Penny was tired as she walked into her and Sheldon's kitchen. Her feet and ankles were swollen, her belly protruding and distended to the point she thought her skin would merely pop open, and the baby would just fall out! She was three days past her due date, and she felt miserable. "Hey, Penny." Leonard greeted from his chair.
Leonard had moved across the hall to her apartment when she and Sheldon had started getting serious and eventually married, but was still there as much as ever, with the rest of the boys.
"Yeah, hi." Penny said, waddling to the couch to sit next to Sheldon.
"I trust your nap was helpful?" Sheldon asked, eying her.
To say his wife had been "moody" the past few days would have been an understatement.
"Not really;" Penny sighed, "every time I'd get on the cusp of sleep, I'd have to get up to go pee. So, all I succeeded in doing was frustrating myself and getting a headache."
She winced, realizing how she sounded, but she couldn't help it. But, Sheldon only put a pillow on the table and propped her feet up on it. "Well, of course you did," he soothed, "you have at least thirty extra pounds pressing on your bladder at all times, I'm surprised you can manage to walk without leaking."
Of course, the other guys wrinkled their noses at this.
Penny looked all weepy. "I'm gonna be fat forever! This kid's gonna be six before I even know its gender!"
Sheldon tsked at her. "Penny, the child will be born any time now; likely that idiot doctor got your due date wrong. It happens all the time, because they are just guessing." he said wisely. "And, it's impossible for the child to be 'six'; the age would not technically start until it came out of your uterus."
"Sheldon, I'm sure Penny's doctor isn't 'an idiot'." Howard said a bit defensively.
Sheldon pulled a face. "Yes, Howard, your cousin Murray is an idiot."
"He's delivered hundreds of babies, Sheldon. Really..." Howard tried. "You like him, right, Penny?"
Penny shrugged. "I like him better than my other OBGYN. He's funny and I trust him."
"See? Isn't that what's important?" Howard asked Sheldon.
Sheldon muttered something under his breath about "extra unnecessary visits and examinations".
Raj leaned over and whispered in Howard's ear.
"He says that it's normal for preggos to have to have all those exams, Sheldon." Howard said. "He comes from a large family, he'd know."
"Isn't it comic book night?" Penny said suddenly.
"Well, yes... but we haven't eaten yet-"
"I know, but I want to get out of the house and off the topic of my uterus." Penny said, attempting to get up, unsuccessfully.
"All right, boys," Howard said with a smirk, "you two get one arm, we'll get Shamu's other arm..."
"Get close enough to touch me right now, Wolowitz, and I'll finish what the Moil started 34 years ago!"
Howard recoiled, backing away, as did Raj, but Sheldon smirked proudly, and walked up behind her, pushing on some kind of board/lever system that he'd devised on the couch, allowing her to get up...
Stewart's business was exceptionally well that night; he'd just revealed the second floor he'd added onto the shop, and everyone was there, including...
"Wheaton..." Sheldon growled in a hiss.
"Oh. Him." Penny said a bit flatly, not having had the greatest of experiences with him the last time.
But, as she turned it over in her mind, it turned out that maybe it was, considering he gave her a bit of courage to leave Leonard whom she wasn't suited for, giving her room to eventually have her Sheldon... her smile turned bright.
"I'm going to go thank him." she said cheerily.
Sheldon looked horrified. "Whatever for?"
She was about to say, "for talking me into breaking up with Leonard so we could be together", but, thought better of it since Leonard was still there, still a friend. "For... talking to me when I needed to vent one time." she shrugged. "He... helped."
Sheldon did a double take, and Penny bit her lower lip, realizing she couldn't tell him her theory, either, or he might find their entire love "tainted" by his arch-nemesis.
"It doesn't matter, Sheldon." she soothed, rubbing his shoulders from the front gently.
And, then Stewart and Will came walking up.
"Hey, boys. Wondered when you'd get here." Stewart said. "Hi, Penny..." he sighed dreamily.
Penny gave a little wave with her fingers. Will looked at her. "Wow... so, you're still hanging out with these bozos even though you're knocked up by somebody?"
Penny's eyes narrowed and Sheldon stiffened, his face turning into a growly sneer. "My wife is not 'knocked up', as you so vulgarly put it." he said stiffly.
"Yeah, and you apologize for calling them 'bozos'! Maybe sometimes they are, but they're my bozos!" Penny blurted, and then flushed. "Sorry, that came out wrong..." she said, dropping her forehead to her hands.
Sheldon patted the back of her neck gently, and Wheaton looked amused, holding his hands up in mock-surrender.
"Sorry, sorry... congratulations on the... er... marriage... and... obviously not being a virgin anymore." he said to Sheldon.
Sheldon had a gleam in his eye now, however. "Yes, that's right... I have a wife, Will Wheaton." he crowed. "A gorgeous wife, who would put even Laura Vandervoot the current- and impossibly badly written and acted- Supergirl to shame! Where is your wife, Mr. Wheaton?"
Penny looked at Sheldon with a mixture of meltiness and pride.
"Don't have one..." he mumbled.
"Yes, that's what I had heard..." Sheldon tsked.
"Yes, guess you won this one..." Will said, suddenly smirking evily, "May I say, Mrs. Cooper, that impending motherhood has greatly improved your rack?"
"You may not!" Sheldon huffed.
"Know what? I'm... gonna go see that second floor..." Penny said suddenly. "Who's riding on the elevator with me? Come on..."
"Raj, go with Penny; I'll be along momentarily..." Sheldon said, staring down his arch-nemesis, who was also staring him down.
Penny bit her lower lip, and then whispered in Leonard's ear as she passed, "Look after him!"
Leonard nodded, and Penny half dragged Raj to the new elevator...