Lawl and Order: Konoha Unit

A/N: This is an AU. The characters showing up in this story may be twisted and misplaced, pairings will be numerous and changing, and the story will swing from amusing to dramatic whenever I feel like it. It is also written completely in prompted drabbles which may be a few pages to a few paragraphs long. Feel free to give your own prompts. :D

30. Smooth Criminal

Naruto wakes up with the taste of blood in his mouth and a killer headache. He's groggy and kind of out of it. Opening his eyes, he lifted his head off his chest and sees Haruna near by. She's tied to a chair and looks messed up, clothes ripped and hair out of sorts. Which is weird because Haruna always flaunts her looks. It's her messiness, not the rope, that jerks him into alertness.

"What the hell?"

The room around them is old. Wallpaper curls along the seams and hangs in ripped lines. One wall is almost completely bared. The only furniture is their chairs and they're, unfortunately, new and sturdy. He tugs at his hands but whoever did the knots was thorough. He can't see Haruna's hands from here but he suspects it's the same. Naruto wiggles in the chair. It's not secured to the floor but it's pretty heavy. It'd take a while to move it anywhere. Looking back at Haruna, Naruto leans as far forward as he can manage but he can't see her face. He doesn't know if she's hurt but she probably is. Damn it! Only he was allowed to mess with his sister!

"Haru?" he calls hesitantly. She doesn't move. "Oi, Haruna! Wake up! Stop being so lazy!"

When she still doesn't even twitch, Naruto almost gets worried. Then he gets mad instead because that's a lot easier. He starts yelling obscenities and stomping his feet as best he can. Faster he gets someone in there to shut him the fuck up, faster he knows who the hell grabbed them. Not, of course, that he doesn't have a few theories.

One of which gets proven when someone unlocks the door and slips in. The guy's a handful of years older than Naruto, he'd guess. He's kind of short and his blood red hair is down to his ass. The usual fox marks are painted on his cheeks. He seems like a typical thug in his dress and the way he carries himself.

"Oi, took you long enough!" Naruto snaps at him. The redhead lifts a brow and leans back against the door with his arms folded over his chest.

"Could you be a little louder?" he asked. "I think there's a few people in Suna that didn't hear you."

Naruto snorts despite himself. "Yeah, well, the service in this hotel sucks."

"Well, I'll see if we can get some mints for your pillows."

"Getting the pillow first would be better," Haruna mumbles. Naruto jerks his head as she lifts hers. There's blood on her cheek and above one eye and her lip's been split. Naruto is going to kill whoever hit her.

As soon as her face is visible, the fox moves. He comes in close, grabbing her chin to bring up her head. Haruna starts to fight him but then the guy's got a handkerchief and is trying to clean her up. It's… really weird. Naruto watches like a hawk because seriously, this guy's a creeper whether he's being nice to her or not. Maybe he just doesn't hit girls. Or maybe he's not in this gig for his own reasons. When he gets that idea, Naruto latches onto it.

"Hey, man," he starts, getting the guy's attention, "Get us out of here. I'm a cop. I can make sure they go easy on you."

The fox looks at him. This close, Naruto can see just how close to blood the color of his eyes are. It's creepy. So is the way he stays so damn still.

"Go easy on me," the guy repeats, sounding a little incredulous. Naruto nods.

"You help me, give up the names of your buddies, and we can give you a good deal."

"You're serious."

"Dead serious," Haruna says. "If my brother gives you his word, it's gold."

The guy seems to think about it. Then he just shakes his head as he pulls a half empty water bottle from his jacket pocket and wets the handkerchief to continue cleaning Haruna's face.

"You look like a nice guy," Naruto tries even though no, no he doesn't, and there's something about the fox that makes his skin crawl. "I figure you got blackmailed into this gig, right? Or they got you young and you didn't know what you were getting into."

The guy looks at him again. He seems to be somewhere between amused, confused, and shocked. It's better than manly posturing, anyway.

"I bet you have a girl," Haruna says and she seems a bit wistful. "Real pretty. You're just trying to keep her safe-"

"I don't have a girl," the guy cuts her off with, shaking his head again. "And no. I did this on purpose."

"Son of a bitch," Naruto grumbles under his breath. But he's finding it hard to get to pissed off when this guy is being so damn kind to Haruna and hasn't gone after him yet. "What, you get off on all this shit?"

"Maybe," the guy admits and then he grins and Naruto swears the guy's got fangs. Drawing back the hanky, the fox backs up from them and heads for the door. "Don't start screaming again, Namikaze, and I might bring you some food before night fall."

The door shuts just as Naruto's belly grumbles about how long it's been since that awesome danish. Haruna rolls her eyes. Then hers grumbles too.

They both decide to be quiet until they've eaten, then they'll get some attention their way.