Title: The Captain Morgan Culmination
Summary: It doesn't bother her that she's slept with thirty-one men, it bothers her that Sheldon thinks she has. Post-The Robotic Manipulation.
Pairing: Sheldon/Penny
Rating: M … Definitely high M. Practically N.
Author's Note: I don't even know. I thought I had retired from fanfic-writing. I've never written for a sitcom before, and I most certainly never thought I'd write something for The Big Bang Theory, but then THIS episode happened and it was all over. No longer could I deny the hotness of Sheldon and Penny. It had to be written. As for a plot? If you look hard enough, it's there, but this is definitely skating the PWP boundaries.

Feedback is not necessary, but always welcome!

Two. It was the number of drinks she had consumed while at the atrocious dinner with Sheldon and Amy. She grimaced and drew a line through the number, remembering the drink she had inhaled at the bar when she told them she was going to the bathroom. Three. She crossed it out again, remembering the shot she had charmed out of the bartender. Three point five.

Six. The number of times she had to stop herself from kicking Sheldon underneath the table as he discussed her supposed promiscuity.

One. The number of times she did kick him. Hard.

Twelve. The number of times she said the word "No." Uttered in a row, varied in tones and degrees of venom and disgust when Sheldon had asked her if she would be his driver again the next evening.

One-half. Not technically a number, but the quantity of the bottle of rum she had consumed upon arriving home from Sheldon's date. She hiccuped slightly, glaring first at the door and then down at the list she was composing.

Thirty-one. Thirty-freaking-one. The number had sounded absolutely ludicrous, but now, as she sat down and wrote out name after name (he wasn't the only one with a good memory, dammit) well, it was painfully clear that Sheldon was not that far off.

That bastard.

She poured another drink and slumped back against the couch. She glared down at the other list she'd been composing through the evening. The one she had entitled "My Night in Numbers: Reasons Why I Hate Sheldon Cooper.." The words, delightfully scrawled out across the top of the sheet, made her laugh again, and she knew the drink in her hand was probably unnecessary at this point.

Still, she resumed counting.

Twenty-three. The number of unintentional put-downs thrown her way by Amy Farrah Fowler.

Six. The number of digs she managed to get in at Amy.

One. The number of times Sheldon laughed at said digs. Well, as much as Sheldon could laugh anyway.

Two of the most piercing cerulean eyes she'd ever been looked at through. Eyes she wouldn't mind undressing her once in awhile.

Where in the hell did that come from?

Penny's eyes snapped up. "Oh hell no," she hissed. She sprung from the couch and and stormed across the hall.

Four. The number of strides between her door and his.

Three. The number of times she knocked and yelled his name.

Some things, you just don't mess with.

It was five seconds before he answered the door. "Penny," he stated. "It's after nine."

"You jackass!" she spit out, jabbing a finger into his t-shirt clad chest. He stumbled back slightly but kept his balance. "I am not a slut."

"Well of course not." Sheldon blinked. "Is that all?"

"Is that all?" she shrieked, stepping forward again. "Bastard!" She jabbed at his chest again. "You spend all night, all night, discussing what a fantastic whore I've turned out to be and now you pretend that you didn't? Asshat!" She used both hands this time to shove him and was surprised when he grabbed them, trapping them against his chest.

"Which is it?" he asked calmly.

"Which is what?" She asked, trying to remove her fingers.

He held tight. "Which am I? A jackass, a bastard or a..." His mouth curved into a slight smirk. "An asshat?"

"Son of a bitch." She swore again, adding another name to the list. How dare he mock her now? Since when did Sheldon even know how to mock? And the touching, what was up with that? Why wouldn't he release her hands? Why didn't she want him to?

He smirked fully. "Might I remind you, you have called me four derogatory names in the span of fifty seconds where I have not yet called you one?" She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off. "Amy is the one who called you, as you put it, a slut. I did not."

"And you didn't defend me!"

"Was I supposed to?" His head tilted to the side as he pondered her question. "I apologize. If you were put off by our discussion, I certainly didn't mean to offend you. As I said, Penny, the numbers don't lie, and while I might not particularly care about the numbers in question, it is a fascinating subject. You provided an easy dinner conversation for Amy and myself. Was that not what you wanted?"

