Summary: It was a fight between the inner Time Lord and the inner Human; a fight between the desire of wanting and needing. Spoilers for Series 2: The Girl in the Fireplace.
Notes: I believe it was in Paul McGann's Doctor Who episode/film that suggested the Doctor was half human on his mother's side. If I've got my facts wrong, I apologise in advance. This is my version of the Girl in the Fireplace.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.
Wants and Needs.
It was a fight between the inner Time Lord and the inner Human.
Despite the fact that his fathers Gallifreyan genes greatly cancelled out any large amounts of human genes from his mother, he could not deny they were there. He could feel them there at this very moment. The human in him wanted to cling onto what it needed just as much as the Time Lord.
He rushed around madly ignoring Mickey the Idiot's infuriating questions and pushing past Arthur the horse as he desperately tried to break the connection to the time windows.
'We don't have a truck.'
'I know we don't have a truck!' he yelled in reply, losing his temper completely.
'Well, we've got to try something!' Rose cried.
He felt his hearts pull at her desperate tone, desperate on behalf of a woman she hardly knew, yet the inner Time Lord won the fight with the inner Human as he resisted the urge to look into her eyes and pull her close in comfort.
'No, smash the glass, smash the time window, there'd be no way back.' He said instead avoiding eye contact with either of his companions.
The inner Time Lord refused to look as he felt Rose stare at him, refused to weaken, refused to let the inner Human win the fight. He gave a breath of relief as he felt Rose's gaze withdraw to where Reinette stood, her voice echoing through the mirror.
He looked quickly at Rose, where she paced back and forth, talking theories over aloud, Mickey occasionally nodding in agreement, despite obviously not understanding what she said. The inner Human cried out for her, begging the Time Lord not to separate them, not to separate him from what the woman he needed. The inner Time Lord fought back deeming his human self as selfish. The inner Human didn't have to cope with the emptiness everyday, the emptiness in his head, the emptiness he himself had caused and the guilt that came with it. He didn't know what it was like to be alone, the unnatural silence that was present instead of his people's voices. Reinette had brought relief, even though it was only a second of it, he'd had somebody in his head once more when he'd thought he never would again. So the inner Time Lord argued back, he wanted Reinette, wanted the relief she'd give, he couldn't cope with the emptiness anymore. So he blocked out Rose's pleads and screams as he mounted the horse and galloped through the time window.
In years to come the inner Time Lord never forgave himself.
As he stood in the royal palace, a glass of wine in hand, he stared up at the stars, wondering which one Rose would be at in three thousand years time. He felt his soul darken, as he stood thinking how he may never see her fantastic smile again, the smile that always filled him with joy. He looked down to his hand and blinked hard at the empty space surrounding it as though blinking hard enough would make Rose's hand appear in his where it fit so perfectly. He gasped in awareness, the gasp catching in his throat as it became a choke. The inner Human mourned for the woman he needed, the girl that completed his soul, and the inner Time Lord joined him, mourned for the woman that had fixed him.
It was then that he realised, he hadn't fought for what he needed. He didn't need Reinette, he wanted her, wanted what she could do for his mind. He needed Rose, needed her with him.
His face lit up in delight when Reinette showed him the fireplace, his way home to Rose.
'Which might just mean, if I'm lucky... if I'm very, very, very, very, very, very lucky...'
Yet still he was selfish.
The inner Human fought again as he realised the inner Time Lords plans, pleading with him to just leave it all behind, to move forward. The Time Lord wanted more. He wanted both.
But his selfishness lost him both.
He returned to find Reinette gone. Gone to a place he wouldn't follow. He returned to Rose, his ever waiting Rose but one look at her face had his hearts thump painfully. He could see the broken spirit in her eyes, the half-dried tear tracks on her face, the way she flinched at his uncommitted answer to her concerned question.
'I'm always alright.'
It was then that the inner Time Lord realised that the inner Human was right. The human had been fighting for the right reasons, fighting for a desperate need.
And as he screamed after Rose as she was pulled towards the void, so many months later, he understood just how deep his needs can hurt.
A/N Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated as I'm currently writing a novel and any improvements on my writing could benefit it greatly.