Lawl and Order: Konoha Unit

A/N: This is an AU. The characters showing up in this story may be twisted and misplaced, pairings will be numerous and changing, and the story will swing from amusing to dramatic whenever I feel like it. It is also written completely in prompted drabbles which may be a few pages to a few paragraphs long. Feel free to give your own prompts. :D

1. What the fuck is that?

"What the fuck is that?"

Naruto rolls his eyes and sighs because, obviously, it should have been easy for anyone to figure it out. "A jackalope."

By the look on his face, Naruto's pretty sure Sasuke doesn't understand the immense importance in having a jackalope on his desk. Or that Sasuke knows what to say to that. Haha, score. Naruto 1, Bastard 0.

"Honestly, Naruto," Sakura chids as she passes by with an armful of files and a look of distaste on her face. "That's unsanitary!"

"Eeeehhhhh? You don't like it?" At this, Naruto is crushed. He was sure she'd be overwhelmed with the amazing sight.

"Why would I like a stuffed and mutilated animal corpse? Ugh, you…" she mutters as she goes on by once she's given Sasuke a star struck look he ignores. And Naruto leans forward in his chair to gaze past the bastard and get a better look at her backside. Sakura is one of the few female officers that wear a skirt to work with any frequency and he's sure as hell going to enjoy it.

Naruto shouldn't have been surprised when Sasuke's hand smashes into the back of his head and he lands face first on the ground. Immediately, he's up spitting and snarling and Sasuke doesn't fucking care, the bastard, but when Naruto starts in on what a bastard the other man is in the middle of the office and how he's just jealous Naruto's doing better on his case… Well, Sasuke can only take so much stupid at one time.

It takes four guys to pull them off one another and while Sasuke lets it happen, Naruto's still spitting fire and making all sorts of threats that don't even make sense ("-and even your ancestors are gonna feel it when I -") but that's over soon enough.

It can be said Chief Minato is soft on his son. Detective Kushina, on the other hand…

"NARUTO!" is the only warning any of them hand before a fist smashes down onto Naruto's head hard enough to throw him right out of the others' arms. Kushina glares as Naruto moans and rolls around on the floor, holding his head. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Stop embarrassing your father and I! Honestly!"

"Now, now," Chief Minato murmurs in an unsuccessful attempt to placate his wife. Sasuke loses interest. He jerks himself out of his own team of officers and walks pointedly back towards his desk. Only, he pauses by Naruto's and glances back as Naruto starts up off the floor. He waits until Naruto's looking at him before delicately picking up the jackalope… and tossing it across the room, over four desks and two ducking officers, past stacks of paperwork and ringing phones, through one open window with masterful ease.

Naruto's scream of dismay precedes the crash of the poor totem as it smashes against the pavement three stories down.