Penny looked down at her hands, fingers still splayed across his chest, her wrists still held firm in his hands. She was sufficiently surprised by the solidness underneath the thin cotton. "I am not a slut," she repeated petulantly.

"Yes, we've discussed this," Sheldon said patiently. "Was there anything else you wanted to contribute to this conversation because I do believe everything has been said."

Maybe it was the alcohol. It was the alcohol. It had to be, she tried to convince herself of that. The alcohol and possibly the fact that she hadn't been in such close proximity to a man since... Leonard. She sucked in a breath. Holy crap on a cracker, had it really been that long? She kept her eyes on her hands. She found herself staring at the way his fingers entwined with hers, felt his heart beat beneath the tips of her own. A quick glance up confirmed he was staring at her strangely, his eyes piercing into hers just so and she had to avert her gaze, her eyes falling onto his lips instead.

Oh, damn.

She didn't remember rising up on the tips of her toes or wrenching one of her hands free but she knew she must have, because suddenly, her hand was at the back of his neck and pulling him down to meet her halfway. Her lips brushed against his once. Twice. Three times and then her lips parted on their own, her tongue darting out against his lips. Even in her rum-fueled haze, she knew she needed to end this, that Sheldon was going to freak the fuck out any second now. She rocked back, her weight coming down on her heels, intent on breaking the kiss except for the fact that Sheldon bent forward, following her. And then, Oh my God.

Sheldon kissed her back. It was the barest hint of a kiss, but it was there, and it was done before she could open her eyes again. When she did, Sheldon had finally dropped her other hand and was standing awkwardly in front of her.


She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts but made the mistake of looking up at him. It sobered her in an instant. "Oh God, I'm so sorry," she blurted out. "I didn't... I mean I wasn't..." she shrugged helplessly. "I'm drunk," she admitted. When in doubt, always blame the Captain. "So amazingly drunk." In that moment, she wished she was drunker and felt a flicker of disappointment that the Captain was letting her down. I'm sorry." She apologized profusely, becoming more and more undone by the look he was still giving her. "I'm just... I'm going to go. Again, I'm so, so sorry." She was on the verge of babbling as she edged toward the door.


"Good night, Sheldon." She smiled softly and shut the door behind her. She made a mad dash to her own apartment and shut herself in. With a big sigh she pressed her forehead against the wooden door and mentally berated herself.

Just what in the fresh hell was that about?

Eventually she pushed herself away from the door and not at all because she found herself imagining it was Sheldon's chest she was pressed against. She stared helplessly around her apartment, her eyes falling on the bottle of rum and her scattered lists. Turning on her heel, she headed for the bathroom, deciding that a long hot shower was exactly what she needed.

Fifteen minutes later she was back out of the shower; the shower having been a terrible, horrible idea. It most certainly did not help to be naked and wet while she was trying to not think about having sex with Sheldon.

And just why was she thinking about having sex with Sheldon? Sheldon, who most likely never thought about having sex with anyone ever, let alone her in particular. She shook her head, unable to rid herself of the memory of Sheldon's mouth sliding against hers.

Maybe another drink wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Penny finished changing into her pajamas, smoothing the tank over her stomach before reaching up and unpinning her hair. Shaking it loose past her shoulders, she emerged from the bathroom, heading for the bottle of rum.

She shrieked, letting out a string of curse words she didn't know she had in her when she rounded the corner to see that Sheldon was sitting on her couch, staring at her with an odd expression on his face.

"I startled you."

She glared at him. "You think? What are you doing here, Sheldon?"

"I came to see you." He paused. "I knocked but you didn't answer. I employed the emergency key."

She pressed her fingers to her temple, closing her eyes briefly. "I was in the shower, I could have walked out here naked for crying out loud! When you come into someone's house, you make a noise, Casper! You don't wait in the shadows and give them a heart attack."

"Noted." He squinted. "Casper?"

"The friendly ghost."

"Right." He rose from his spot on the couch. "You kissed me."

She screwed her eyes shut even tighter. "I know I did, Sweetie. I'm sorry. Like I told you, I've been drinking. I was upset, and we had spent all night talking about sex, and you were standing really close to me." She sighed, opening her eyes again. "I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I wasn't thinking."

