A/N - This fic was written for a fic exchange over on the LJ Comm, TMI_Fic. it is a gift for LJ user janefire (not sure if she has a FFn account) She gave me three prompts, and i chose two of them for this. they are 1) Getting caught making out while still "brother and sister" 2) Clary jealous of Alec. I hope i did the prompts justice!
This was my first time writing TMI fic and my first time writing 3rd person. Though I enjoyed bending these characters to my will, i have decided that 3rd person POV is an evil bitch. But at least I tried, yea?
This fic is a tad OOC and though it doesn't exactly fit in with the book's timeline/plot, I categorize it as during City of Ashes. Standard disclaimer that I don't own shit but man..if I owned Jace...MOVING ON...
very special THANK YOU to my beta/wifey MissSnazzy. I'm pretty sure i drove her completely fucking insane with this o/s.
Enough of my rambling, go click that little 1/2 button up there on the right and read!
Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could
Make This Go on Forever – Snow Patrol
Clary was placing the last container of leftover Chinese in the microwave when the feeling struck her deep in the pit of her stomach. It was the kind of gut feeling where you instantly knew something terrible had occurred.
She knew it was him. Only two other people in her life could cause such a strong reaction—one was in a coma and the other was currently stretched out on Luke's couch watching large breasted anime girls fight a dragon.
She reached into her pocket and checked her cell. No calls, no texts—nothing. Luke would have called immediately if anything happened to her mom.
Clary was starting to feel anxious.
No one would call her if something happened to Jace. She didn't think Isabelle particularly liked her, but she knew Alec hated her. Contacting Clary would just be an afterthought. She quickly dialed Jace's number.
It was the same with Isabelle and Alec's phones. Something was very wrong. Jace never ignored a call from Clary. He'd answer at 3am, knowing somehow, that it was her calling before he even checked at his phone.
The knot in Clary's stomach was growing worse. She had to get to Jace. Above all else, he was her brother and she should be there for him.
That justification worked for her.
"Clary! You're missing the best parts!" Simon yelled from the living room. "Clary?" he called when she didn't respond. He poked his head in the kitchen and took notice of Clary's worried expression. "What's wrong?"
"It's Jace. He's in trouble. I need to get to the Institute."
Her words rushed out of her mouth before she could stop them. She hated asking him to accompany her to see Jace. She knew it was cruel. She almost wished Simon would tell her no, just once, but she knew he wouldn't. He'd do anything for her, even if it meant taking her to the boy that she loved more than him.
"Did they call you?" he asked quietly, his eyebrows narrowed. He knew full well the phone didn't ring. Even without his vampire hearing, he would have heard Clary's phone.
"No, but I can feel it." Simon looked at her like she had officially lost her mind. It wasn't far off from how she felt. She often wondered whether everything that had happened since she first saw Jace, Alec, and Isabelle in Pandemonium had been a hallucination or a mental defect. "Look, I'll just take a cab." She pushed passed Simon to grab her coat off the chair. "You can stay here. Just tell Luke where I am, okay?"
"No." His shoulders slumped in defeat. "I'm not going to let you go alone."
"Simon…" she began, but trailed off. Clary wasn't quite able to reach his eyes. She knew she was being completely unfair to him.
"Clary, I'm not letting you wander around by yourself. Who knows when Valentine will decide to show up again? Plus, I'm a creature of the night now. I should be out…you know…at night." He shrugged.
Clary reached up and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "Thank you." If Simon were still human, he would have blushed.
After they gathered their things and left a note for Luke, Simon and Clary hailed down a cab and headed to the Institute. During the ride, Clary kept calling Jace's phone, hoping for some kind of response. Every unanswered ring twisted her heart. Simon tried several attempts to get a hold of Isabelle, but he wasn't fairing any better.
When the cab finally reached its destination, Clary threw some cash at the driver and jumped out before it came to a complete stop. Simon hung back, remembering that he wasn't allowed to set foot inside the Institute anymore. Clary had forgotten, already half way in the door before she checked over her shoulder, wondering why he wasn't right behind her.
"I'll just wait here," he said, hating the fact that, once again, it was all about Jace. Ever since Clary had discovered she was a Shadowhunter—no, since she discovered Jace—Simon had come second. He had grown used to having Clary all to himself, being her best friend, always hoping that someday she might look at him the way he looks at her. Now he had to compete for her attention, with her brother, no less.
"Oh, uh…" She fumbled for words.
