On popular demand (yeah right) I decided to also upload my first-ever finished fic here! Formerly known as Scourge of the Island. Of course, it's mostly about Conker, so basic knowledge of Bad Fur Day required, but there's a lot and then I mean a LOT of references to the first Conker game too, Conker's Pocket Tales, and it takes place on the island where Diddy Kong Racing took place, so some of those characters return too! Yeah, not all of them though. Banjo and Kazooie do, though. Muaha.

So yeah, enjoy! If that's even possible, heh.

Contains TimberxPipsy, ConkerxBerri, and ConkerxPipsy (this one mostly just innocent friendship, but oh well)

It's all finished, so don't expect any updates.


It was dreary outside. To say the least, the weather was weird. It was supposedly summer, yet the sun didn't care to show itself to warm the earth for many days. Rain drops fell from the sky on the cold grassy plains of the Willow Woods. Somewhere deeply hidden in the woods was a small yellow house. Rustic and idyllic. That house was what Conker called home.

At least, all those years ago. Ever since he got crowned king of all the land, everyone knew who he was, everyone adored him, everyone knew him as the one who defeated the Evil Panther-Type King. (frankly, he didn't even kill the villain himself, it was that alien who decided to burst out of said king's chest.) Though he didn't care. Soon enough he moved back to his old house down in the Woods. He didn't ask for any of this. All he wanted to do was to be together with his beloved girlfriend. But she was gone. Gone forever. He usually reminisced all the good times they had together... though that only made him even more sad. And those weird acorn-like people didn't help either.

On a faithful day, Conker waked up in his old house. He had another dream, though he couldn't quite recall about what. Quickly he changed into his clothes, went downstairs and plopped down on the couch, turning on the TV. As usual, his favourite channel was broadcasting only commercials.
'Need to get out of the same ol' boring business? Visit Gruntilda's Lair. For all your adventuring needs. Spiral Mountain, Isle o' Hags. (note; we're not responsible if you are killed by monsters.)'
'New! Mepsipax extra-extra-extra-extra light. Tastes just like water.'
'Cilit BANG! And the dirt is... still... there...'
Conker sighed. Why wasn't there anything on when he decided to watch TV for no reason at all? He turned the thing off, stood up, unfolded an umbrella, and walked outside.
It was raining, though the sun did shine. Only just a bit. He walked down the path near his house, paying close attention to not stray off the path. Last time he did that, it didn't end up too well. (that's an understatement.) Of course, he vowed to not get drunk ever again – as of now he managed it quite well.
Along the way he picked some flowers and eventually placed them on a hill. On the top of that hill stood a single willow tree that was one of the biggest in the forest. The place was very familiar to Conker, because he and Berri often laid under it, gazing at the clouds for hours, ever since they were kids, and often discussed pointless little things. Kids were like that. Sadly, those days were long gone.
'Hey, Berri. If you can hear me... well, I'm right here.' Conker said, folding up his umbrella and looking up to the sky. Small rain drops fell to his face.
'I hope everything's going well over there, with Gregg and all... I moved back to our old house, that palace and all those guys were killin' me.'
Silence. Conker kept talking.
'Really, I probably don't look like it much... but... I miss ya.' Was he crying? He didn't notice and wiped away his tears.
'Well, um... see ya,' he managed to say, picked up his umbrella and unfolded it. Slowly he began to pace back to his house, to fill the days with pointless things like videogames and television. Maybe internet.
Suddenly, a squawking sound met his ears. He looked towards the way where it came from and noticed a yellow-red-green-coloured parrot flying in circles through the willow trees. It seemed lost and carried a note with him. He squawked something that sounded an awful lot like he was addressing Conker himself...
'Oi, bird!' Conker yelled towards the parrot. 'If it's me yer lookin' for, I'm right o'er here!'
The bird saw it and landed clumsily on Conker's umbrella.
'What's it with ya? Why do you need me anyway?'
The bird peeked over the edge of the umbrella and handed the squirrel a note.
'...A note?'
The parrot nodded.
"Conker the Squirrel
Willow Woods 1"
Sure enough it was even addressed to him.
'Alright then...' He unfolded the paper and began reading.

"Good afternoon/evening/anything else,
I don't know if you're still the same annoying brat you used to be, but please come over to Timber's Island if you got any free time. There's bad stuff going on here. We'll rendezvous in the main hub if you get there.
- Timber the Tiger"

Annoying brat? But hey, those guys? Hadn't they forgotten about him? It would be too good to be true, right? Sure enough it was. He cared enough to mail him. But it must be something really bad over at that island if he actually did...
'Thanks, bird!' he said, quickly hot-footed it back to his house, and gathered some useful stuff. You would never know if there weren't any context-sensitive pads around on that island. He wanted to go to the boat builder to get there as fast as he could, but in a flash he remembered something. Quickly he ran up to the hill and looked up towards the clouds.
'Hey, Berri! I'm going on another adventure!' he said. 'I... don't really wanna. But it's my friends over there, you know them, right?'
Silence.
'I hope you can help me now from where you are, cuz' I'm... a bit scared...'
Just then, a wonder happened. The clouds broke up and a ray of light shone down, just on the red squirrel that was talking to the sky. He shielded his eyes.
Conker didn't dare saying anything. He just stood there. Was that...?
'I promise I'll return unscathed,' he said, making an attempt to run off. 'And if I won't... well, see ya soon.'
The light faded.
'I'm sorry I couldn't stay any longer.'
Quickly he ran off towards Mako Islands.