"I found it pleasant."

Penny's head snapped up. Well, that was unexpected. "Excuse me?"

"You kissing me. I..." Sheldon hesitated. "I didn't mind it."

Heat flooded her cheeks as she tilted her head to the side and stared at him. "Huh."

"Yes." He raised an eyebrow at her. "My thoughts exactly."

She swallowed, knowing it was a thin layer of ice she was walking on and the last thing she wanted was to fall through. "Well, kissing is enjoyable for most," she said cautiously. "It's human nature and-"

"It's not necessary for you to explain anything to me." She choked back a laugh at this. "I understand entirely the basics of human sexuality s well as the basic primal need for physical contact."

"Mmhmm." She crossed her arms across her chest. "You just don't believe in it?"

He shrugged. "I find it less necessary than most people do, this is true. But I am not adverse to it entirely."

She raised an eyebrow at him. Was Sheldon Cooper propositioning her? "Yeah right," she said finally, for lack of a better comeback.

Sheldon raised an eyebrow at her. "You know I don't possess the ability to neither lie nor make jokes Penny, so there's no reason for you to doubt me."

"Whatever. Look, Sheldon." She forced herself to look anywhere but at his face, his eyes, his lips. She fixed her gaze on the floor. "So we kissed and you liked it. It's okay. It's not a big deal, and I promise it will never happen again, so you needn't worry about me doing anything to spoil our friendship or ruin your weird asexual tendencies."

"Penny." Her eyes slid shut. God, how could he make her feel the way she was simply by saying her name? She had to have been drunker and more hard up for sex than she thought.

"What Sheldon?"

"I believe you have misinterpreted my reason for coming here."

She raised her eyes finally to meet his. "I'm confused."

He stepped closer and she involuntarily took a step backward. His brow furrowed and he took another step forward, albeit tentatively. She didn't move this time and with his next step he was definitely invading her personal space. "It occurs to me that in coming over tonight you had another motive, rather than simply calling me names."

She swallowed hard. "No I didn't." Her tone came out slightly defensive.

His mouth was dangerously close to her ear. "You're lying." He pulled back and smiled triumphantly when she couldn't meet his gaze. "I assume that the reason you came over is that you were looking for what I predicted to be number thirty-two."

Penny's eyes widened and before she knew it, she shoved him away from her, again marveling at the sturdiness of his chest. "No!"

"No?" Sheldon looked perplexed for a moment. "Penny, from the brief research I've done, when a girl drinks too much alcohol and bursts into someone's apartment and then kisses them; she is, for all intents and purposes, looking for what I have been told is called a booty call."

She spun away from him and leaned her forehead against the wall. "Oh this is so not happening," she groaned. Sheldon. Sheldon effing Cooper was standing in her living room talking about booty calls. If she believed in parallel universes she would imagine this would be one of them. She needed to put an end to this before it got any further, before she truly lost her mind and did something they'd both regret the next morning.

Penny turned around slowly, intent on sending the whack-a-doodle back to his apartment. She was met again, by his chest staring her in the face. Her eyes nervously traveled to his arms before sliding up to his face. "Sheldon," she sighed. "You should go home." She rolled her eyes when he stepped even closer. Why did he suddenly not have a problem with personal space? "Sheldon," she pleaded.

"Do you really want me to go?"

Yes. No. Truthfully, Penny wasn't sure which word escaped her mouth. "Oh hell," she muttered one nanosecond before launching herself at him. She thought he would stumble with her weight thrown at him but he stood firm, his hands coming up to steady her waist against him. His mouth was still open as she latched hers to it and she didn't give him the chance to close it, sweeping her tongue over his teeth before finding his. She felt his frame stiffen beneath her embrace and smiled satisfactorily. This was still Sheldon after all, he would freak out any second now and this would all be over. She bit down on his lower lip, tugging slightly. In the meantime, there was no harm in a good kiss. And then.

Holy Mother of God, he kissed her back. Really kissed her back this time. She couldn't stop the moan that passed through her as his own teeth caught her lip and his hands slid up her back, one of them cautiously tangling in her long blonde hair. Sheldon Cooper knew how to kiss.

