Thank you reviewers! This Fic is almost over! I am so sad to see it go. There is one last chapter after this one, so thank you to all that have reviewed and read!
Rated M, NSFW, and I own nothing.
FOR THE GREY WARDENS!
We aren't talking. In fact, no one is talking and it's a little eerie considering that we are about to fight a freaking Arch demon that apparently has my damn name on it. Why my name? Because the maker hates me and I am pretty sure I must have stepped on his foot in a past life. I watch the men gathering from their lands, all the forces I gathered mind you. That's right. Me. You know the one that has to fix every damn problem in this whole land.
And Eamon is starting to sound as bad a Leliana when he blathers on and on about we need to pray that it is enough. You know what? You go gather your own fucking army.
You cannot avoid me for forever Cullen, trust me, I've tried avoiding you and somehow we ended up married.
So really, taking all of that into account you should stop trying otherwise we are going to end up bound together in the afterlife, and even I have qualms about that.
"Before us stands the might of the Dark spawn horde," why did I make you King again? Great, now I am going to have to round up deserters because you are going to scare them off. Royal Bastard! "Gaze upon them now," yeah.. yeah, I'm looking, I'm looking. "But fear them naught!" Uh-huh.. I'll get right on that. Let's recap a bit shall we? I'm a freaking creation mage. For those of you that have not been paying attention, I heal others and I can glyph with the best of them. I do not, however, make things go 'boom' when I want them to. When I am drunk, yes, when I want them to, no. Okay, have we got that cleared up? Fantastic! So yes, I am going to be just a teeny bit afraid of the black-blooded monsters that want to rip my face off!
"The woman you see beside me is mage." I gave him an annoyed glance, covertly of course because it wouldn't do to be fighting in front of my army. Don't worry that will only go to my head a little. And, oh by the way, did you have to start out with the mage part? I think they got I'm a mage. In fact, I'm not sure I would have known that I was one without you pointing it out Alistair! Yep, look I can twirl my fingers and colors come out. Ohhh shiny, I always wondered about that! Maybe that is why I lived in the Circle my whole life? And if you didn't realize I am a mage thanks to the giant staff on my back, you will be the first into the fray.
Ah, the joys of being in command.
Seriously though, I am the junior warden and it should be your Kingly butt out there trying to save the day. It didn't happen that way, oh no, but that is how it should have been. Because, honestly, hiding behind the tiny mage when you have the shield and sword is not very manly. And, frankly, I'm half hoping you die in this battle.
No hard feelings, I am just saying.
Actually, wait… after the whole 'sleep with me or die' thing, there are hard feelings. Lots of them.
"Raised through the ranks of the Grey Wardens," … all two of them, yes. "She is proof that glory is within reach of us all!"
Not all of you. He really is just saying that to make you feel better about dying. Because, really, most of you are going to die.
Good luck though!
"She has survived, despite the odds," I know, I am a magical sex goddess. Trust me, it's been mentioned before. "And without her, none of us would be here."
Finally! Some recognition. What that so damn hard?
Was it? No, I didn't think so.
"Today, we save Denerim!" Whoa buddy, lets back track a bit here. Why don't we set reasonable goals.. like 'today only most of you will perish and Denerim will most likely needs thousands of sovereigns worth of repairs.' It's catchy right?
"Today we avenge the death of my brother, King Calain!" You weren't listening, were you Alistair? "But most of all," oh shit, there is a 'most of all' ,"We show the Grey Wardens that we remember and honor their sacrifice!"
UH… that's right all of you yellow bastards thought we were evil and responsible for the death of the former king.
Why am I saving you again?
I look to Cullen because the thought has just occurred to me that we could simply let them die. Not, that I… the Grey Warden would allow that…no, I…
Seriously, why I am saving them again?
"For Ferelden! For the Grey Wardennnnnnnnnnnsssss!"
Oh yeah, I'm too freaking stupid to leave when I had the chance. Yes, it's all coming back to me now. I could have told Jowan to shove it; wait then I would have been in the tower when it fell. Huh. Well, I could have left right after the battle of Ostagar, but then… I would have most likely been overrun by dark spawn. So really, my options were death... death… or delayed death if we take my current situation.
Why do you hate me so, Maker?
I really should have been a witch of the wilds.
Whoo hoo here we go, charging into the fray! Yes, because that makes so much sense. I lock eyes with Zevran and he nods in my direction as we bolt forward. Alright, I have an assassin at my back, and my husband is currently out ahead of me, and the dog is next to my side.
Great. I am literally running to my death.
