"No, its not like that," Austria frowned. "Relax your wrist, curl your fingers a little more, your touch needs to be lighter."
Germany shot him a glare and the other nation looked away. The blond had never expressed interest in music, although he enjoyed the occasional Wagner and Beethoven piece. His sudden desire to learn how to play the piano, was, in Austria's opinion, rather shocking, to say the least. He had never thought of him as one with enough patience to master a piece of music, let alone an instrument. Yet deep inside, he knew that as long as Germany was determined to acquire something, he would gain possession of it at any cost.
At any cost. The brunet shuddered as he thought of how the events of the past few months had unfolded. He had distanced himself from Hungary, so no one visited any more, except for Germany. Austria didn't mind the solitude, for it provided many opportunities for him to sit at the piano and compose, and when Germany visited... He found himself longing for his return moments after his departure, even though each time, he added to his rapidly growing collection of irreparable wounds in his heart.
"Austria," the blond said sharply, awakening the brunet from his reverie.
"Sorry," Austria managed a weak smile as he flipped the pages of the score. "Let's try again, from the beginning."
For a brief moment, the Austrian thought he saw a flicker of concern in the German's cold blue eyes but it was gone as soon as he thought it appeared, leaving him to wonder if he had imagined everything.
Germany was learning to play Die Erlkönig, a popular German lied composed by Franz Schubert that Austria had arranged for solo piano. Admittedly, it was a rather difficult piece for a beginner to learn but because the German asked, there was no way the Austrian could refuse. As the blond got past the introduction, Austria thought of how he tried to improve Hungary's rendition of Bela Bartok's Mikrokosmos, which ended in failure. He watched the blond's fingers dance across the ebony and ivory keys, coaxing the melody out of the instrument, wincing as his change in dynamics sounded painfully abrupt and suddenly found himself wondering why his stern nature ceased to exist whenever the blue eyed man was around.
It was as if his personality changed completely and he doubted that it had anything to do with his self control. Austria had fought hard to suppress any feelings he might have felt for Germany after the Great War and yet with his return, he found himself losing whatever he had tried to build up - his strength, his self confidence and self control. He hated every moment of it and yet, some masochistic part of him welcomed it. He detested the recurring feelings of helplessness, the terrible cold caused by loneliness and the empty feeling that Germany never failed to evoke within him. Even so, that tiny light of hope that someday, the German might actually care for him, even if it was just about something trivial, refused t be put out despite how desperately he sought to diminish it. The violet eyed nation frowned. Maybe it was something to do with his self control after all, except he had no idea what the probelm was. For the moment, at least.
The silence was palpable, yet Austria did not realise it until Germany grabbed his by his cravat and pulled him close.
The silky material came undone, much to the brunet's surprise. He had knotted it hastily as a result of the blond's sudden visit, but he did not remember tying such a loose knot.
"Your mind is elsewhere," Germany said, voice devoid of any emotion, letting the cravat fall to the ground.
The Austrian opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated. After all, Germany was stating the obvious. He bit his lip.
"Austria," the German's voice was much softer than usual, low and husky.
Strangely, the brunet felt a wave of desire overwhelm him merely from hearing the sound of the blond's voice. Shocked by his body's sudden reaction, he froze in his position on the long piano bench beside Germany. The piano bench was specially made to accommodate two people, for Hungary used to come over for piano 'consultations' every night before the Great War. Austria thought of how she would address him by his name, Roderich, and held back the almost irrepressible urge to laugh sardonically, knowing that to Germany, no, Ludwig, he would and could only be Austria, never Roderich. There simply wasn't a place in the German's heart for the Austrian and despite knowing it, he could not help but harbour a tiny bit of hope... He shuddered.