And how.

Penny's own hands began to wander, first raking through his short hair, then down his decidedly solid bicep before fisting into the hem of his t-shirt, holding him against her. Not that there was any chance of him moving away but still. Eventually they broke apart, foreheads pressed together as they struggled to breathe again.

She took a deep shuddering breath, catching his earlobe between her teeth and enjoying the reaction it got. His hands gripped her shoulders, almost painfully and he dipped his head again, angling to reach her mouth again, which she eagerly granted him.

Reluctantly, she pushed him away. "Sweetie, as fun as this is. And it is. Really really fun. We need to stop." She nodded as he began to protest. "If we don't stop now, I won't be able to stop later." She gave him a look full of meaning, hoping he would understand.

If he did, he ignored her. His mouth found hers easily and she didn't protest, much. Okay, so she didn't protest at all, wrapping her arms around his neck again and letting him take control of the kiss.

Then, she did protest, a little. She had to. "Sheldon, I really think we need to stop."

He leaned back to study her and oh, God. Did he just rake his eyes over her? She felt like she might collapse, and forced herself back to the couch, falling against the cushions. He followed suit, sitting entirely too close to her for her liking.

"Everything about you says we should continue," he said softly. He winced. "That sounded creepy, even to me. What I meant to say was, you appear to be enjoying yourself." He paused. "Is that better?"

She stared at him for a long moment. "Do you not want to stop, Sheldon?" she asked carefully.

"I am not opposed to continuing." His words were quiet and this time, he was the one who couldn't make eye contact with her. She felt a smile spreading across her face. This was still her Sheldon. This, she could handle. Leaning in, she placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Okay," she said quietly. She pressed her head to his neck for a moment, weighing the meaning of her words. They were really going to do this. If you had asked her one hour ago how her night was going to go, this was not the direction at all she would have planned.

Her eyes fell on the bottle of rum still on her table. With a quick shrug she picked it up and brought it to her lips, drinking deeply. "Here," she said with a small shudder, handing the bottle to him.

He leaned away from it. "I can't drink from that," he protested.

She laughed, holding the bottle out to him again. "Sweetie, trust me, we're going to share a lot more than a little rum by the end of this night. It'll help. I promise." He took the bottle from her, raising it cautiously to his mouth. She averted her eyes after catching a glimpse of his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "Good boy," she praised when he set the bottle down and looked at her a bit unsure. She leaned forward again and kissed him square on the mouth. "Come on, Doctor Cooper." She grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Let's go play." Wrapping an arm around his neck she kissed him fully, though not nearly as intensely as before. Again, she was surprised when he responded, his fingers curling under the hem of her tank top and dancing across her lower back. She sighed into his mouth again, feeling the goosebumps rise against her flesh and she'd be damned if one simple touch from this man didn't light every nerve of hers on fire.

It really had been too long.

She was half pushing, half dragging him toward her bedroom, never once breaking their kiss. So she was surprised when he pulled away and she stumbled slightly against him. She quirked an eyebrow at him but smiled when he walked back over to her coffee table and picked the liquor bottle back up.

"We might need this," he said by way of explanation. She nodded and took the bottle from him, raising it to her lips. Then she was back to kissing him and pulling him into her bedroom. His knees hit the edge of her mattress and she kept pushing until his legs gave out and she landed in his lap with a soft thud. Penny settled her knees against his thighs, bracing herself with one hand around his neck, the other reaching down to explore the skin underneath his t-shirt. Without meaning to, she shifted against him; hearing his sharp intake of breath but more interestingly, feeling him.

Interesting. Penny rose up a little higher on her knees before settling herself in his lap, grinding slowly against him. His hands tightened their grip on her thighs and she moved against him again. And again. The fourth time, his arms snaked behind her and pressed her even harder against him. Her lips trailed from his mouth and down to his neck before settling on the spot of skin just behind his ear. She tried to lift herself up again but his hands held tight as he pushed up against her. It took every ounce of willpower she had to brace her hands against his shoulders and pull up off him completely, resting on her knees.

"Penny." She smiled at the soft whine in his voice. "Don't stop."

"Sheldon." Penny's tone was quiet as she cupped her hands to either side of his face and peered into his eyes. "Have you done this before?"

