Another drabble. I'm getting some inspiration apparently. Happy Halloween!

- Hide and Seek -

kaiora

If you ask her how long she has been dead, she wouldn't be able to say.

It is hard to measure time when darkness is infinite. She didn't really notice it. She didn't particularly lament in it. It just was. She hadn't seen light for many years. Year is a loose term, of course, because time is also infinite.

She can see most in the second floor of the house. Up there, she can make out the shapes of furniture and the culminated knick-knacks. She can feel when the air gets moist and warm, and she notices when it gets dry and chilly. Her favorite place was her closet, where all her beautiful dresses used to hang delicately. She also liked the windowsill with the padded bench; sometimes, if she really squeezed her eyes hard, the tree outside would come into view. Once or twice she saw a passing person. She wondered if they saw her too.

It is when she starts to descend the stairs that it gets scary. The bottom half of her house is bathed in thick darkness when she looks down the staircase. If she thinks really hard, she can remember what it used to look like: soft, pastel carpet with a lovely chandelier. Her living room had a fireplace with a grand mantel piece and tall bookcases that her father loved to read. She missed her kitchen and when her maid would bake her fresh bread. She missed walking in on her mother staring out the window of the showroom serenely.

But most of all she missed grass under her toes.

She doesn't remember much else but that. Her memory of the first floor is almost 2D, while memory of the outside is just a feeling. She doesn't even know what grass looks like, she just remembers it felt like soft, wet hair tickling her toes.

These memories only come back to her when she tries hard. Otherwise, floating around the hallway tended to pass the time.

And pass the time it did.

She remembers one time the little boy of the house was playing with toys she didn't recognize by the top of the staircase. She had always liked little children. Games were fun. Sometimes, she played them too.

She sat down in front of him and tried to reach for some sort of contraption on wheels, but just as she did, so did he, and he screamed as they made contact. Well, they didn't really make contact. She can't touch him skin to skin. He jerked his hand as if she'd zapped him. He looked around confused. She felt so badly for having hurt him so she tried to tell him she was sorry, but he just froze. She remembers his eyes getting really big - and she remembers because of how beautiful and blue they were - and his face go pale. His skin almost matched hers. It almost made her laugh and ask if he were dead too as a silly joke, but he suddenly shot up and sprinted down the stairs.

She was very sad he left her to play alone.

The next time she saw him he was much taller and grown up looking. It surprised her very much. It hadn't been that long at all since he left her to play alone. If she could count living time, she would way it had felt like only a couple of days. But that is what the darkness does to you, she guessed. Floating along and letting go gets you detached from reality.

She liked her closet very much. Once, all her pretty dresses had hung delicately there. Sometimes, she wants to try them on again and dance around. Because sometimes, her white dress gets old. But whenever she tries to pick through the clothes hanging there, she doesn't recognize them at all. She guessed they were not hers, but rather the boy's. She often sees him in her room. He even sleeps in her bed. Sometimes, on good nights, she is able to sit on the floor beside him and stare at him, hoping to see his eyes open again.

But by the time he will open them again, she is swept in darkness once more.

It became a habit of hers to stand by her closet waiting for him to visit. His clothes were strange, but she liked it when he wore green. At least she thinks that is what the color is called. It is only on good days that she can see color well. And good days are when she sees him smiling. She likes to smile back at him, and once or twice she tries to grab his arm in affection, but he always pulls away. Rejection is hard, but she will keep trying.

She is dedicated to not letting time pass too quickly. But sometimes it slips through her fingers.

One time, he brought someone with him to her room. She was very pretty with light hair and eyes. Unlike hers, which was red. She wondered if she liked hide-and-seek. Games are fun. She likes games very much. Her mother used to tease her because she was too old for them.

But then he started to hold her hand and she blushed. The feeling she felt was ugly and sad. Now, she really wanted to play hide-and-seek. She wanted to make the girl go hide. Maybe in the bathtub behind the curtain. That way she could lock her in and turn on the water until it is up to her neck.

She starts to get closer to the boy and he doesn't pull away like he does with her. She watches as she stares into his pretty eyes. She watches as she leans on her tippy-toes to touch her lips to his. She cannot watch anymore, so she goes over and pushes her away. This time, it is not just a shock, she stumbles backwards. I tell her to leave and she runs out of my bedroom door screaming. He follows her. I feel alone again.

Next time she sees him he is sad too. She wonders if they can be sad together. She tells him this but he just starts crying with his pretty brown hair shaking side to side. He tells her to go away and leave her alone and she wants to cry, too.

She drifts for a while. The furniture starts to lose its shape. Things get dark. She is not sure how long it has been. But the next time she walks down the hallway like she used to, she sees someone she has never seen before. Actually it is a bunch of people. A family. She is confused. She wants to see her brunette boy again. She calls his name but they look confused. Do they not know him? He is hard to miss.

She comes back as often as the darkness allows, but she does not see him. Did he die? She hoped so. Then they could play hide-and-go seek together forever. She hopes he didn't die like she did, though. Sometimes, she starts coughing to get the water out of her lungs. It is hard because two hands are pushing her down and her head hurts from hitting the bottom of the tub. But she stops coughing eventually. She always hates it when she coughs like that. It makes the boy uncomfortable.

She does not see him for some time. Actually, she never really sees him again. A new boy is in her room now. At first she is sad, but he looks like he would be good at hide-and-seek so she is happy. He is just like the other boy. They both have beautiful eyes. His hair is lighter though and less spiky. They also both move away when she tries to grab his arm affectionately. It makes her sad.

Sometimes, it is hard being dead. But she will keep trying.


review if you like it. even one word will do.