"No its nothing," Austria managed a weak smile as he gathered the score sheets, placing them atop the wooden grand piano. "Sorry, I think I need some rest, I haven't been sleeping well lately," he massaged his temples, hoping that it would not arouse any further suspicion from the other nation about his distracted state of mind. Truth be told, he had always endeavoured to think about nothing but the fact that the blond was present whenever he was around but somehow he just could not follow through, for his thoughts would always wander to impossible fantasies of him actually sharing something tender, almost like love, with the other nation. He got up from the bench, wondering how he, a country, could actually be thinking of sharing a mortal emotion with another country. The thought was simply not plausible, and yet...
"Austria," the other nation caught his wrist, tightening his grip slowly as the brunet struggled against it. The feeling of the blond's rough skin pressing hard against his slender wrist was terribly arousing and he bit his lip, hoping that the German would not discover his weakness.
The Austrian wondered why he cared so much about Germany. In all the years of his relationship, no, alliance, with Hungary, even though he was acutely aware of the latter's feeling and acknowledged it, he couldn't return them no matter how hard he tried, hurting her in the end. And now... Maybe it was retribution, even though he did not believe in it. He took a deep breath, composing himself and turned to face the blond. "Yes?" he asked, careful not to let his voice betray his emotions.
The German's brows furrowed, as if he was perplexed. His eyes had a faraway, unreadable expression but within seconds, it was gone.
Austria blinked, confused.
Germany tugged at his wrist and pulled him back down to where he was originally seated. The brunet looked at him quizzically.
"I'm sorry, I really need to rest," Austria offered the German a small smile, hoping to be able to extract himself from his current predicament but evidently, the blond was not about to let it happen. "After all, it is getting late..."
The blond's only response was to move his thumb in a small, tiny circle on the brunet's wrist while reaching for the buttons of his white dress shirt.
"Germany, what are you doing?" Austria asked, panicking as the German pressed his lips to his wrist, licking, sucking and nipping at the alabaster skin. "Wait, this is-"
Germany looked up at the other nation, sapphire eyes set ablaze with lust. "Austria," he whispered, voice lower than usual due to his uncontrollable desire.
The brunet looked away, glasses sliding down a little on his nose. The German reached for it, only to have the Austrian slap his hand away. His violet eyes flashed with something that looked like anger and faded away into a look purely born out of fear.
"Austria," Germany's sapphire eyes narrowed, causing the other nation to flinch.
Austria did no answer. If he had any for of defence left against Germany, it was his spectacles. At the very least, in the dim candlelight, the German would not be able to look into his eyes directly without the barrier of glass... He took a deep breath. "Germany... Please..." he whispered, pleading.
The German held his gaze for a long, agonising minute and the Austrian heaved an inward sigh of relief when he returned to his assault on his wrist, nibbling the sensitive skin, licking his long, slender fingers... A moan escaped the brunet's lips before he could bite it back. The blond's lips curled upwards slightly and the Austrian wondered if it was from a genuine sort of satisfaction or from a sadistic kind. When Germany reached for the clasp of his trousers, his hips bucked forward involuntarily, all too eager to escape the confines of his clothing. He bit the inside of his cheek as he thought of what was once torture for him had become something that he could derive pleasure from, especially from the pain...
Austria's violet eyes widened in alarm as Germany left him clad in only his white dress shirt, knowing the solitary, inevitable conclusion all too well. The German's rough, calloused palms grazed his skin, caused butterflies in his stomach as they wandered south of his abdomen, ghosted over the insides of his thighs and the Austrian's heart hammered hard and fast against his chest as the blond's fingers stopped at his entrance.
Germany looked up at the other nation and pressed a finger to his lips. As he held Austria in his arms, carrying him to the guest bedroom that the latter had lent him, he found himself surprised by how the brunet clung to his shirt and how he buried his face into the crook of his neck, avoiding his gaze. There was something about that moment, with Austria in his arms, looking so vulnerable and in need of protection that made Germany want to stop time so he could capture the inexplicable feeling that was threatening to overwhelm him for eternity. He tightened his grip, which made the Austrian shift slightly in discomfort.