"Yes," he replied easily. "A colleague of mine, she was-"

She silenced him with a kiss, his answer was more than enough for her. "I don't need the details," she murmured with a giggle. She moved to return herself into his lap at the same time he reached to pull her down and she lost her balance. They tumbled backward, her pushing his t-shirt up and over his head before his back hit the mattress. She didn't even blink at the slight panic in his eyes, she was more concerned with feeling skin on skin. His fingers curled under the edge of her own shirt hesitantly but she batted them away, removing the tank herself and flinging it across the room.

Sheldon looked up at her with wide eyes. For a second she thought maybe she was moving too quickly for him but then he surprised her, manipulating their bodies so that she was laying underneath him. She opened her mouth to protest and this time he silenced her with a kiss. His hands trailed up her body and over the curve of her breast.

"For the record," he muttered into her ear, catching the lobe between his teeth. God help her, she actually shuddered beneath him. "I'm perfectly capable of removing your clothing with my own hands." His mouth moved over her, delighting her in the way it nipped at her collarbone. Who knew that Sheldon Cooper had moves?

"Oh you are, are you?" she teased, arching up into him. She grabbed his hand and moved it to the top button of her shorts. "In that case, I'll leave the rest of my undressing to you." Her eyes fluttered as his mouth found hers again. "Hope you can handle it."

She gasped as he ignored the button, choosing simply to slide his hand beneath the waistband and brush against her. "Sarcasm?" he asked as one finger lay against her entrance.

"Dare," she ground out, trying to lift her hips to meet him. His hand disappeared, returning to rest on the damned button of her pajamas. "Sheldon." This time, her voice had the whine to it.

"Accepted." His thumb and forefinger plucked at the button and if the shorts fell down her legs quickly, she was quicker to kick them off as they reached her ankles. His hands were slow, methodical, as they slid from her calves, over her knees, up her thighs back to where she wanted them most. She let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding when his finger finally pressed into her.

"Well played," she whispered, her head falling back against the pillows. She knew she should be doing something, her hands should be moving over his body much like his were on her but right now she needed a moment. She wanted a moment to fully appreciate what was happening because part of her was afraid that any second Sheldon was going to do something Sheldon-like and the whole thing would be over and she'd be left to her own devices for the night. She most certainly did not want that.

He spoke again, his tone low and smug and his breath hot against her ear. "You really should know by now that I excel at everything I do, Penny." He added a second finger. "Everything."

She was finding it harder and harder to speak in complete sentences. "Prove it."


"Double-dare." Dear God, she was begging Sheldon Cooper to have his way with her! Seriously, what was going on here? She was the one who was supposed to be in charge in this situation. She was the big ole' five for heaven's sake. His fingers curled inside of her and in that second, she stopped caring.

His mouth was on hers again but just for a second before capturing that spot just behind her ear and Holy heart-stopping move, Batman, just how did he know her weak spot? She hadn't realized she had spoken aloud until-

"Whatever I don't know by instinct, be assured, Wolowitz spends a great deal of time talking at length about his favorite adult movie scenes," Sheldon murmured.

She grabbed his wrist, stilling his hand without removing it from between her legs. With her other hand, she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "Honey, does this even remotely seem like the right time to bring up Wolowitz and his creepy porn collection?"

He considered her for a moment, a slight shudder passing through his body as he realized his mistake. "I apologize, that was quite uncalled for." His mouth turned up in a slight smirk as he bent down and kissed her hard on the mouth. "Forgive me?"

She growled at him, actually freaking growled at him, before sliding her hands up to his shoulders and pushing back against them until their positions reversed, with him now underneath her. Straddling his torso, she bent down and kissed him fiercely, her tongue invading his mouth with little preamble and her hands tugging at his short hair. "You seem to have forgotten one very important detail about me, Sheldon." Her tongue worked lazy circles around his ear before she kissed her way down to his chest; her hands finally coming to rest on his belt buckle.