"It's fine Clary. It's not like anyone can hurt me. I'm already dead." He chuckled nervously at his weak attempt at a joke. She gave him a grateful smile as she continued into the building and pressed the call button on the elevator.
The door opened before she could take her finger off the button. Waiting on the other side was the normally perfectly styled Isabelle, covered in giant splotches of blood. There were several scratches on her face that had yet to heal, though Clary was sure she'd been marked with a healing rune. Her braids were coming undone and her clothing was ripped. The sight of her like this made Clary's heart drop. Isabella almost always walked away from a battle looking like she was ready for the runway. Ifshe was this torn up, there was no way Jace was unharmed.
"Well that sure didn't take you long," Isabelle said as she leaned against the elevator jam, effectively blocking Clary from entering. She needed to delay Clary for just a few minutes.
"Why didn't anyone call me?" Clary couldn't keep the anger out of her voice.
"We were kind of busy trying to keep ourselves among the living. You weren't exactly a top priority." Isabelle was being a bitch on purpose, hoping to drive Clary away long enough to give Magnus time to do his thing. She should have known that plan wouldn't work. Clary was the second most defiant person she'd ever known.
Clary swallowed her anger and ignored Isabelle's obnoxious tone, knowing that she didn't like seeing Jace injured anymore than Clary did. Isabelle, at least, had a legitimate sisterly claim on him. None of what Clary felt could be described as sisterly.
"How bad is he?" she asked, almost whispering. She was afraid to hear the answer and nervously played with the sleeve of her hoodie while she waited for Isabelle's reply. She flat out couldn't take any more bad news.
"It's….not good." Isabelle lost her attitude when she saw Clary flinch. "But it's Jace, so…" The words hung in the air. If anyone could survive an attack from a Drevak demon, it was Jace. She sincerely believed that his stubbornness could keep the poison at bay.
"I'm going up there." Clary made to move around Isabelle but she shot her arm out, blocking the way. "Move, Isabelle."
"Jace doesn't need you hovering over him right now."
"He's my brother…"
"Don't you dare pull that brother crap. If anyone has the right to say that, it's me and Alec. But not you."
"No matter what you might think about me, Isabelle, I am allowed to care about him. Now let me through."
She pushed Isabelle's arm out of her way and walked into the elevator. Her eyes were flashing in anger, daring Isabelle to stop her. She might not be a trained Shadowhunter, but she was pretty sure she could take Isabelle if she tried to prevent her from seeing Jace. Maybe.
"Fine. I'll just go hang out with Simon. You know, that guy you've been friends with since you were a child but abandon whenever Jace is involved?"
Clary flinched again as the doors closed. It was a low blow, mentioning Simon like that. She felt guilty enough for what she did to him. She didn't need other people commenting on it.
The ride up was slow and gave her too much time to contemplate her actions. She wished they understood that if she could change her DNA, she would. That if she could stand to be apart from Jace, she'd take her mom and move to the other side of the world. She didn't like torturing everyone around her. She wasn't getting a thrill out of hurting Simon or Jace. She didn't ask for this life, and almost wished she could go back to Magnus and have him erase her memories again, except that would mean no Jace. And he was something she just couldn't let go of.
Church was swishing his tail, waiting for her when the doors opened again. "Can you take me to Jace?" The cat just stared at her. "Please?" Clary added. Church blinked lazily and started to walk down the empty halls. It was eerie being here alone, the dark and the quiet certainly didn't ease her tension. Clary wasn't sure if he was actually leading her to Jace or just on the hunt for more fish. Eventually they did come to the infirmary and a quick peak verified that Jace was in there. She turned to say thank you to Church, but he was already gone.
Jace was lying on one of the beds with Alec leaning over him. Clary couldn't see his face, but she was positive he wasn't awake. One of his legs was covered with bloody bandages and his shirt and fighting gear were in a heap on the floor. His skin was ashen and there was what looked like a bruise forming across this chest. Alec was moving over him, marking his body with runes. Alec appeared to be in deep concentration, so for the moment Clary didn't want to interrupt him. She watched Jace's chest rise and fall, counting the seconds between breaths. As long as she focused on that, she was okay. Regular breathing meant he was alive and as long as he was alive she could be patient.
Still, that didn't stop her from gripping the doorframe as if her life depended on it. That wasn't far from reality, actually because if Jace didn't make it—she shook her head against the thought. He was Jace—the idea of him being beaten by a demon was just unthinkable.
