Trick or Treat
A Tru Calling Halloween story
"Alright people… gather around…" A guy in his early twenties wearing a purple velvet Pimp costume announces at the Halloween party, startling Tru and interrupting her brief doze off. "I'm DJ Andre and we're gonna try a little Funny Trick-or-Treat Mixer Dance. Ladies, please look to your right and grab the closest guy you can find…"
Tru, sitting next to the appetizer's buffet table, dressed in a short exquisite white dress as her choice of a Heavenly Angel costume, along with feathery wings and a golden halo that goes perfectly with her golden harp handbag, finds a guy dressed in an alien costume standing to her right, and realizes that it's her college friend Tyler. She quickly grabs his arm smiling.
"That's it, don't be shy…" The DJ continues, "Okay… so now that you all have a random dancing partner… here's what we're gonna do… you're gonna dance and tell each other jokes about your choice of costumes/characters… and when the music stops, you're gonna grab the next best partner who happens to be close by, dance and tell jokes, and so on… The person who fails to tell a joke is out… Got it?…. Okay… Are you ready?"
"Yeah!" The crowd shouts and the music starts playing.
"Shall we?" Tyler asks Tru politely and leads her to the dance floor.
"What's wrong?" She asks once they start dancing, "You look a little sick."
"Ugh! Sorry, Tru! But that's what happens when you drink 21 test tube shooters of vampire blood tomato juice."
"You had 21 drinks? Were you that thirsty or was that just an attempt to get into the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records?" She asks.
"Ahh! An alien joke… Smart! Wish I could retrieve my sense of humor. I'm just not in the mood. Funny how having too much of something that is so yummy would inevitably make it so yucky!"
Meanwhile on the other side of the dance floor, Davis is almost unrecognizable in his white robe, long white hair and long white beard. He is dancing with Carrie, who passes as a beautiful Cleopatra. Seeing how distracted he is, Carrie gently asks Davis what's on his mind. He hesitantly looks into her eyes and confesses: "I just wish that trying to come up with a joke about an Egyptian Pharaoh while dancing is as easy as winning an online chess game while writing a forensic autopsy report."
Carrie laughs and assures him that it's Okay and that he doesn't have to tell her a joke if he doesn't know any. But he insists on playing this game according to DJ Andre's rules. Finally he thinks of a joke. "Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?" He abruptly asks.
"Hmmm! That's a good question. Why?" Carrie wonders.
"She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower."
Carrie doesn't find his joke funny, but puts on a fake smile to avoid hurting his feelings.
"Uh… Do you have a joke for me?" He asks.
"Honestly, I'm not quite sure who your character is supposed to be." She answers.
Still confused, she looks at him without saying a word.
"You know, the Wizard… who later became the Head of Istari and the leader of the Army of the West." He tries to clarify but to no successful result. "You're not a Lord of The Rings fan, are you?"
"No, I'm not. I'm sorry!"
Davis looks away and whispers to himself: "I knew I should have worn that stupid Teletubbie suit!"
The music stops and now it's time to change partners. "I'm leaving this party, the atmosphere isn't right." Tyler tells Tru.
"Ahhh! See, you just made a joke yourself, that's a good sign." Tru reassures him.
"Atmosphere isn't right… seeing that you're an alien and all… uh… you know what, never mind. Go home, get some rest. Hope you feel better in the morning." She says tapping him on the back. "Eat some toast. That should help."
Suddenly, someone pinches Tru's behind. She gasps and turns swiftly to scold the doer only to find out that it's her boyfriend Jensen, sporting a wild look with his colorful psychedelic print shirt with faux suede fringe vest, bell bottom pants, a head band and red sunglasses.
"You dirty hippie!" She hits him on the head with her harp.
"I know, I know! I couldn't help it! You make a very sexy angel, Tru! You're making me think all sorts of naughty thoughts!" He admits holding her very close to his body as they dance.
"You perv! You better behave or I'll tell the Man Upstairs!" She teases.
"Oooh! If you tell on me then I'll tell on you!"
"Ah, you know! All the things you're planning on doing to me tonight." He says with a wicked smile and a wink.
"You really are a perv, you know that?" She laughs.
"All we need is love!" He says quoting the hippies slogan.
Tru's brother, Harrison, is dancing with her college friend Avery. She's telling him a joke about his Scarecrow outfit while he's distracted with the fact that she has just rejected his offer to take her out on a date.
"Why did the scarecrow win a medal?" She asks, waits for him to say something, and then she gives him the punch line. "Because he was outstanding in his field!"
Completely unimpressed by her joke, and a little distracted by her Catwoman body suit, Harrison insists on getting an explanation: "How come you don't like me, I'm a real catch."
"Yes, but I'm not playing ball." She tells him.
"Okay! One more fallen angel joke and I'll be kicking your groovy ass all the way to Hell!" Tru jokingly threatens her boyfriend.
