Some tricks are no treat.

(An open letter from the Scribe to the Goblin King)


You know the drill…

Not mine,

Belongs to

Henson and company

Theory of Relativity belongs

To Einstein

Goblins and other mystical creatures

Belong to

The High King and or Au Dadga

I'm just the Goblin King's scribe

I don't get paid

I don't get…oops

End of silly disclaimer

If you want the legal jargon

You must visit the Goblin Legal Department…

*I wouldn't do that if I were you.*

I mean it, don't go there!


To Jareth Tuatha Dé Danann Huukec Mec, Warrior King of the Goblins;

Occasion; His birthday.

Greetings Sire, and warm salutations from your most humble servant and Scribe.

Allow me to extend to you my deepest heartfelt greetings and congratulations on this your birthday….

Now that the fancy stuff's outta the way; listen up bub, I've had it! That's right fairy boy, I've had it. I'm sick and tired of finding your stray goblins mucking about in my basement. It's getting harder and harder to convince my neighbors that they are exotic canines from the Far East! OH and I don't like to complain but who gave you permission to stick part of your bog in our sanitary district? Didn't that place smell bad enough? And why did you do this, just because we chose Peter Pan and Hook as our theme for Halloween? Come on Jareth! You're well over 1600 yrs old… act your age! This is the kind of silliness I'd expect from Puck. And don't think he's getting off easy either! I know you put him up to teaching our poodle to purr like a cat… Jareth that's sick that's what that is!

AS I told you at our last meeting, I didn't have a say in the theme being chosen. I was busy in your kingdom when the meeting was held to discuss this year's decorations. It's not my fault so why should I have to suffer? Just because your nose is outta joint? To paraphrase my good friend Sarah….IT'S NOT FAIR!

I think I've been a good sport up until now. When you turned the local crows into vultures I laughed… when you made the garbage cans dance down the street I thought it was a hoot… when you had bats perform a ballet on my front lawn I applauded… But when you start messing with my house and my family I draw the line. I want all the extra goblins gone… I know I'm stuck with your cousin the Hobgoblin who's been living in the oak in the back yard and refers to me as "Toots". I've asked him politely, I've railed at him, hell I even threatened him and all he does is wink at me… it's disturbing, just disturbing… but I can live with him. The rest of the little buggers have got to go back to you! The sooner the better! I want the sanitary district returned to its own state of stinkiness. I want my gnomes and gargoyles returned to their natural state, and I'm warning you buster, hands off the Scottish Goblin who came home from Faire with me…Don't you be giving him orders! He's mine, hear me you prancing tight panted fop~ he's mine.

OH and I want the shower returned to its former state as well… helping hands in the shower is more than I can cope with. Thoughtful and generous as the gesture was, I must decline.

I expect everything, and I mean everything to be set right by November the 1st, and if it's not you'll be hearing from The High King… that's right I'm not going to mess with goblin lawyers kiddo, I 'm going to your old man!

With warmest regards

You ever faithful servant,

PaisleyRose Goblin Court Scribe.