Never Been Kissed
Epilogue Part 2
For the most part, Kurt's life went back to normal at McKinley. The only things missing were the harsh words and the sudden bouts of violence against him. On Tuesday Quinn called for a mass-slushie against Azimio, who had slipped and called Jacob a "damn, retarded Nazi" (Kurt was pretty sure the football player had no idea what World War II was about). As satisfying as it might have been, Kurt declined to participate in the slushying. Oh, he watched it go down with mirth and abandon, but he just couldn't bring himself to actually throw the drink. He would stand up for himself with words, thank you very much.
To Kurt's surprise, Puck appeared to be in charge (along with Quinn) of organizing the combatants. Yet, he didn't have a slushie of his own to throw. Kurt would have expected Puck to take what was probably the last sadistic act he could get away with at this school and revel in it. Instead he passed out slushies and rounded up students to throw them with this unfamiliar grimace of duty on his face.
Just after Azimio slipped and fell in the puddle of slush as everyone walked away, Puck approached Kurt, who was watching from the balcony. With a wry smirk, he asked, "Good?"
Kurt nodded, pulling on his scarf a little in nervousness. He didn't know what to expect from Puck and it was making him anxious. The kind of guy he was, Puck probably got off on making Kurt nervous, only now he had to use kind words and actions, instead of taunts, jokes, and dumpster tosses. It was a gentler sort of bullying that started with that kiss on Saturday and Kurt wondered where he should draw the line after which he would report Puck's behavior to Quinn. There was just no way the new Puck was anything other than a ruse, right?
As Puck acknowledged Kurt's nod and then walked away, Kurt again felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the punchline, for the point of this whole joke. Why couldn't Puck just get it over with?
David Karofsky hated his new school. His mom and dad had made it very clear that he was to be on excellent behavior, since they were paying an arm and a leg for him to attend Dalton, even if he did get a partial tuition waver for hockey. They'd also made it clear that he was to behave properly around the other boys, which Dave was sure meant, "Don't even think about indulging in whatever deviancy made you kiss that fag at your old school." He doubted being at an all boys' school was the best place for him to avoid it, but at least Kurt freaking Hummel wasn't there to tempt him.
The teachers at Dalton were strict, too. They actually made him do all his work so he could stay on the hockey team. At McKinley, the faculty members were under strict orders to pass jocks no matter what, especially if they were first string. Dave's brain hurt all the time these days and his body hurt from hockey and he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him.
Finally, during one study hall in the library, Dave got some answers. That kid Hummel had been hanging out with approached him and said, "Hi. I'm Kurt's friend Blaine. He told me about what happened between you two."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Dave growled out through clenched teeth. Must not hit the homo. Must not hit the homo.
"I think you do," Blaine replied with a wry smile as he sat down across from Dave. "It's fine to be confused and everything. It's normal. I just thought I'd come and say, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. And you're here, where it's safe to be whoever really you are."
"Save the self-help crap, ho-" David cut himself off before finishing the slur. Must not get kicked out. Must not get kicked out. "Just leave me alone."
"Okay," Blaine said, standing up with a disappointed look on his face. Great. The stupid-ass (not at all cute) fairy had a crush on him. Well, too bad. David Karofsky was straight. He had to be. "Let me know if you change your mind. Or, maybe talk to my boyfriend Peter Maybridge. He's on the hockey team with you, if that makes you any more comfortable."
"Maybridge the Monster?" David asked in disbelief. "He's already a legend of high school hockey. He has the best scoring record I've ever seen! How could he be...?"
"Gay?" Blaine chuckled with a shrug. "We come in all shapes and sizes, Karofsky. Are you sure you're not from nineteen fifty-three? Man, I thought everyone knew stereotypes were just that. Stereotypes!"
Karofsky frowned and dropped his eyes back to his work until Blaine sighed and moved away. David had never really thought it was possible, to be a jock and date the people he really wanted to date. But if the freaking Monster of Ohio could do it, maybe he could, too...
After glee club on Thursday the other shoe finally dropped. Kurt was packing up a few things and putting his designer jacket back on (it was too hot to dance in) when Puck managed to corner him relatively alone. "Hey, Kurt."
"Puckerman?" Kurt replied, lifting an eyebrow in question. He really hoped it wasn't going to be another kiss-by-ambush. He'd had enough of those for about four lifetimes.
"So, I'm gonna be at the 'stix tomorrow night, you know, for a thing," Puck half-declared, half-mumbled. "If you wanted to stop by and hang out, it wouldn't be too terrible."
After taking a moment to replay the words in his head and coming out still confused, Kurt asked, "Is that your ham-handed way of asking me out? 'Cause it really kinda sucks."
"Fine," Puck sniffed with what Kurt could tell was feigned disinterest. "Whatever. See ya later, Hummel."
Before Puck could get too far, Kurt called after him, "I'm busy tomorrow. My friends Blaine and Peter are meeting me for ice cream. You could come hang with us, if you want."
"One of 'em your boyfriend?" Puck asked with a jealous frown.
Kurt smiled and shook his head. This whole conversation just felt so weirdly surreal. Puck wanted to go out with him? For real? He was jealous of Blaine and Peter? It wasn't a joke? Surely the end of days was near. Oprah was canceling her show, Bea Arthur was gone, and Noah Puckerman was considering going out with another guy.
Puck turned around and met Kurt's eyes with a long, assessing look. Eventually, he shrugged and said, "I guess someone's gotta keep you from runnin' your mouth about glee club to the competition. I'm in."
