Title: Destroyed (19/?)
Content: slash, violence, unpleasant things hinted at in this chapter
Characters: Raw Roster, main characters Randy Orton, Evan Bourne, John Cena, Justin Gabriel
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue
Distribution: ffn, lj, anywhere else ask first
Summary: Evan has a terrible secret, Randy and John are determined to help him, but Evan knows what's at stake should anyone find out.
A/N: I hadn't forgotten about this! Thanks for all the story alerts and reviews, sorry for the uberlong wait, hopefully I'll be able to pull this together to its conclusion.
Evan couldn't concentrate on his book, or on anything really. The difficulty and awkwardness between himself and Justin was playing on his mind, and he felt guilty for that because he knew it wasn't Justin's fault. He also figured that Justin probably felt the same way.
On his way downstairs he bumped into Justin who was on his way up.
"Hey Ev, I was just coming to talk to you."
Evan laughed, "I was just coming downstairs to talk to you too." They both sat down on the stairs and started talking at the same time. The difficulty between them started to dissipate immediately and Evan motioned for Justin to speak.
"I wanna thank you for taking me in Evan, I honestly don't know how much longer I could have held out with Nexus."
Evan nodded, "we all have our limits. And I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable while you've been here. It's just... it's really hard because you know what I've done – I've not even told Randy everything, but you were there... and it makes me feel very vulnerable and very ashamed."
"You've seen what I let them do to me too. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, I knew what he was making you do and I feel guilty for letting you get into this situation. I should have warned you off right at the start."
"I don't think I'd have listened."
"Maybe not," Justin gave a rueful smile, "but I should have tried. I wish... I hope we can work through this, and that we won't always be awkward around each other. I think... I think you should tell Randy about everything," when Evan looked up in shock, Justin quickly continued, "I would never say anything to him about it, but it seems like a barrier between you that someone else knows how bad it was and he doesn't. He loves you Ev, any idiot can see that. While he's imagining in his worst nightmares what Barrett has done, he's not gonna be able to get past this. And neither are you."
Evan nodded. It made some sense, but it would be the most horrendous conversation he had ever faced, but Justin was right, it would always be a shadow over his relationship with Randy otherwise. He felt like he needed to give Justin something back, something to hope for beyond the next few days.
"You can confide in us you know? Me, Randy... John especially," Evan couldn't help but smile at the hope that crossed Justin's face when John was mentioned. "He has a real soft spot for you and he'll take care of you, if you let him. He's a good guy."
Justin's face fell, "he deserves better than me."
"Why not let him be the judge of that?" Evan knew exactly how Justin felt – every minute of every day he felt that Randy deserved better, but his heart had been given a chance and he felt like he needed to take it.
"Maybe," Justin still seemed unconvinced.
"Trust me on this."
When Randy and John got back, they were in pretty good spirits all things considered. While they were out, John had made a few phone calls and it appeared that CM Punk was very much interested in a new project, and a plan was not only in place but also in force. Punk had decided that a trip to Raw would be in order, and his takeover mission would start that Monday night.
Justin and Evan knew their positions within WWE were mostly reliant on John and Randy making this work, but they knew it was their only option. Evan was around a month away from being fit to return, and Justin knew he couldn't face going back until Barrett was dealt with. Whatever he'd gone through before would be like a walk in the park compared to what happened if Barrett got his hands on him now. The Englishman didn't take kindly to betrayal.
Randy was in a positive mood and Evan didn't feel that he could bring that down by having the talk that Justin had suggested, although the more he thought about it, the more he could see it was something that had to be done. He was holding back on Randy, although not deliberately, and that wasn't fair on either of them. Once the decision was made he felt able to relax more, and when Randy suggested they hit they hay early, he was happy to agree.
John and Justin were left in the den watching TV. Justin found himself snuggled up against John's firm body as they joked their way through one hundred channels and nothing worth watching. He felt comfortable and safe, and that wasn't a feeling he was used to. Which was why he had declared himself crazy for being about to rock the boat.
