AN: Inspired by my incredibly strange and hormonal friends, I bring you my first piece including the reinvented Luka. The characters I picked are because they remind me of the friends I mentioned above.
I own Luka and the plot. Jack Harmon and Cassie Thompson are OCs belonging to Soulless Warlock and Melting Crayons, respectively. Everything Glee belongs to Ryan Murphey and co.
When Luka Bell entered the choir room, she was a little surprised. Not only was the club's advisor, Jack Harmon, not present, but most of the club wasn't. Not even the stealthy Brad had slunk into the room yet.
"Uh...guys? Are you sure there's a meeting today?" she questioned the five Gleeks on the room.
"Positive. I made a schedule and placed it in everyone's lockers, as well as Mr. Schuester's teacher's box and I taped it on the piano for Brad's convience." Rachel Berry answered. Luka stole a peak at the piano- sure enough, a color coded sheet of paper with Brad's name and the Jewish girl's signature gold star was taped to it.
"Okay then..." the copper-haired girl mumbled, sinking into a seat beside Quinn and Puck.
A silence enveloped the group. Bored, Rachel dug into her pink book bag for her phone, ready to text her best friend Jack and inquire about his location. Instead, she came in contact with an open tube of lipgloss that had spilled into her bag.
"Ew!" the brunette cried, hand emerging from the bag's depths. The other five members turned to their female lead in confusion. "My lipgloss exploded! Now my hand's all sticky." lamented Rachel.
Luka gasped, bringing attention to her. "That's what she said! Blue!" the alto exclaimed, placing a finger on the tip of her nose.
"Red!" Puck yelled, and repeated Luka's actions.
Rachel, Artie and Quinn stared at the pair as if they had swapped hairstyles. Luka sighed, and removed her finger. "Whenever someone says a 'That's what she said' joke or a 'That's what he said' joke, you call out a color and put your finger on your nose. The last person to call a color is then required to make a sex noise."
"The point of that being...?" Rachel asked.
"Fun." Luka replied, making the word sound as if she was trying to explain the concept to a child. Rachel rolled her eyes.
"So, if I said something like..." Artie stuggled to find a joke.
"That was alot of work?" Quinn supplied.
"That's what she said! Orange!" Puck cried.
"White!" Artie retorted.
"Yellow!" Luka yelled.
"Purple!" Quinn pipped up.
This left Rachel. The Jewish girl looked around sheepishly, trying to avoid her teammates' gazes.
"C'mon Berry, you gotta do it."
"Noah, you can't just expect me to make a sensual noise without stimulation." Rachel remarked.
"Are you suggesting one of us have sex with you?" Quinn asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"I'll take the bullet." commented Puck. The mohawk-sporting Jew was soon slapped by the three females in the room.
"No I most certainly am not, Quinn. As you all know, my heart belongs to Finn. I simply meant that someone needs to startle me." Rachel elaborated.
"What, like taser you?" Artie asked.
"Great idea." Luka mumbled.
"If, Artie, you are referring to the euphemism for poking someone in the-" Rachel never finished her sentence, for Puck poked her rather roughly on her sides, laughing at the breathless screech that left her lips. She glared at the male Jew. "That hurt, Noah."
"That's what she said, green." Puck smirked.
"Gold!" Rachel had learned her lesson.
"Black," Quinn said.
"Gray," Artie remarked.
It was Luka left in the dust this time. Quinn didn't wait for permission before tasering her orange-haired friend. Luka yelped, but joined in the laughter of the group.
It was at that moment Jack Harmon decided to join.
Taking a seat behind Luka, he greeted them all in turn. "Rachel. Mowhawk Jew. Wheels. Pregnoid. Kenevil."
Luka sighed and leaned her head back to look at the blonde. "Harmon, are you ever going to call me by real my name? It's not like it's long or anything."
"That's what she said, brown!" Artie jumped in.
Luka, Rachel and Puck quickly added green, teal and silver to the mix. Jack watched in fasination as Puck tasered Quinn and the blonde giggled.
"I feel like I should ask what's going on. But I suppose that would require my caring what you're doing." spoke the tenor.
Before any of the group could utter an explanation, Finn walked in. Puck smirked at his new target.
"Hey Hudson. You see the hoagie Anderson was eating at lunch?"
"Yeah totally! The thing was huge, I'm suprised it fit." Finn replied.
"That's what she said, blue!" Puck cried.
Artie groaned when he discovered he'd have to make the sex noise.
"Not bad, Artie, very animalistic." Luka joked, sending the group into another fit of laughter.
"No worries Drizzle, I don't get it either." Jack assured Finn.
This pattern went on for the next couple minutes, until Mr. Schuester walked in. "Sorry guys, emergency staff meeting." The curly-haired male sighed. "Honestly, I thought it'd never end."
"That's what she said!" Luka, Artie and Puck called out simultaniously.
"Hey! Now I expect this behavior from Puck, maybe even Jack-"
"I resent that comment, Mr. Schue! I perfer to let my thought process be used in more important ways. Like planning the setlist for Regionals, or an awesome prank."
Pausing to shake off the tenor's remark, Will adressed his three students once more. "But Artie? Luka? I'm ashamed, really. I thought you both were more adult than this." He turned back toward his white board. Luka felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned behind her to see Cassie motioning her to lean her head back. The alto did so.
"Five bucks says he'll kick you out if you say it again." Cassie dared. Luka could hear the smirk in the other girl's voice and her own began to form.
"You are so on."
The two turned their attention back to their teacher, who was instructing them on that week's lesson.
"Now, adult contemporary is all about the emotion. You really gotta feel it." Will began.
"That's what he said!" Luka blurted.
Will turned to face his newest alto with a glare. "Luka! What did I just say?"
"But, Mr. Schue, it's true. You are a male, so that is what he said. How can I get in trouble for speaking the truth?" Luka shot her best innocent look at her Spanish teacher. His glare fixated on her for a few more moments before he turned around again. A few seconds of silence passed, before a sound similar to a gasp combined a sigh was heard. Will faced his students once more. Fourteen of them stared back, fingers placed on the tip of their noses. A blushing Tina stared at her lap.
Will shook his head and faced his board again. Teenagers.
AN: See that little button down there? Yeah? See it? Click it. Why? It's magic. ...You don't believe me? Fine then, what if I say please? Please review? ... Anyone? ...Anyone at all? ...Fine...