A/N: So I'm breaking from my schedule. I can't help it. When someone asked me to write a prequel to That's Beautiful to Me, this automatically popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone. I have a plan for the next one and I'm already working on it. Once these midterms are over, I'll be a bit more free.
Overview: Angsty mid S5 finale fic on what a lot of us believe happened before B&B left. Song fic based on the song Friends, Lovers, or Nothing by John Mayer. The first out of a few prequels to my fic That's Beautiful to Me.
Next one will be up soon!
Its early morning. She lies in bed as he pulls his discarded fatigues back on. Neither of them speak as she watches him leave her apartment. It had been routine for the past few nights, both had decided they didn't want to be alone before leaving for days and months on end. When she hears the door close, she decides that a life without him is not what she wants. She knows that should she ever see him with someone else, she'd die of loneliness. He was changing her ideals, her premonitions of being alone forever.
She thinks back to the night before. They both knew it was the last night. She was flying to Maluku the next day and Booth had to report back to the base. She had already finished her second glass of wine when she called. Come on over, she had told him. And he did. He snuck off the base and showed up at her door. Before she could undo the knot on her robe, he was out of his fatigues and working on the knot himself. He carried her to the bedroom and made love to her all night, breaking the laws of physics time and time again. She had never been one for pillow talk, but he insisted. Once she was sufficiently satisfied and he was sure she wasn't about to bolt, he gave her a proposition, a problem, a conundrum that needed to be solved before they left.
He had given her three options. He told her she had to pick one, telling her there's no in between. He was pretty sure he already knew what she'd choose. And he was right. He knew she wouldn't let him go without a fight, but she was adamant about reestablishing that line they had only so recently crossed. Friends. That's what they've been for years.
Why had he expected her to choose something more? The last few nights had not been for nothing, he had made sure of that. He had shown her what it means to be loved, what it means that, even though they were about to spend time apart, there could still be a connection no matter how big of a distance there might be.
But, she made her choice. Friends. That was what she had told him in the first place and now she was sticking to that.
So he wasn't going to force her. And she knew that. But what was supposed to happen when he moved on like he promised he would? She wasn't the jealous type, but the thought made her heart ache.
But the choices she had made are breaking her.
And every night he asked if she was okay with what they were doing. She always said, yes. And he knew she was telling the truth because any other than that was a no.
He asked if he could stay, if he could sleep there. And she always said, stay. Because anything other than that was telling him to go. She didn't want to be alone just yet.
And when they were one, when the laws of physics were in the process of being rewritten, she always whispered I love you. And he knew it was the truth. Her lips could only speak the truth, and those words lingered on her lips each night like a prayer, a safe word, a plea of feelings he knows she'll never be able to face.
So, on this last morning, before the jungle of Maluku and the desert of Afghanistan become all too real, she lies in bed, thinking over her decisions.
She knows she's too late. He's already gone.