"John?" Justin sat up a little and could have sworn that he saw a flash of disappointment on John's face. "Can I talk to you?"
"Of course you can," John tried to hide his worry, he was falling and falling hard for this kid and he was more than a little concerned about what he wanted to talk about.
"You like me, don't you? In more than just a friendship way?"
John blushed a little, but nodded.
"I thought so. And the thing is, I really like you too, it's not a gratitude thing for what you've done for me, it's a 'I think you're hot, and a really nice guy' thing. Evan said I should talk to you and I kinda didn't want to because I don't want you to despise me but if there could be a thing between us I want it to start with us being honest with each other." Justin bit his lip and dared to look up, catching John's gaze which showed nothing but honesty and care. Buoyed with confidence, he continued, "and... I really need to talk about everything. Me and Evan, we've been through too much, we both know and it's horrible, it's a reminder and I don't think that's good for either of us. And I need you to know what you could be getting into, before this gets too far. I need to give you a chance to walk away."
John smiled, "I understand, and I have no intention of walking away."
"Don't make promises until you know what you're getting into." With that, John realised the seriousness of what Justin was about to tell him and stayed silent, sitting up so that he could watch the younger man as he started to speak.
"You know we were on a Nexus contract after NXT, right? Well Barrett, he told me that he personally got me a contract because they didn't want me, and that I needed to be grateful. I was so naïve, I believed him, especially after Daniel Bryan got fired. At the start it was just him, and he wasn't too rough or cruel, and I could handle it, you know? Then he just got this power trip going on, and he'd start taking out his frustrations on me, and when I couldn't handle that he got more and more... I don't know, nasty I guess. He'd threaten me with letting the rest of Nexus go at me, so I let him do whatever he wanted... but then that wasn't enough, and I ended up where they'd all just do whatever they wanted to me. I never wanted it but I wasn't strong enough to say no. And even if I did, they just took what they wanted anyway. It went on and on... I know this sounds horrible but when he started going after Evan, things got a bit easier for me. He'd still use me and pass me to the rest of Nexus, but less often, you know?"
Justin took a breath, and John took the opportunity to ask the one question that had been one his mind right through Justin's speech, "why did you stay?"
Justin knew that question would be close on John's lips, "this job is my dream. What would I have without it?"
"But to put yourself through that..."
"John, believe me, I've asked myself a million times was it worth it, what was I thinking? Knowing what I know now? It wasn't. But then, I had nothing."
"And now I know I couldn't go back to that. I would never go back to him. This job isn't worth the pain and humiliation."
"I'm going to fucking tear him limb from limb, and the rest of Nexus with him," John stood up and started pacing, "that freaking rapist, bastard, I swear to god I'll make him pay." He stopped for a second to look at Justin, "you do realise that was what it was, right?"
Justin's eyes widened, "but I never said no."
"And you never wanted it either. Angel, I know you told me that because you wanted to give me a chance to walk away, well believe me I'm going nowhere and I swear to god I'll hurt him for ever hurting you." John knelt at Justin's side.
"So what are you saying?"
"I wanna be with you Justin, if you're still interested."
"I'm not gonna be easy, I've told you all this now because I've got confidence and I don't know when I'm going to fall apart again, and god I don't know if you'd ever want me in that way and if you didn't I can understand why and to be honest I don't know when I'll be ready," Justin barely took a breath and it was only a finger pressed to his lips that stopped his speech.
"I wanna be with you, and if you fall apart I'll be here, and you're beautiful and god knows I'd love to get closer to you but I can wait until you are ready. Justin you've been through some horrendous shit and I don't expect butterflies and rainbows."
The young South African closed his eyes to try to stem the tears falling from them, but it was a futile attempt. John smiled gently and brushed the tears away, pulling Justin into his arms and breathing a sigh of relief as the embrace was accepted. Part of him was still raging at what Justin had told him, but right now he was concentrating on what was in front of him, and that was a chance. A chance he needed to take.