As Clary watched Alec heal Jace, she started to feel a twinge of jealousy with the way his hands glided over Jace's body. Logically, she knew Alec had his stelein hand, and was only performing whatever healing tricks Shadowhunters were trained in, but she couldn't help but notice there was a certain intimacy to his actions.
What Alec wouldn't give to be able to touch Jace in that manner. The worse part was that even though Alec's lifestyle was considered an embarrassment by his fellow Nephilim, it was still more socially acceptable than how Jace and Clary felt about each other. Alec and Jace could possibly date. They could touch and hug and kiss and whisper in each other's ears, if they so wished. They could start a life together, make promises, and lead happy lives. The Lightwoods would grow used to it eventually, and maybe others of their kind would grow to accept them.
Jace and Clary though, could never be. Because what they wanted was a sin against nature. They would lose everything. She knew her mother could never have foreseen such a thing happening, but she still blamed her. If she hadn't run, obscured Clary's memories, and lied to her for her entire life, then maybe she and Jace would have a normal relationship.
"Secretly, Alec probably is enjoying touching Jace." Clary was startled from her thoughts by an amused voice behind her. She spun around and came face to face with Magnus in all his glitter glory. She stared at him for a minute—there was something off about his appearance. More off than usual. "Projection, Clary. I can't come in here, remember?"
Clary nodded distractedly and looked back towards Jace and Alec. She continued counting Jace's breaths.
"Jace is going to be fine," Magnus said confidently. "He was able to kill the demon before it injected too much poison. He's pretty banged up though. Wanted to fight the demon himself, according to Alec. I know that kid is arrogant, but I can't imagine what would make him want to provoke a Drevak demon. Would you happen to know, Clary?" The tone of his voice suggested he already knew Jace's motives and the reasoning behind them.
She decided to ignore his implications. "If he's ok, why isn't he awake?"
"I put him to sleep. He has a few broken bones and since I have to perform my magic from afar, I thought it would be less painful if he were unconscious."
Broken Bones, Clary repeated in her head.
Jace didn't break bones. He didn't get injured in fights. He was probably the best Shadowhunter of his time, which meant that Jace went out specifically looking for a nasty fight. He got it, and now he was paying for it. This pissed Clary off. Of course she couldn't take her anger out on him, so she directed it at Magnus.
"You can heal Jace without being in the same building, but you can't bring my mother back?" she snapped at him. "Some High Warlock."
Magnus sighed as though her words bored him. "Jocelyn's condition is far worse than an impulsive teenager with a death wish and some broken bones."
Clary didn't have a response for that. They stood in silence for a bit, watching over Jace. Alec finally acknowledged their presence, but didn't speak. Clary noticed that Alec kept referring to a piece of paper and guessed that Magnus had given him instructions.
"I should probably go. There is only so much teen angst I can take. Also, Simon and Isabelle left. I wouldn't expect to hear from him for a few hours. She had that devious glint in her eye."
With that, Magnus disappeared and Clary was left alone in the hallway. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she noticed that Jace looked remarkably better.
Finally Alec put his stele down and came to Clary. "Well, I've done all I can and all of what Magnus told me."
"Is he going to wake up soon?" she asked, not taking her eyes off Jace for a second.
"I'm not quite sure. We should let him get some rest though." Alec put his hand on Clary's arm to try and guide her away.
She stood firm, resisting Alec's pull. "I'm going to stay with him until he wakes up."
"The guy needs some sleep. He almost died."
"Exactly. He almost died. I'm not leaving."
"Clary," Alec said in an exasperated tone.
"Alec." She met his eyes, giving him a look that clearly told him what he could do to himself if he tried to take her away from Jace.
"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and dropped his hand. "I'm going to go find Magnus. Please try not to disturb him. I'll be back in a bit to check on him." He was annoyed—that was obvious. One would think after living with Jace for all those years, he'd be used to people undermining whatever authority he had.
Clary leaned against the wall and watched Jace. She really didn't want to bother him. She just wanted to be by his side when he finally woke up. Her draw to him was too great for her to stay way for long, and she gradually inched closer until she was standing next to him. More for herself than for him. Clary needed to see him alive and well to put her own mind at ease. She fully intended to stay as long as necessary.
She took in the sight of his half naked body. Even though it was bruised and bloodied, it was still enough to take Clary's breath away. Only Jace could be on the verge of death and still look sexy. How many times had she dreamt of running her hands over that chest? Probably too many to count.