"I have an eidetic memory. I never forget anything." It was the response she expected, the one she knew would drive her forward in her actions. She raised her head and gave him a challenging look "What is it you think I've forgotten?" By now, she had worked his pants down his legs with little resistance and she wasn't sure when he had ditched his shoes but as she leaned back on her heels to discard his clothing, she was grateful they were nowhere to be seen. From the foot of the bed, and even in the darkness of the room, she could still see the blueness of his eyes. "Well, what is it?" he asked again, anxious for her to come within reach again.

She was the one who smirked this time, crawling back up the bed and straddling one of his legs. "That I'm a big ole' five," she murmured, kissing and nipping a path across the V of his hips.

"Oh that." Sheldon's voice hitched as her tongue scorched across his stomach. "Yes Penny, I'm quite aware of that still, in fact, it was one of the very reasons I decided to come over tonight. I assumed that with your supposed level of expertise, we'd be well-matched."

Oh hell no. She didn't want to be matched. She wanted to be better. She wasn't sure when or how it had become a competition between them, but the very thought was turning her on even more. Sheldon would give as good as he got and she'd be damned if she didn't give him more than her best.

But first, she wanted to wipe that stupid smug look off of his face. The superior smirk he wore whenever he thought he was smarter or better than someone. And she was pretty sure there was only one way to do it.

Penny's eyes never left his as she bent down and gave one long lick to the underside of his shaft before placing several wet kisses along the length and finally over the head. She didn't break the gaze as, in one fluid movement, she took him completely into her mouth and began the steady, slow rhythm she had long since perfected. She hummed contentedly when he was the one to divert his eyes, his head falling back as she continued to work him over.

A stream of nonsensical words and phrases fell from Sheldon's lips and again, his hands tangled in her hair, tighter this time, but never actually guiding her. Of course not, she reasoned. He wasn't that type. She was hot and wet against his leg and she wriggled impatiently, aching for even the slightest bit of friction. He was quick to oblige, raising his knee just so and oh, yes, that was what she wanted, but it wasn't enough and she needed more but damn it if she wasn't becoming addicted to the taste of him.

His hands pulled at her hair, insistently now, and reluctantly she gave one last lick to the tip before raising her head and batting her eyelashes at him. "Yes Sweetie?"

"Penny." The timber of his voice was lower than she had ever heard. She felt herself being pulled back toward him and then her full weight was resting on his body as he kissed her again.

"Sheldon." She enjoyed the slow assault of his lips on hers, but she was so past teasing at this point. Her nails dug into his forearms as she braced herself, trying again to find some small relief in grinding against him.

He turned his head to the side, briefly catching her ear between his lips again. His hands roamed across her back, seemingly everywhere at once, and she heard the small sound of disappointment escape her lips as he stilled her across his lap. Their eyes connected in the dark once more and she again made a sound of frustration, too far gone in her need to actually form the words.

Sheldon understood, and his mouth was in her ear again. "As enjoyable as this is Penny, I think we're reached the point where we should..." he stopped himself, suddenly unsure of his words.

"We should what, Sheldon?" His hands lifted her up slightly, settling her firmly against him and it took all of her strength not to tilt her hips just so and then it would be all over. "Sheldon?"

His eyes were incredibly dark and seductive as he stared at her for a long moment, still choosing his words. "In terms you can understand, Penny? Fuck me."

She didn't bother being insulted, that could wait until the morning. She leaned forward to kiss his mouth gratefully and without breaking the kiss, lifted herself up just a bit before finally, finally lowering herself onto him.

They both gasped at the contact. He, because she was scalding hot from the inside out and she because she had in no way anticipated the feeling of him completely engulfed inside of her.

Simply put, she was going to be sore as hell in the morning.

Penny moved slowly at first, not wanting this to end quickly for either of them. Her hands were still braced against his arms and she winced, knowing he'd be marked in the morning. She would have felt worse, but then she felt his fingers digging into her hips and knew they both were walking away from this with bruises. They moved together, establishing a rhythm that though painstakingly slow, was creating the most delicious friction, giving Penny exactly what she had been craving all night long.

Through her haze she felt herself falling backward and instinctively her hands moved until she was supporting herself by gripping the bedspread behind her. Confused by the sudden movement, she opened her eyes and saw that Sheldon had pushed himself up into a sitting position and was holding her firmly with one hand at the small of her back while the other curved around her neck, bringing her in for another kiss. She didn't have time to think before the hand on her back gently pushed her forward and she felt him slide deeper into her than she even knew was possible.