Really! Really? They had one fucking job! Just one! Keep the dark spawn out of the city. But everywhere I look the city is crawling with the filthy little blighters. And why in the name of all that is holy am I carrying around four damn trumpets to call people to my aid? It's not like I can just magically cast a spell that sounds like a horn, oh no that would make too much freaking sense. No! I am forced to deal with obnoxious jangling with every step I take. You have got to be kidding me!
As you might be able to tell, I am just a wee bit upset over this damn incident. Not to mention that I am forced to dodge and duck under a massive onslaught of hurlocks. Which, after knowing where they come from just seems more disgusting if that were even possible.
I roll my eyes as out of nowhere I can hear the shouts of my companions as they seem to be pleased with the turn of events.
I don't ask questions about it, I just assume they are fading insane.
Hey! Don't hide behind me Oghren. What happened to Dwarven honor and fighting, and all that utter nonsense? It's like I am chasing after all of my companions to keep them alive. Because, oh yes, let's not forget that they have abandoned the creation mage! I mean, sure I can use a sword now and that is pretty awesome, but I am by no means a master swordsman. The rest of the melee fighters have had a few years on me and really all I know is to swing away from my body.
And, if I am exceedingly lucky, I hit something... or… um… someone… thing.
Really not to comfortable yet with the whole sword thing. I dance around a few of the more enthusiastic of my followers and I am so grateful the dark spawn cannot speak, because I am not sure I want to know what they are saying.
"Let's get started!" Why am I saying that? I blink in confusion and decide that it must have been nerves.
I'm running right past a few of my companions and healing them as I go. They are slaughtering through the dark spawn at an impressive rate. No really, they are. I would stop to watch, but I am busy trying to evade the freaking genlock on my tail . Can someone please come save the mage?
Anyone? Oh shit! I feel an arrow as it flies through my hair as I sprint across the battlefield. I catch sight of Sten and bolt toward him. I need a meat shield! Protect me damn you, I am the Grey Warden… well, one of them. Never mind all that, come save my cloth covered ass!
I vault over some discarded swords and armor that are just lying in an unusual pattern on the ground. How bizarre. It's like someone placed them right there and I have no urge to pick them up. Even more odd. Oh well.
The battle dies down as I take my place next to Sten who pulls the more intense of the Dark spawn off of me. Thanks buddy, I am so glad I found your sword for you, because I tell you… I don't want to die.
I thought that plainly obvious, but for those of you that still haven't caught on, there it is.
Oh look, Riordan is just standing over there to our left. He looks rather calm for being in the midst of a full blown battle for the very livelihood of all of Thedas. I wonder if he someone managed to go through Morrigan's herb pouch.
Not that… I ever went through her herb pouch or anything…
There are more dark spawn to fight, let's get to that.
I approach him with a swagger in my step. In all actuality I think I might have sprained my ankle stepping over dead things, but he doesn't need to know that.
"You've managed to fight your way to the gates." You mean the whole 100 feet from where we started? I glanced over to where Alistair gave his 'impressive' speech and it's really not that far. I mean I could walk over there right now to show you. Really , I can, just give me four minutes. "We're doing better than I hoped."
… This is better? Holy Maker, I thought I had low standards.
"That will change quickly." Thank you Sten, I can always count on you for the extra boost of confidence just when I need it.
Pessimistic bastard. No one is allowed to be sarcastic except for me. Do you hear me? Well, I'm not actually saying it out loud, but you have better comply all the same!
"Bloody nug-runners are everywhere." Yes Oghren, I think we all noticed that. Truly, I would be lost without your keen eyes. "They outnumber us three to one!"
Wait, wait, wait, wait… just hold on one moment… Oghren can count?
I look around wildly, as the knowledge sinks in. When did that happen? Why did no one tell me?
"What are we to do now Riordan?" Wynne, we have dozens of dark spawn to slaughter, it's strange I only ever see an amount we can kill but they are supposedly over running the city; Huh. Anyway, we can either kill them or die. It's pretty much a 'take it' or 'leave it' scenario. "You have a plan I assume?"
Oh, this ought to be good.
"The army will not last long." No part of that screams 'plan' to me. "So we need to move quickly to reach the Arch Demon." That's it? Fade! I could have come up with that. Even my Dog knew that. I'm sincerely beginning to doubt your leadership skills. Mine aren't much better, but come on. "I suggest taking Alistair-" Ha ha ha ha! You're a funny funny man Riordan. Does the phrase 'Death First' mean anything to you? "-and no more than two others-" So a normal group then? I shrug because even though I am faced with a nearly impossible task of killing an ancient corrupted God, apparently I can only take three freaking people with me to go slay it. Is that what I am getting here? Why don't I take my whole freaking circus of a team with me? Huh? Answer me damn you! "-into the city. Anyone you don't bring with you can remain here to prevent more dark spawn from entering Denerim on our tails."