Almost on its own, her hand reached out and touched Jace's shoulder. His skin was warm beneath her fingers, baby smooth expect for the raised scars from his rune marks. She kept her hand moving, across his chest and down his abdomen, being careful to stay clear of the injuries. She was so absorbed in her actions that she didn't notice Jace open his eyes. He watched her, enjoying her touch way more than he should.
"Look at you, fondling me while I'm defenseless," Jace said suddenly, needing to distract Clary because if she kept going he wouldn't be able to control himself. Injuries be damned. She wasn't expecting him to be awake and the sound of his voice startled her so badly she jumped and knocked over the tray of medical supplies next to Jace's bed. "Can't even keep your hands off a wounded man."
"Damnit, Jace," Clary grumbled crossly as she picked up the fallen supplies. Typical of him to ruin a moment by speaking.
"I know it's hard for you to keep your hands off me but please. Next time? Wake me up so I can enjoy it, too." Jace's smirk was cut short by a wince as he adjusted his position.
Jace's pained expression reminded her of just exactly why she was here.
"What the hell where you thinking?" Clary asked sharply.
"I was thinking I would save the world."
"Can you ever be serious?"
"Yes, but it's never about anything you want to hear about." Clary didn't have a comeback for that statement and decided to ignore it.
"So are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to ask Alec?"
"Valentine sent me a message. Said he wanted to speak to me. I went, Alec and Izzy followed. Turned out to be a trap. Or a test, which is far more likely coming from him," he explained as simply as if he were telling Clary what he had for lunch that day. His nonchalant attitude infuriated her.
"Why would you go to him?" There was a slightly hysterical edge to her voice.
"He is my father, Clary." He shrugged his shoulders, further frustrating Clary.
"He's also a psychopath," she blurted out. Jace's eyes narrowed and they stared each other down, neither willing to give up. Clary could only withstand the intensity of Jace's gaze for so long. She relented first, dropping her eyes to her feet.
"I can't help it. You only know him as Valentine the bad guy. For ten years of my life, I knew him as my father. I didn't know he was the villain. That's not something I can just forget."
"He could have killed you."
"No, he won't kill me. Not directly. He was controlling the demons, testing my weaknesses. It went after Alec. Valentine knows that Alec isn't the strongest fighter and that I'd protect him."
"That doesn't make it better! You don't just go running off to Valentine! Not only does it put you in danger, it also makes you look incredibly guilty—"
"He said he had you!" Jace shouted, effectively cutting Clary off. "He told me that you were with him and that I needed to come immediately."
"You didn't think to call and check?"
"I don't think when it comes to you. I just act. My only thought was that you were in danger. Most girls would find that extremely flattering."
"You'd do the same for Isabelle," Clary whispered, trying to change the course of the discussion.
"Izzy can handle herself. She doesn't need rescuing on a regular basis." This was quickly on its way to a full blown argument. Clary hated the whole damsel in distress thing.
"My apologies for feeling like you have to spend all your time saving me!"
"Well if you could just stay out of trouble for five minutes, I wouldn't have to spend all my time saving you." Clary's temper flared at Jace's mocking tone.
"I don't know why I even bothered coming here." She started to walk away, but Jace grabbed her wrist.
"You came here for the chance to see me shirtless," Jace joked, trying to ease the tense situation. He didn't want her to leave. He wanted her next to him for as long as he could get. Clary tried to pull away, but he refused to let go.
"You need your rest. Alec is going to be back soon. He's not going to be happy with me for keeping you up," She protested quietly.
"Since when do you care about what Alec thinks?" Jace released Clary's wrist, but moved his hand so that his fingers were intertwined with hers. "Don't go."
"We can't do this, Jace."
"I've told you how I feel—"
"—I love you." He continued talking over Clary as if she hadn't spoken at all. There was a slight pause as he gathered his thoughts. When he spoke again, his voice was softer and no longer in the normal arrogant and sarcastic tone. He sounded almost vulnerable, which made Clary stop and listen.
"I honestly thought I'd never see you again. All I could picture was your face. I was scared, Clary. I thought I was going to lose you forever. I don't want to pretend anymore. You are what I want, more than anything. And I know you feel the same. You do desire my kiss most of all." Clary blushed from both embarrassment and the memory of the kiss in Seelie Court. Jace was pulling her closer to him, but she did nothing to stop it.