They were both surprised by the soft scream that fell from her lips as she adjusted to the new angle, and her eyes popped open the second Sheldon stilled beneath her. She shook her head and wrapped an arm around his neck, kissing him frantically as she coaxed him into moving again. "Don't you dare fucking stop now, Sheldon," she threatened into his mouth, biting at his lips as he began thrusting into her again.

"Oh God." Her head fell forward into the crook of his neck and before she could stop herself, she was biting and sucking the soft skin into her mouth. Anything to stifle the scream that was building deep within her.

Penny was close. She was so close to coming and she had no idea where Sheldon was at and how in the hell was he going to hold out longer than her? She tried to talk her body of it, but she was all too familiar with the tingle that was spreading throughout her. "Sheldon, I-" His hand slipped between them and then his fingers were...oh fuck it. She came within seconds, her walls tightening impossibly around him before she came undone in a blur of trembling limbs and shaky breaths and at least one high pitched cry that broke through the stars in her eyes and the pounding in her head.

She collapsed into him, pressing soft kisses to his chin, his neck, anywhere she could reach without having to move too far. The room was silent, save for their breathing and it wasn't until she felt him twitch beneath her that she realized he was still hard inside of her. For reasons unknown to her, she found this incredibly endearing and well, hot. She smiled, cupping his face again and giving him a kiss that was as sweet as it was sexy. "Your turn Sweetie," she whispered, feeling him smile against her. And then he was laying her down across the bed and towered over her.

His stare was unwavering and she fought the urge to flinch under his gaze. For someone as vocal as Sheldon usually was, she was surprised at the strong silent type he was portraying in her bedroom and for a minute, she kind of wished he would make a sound. He reached down to smooth the hair out of her face before he kissed her and then he was pushing into her once more and god-damnit, he was still reaching places inside her she wasn't even aware existed. Her eyes fell shut as he lifted one of her legs over his shoulder and suddenly she didn't care how quiet he was going to be, she was pretty sure the whole damn apartment complex was going to hear her scream this time around.

"Penny." Her name was the only word he could think of, the only sound that felt right coming from his throat. He bent down again, needing to feel her lips under his, and she was more than happy to oblige. His pace quickened and he was relentless in his thrusting. He paused for a second, afraid he was hurting her but she was quick to quell his fears, raising up to match him thrust for thrust. A few minutes more and he was sure she was close again, recognizing the signs in her body language from before. His head dropped to her shoulder as the full weight of his body fell against her and it was one, two, three long, even thrusts and this time, when she came he was right there with her.

"Sheldon Lee Cooper." Her voice was thick and husky as it broke through the silence in the room once she had recovered her senses, some minutes later. "Where in the hell did you come from?" Her fingers trailed lazily up and down the arm that held her against his body.

He chuckled and pressed his lips to the crown of her head. "I am no different than usual, Penny. As I told you, I'm quite knowledgeable in the basics of primal basic needs and human interaction, I just happen to be better suited to suppressing those needs than most people."

"Blah blah blah." She smiled at the return of his scientific explanations. "How does that explain tonight?"

"Easily," he said, as though it should be clear as day. "We spent a great deal of time at dinner tonight discussing your sex life, and though not much detail was given, it did leave me more curious than before."

"Curious?" She craned her head back to look at him and he nodded.

"I am a man, Penny, in spite of what you and others may believe. And as most men, I am not oblivious to your charms or your appeal. However, unlike most men, I have made the conscious decision to not do anything about the... urges that may have arisen...that is until tonight when..."

"When I showed up drunk and kissed you?" she asked lightly.

"Indeed." He gave her an appraising look. "Are you drunk right now, Penny?"

She shook her head. Sure, her head was still spinning and she couldn't concentrate very well, but she knew she couldn't blame that on the alcohol anymore. "No," she said softly with a shake of her head.

"Good." Sheldon rolled them over and pressed her deeper into the mattress, his leg settling firmly between her two. He kissed that spot behind her ear that he had learned quickly she enjoyed so as his hands began to wander over her body once again.