He did not understand the rush of emotions he had always felt around the other nation - he wanted him so desperately, mind, body and soul, yet there was a wild fire in those violet eyes that could not be tamed - Austria would never fully bend to his will, no matter what. It pushed Germany to the brink of insanity, thinking of how he could possess him completely while knowing how futile the idea was. Even so, each time he tried to treat the brunet with care (he had always thought that he had an ethereal sort of fragility) was eclipsed by his desire to possess him. He feared that someday, the hurt he caused Austria would be irreparable, that one day, the violet eyed man would break and he would lose him for all eternity but at the same time, the fear of losing him made him begin each attempt to possess him with renewed fervour, up till the point where he wasn't even sure if he was giving the other nation pain or pleasure.
"Germany?" Austria asked, awakening him from his reverie. Lying on the bed with only his shirt and glasses on, he felt bare, over exposed and was desperate not to have to look into the other nation's eyes when he entered him.
Wordlessly, the German pressed his chapped lips to the Austrian's neck, kissing, licking the skin underneath his collarbone, leaving a trail of wet heat all the way down to where it demanded the most attention.
When Germany enveloped Austria in his mouth, the brunet felt his body jerk forward as the German licked at the appendage, unsure of what to do. Austria's hands fisted in the bedsheets, writhing in sheer pleasure as he felt Germany teasing his slit, sucking at the tip, letting his hot breath linger there. When his tongue flicked across his entrance, Austria moaned, forgetting how much he didn't want the German to hear his response to his ministrations. He had never expected this - Germany had never treated him gently - it was always rough, violent, bordering on the edge of pure, mind numbing pain and the sudden tenderness filled him with fear and an overpowering sense of dread, but at the same time...
The blond swirled his tongue at the Austrian's entrance, fingers tracing intricate patterns across his thighs, something that he had never thought the German was capable of. The strange way in which he was treating him terrified him as much as it pleasure him; he wanted to run away, to escape but it was impossible - he was in his own home, was there any where safer? He forced a bitter laugh down his throat as a lubricated finger entered him, slowly followed by a second, curling upwards, probing, stretching, going deeper... Germany crossed his fingers and pushed them apart, stretching Austria further.
Austria reached for the other nation, sitting up. Germany's trousers were unbuttoned, all that was left was the zip and... The brunet swallowed nervously as he pulled the zip down with his teeth as the German found the sweet spot within him and pressed his fingers against it. Austria weighed his options in his head as he moaned softly, causing the blond to repeat his actions. If Germany bothered to prepare his entrance, surely, he wouldn't mind if he prepared him too so it wouldn't hurt so badly... He took the German in his mouth, licking feverishly, making sure to lave every bit of the exposed skin with his skilful tongue and it took whatever little self control Germany had left not to thrust forward and let the Austrian's feral heat engulf him. After all the trouble he had gone through just to make sure that no one, not even the stars were watching... As the brunet's lips left him, he removed his fingers and Austria screamed in pleasure as the sensation of the German's thick fingers were replaced by that of his hardened length within him, rhythmically thrusting forward.
"Austria..." Germany moaned. The other nation looked away, afraid of what he might see in his sapphire eyes. The blond frowned. "Look at me."
Austria's only response was a small moan as the German hit that sensitive spot within him once more. He covered his face with his arms, knowing that what was too good to be true was indeed, too good to be true. All the other nation wanted was to humiliate him, nothing more and when they were face to face, there was no way he could hide...
"Fuck," Germany's breathing was harsh and ragged as he thrust into the Austrian's tight entrance. "Austria, damn it, look at me," he reached for the brunet's arms and despite his fear of the German, Austria kept his arms on his face, hiding his eyes from him. The way the other nation's abdomen grazed the sensitive underside of his length drove him crazy with need; he wanted to wrap his fingers around himself and bring himself over the edge but as usual, fear of what the German might do held him back.
"Look at me," the German's blue eyes were cold as ice as he wrenched the Austrian's arms apart, pinning them to the bed. Of course, there was blood from where his nails dug into the brunet's flesh and it hurt, but nothing hurt more than how Germany narrowed his eyes and muttered, "Austria, you fool."
