it. Here's a Halloween with the Cullen's before Forks and Bella.
"Is everyone in?" I asked looking around the living room at each member of my family.
"Give me just a minute, Esme." Jasper said, scratching his head. After a moment, he bent over and wrote something on the little piece of paper and threw it in the bowl.
Alice was bouncing on the seat next to him. No matter what the seven ideas were on the pieces of paper, she already knew what we were fated to be this Halloween.
We did what we had to do to blend in the communities we lived in. In this small town, not participating in the annual Halloween festivities would make us stand out. The fact that Halloween fell on a Saturday this year was making it a day of celebration.
Of course there would be Trick or Treating for the children in the afternoon and into the early evening. In the town square, there would be pumpkin carving contests and pumpkin baking contests and in the evening the Halloween ball, including the Halloween costume contest.
We had done our research and knew that although there were multiple costume categories, the one everyone got excited about was group…and we had a group.
Coming up with a theme that we all would agree on would be impossible so we were settling this the democratic way – everyone wrote an idea on a piece of paper and threw it in a bowl.
I shook it up and heard Alice giggle. I was worried already.
"Alright everyone," I reached into the bowl and withdrew a folded slip. "Our Halloween theme will be," I unfolded it and looked down and said with surprise, "Rocky Horror Picture Show!"
Emmett and Alice laughed. Rosalie snickered. Edward, Jasper and Carlisle just looked uncomfortable.
Carlisle spoke first, "I can't wear that to work." All the staff at the hospital dressed up to visit the pediatric unit and anything Rocky Horror related just wouldn't be appropriate.
"Out of curiosity, what else was in that bowl?" Jasper asked.
"It doesn't change anything." Alice practically sang.
I started pulling out the slips as my curiosity was piqued as well.
"Wizard of Oz. Universal monsters. Smurfs? There's only one girl in the Smurfs."
"It would have been interesting to see who got to play Smurfette." Laughed Emmett, giving away who submitted that one.
"Star Wars. Disney characters. Vampires? That's original."
"Sarcastic Esme? Ah the holidays bring out the best in us." Emmett added.
"Emmett, be quiet." Edward scolded.
"I nominated Eddie for Brad Major because he is the only one in this family that uptight." Emmett demanded.
"It needs to be about the right look not just the fact that Edward is the most uptight." Alice insisted.
"Thanks, Alice." Edward said with a roll of his eyes.
"Alright, Alice, what are you thinking since you and I are probably the ones that are pulling this together." I asked. I was already casting in my mind but wanted to hear her thoughts since she probably knew exactly who was playing who. I wondered who threw in this idea. Edward answered my thought.
"What did I do?" She asked, defending herself.
"This was your idea." Edward insisted.
"So what if it was? There's no turning back now." There was almost and evilness to her tone.
"I'm Columbia!" declared Alice. "This leaves Janet and Magenta for Esme and Rosalie."
"Janet in her wedding attire or Janet in her underwear?" asked Emmett.
"Wedding attire. We can't have Brad in his tighty whities all night." I insisted. I was not running around in a white bra and a slip.
"Well if it is Rocky Horror doesn't he eventually loose those too?" Emmett asked with a smirk.
"We're not acting it out! We're just dressing in the costumes." Jasper's voice was high. He had concerns too.
"Emmett cool off." Edward grumbled.
"I saw Rosalie for Magenta and Esme for Janet. Rose can make Magenta sexy and I'm sure she is good at elbow sex. Esme can pull off that doe eyed oh so innocent look." Emmett said with a matter of fact tone.
"Are you saying I can't play innocent?" Rosalie asked. While Jasper added, "You're getting way too into this, Em."
"Oh baby, I know you can play it well but I want to see you as a red head in a maid costume."
"Emmett! Dear God! Stop before I have to bleach my brain." Edward objected to the visions in Emmett's head and as a look of shock fell over his face, "And don't go there either!" I saw him glance quickly in my direction and knew I didn't want to know.
"Alright so do we have agreement? Esme is Janet Weiss. Rosalie is Magenta." Alice demanded.
The heads nodded agreement.
"Okay so moving on to the guys." Alice was on her feet now and running the show. "We have of course Dr. Frank N. Furter, Brad Majors, Dr. Scott, Rocky, Eddie, Riff Raff and The Narrator. So we have more parts than men."
"The ones that matter are Frank, Brad, Rocky and Riff Raff," added Rosalie. I had a feeling she knew exactly who she wanted to cast as who when she threw this idea in the bowl.
"I would agree," added Alice. "SO," she said as she turned to my husband and her own. "I'm making a man, with blond hair and a tan."
