Chapter 11

Kyle stepped out of the way for the man coming down the stairs at Kenny's apartment building. Bending his head against the wind, he continued up the stairs and stopped in front of the door at the top. He rose his hand and knocked softly.

"Did you forget something?" Kenny laughed softly and pulled the door open to find the last person he expected. He slammed the door shut and pulled the sheet off his bed to cover himself. Pulling the door open again, he glared at Kyle. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Kyle blinked at Kenny and looked down the stairs to where the man he had passed was climbing into his car. "Who was that?"

"None of your damn business. I asked you a question."

"Can I come in?"

Kenny stepped back, holding the sheet around his nude body. He closed the door behind Kyle and glanced around to make sure the room was decently clean. "If you want to talk you will have to wait until after I shower." He moved into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Leaning against the door, he slid until he was sitting on the floor, the sheet tangled around him. He dropped his face into his hands and tried his hardest to hold back the panic and shame that was building inside of him. He had seen. He had seen the man that left just seconds he knocked on the door. And he had been stupid enough to open the door, completely nude, without checking who it was first.

Completely disgusted with himself, Kenny pushed to his feet and turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it. He stepped into the water and winced at the heat. Picking up a wash cloth, he scrubbed every inch of his body. When he felt he was clean enough, he turned off the water and quickly dried himself, realizing that he hadn't grabbed clothes when he walked into the bathroom. Cursing himself, he wrapped the towel around his waist and left the bathroom, moving quickly to his dresser to grab clean clothes. He avoided looking at Kyle and hurried back into the bathroom.

Kyle moved around the small room, restless. He moved to the bed, moved away from it as thoughts of what Kenny had just done in it pushed their way into his mind. He moved to the door, leaned his head against it. He opened his eyes and looked down into the trash to see a used condom laying on top of the other garbage. Angry, he moved again, finally settling into one of the chairs at the table in the kitchen. He put his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands. Now that he was here, he knew he should have called first. But he had needed to see Kenny. Needed to talk to him. Now he wanted to run. Run from the pain he saw in Kenny's face when he saw who it was at his door. Run from the shame in his body when he had come out of the bathroom. But most of all, he wanted to run from the evidence of what Kenny was doing to stay alive.

The bathroom door opened again and Kyle looked up. Kenny had his head down as he moved to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of orange juice. He filled a glass, replaced the bottle, and sat in the chair on the opposite side of the table from Kyle.

"Why are you here?" Kenny took a sip of juice and set the glass on the table, holding it between his hands and spinning it around.

Kyle took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. "I need to apologize to you. I'm an asshole. I really fucked up with you. You were right in saying that I wasn't listening to you. All I could see was what I wanted, what I felt. I didn't take the time to look and listen to what you want, to what you feel. Even after reading your letter I didn't understand. Stan talked it through for me, several times. I didn't want to hear what he was saying. But I listened. I understand now what I did wrong. I get it now, Kenny, and I am so sorry. I never should have done what I did. You told me to leave, and still I pushed. I'm disgusted with myself for what I did to you."

"You really hurt me, Kyle. I told you I wasn't ready."

"I know. I didn't understand before how you could not be ready when you've been having sex for three years. But I get it now. You haven't been having sex, you've been used. And I did that to you. I used you. I wanted to be with you, but all I did was make myself another person that used you."

"Are you finished?" Kenny stood and rinsed out his empty glass. "I don't know if I can ever trust you again, Kyle. I told you everything. I told you how I feel, about what I do and about how I feel for you. And you used that information to hurt me. Do you have any idea how much I hate myself for letting people use me? How disgusting it makes me feel when they touch me? I thought you would be different. But you weren't. You told me you love me, that you want to be with me, but as soon as I tell you I wasn't ready to have sex with you, you treat me like a whore. I don't know if I can forgive you for that, Kyle. I appreciate you apologizing and I'm glad you understand now. But you hurt me. More then anyone ever has. So if you're finished letting me know how bad you feel for what you did to me, please leave. I have someone else coming to use me in an hour. I need the money." He opened the door and stood with his arms crossed as Kyle moved towards him.

"I really am sorry. I wish there was something I could do to prove that to you." Kyle put a hand on Kenny cheek and leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead. "I do love you, Kenny. If you're not doing anything Friday, there's a new movie starting. I'd like to take you out. I know you're mad at me, but it would just be a movie, dinner after. I want to make it up to you, Kenny. I want to give you something normal. Dinner and a movie, a real date. Since I asked, I'm paying." He gently stroked Kenny's cheek. "Will you let me take you out?"

"I'll think about it, Kyle." He took the boys hand and pulled it away from his face. "I'm usually busy on Fridays. And yes, I'm still mad at you. So let me think about it. I'll let you know before Friday."

Kyle nodded and stepped back from Kenny. "Okay. I'll see you at school on Monday?"

"Yeh, I'll be there."

"Okay. Bye, then."

"Bye." Kenny watched Kyle walked down the stairs before he closed the door. He sighed, straightened out his bed, and sat on the couch to watch some TV before his next appointment showed up.