*is shot* Hey I didn't mean it like that! Whatever on with the fic!
As I sit here in this empty apartment in London I can't help thinking about everything that has gone wrong within these past two years. It all started on our trip to Russia. My best friend Anwar told me that he didn't approve of me being gay which of course hurt my feelings pretty deep and I ended up getting it off with a friends boyfriend. But still when I saw he was in danger I didn't stop to protect him as I cared about him. We managed to patch it up again, but it went to shit again when I had that creepy stalker Sketch and Anwar started dating her. I felt that was the ultimate betrayal but yet I forgave him again. And everything went even worse when Chris died. All of us had to stick together but I was leaving to go to London that night.
I invited Anwar to come with me and James my then boyfriend to London with us. and we seemed to all be doing okay. Everything went wrong again when the dancing didn't go as well as I hoped and I got a lot of stick for being gay. I fell into a depression and now I'm stuck here alone while Anwar is working for a living and James left. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I should just end it now while I'm ahead. My dreams are over and my life has turned to complete shit. I used to be the uplifting positive one but now it's like an empty void and I feel like I'm sinking into complete darkness.
What can I do now I've failed everything and let everyone down? Why can't I not stop making mistakes? Why does everything have to go wrong? I don't want to do this anymore I just can't take it everything is going wrong getting worse everyday. There is a knock on my door. I get up to open it feeling completely emotionless. Who I see at the door makes me recoil in horror. At my doorstep is the worse possible person to be there Sketch. I begin trembling.
"Hello Maxxie." She says. "What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?" "I've been following you all this time it seems that life isn't working out for you is it?" "Get away from me I don't want to talk to you." "How unfortunate that your little boyfriend left you." "I mean it Sketch leave me alone!" " Things would have been better for you had you just listened to me Maxxie. I told you didn't I? I'm more of a man for you, you could come to love me didn't I say that?" "And I told you that I feel nothing for you. Just go away I don't want to bother with anything or anyone anymore." I slam the door in her face and sink down to the floor sobbing.
Anwar comes in about two oclock in the morning. "Hey Max you asleep?" "What does it look like?" I replied. "What's wrong with you?" I get angry at this. "What's wrong with me? You want to know what is fucking wrong with me? My dreams have shattered, I'm left alone in this apartment because nobody wants to employ me, people take the piss out of me for being gay and my creepy stalker just turned up unannounced and started rubbing why everything has gone wrong in my face. And where have you been while all this is happening? You have a job you can go out without having the piss taken out of you and you can still have fun but you haven't been here you haven't noticed that I'm falling apart at the seams so much that I could kill myself here and now." I say all this while I am close to tears.
"Maxxie mate I had no idea that you felt that way. I'm sorry I've been such a crap mate to you for all these years. I haven't been able to see that my closest friend is falling apart Maxxie I promise I'll be here for you now." "It's too late for that now. Everything has been falling to shit ever since really shook me up and when you started seeing her I was so betrayed but yet I still forgave you for it. It's too late to say you are sorry now." "Maxxie don't say things like that." He says. "You don't understand." I say I run out of the door where to I don't know but anywhere far away from here and maybe one day things will get better for me...
I feel like the biggest arsehole ever. How could I have not have noticed sooner just how much Maxxie is suffering? I was too caught up in my own life that I didn't even notice that Maxxie was depressed. He acted like he was fine he was even smiling but now I know the smiles were all lies. But not as awful lies as the ones I told him. I don't even know how on earth he can even put up with me after all I've done to him. And he's been a great friend to me he's never done anything to betray me or hurt me and yet I've betrayed him, I've hurt him and now I have to witness the present Maxxie that lifless shell that he has now become no longer the happy carefree boy that he was. And it's all my fault.
I have to go after him. I have to take him to the others I need their help to help me fix him. He needs us all there and none of us have been there for him this past year. The death of Chris heavily affected us all and we all have to be there for each other but first I need to find Maxxie and I need to face up to my mistakes rather than avoid them like the coward I was. Maxxie is more of a man than I am, he's been through a lot and has taken it like a soldier but now he's torn apart at the seams and it's time I start being there for my friends. I run out of the door thinking of all the places that he could possibly be I start searching calling his name.
I find him on the swings at the nearby park. His hair is hiding his face. I sit on the swing next to him. "You can cry you know you don't have to hide it. I know this is all my fault that you're like this I know that I was an idiot that I was a prick. And I am sorry. What kind of good saintly person do I claim to be when I've been so cruel and heartless to you? To my best friend that has put up with so much of my crap and yet still be a good friend to me? You have never in any way betrayed me or put me through pain and I think that you deserve better than me as a best friend.
I don't deserve to even be here with you now Maxxie but I am and you're not saying what you should in fact you should be hitting me or screaming at me but you're not." Maxxie stays silent looking down at his hands. "You don't have to even say anything to me I don't deserve you as a best friend but yet I want to be here for you."
Maxxie's shoulders start shaking and I see the tears streaming down his face. I put my hand on his shoulder a bit awkwardly I have no idea how to comfort someone when they're crying. Also why I'm useless as a friend. Maxxie sobs and hides his face in his hands. I can't stand this seeing the pain that I myself caused. His tears make my heart wrench and I hate myself even more for reducing him to tears, what kind of friend am I? But I also admire that he isn't afraid to show his feelings. He doesn't care that most people say that men shouldn't cry in fact only true men cry and he is so brave that he can show his emotions. I put my arm around him while he continues to cry. "Maxxie I'm so sorry I don't want to see you in pain anymore I've fucked up. I've fucked up the relationship that we've had and I just want to rewrite the past and I don't want to ever hurt you again." I say this truthfully.
Eventually Maxxie's sobs begin to cease and he pulls away from me. "Are you okay?" I ask. "No it's going to take a while until I will ever be completely better but I can't do this alone." "You don't have to be alone you have me and all our other friends here for you. We should go down and see them this weekend and we can all get through this together. You're not alone anymore Max you should never have been alone." Tears trickle down his cheeks again and he smiles through his tears. "Thank you Anwar." "It's the least I can do after everything." I say smiling back. We head back to our apartment. That weekend we go back to Bristol where Maxxie confessed to everyone how he had been feeling and we all vowed that we would never abandon him ever...