I covered my mouth to keep from laughing as I realized that one of these two would be running around in gold shorts. Everyone else seemed to realize it too. Carlisle and Jasper looked horrified and were shaking their heads.
"Oh come on! It's Halloween! You can get away with it." Alice argued.
"Alice, I'm a respected doctor. I can't walk around in practically my underwear." Even I though thought that defense from my husband was weak.
Alice tried to reason with him.
"Think of it as a bathing suit! And I don't think one woman in this town will object."
"I vote for Carlisle for Rocky." Jasper added, trying to deflect the role away from himself.
"I say we put it to a vote." I suggested. Carlisle looked at me with pleading eyes. "It's only fair, love."
Alice handed out pieces of paper and every piece was soon in the bowl. She pulled them out and looked at all of the slips and pronounced with a shrug, "One for Jasper and six for Carlisle."
"Esme!" Carlisle said looking at me like I had betrayed him.
"Honey, I just want to show off what's mine." I said with a wink.
"Don't worry Dad, you're body will actually be quite covered up…with spray tan!" Emmett guffawed.
If looks could kill Emmett would be Carlisle's victim. I slipped over next to my husband, and whispered in his ear, "It also means that you'll get to touch-a touch-a toucha-a touch me."
"Moving on!" Edward interrupted before I could go into more details on what "Janet" and "Rocky" would do.
"Now that the gold pants role is cast, who's playing Frank?" Alice was in charge again. The heads shook no. "One of you has to do it."
"Yes one of you needs to walk around in heels and a corset. Gold shorts don't seem too bad now." Carlisle said with a smirk.
"They're actually gold leather briefs." I whispered to him although everyone could hear.
"I think Emmett should rock the heels," said Rosalie.
Emmett sat straight up and was almost flustered. "What? No, babe. Come on! Was this your plan all along? Stick Edward in it. He needs to loosen up."
"Are you not man enough, darling?" Rosalie asked with sugar in her voice.
"I'm too much man. Let Edward be the sweet transvestite." Emmett frowned.
"I thought you said he should be Brad?" said Rosalie.
"And Jasper will be a perfect Riff Raff." Rosalie reasoned with Emmett.
"Are you saying that Edward can pull of sexy better than you? Because if you don't play Frank you are going to end up as Brad." Rose insisted.
"Damn it!" Emmett growled.
"Janet!" Jasper called out as he was dying laughing across the room.
His laughter was infectious and soon I was giggling and so were Alice and Carlisle. I think Edward still feared that he would end up in fishnets so he wasn't quite as amused.
"You will rock Frank like no other." Rosalie cooed at her husband.
"You're half right!" Jasper could barely speak he was laughing so hard at Emmett's dismay.
"If you don't, all you'll get is elbow sex." Rosalie sweetly threatened.
"Fine! I will be damn sexiest Frank N. Furter ever." Emmett begrudgingly agreed.
"Oh I know you will be love. I know you will."
"So it is settled then!" Alice practically squealed. "Our cast is Emmett Cullen as Dr. Frank N. Furter – A Scientist, Esme Cullen as Jane Weiss – A Heroine, Edward Cullen as Brad Majors – A Hero, Jasper Hale as Riff Raff – A Handyman, Rosalie Hale as Magenta – A Domestic, Alice Cullen as Columbia – A Groupie, and Carlisle Cullen as Rocky Horror – A Creation. "
I giggled. "You're slightly orange but I think it suits you."
Carlisle stood in the bathroom wearing nothing but a spray tan. "How long does this take to dry?"
In another part of the house I heard Emmett say, "More eyeliner? Oh come on, Alice!"
"Well it could be worse," I laughed. "I'm just hoping it stays on you," I said as I admired him.
"Love, dry time?"
"Just a few minutes but you should let it sit for a while. I must say that I prefer this to the Ringmaster." The ER decided to go with a circus theme.
"You didn't like the top hat and the whip?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"This is better." I said as I looked him up and down.
"I think Janet Weiss just wants to admire Rocky." He teased.
"I think Rocky is right." I said in a low voice.
"I would kiss you but this stuff is still wet."
"Oh don't worry love, later, I expect to be covered in orange too." I was attempting to paint a picture in his head.
He took a deep breath. "Esme, please don't get me worked up. Those shorts won't leave much to the imagination."
I laughed. "Fine, I'll be virginal innocent Janet…for now."
"Time for the floor show!" Alice called from downstairs. "Come on everyone! We need to get going!"
I ran into Edward first in the hall with his glasses and plaid bowtie in place.
"Hey Janet?" he said as he took my arm to lead me down the steps.
"I've got something to say."
"I really loved the skillful way you beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet."