"Alright, I'm running out of angel jokes anyway. Do you have any hippie jokes for me? And please don't tell me the one about a hippie's wife being called 'Mississippi' 'cause The Little Red Riding Hood that I danced with before you already said it." Jensen says.
"No, I know a better one." Says Tru. "When they drink a toast at an orgy, what do hippies say?"
"Hahaha, I'm almost afraid to ask… what?"
"Gosh! Now who's the perv?" They both laugh.
The music stops. Jensen whispers something in her ear, kisses her gently on the cheek and walks away while still giving her sexy gazes. Suddenly, a large black figure gets in between them. A man in a long black cloak with a hood covering his head, a skull mask on his face, and black feathery wings on his back is now standing right in front of Tru, holding a big scythe.
"Trick or Treat!" The man says.
"Well! You must be Jack, the horrific Grim Reaper... Harvester of souls!" Tru quick-wittedly guesses.
Jack takes off his mask, grins slyly and says: "And you must be Tru, the holistic Guardian Angel… Protector of souls! What a nice surprise… and synchronicity!"
The music starts. Tru quickly escapes, pushing her way amongst the crowd in an attempt to find herself another dancing partner, but Jack catches her with his scythe. "No one can escape death, Tru! At least no one should." He says.
She grabs the scythe's end angrily, moves closer to him and says: "You wave this thing near me again and I'll shove it up your evil …. "
"No, no!" He interrupts, "No need for harsh language. You don't want to be thrown out of Heaven now, do you?" He holds her close and they start dancing. "I thought you were gonna go with the Wonder Woman outfit." He says.
"Not at all. This is even better. I love the golden halo, brings out your eyes… and attitude!" He teases. "But you haven't told me, what do you think of my disguise?"
"Oh, you mean this?" Alluding to Jack's costume, "That's not a disguise, that's an exposition of who you really are! Whereas that other handsome innocent-looking face you show more often… that's the disguise."
Looking a bit shocked, Jack quickly asks: "Is that what you really think of me? That I'm handsome? 'Cause personally I think you're quite stunning yourself!"
"Is that so?"
"Nice joke, now move on to disturb the next dancer." She tells him as the music stops, trying to let go of his hand, but he pulls her right back into his grip.
"That wasn't a joke. That was a fact of life." He says. "But since you've mentioned it, I do have an interesting joke that I think puns nicely with your costume… I mean… calling." Tru rolls her eyes knowing that this dance is going to take longer than she expected and that he clearly isn't going to shut up and leave her in peace. "A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital." Jack starts telling his joke, "While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, 'I thought you said I had another 30-40 years!'
The angel replies, 'Sorry. I didn't recognize you'!''
Tru gives him a sarcastically dull response: "Ha! Ha!"
"You know, you would be doing the world a great favor if you just let go of a few of your victims, and allow fate to take its course every now and then." Jack suggests.
"You're the one who'd be doing the world a great favor if you just back off and let me do my job."
"You think you're the champion, don't you? The hero who saves the day? How little do you know that by saving the day you're ruining all the years to come for the person you save and everyone he or she will come in contact with."
"It just freaks you out and eats you alive, doesn't it? The fact that I'm the hero and you're just a freaky looking Jack-o'-lantern put on the side."
"Excuse me; I'm sure you meant to say freakishly handsome looking!"
"You don't scare me, Jack. And no matter what dirty trick you try or how many times you succeed, you'll never break me. I'll always win."
"This isn't a game, Tru. You can't just get rid of death whenever you decide to, that doesn't make you a hero! There's a reason why you don't hear of a TV show called 'Buffy, the Angel of Death Slayer', it's just absurd!"
"Meanwhile denying people of their right to live their second chance is oh so noble and heroic?"
"I promise them heaven, while you bring them back to hell."
Despite all the joking, Jack and Tru's argument is getting very serious and fierce that they are completely oblivious to the fact that they are amongst the last people on the dance floor. Apparently, the music has stopped and replayed a couple of times, and more people failed to make jokes and therefore have left the competition.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner." DJ Andre announces. "Check out the angel and grim reaper who can't seem to get enough of each other. Isn't that a lovely example of how opposites attract."
Tru and Jack stop dancing and look into each others' eyes with daunt, while all eyes are on them, including those of Jensen, Davis, Carrie and Harrison.
"What do you all say we give them one last challenge to truly seal the deal and win tonight's prize?" People satisfyingly clap, waiting for the DJ to announce his final challenge. "A kiss!" He concludes.
Tru shakes her head with a fake smile that says 'no way', while Jack looks straight at her with a smile that says 'hell yes'. But before Tru gets any chance to retreat, Jack surprises her with a daring kiss on the lips, causing the crowd to applaud and whistle, and Tru's friends to freeze with a disgusted stare. But Tru manages to break the kiss in obvious discomfort and leave the party in excessive haste, followed by her boyfriend Jensen.
To Be Continued in Chapter 2 ...