This waswhat she desired most of all. To be wrapped in Jace's arms with his lips on hers. To be able to touch Jace without having to think of the repercussions. They had to pretend, pretend, pretend and she hated it.
Jace grunted softly from pain as he sat up and came face to face with Clary. He was right there, less than an inch from her face and what she should have felt was disgust, but she couldn't muster up that reaction. What was so wrong with them that they felt this way about each other? Why did she crave his kiss so badly? The Faerie Queen said they had been experimented on—what could Valentine have done to them to make them love their own sibling so inappropriately?
Clary didn't have time to hash it out. Before she was able to protest, Jace had placed his free hand behind her neck and brought her lips to his. Everything about Jace clouded her mind and this was no different. She could think of nothing, but his lips and his tongue against hers and his soft breath on her face. She didn't put up a fight when his hands started to roam across her body, slipping under shirt. It even excited her when he moaned as she tangled her fingers in his hair. They were completely lost in each other.
Jace wanted her, right now on the stupid hospital bed. His still mending body screamed against the movement of twisting and lying Clary down on the bed next to him. This was the point of no return. This would change everything and probably not for the better. But he wasn't able to stop. A life without Clary in his arms was not a life at all.
A loud bang startled them both, causing them to jump and break apart. It was Isabelle—she had slammed the door to get their attention. Clary shot upright, beat red as she yanked her shirt down to cover herself. Jace rolled over onto his back, pulling his pants up and buttoning them, seemly as cool and calm as ever.
Isabelle stood with a hand on her hip, tapping her foot. Though her posture gave off the angry bitch vibe, she was far from angry. More sad than anything. This was going to destroy them. She didn't enjoy seeing Jace hurting or Clary either, for that matter. She had actually come to like Clary a bit. Isabelle could already see the tears forming in Clary's eyes.
"Magnus said you and Simon left," Clary choked out as she tried to keep the tears at bay.
"Luke found your note and wanted to check on you. He's downstairs. I told him I'd come get you. I see you're doing better, Jace?"
"Couldn't be better." His voice was lacking its normal sarcastic tone.
"Ok well, if you're done, Luke is waiting. I'll be in the hallway. I'd be quick if I were you. Alec will be back in soon." She gave Jace a very pointed look before slipping out the door.
"Damnit!" Clary shouted as she scrambled off the bed. "I can't believe I let it go that far. I can't believe I even let it start!"
"We both wanted it."
"I'm your sister, Jace! And we...we almost…I need to leave." Clary was near panic as she finished straightening her clothes.
"You can't just keeping running away from this."
"I'm not running away."
"Yes, you are. What are you going to do now? Date Simon again? Ignore my phone calls until you get into trouble and need me to come save you?" He couldn't keep the jealousy and bitterness out of his voice. "It's ok for me to love you when you need my help. Otherwise it's sickening, am I right?"
"I hate you," Clary shot back. His words stung her deeply. The worst part was that he was right. She could count on him if she needed him, but what he didn't realize is she would do the same for him. However, she was far too pissed off to explain that to him. She turned her back on him and stomped towards the door.
"Hey, now you're starting to sound like a real sister!" Jace called out as she slammed the door behind her. Isabelle was waiting as she said she would. There was a look of pity on her face that irritated Clary even more.
She could tell Isabelle wanted to talk, but she walked right past her. She was done. There was only so much emotional upheaval she could handle and she was now far past her limit. Clary hopped on the elevator and kept pressing the close button, preventing Isabelle from riding down with her.
On the ride up, she couldn't wait to get to Jace. Now on the ride down, she couldn't wait to get away from him. Alone in the elevator, she let the tears roll down her cheeks. Everything was wrong. She never should have come in the first place.
When the elevator doors opened, the first person she saw what Simon. Ever reliable Simon, who stood by her side no matter what. She loved him like a brother and although he was in love with her, he'd never push. He'd never test her limits and fight with her. She went to Simon, wrapping her arms around him and crying into his chest.
"Is Jace alright?" Luke asked from behind her.
"He's fine. Can you take me home, please?"
"Sure, Clary." Luke patted her on the shoulder.
The ride home was quiet. The rest of the night was spent with Simon comforting Clary. He understood and he didn't judge—he was the brother she needed. Early in the morning, Clary's phone chirped with a text.
Call Me,it said.
A part of her desperately wanted to call immediately, just to hear the sound of his voice. Instead she turned off the phone and rolled over, curling up against Simon.
Thank you for reading! =D