"Very nice asshole and slut." Alice said as our feet landed on the bottom step. She was the perfect Columbia from the gold hat to the blue socks and tap shoes.
"Say hello Riff!" said Alice.
Jasper was behind us. "Hello."
"Why do we know so many of these lines…and the ones that aren't scripted?" I said as I shook my head.
"Because we never forget anything," Alice insisted. "Magenta! Bring the master!"
"He's being difficult!" She called out from upstairs.
"Come on Emmett, we're shivering in antici-"
"Say it!" Jasper, Edward and I all screamed at Alice.
"Pation" Emmett called from the top of steps where we could see heels.
"Own it!" Alice practically screamed.
I turned to Edward and said, "Besides, darling, the owner of the phone might be a beautiful woman and you may never come back."
"She's half right," Edward and Jasper said together.
"I hate you all." Emmett grumbled before descending the stairs with an air of confidence that said he was not going to dream it, he was going to be it.
"Whatever happened to Faye Ray?" he sang in dramatic fashion.
"She got fucked by an ape!" Edward and Jasper answered.
"That is my favorite call back line." Emmett said with a smirk. He was going to have fun with this beyond all objections.
He looked fantastic. Of course he was bulkier than any other Frank but the wig, the make-up, the costume were all perfect. And then Magenta came down behind him.
Jasper walked over to meet her, "Our noble mission is almost completed my most beautiful sister, soon we will return to the moon-drenched shores of our androgynous planet."
"Ah - sweet Transexual - land of night - to sing and dance once more to your dark refrains. To take that step to the right..."
"Enough of that you two. Where's Rocky?" Alice asked.
Emmett threw an arm over mine and Edward's shoulders. "You see, Brad and Janet, you are fortunate. For tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be born."
"Come on Rocky, I'll oil you up and rub you down!" I encouraged.
"The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head," I heard Carlisle mutter.
He was gorgeous and trying to own it but having less success than Emmett as he came downstairs. Emmett walked over to him with perfect confidence in those heels. Carlisle looked almost frightened.
"He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval...And he didn't even take the lessons."
"Carlisle, you have nothing to be self conscious about," Rosalie added. He knew he already had my approval.
"The women are going to be drooling over you." Alice beamed.
"I don't really like being the center of attention."
"Carlisle, you are always the center of attention. You can't help it when you look like you do. Tonight you are going to own it, but Janet Weiss is going to take it." I didn't even know what I was saying but it was all I could do from taking Rocky upstairs…
"Shut up, Brad!" I said through gritted teeth.
Carlisle was smirking now. The tension was broken.
"Alright, let's go do the Time Warp."
As soon as we got down the long driveway and out to the sidewalk, we stopped people in their tracks. We headed into town with Janet and Brad leading the way, followed by Magenta and Riff Raff, Columbia dancing to her own beat and Rocky on Frank's arm. Everyone was watching and whispering.
"Oh yeah, we have this costume contest in the bag!" Alice whispered.
And she was right. First place was easily ours. We had a great time on an evening that was luckily unusually warm for Halloween, which was very beneficial because it meant Carlisle and Emmett had no reason to cover up because they were "cold."
I swear every woman in town wanted a picture with Rocky, and when some got a little too fresh either Janet or Frank were quickly beside him reminding them that he was completely taken.
The president of the women's auxiliary club for the hospital approached me and asked if we could participate in a Rocky Horror screening as a fundraiser. I said I would discuss it with my family. I'm sure the answer will be no. This is a one night only show.
A few French maids and some other harlots in the crowd were trying to tempt Brad. I was quick to rush to his side as well and no one was going to continue to proposition him with his Mom beside him.
Magenta and Riff Raff were having too much fun. They lead a group Time Warp. They were totally in their characters the whole night.
When we finally headed home around 2 AM, we were all ready to get out of the costumes.
"How do you ladies wear these fishnets and heels?" Emmett complained as we walked up the driveway.
"Many years of practice."
"I'll be happy if I never put on a pair of heels ever again."
"That's good to hear, baby." Rosalie said as she took his hand.
As we entered the house, everyone headed to their rooms.
"I need to scrub this stuff off," Carlisle was saying as he shut the door behind us and I heard the door lock.
"I'll help." I said as I took off my hat and threw it aside. "But first you need to make me feel dirty."
"Come here creature of the night."
I didn't care about spray tan rubbing off on me as he took me in his arms and kissed me with much more passion than I was sure Rocky Horror ever would have.
"Touch a touch a touch me," I moaned against his lips.
"I will slut."
"Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me."
And he did…all night long.
I hope you enjoyed this fun little distraction. Happy Halloween! Reviews are love!