Penny moaned, her body betraying her and responding lightning quick to his advances. She arched against him, pulling his mouth back down to hers.

Amazing, mind-blowing sex aside, she was completely confused. This was Sheldon, for crying out loud! What was she even doing? This whole evening started because she had assumed he thought of her as a slut and now... well, hadn't she just proven him right?

"Sheldon, wait..." She pursed her lips and stared up at him for a moment. "This right here, this was... wonderful. It really was, but..." she sighed. "I'm not a slut, Sheldon." The words were spoken quietly. She closed her eyes and didn't open them again until she heard his exasperated sigh. Then, she cocked her head to the side and gave him a challenging look.

"Penny, we've been over this already," he said kindly. "I know that you're not a slut, and in spite of everything that just happened, that opinion hasn't changed." He looked at her meaningfully. "I was number thirty-two, yes?"

She cringed. "Yes," she said softly, avoiding his eyes.

"Very well." He paused. "Would have you have an objection to my asking that you proceed no further than thirty-two?"

"I..." she blinked, trying to comprehend what he was saying, but it was really hard to concentrate, especially as she felt him hard and ready against her thigh, and with the look that he was giving her. "Are you...?" He was asking her to be his girlfriend, right? In his crazy strange Sheldon-speak that she still spent too much time trying to decipher. Her and Sheldon? How would that even work?

But she knew it could work, that it would work. She knew it, as she thought of all of the time that they had spent together, and how without realizing it was even happening, she had come to count on Sheldon more than any of her other friends. Memories flashed through her mind in bursts; from Penny Blossoms and Soft Kitty to adhesive ducks and bath salts, the two of them just got each other, plain and simple. It didn't matter if he was taking care of her financial problems or cleaning her apartment of if she knew the difference between tangerine and orange chicken and didn't put up a fight when having to drive him places at the drop of hat.

And then it hit her. She had driven him on his date earlier that night because she had wanted nothing more than to be there to see the date fail. Oh my God, she had been jealous of the Shamy.

"Penny?" His voice interrupted her thoughts and she realized she must have been quiet for some time. She smiled and reached up, running her hand over the side of his face.

"When you say, proceed no further than thirty-two...?"

His expression relaxed into a smile and he nodded solemnly at her. "What I'm suggesting Penny, is that perhaps we re-evaluate and discuss the idea of drawing up a new contract between us, one extending beyond mere friendship."

And she laughed, because here he was; still her same damn whack-a-doodle next-door-neighbor but then here he was, barely pushing inside of her again and she'd be damned if it wasn't the most natural wonderful incredible feeling in the world and she couldn't understand how she had missed it until this very moment.

"Oh Sweetie," she managed to gasp between peals of laughter. "Yes a new contract is definitely in order." Her giggles subsided when he moved to leave her bed, no doubt to get a notebook to begin a new draft. She shook her head and pulled him back to her. "Later," she said, bringing her leg up and around his waist. "Much, much later."

"Yes," he agreed, wrapping his arms around her and giving her another sound kiss. "Definitely later."

Three. The number of times they made love that night before exhaustion finally claimed the pair.

Four and three quarters. The hours of sleep Sheldon managed before getting up to begin drafting the details of their new relationship.

Thirty-seven. The number of revisions Penny insisted on upon reading over said contract.

Twenty-two. The number of revisions Sheldon agreed to. He wasn't completely immune to her charms.

Four. The number of times they made love before finally getting out of bed the next morning.

Two point five. The number of times they had sex while Sheldon tried to leave her apartment. Maybe he was immune to her charms after all.

That, or maybe her body was starting to rebel against her. Stupid sex cramp.

Six. The number of really good kisses she planted on him as he really did try and leave her apartment much later that afternoon.

Oh yeah, she still had him.

One-third. Still not technically a number, but the remaining amount of spiced rum left in the Captain Morgan bottle that would sit proudly sit on her shelf for years to come, as the most delightful and delicious reminder of the night that changed their lives forever.


It had become their favorite number, a secret joke shared between the two of them. And when asked by others why that particular number, Sheldon would only smile and she would blush as they both remembered that first night. However, Penny always recovered first, but just enough to say that it only took her thirty-two tries to get to her number One.

No one ever managed to solve that equation.