The tears that had been threatening to fall from the brunet's violet eyes made their way down his cheeks although he tried to hold them back.
"Poor Austria," Germany whispered harshly as he bent forward to lick Austria's tears away, causing him to thrash about wildly beneath him. The German was a natural at how he thrust, stroke after stroke into him, hitting the exact same spot that made him utter soft cries of pleasure and at the same time, he was a master at hurting him emotionally.
The Austrian whimpered as Germany planted bruising kisses all over his throats and shoulders; even after years of similar treatment by the German, his skin was still painfully sensitive and was wounded easily. The German's teeth scraped against a pink, hardened nub on Austria's chest and he arched forward underneath him, yearning for more contact while his mind berated his body for betraying himself yet again.
Germany's thrusting was erratic and Austria wrapped his legs around his waist, desperately seeking the friction between the both of them. The brunet clamped his violet eyes shut as he felt the German bite down hard at the crook of his neck, marking him again and bit his lip as the blond's warm seed filled him, causing him to climax as well.
"Austria," Germany muttered as Austria lay underneath him, paralysed with fear, expecting the German to humiliate him further for dirtying him with his seed. He reached for the blanket, desperately wanting to wipe the liquid off the blond's abdomen but he stopped him, pulling him into an embrace.
"Germany?" Austria's voice quivered as the other nation ran his fingers through his chocolate brown hair. He wanted to rest his palms on the other nation's strong chest, to rest his head against his chest to hear his heart beating, to stay in his arms forever as if he belonged there but he knew that it was all just an illusion - the blond would say something and everything would be shattered as he pushed him away - the feeling of warmth, of being wanted, of being loved would disappear. He hated himself, he hated himself knowing that Germany hated him too but most of all, he hated how each time, as the German took him, he pretended he loved him just to take away the unbearable pain.
Germany did not answer but shifted to his side so that he wasn't lying atop Austria but beside him.
"Ich muss meinen Führer servieren... Er beobachtet..." Germany muttered sleepily and Austria stiffened in his embrace. The thought of being kept under surveillance ever since the blond had declared Anschluss sickened him and the thought of someone watching each humiliating visit made his stomach churn.
"Es tu mir leid, Roderich..." the German's embrace tightened and Austria froze. Germany had never addressed him by his human name and the sudden turn of events made him sick to the core - there was no way anything positive could come out of it. He braced himself for sensation of the cool barrel of a pistol being pressed to his forehead or a cool metal blade to his stomach - he was going to die, or be fatally wounded at least, so much for serving his people well - but neither came.
Germany pressed his lips against Austria for a brief moment and nuzzled against his neck. "Ich bin mit Roderich verliebt..."
Austria's tears flowed freely as his cheeks burned. He knew he was hallucinating - the onslaught of another war was turning him into a lunatic. After what had just happened, the possibility of the events that had transpired that night being a reality was zero - in the morning, he would find himself alone in the guest bedroom facing the painful truth - that no one had visited in the first place. But in the meantime, before he destroyed the fantasy he had devised, the least he could do was to revel in Germany's embrace and maybe, just maybe, keep some of his warmth, albeit imagined, for himself. He looked up and kissed the blond's brow, which was furrowed even in his sleep.
"Mir auch, Ludwig..."
translations: (courtesy of my lovely classmate Nicholas!)
Ich muss meinen Führer servieren... Er beobachtet... - I must serve my Fuhrer... He is watching...
Es tu mir leid, Roderich... - I'm sorry, Roderich...
Ich bin mit Roderich verliebt... - I love you, Roderich...
Mir auch, Ludwig... - Me too, Ludwig...
a/n: nope, roderich wasn't hallucinating. anyway, this is the third instalment of my three GerAus fanfics, anschluss 1938 being the first and i'm too lazy to type up the second. am going for ib november 4th to 18th, so wish me luck, reviews would be greatly appreciated!