I pinch the bridge of my nose to fight the overwhelming headache that is beating at my temples with his words. I'm Sorry, didn't I raise an Army? Army; meaning a force of trained military people ready to fight the Blight with me? And yet, you want me to leave the most skilled people behind with you, when they could be in the city with me saving my skin?
I hate you all. I just wanted you to know that. Put it on my grave. 'Here lies Solona-' what the hell is my last name? 'Solona Amell, and she hated you all. She didn't want to die for you and quite frankly she hopes you all rot.'
It would be poetic really.
I narrowed my eyes as I realized the one, I'm being very generous with the number, crucial flaw in Riordan's 'plan'.
"How are we going to fight a flying dragon?" So what if I sounded caustic? I think I am justified. Did everyone else miss the giant wings and the large pointy teeth that help the demon go 'nam nam'?
"We're going to need to reach a high point in the city." You have got to be kidding. That is what we are going to do? Try and catch the damn thing like you would a bird? "I'm thinking the top of Fort Drakon might work."
Am I the only one that sees the irony in fighting a Dragon on top of a Fort that sounds like the word 'dragon'? This is just getting sad. I sigh and shake my head. It's okay, I'm not going to die a virgin at least.
Love you Cullen.
"The top of-? You want to draw the dragon's attention?" By the Maker! How did you survive childhood Alistair? Honestly, I still want to smash your face in with my staff. Yes we want to draw the dragon's attention so we can kill it. You were aware that was the next stage of the plan right?
"We have little choice." I nearly gasp. That is the first thing anyone has said all day that sounds remotely intelligent! "I warn you-" I don't think I can handle another 'warning' from you Riordan. "-as soon as we engage the beast, it will call all its generals to help it."
So… the Arch demon has generals, and I have a rag-tag bunch of adventurers and an army I had to bribe every people to get?
Yeah… because that's fair.
"I can sense two generals in Denerim." Let me get this straight, you knew about the Generals and you are just telling us now. We really have got to work on the Grey Warden policy for sharing information. "You may wish to seek them out before going to Fort Drakon." No! I was just going to run in with spells blazing and wish myself the best of luck. Asshole.
"I am ruse that if we did slay those Generals, it would stop the dark spawn in the city from doing a lot of harm." Riordan, it is a sad day when Leliana makes more sense than you. However, I seem to remember banning you from talking Leliana. Talking is a privilege and not a right.
"It may also waste resources trying to find them." Waste resources? Riordan, I am your only fucking resource and I will do what I damn well please.
Give them an inch and they think they are a ruler.
That's right lower your eyes in respect you dodgy old Orlesian Warden. "The decision is up to you." You're damn right it is.
Then again, every freaking decision has been up to me, so this really should not be a surprise.
I glared at him in mute protest as I thought over my options.
Give me a moment.
"Who do you wish to take with you into the city?" You're already bugging me about this? It's been all of two seconds!
I look at my companions, each one covered in dirt and filth. Eww, did I look like that? Gross. I glance down and see I am covered in dark spawn blood that still smells like waste and vomit mixed together then baked out in the sun for a week. Okay, so maybe being a Grey Warden isn't so glamorous.
I can't leave Zevran with Cullen, I hate to say it, but I know Zevran would kill him. It would be flattering if the prospect of losing my husband didn't bother me so much. What? I can get attached too. Cullen is out because he might die while I am fighting the Arch Demon. I am not taking Alistair, because well… I'm just not. So... I can take the pregnant witch that I am sure would turn my skin into pants given the opportunity, Zevran, Sten to be the giant meat shield, and me. Hm… maybe I should take the dog?
Okay so I am the healer, obviously, and Morrigan can be my long range fighter, Sten can take a fierce beating, and Zevran can… not kill Cullen! Excellent.
"Morrigan, Zevran, and Sten. You're with me." They nod in unison, which is kind of awesome when you see it.
And, as I thought Cullen looks fit to be tied.
"Fair enough." Thanks for ruining the mood Riordan. Have I called you an ass yet? Oh I have? Well, at least I'm not losing my touch. "Anyone else will need to remain here and assist in keeping more dark spwan from coming inside the gates behind us. Who will lead them?"
Oh… good question. I'm torn between Cullen and Oghren. Really torn. Hm, well if I give Cullen a duty, he can at least be distracted long enough for me to escape.
"Cullen will lead them." I wink at my husband, and you had better not die on me or I will hunt you down in the fade and gut you like a fish… sweetheart.
And I look on with only slightly watery eyes, only because of the horrid stench on my clothing honestly, as they all come and bid me farewell.
Maker… does everyone think I am going to die?
Don't answer that!