"Fantastic," Kurt replied, watching as Puck gave him a small, sincere smile before completing his escape from the choir room. Yep, the world was going to end, and soon. Might as well have a little fun before everything went to hell, right?
At quarter to eleven on Friday night, Puck was tongue-deep in his first gay make-out session. It wasn't all that different from making out with girls, really. Puck had his lap occupied by a hot body; his hands in soft, fruit-scented hair; his eyes closed; and a pair of sweet, wet lips on his. The moment he felt that lightning-zap he always associated with seeing God, Puck knew he was on the money. If God wanted him to spread the love and make out with dudes - or at least with Kurt - who was he to refuse?
Though, after an evening with Kurt's gay friends, Puck vowed to set things right with Finn and Sam as quickly as possible and finish transforming Artie so he could have some real dudes to hang with. That Peter guy was alright, but with Blaine there, it was almost like having two of Kurt in the room, talking about Broadway and Vogue and all that other gay crap that Puck couldn't care less about. The only good thing about the outing was getting to watch Kurt shamelessly as the boy talked and (oh, god) ate his non-fat frozen custard.
Maybe it was the whole celibacy thing since getting sent to Juvie or maybe Gary was right in suggesting that Puck wasn't a hundred percent straight, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the sinful way Kurt ate. It made him think of all sorts of uses for that mouth. Including making out in the back seat of Kurt's SUV after Blaine and Peter started their drive back to Dalton.
But before they could get anywhere good, Kurt pulled away and said, "Crap. I've got to get home."
"Just two more minutes," Puck suggested, nipping at the sweet skin on Kurt's neck and whimpering in complaint when Kurt pulled away.
"As unexpectedly enjoyable as this is-" Puck scoffed loudly to cut Kurt off. How could anyone expect anything other than enjoyment from making out with Puckasaurus? Rolling his eyes in the dim light coming from the streetlamp above his car, Kurt continued, "I won't make my dad stay up waiting for me. He needs as much sleep as he can get these days."
"Yeah, alright," Puck replied, clearing his throat and letting Kurt go. "But don't think you're getting out of clearing second base with me tomorrow night."
Kurt laughed, but he didn't say no, which Puck counted as a win. "Get out of my car, Noah."
Noah? The only people who called him that were the occasional teacher, his mother and his sister, and Rachel Berry. But, he liked how it looked and sounded on Kurt's lips. So much so that he blurted out, "Be my boyfriend."
After a long moment of silence that made Puck's neck itchy and his feet restless, Kurt finally spoke. "What about your badass rep?" the boy asked with a frown, settling himself in the seat in front of Puck and looking around the seatback at him. "And do you really think I'd stoop so low as to date a convict?"
"My rep can go screw itself," Puck growled. "It didn't mean anything in that place. I'm not a freaking badass, Kurt, convict or no. I'm just a guy. I like you. What else matters?"
"Why wouldn't you kiss me at the party?"
Puck thought he would have been ready for that question, but it hit him out of the blue, hard. "I guess ..." he sighed, trying not to let Gary put words in his mouth, again. "I thought if I liked it, and everyone else saw, I'd get as much crap as you do all the time. And I know Santana was all pissed at me that day and before Quinn's whole pledge, she wouldn't have let it go. She would have made a big-ass deal and I couldn't, like, handle it or whatever."
Kurt nodded thoughtfully before asking, "What made you think you'd like it? Make some new friends in prison?"
"Dude," Puck insisted, climbing up so he was sitting in the seat next to Kurt's, "don't even joke about that. Nothing like that happened to me, but I heard some freaky things. And it has nothing to do with that time Mr. Ryerson touched me inappropriately, either."
"So what, then?" Kurt asked, brushing past the uncomfortable mention of the creepy drama teacher and flinching slightly when Puck reached out to stroke a thumb down the side of Kurt's face.
Puck shrugged. "You kinda got hot over the summer, babe. And you were all lonely and sad. It's sort of my thing."
"If I agree to be your boyfriend," Kurt asked, taking Puck's hand away from his face and holding it in his own on the armrest of his seat, "will you want to keep me lonely and sad? 'Cause I don't know how much more of that I could take. I'm not one of your desperate housewives, Puckerman."
Hating to bring this up, but knowing he had to if he was going to get Kurt to agree, Puck said, "My shrink, Gary, says I can't date anyone 'age-inappropriate' anymore. He says if I want to date, I have to be serious about it. I'm serious, Kurt. I'm gonna try to be a really awesome boyfriend."
Kurt nodded his head and thought for what seemed like forever before he said, "No."
Puck's heart lurched down into his stomach and he felt like he was going to puke. Kurt "queer-as-a-three-dollar-bill" Hummel was shooting him down. "But...?"
"I'll date you, Noah," Kurt amended with a shy smile, "but you've got to prove yourself before I'll start calling you my boyfriend."
"Oh," Puck said, more relieved than he thought he would be. The damn kid had really gotten under Puck's skin, hadn't he? "Yeah, that sounds cool. Tomorrow, then?"
"Tomorrow," Kurt nodded, accepting a quick kiss from Puck before the jock jumped out of the car and gave Kurt one last wave before trotting over to his mother's repaired Volvo. What she didn't know about him 'borrowing' the car while she was on her own date wouldn't hurt her, now would it?
And if Puck really wanted to make out with Kurt again, that wouldn't hurt anyone else, either. Except maybe all those chicks who wouldn't be getting what they wanted out of him. Puck smiled and started the car's engine, head full of daydreams of screaming girls trying to get a piece of him and Kurt turning that cute nose of his down at all of them because he had the hottest boyfriend in school. Effin' sweet!
The End (really this time!)