It was midnight...

Midnight, after the date from hell.

The worst part was, it wasn't even her date!

But there she had been, stuck between the two aliens from outer space, both of whom had taken great pleasure in discussing HER sex life..

"Thirty-two guys my ASS!" Penny fumed, pacing around her apartment. How dare he come up with a number like that? Ok, maybe she had had a few, maybe even thirty two, she wasn't about to sit down and count, just to check HIS math! "Ridiculous!" She muttered..

And out of that possible thirty two, the only ones who should REALLY count where the ones who had brought her enjoyment, and THAT number was WAY lower!

She put down the bottle of wine she was pacing with, and nodded.

She was going to tell him so.

She wasn't a slut... She just had needs!

She stalked across the hall and into his apartment in the dark, to his room..

She poked him in the chest. "Sheldon."

He didn't move..

She poked him harder.. "SHELDON."

His eyes flew open and he sat up in bed, looking around wildly..

Hands on her hips, she glared at him. "I'm not a slut, I just have NEEDS."

Sheldon blinked at her.

"I MAY have slept with thirty-two men, but that is only because they failed to..." She paused, belatedly realising she wasn't sure she really wanted to have this conversation with SHELDON of all people.

"Satisfy you sexually?" Sheldon finished for her, looking at her knowingly.

She gave a half shrug. "Well.. Yeah."

Sheldon blinked again. "I knew that already. Why did you wake me up?"

Her jaw dropped. "You KNEW that already?"

"Of course." Sheldon narrowed his eyes at her. "I think the whole building knows when you fake it."

Words failed her, so she just stared at him, as he continued talking.

"However, as most people do not have my vulcan hearing, or intelligence, or knowledge of you, I may be wrong about that.. How odd." He mused.

"You... You can tell when I am faking it?" She replied, dazed.

"Yes." Sheldon nodded, laying back down on his pillow and folding his hands over his stomach. "By my count, only 10 of the men you have brought home have pleased you sexually." He closed his eyes. "May I go back to sleep now?"

She stared at him, blinking every few seconds, before spinning on her heel and heading for the door.

For some reason, she felt like crying, and a little freaked out that he, through closed doors, open spaces, and the hallway... Could tell she was faking it when the man TOUCHING her didn't..


She paused at the door, and turned back to look at him, his blue eyes open once again, and watching her.

"Would you like me to prove it?"

She glared at him, and left..

Prove it.. HAH.. What was he going to do, pretend he had normal human needs and take her against the wall?

Or maybe, she thought wildly, maybe he wanted to WATCH and take NOTES, then present her with his findings in a fifty page report!

She slammed her door and locked it, and headed to bed.

Her toes were tingling.. She was actually getting turned on, thinking of Sheldon, 'proving' his point. She'd like to prove his point alright, by dropping to her knees and wrapping her lips around him and making HIM...

She threw herself on the bed and buried her head in the pillow... God, she really was bad off!

Sheldon checked the calender beside his bed.

Yes, it was getting close to that time..

He'd noticed there was a certain time of the month, when Penny would start dating, bringing home guys..

Trying to satisfy her needs.

He was so glad he didn't have to go through that. All of his needs were satisfied by a little early morning masturbation on the days when he felt the urge.

He had noticed though, that those days were beginning to coincide with Penny's.

He wondered if it was because of their close proximity to each other? He had read about women's cycle's shifting to happen at the same time, perhaps it was the same with sexual needs, though he was male?

"Maybe I should write a paper on it?" He wondered aloud...

He shook his head in response to himself. He didn't write papers on sexual things, best to leave that to the *shudder* anthropologists... He should focus on his own work, the important work, his string theory research.

Which was at a road block lately.

Yes, he needed to blow off some metaphorical steam.

He stared at the calender for a few minutes and then nodded.

Penny needed to get laid.

More than that, she needed to get satisfied.

If she wasn't satisfied, his sleep patterns could be disrupted for nights on end, WEEKS of "OH MY GOD!" and then Penny, being cranky in the morning..

He sighed.

There was only one thing for it...


Penny looked in the mirror as she put on her favourite earrings, long dangly ones, that caught the lights in the bars and clubs, and drew attention to her..

Her dress would draw Men to her..

And hopefully, one would come home with her, and give her a lil'somethin -somethin... And damn, she hoped it'd be good, and that Sheldon would hear it, and know it was good..

*knock knock knock* Penny?
*knock knock knock* Penny..
*knock knock knock* Penny!

She sighed. "Speak of the devil." She muttered, before going over and opening the door.


He looked down at her intently. "Can I come in?"

She stepped back and motioned him into the room, shutting the door behind him, and leaning against it. "What do you need, Sheldon?"

He stood in front of her, his eyes calculating.. "You need to be satisfied."

Her eyes rolled up in her head, and she sighed. Here we go.. she thought.. "So?"

He clasped his hands behind his back. "Do you have a date?"

She thought about lying, but figured he could probably tell when she was lying, too. "No."

Sheldon nodded. "Good."

She wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion. "Good?"

He stepped closer to her. "Penny? Why don't you just masturbate?"

She gasped. "Sheldon!"

His eyes opened wide, and he looked confused. "Am I not supposed to ask that?"

She shut her eyes for a moment, and sighed. He really just wanted to know.. he was curious! Gid, she was so going to hell, Jewish or otherwise.. "Sheldon.. No, you're not.. But the reason is, that once in a while, a girl needs something.. Warm.. And strong.. And hard.." Her breath shortened, and she closed her eyes again, She REALLY needed it bad..

When she opened her eyes again, he was right in front of her, looking down at her strangely.

She stared at him.

"Do you know, how many erogenous zones there are on the female body?" He asked quietly.

"No." She whispered.. What was going on? He was moving closer, and he was looking at her, and his hand was reaching out and..

He touched the back of her neck with a long finger, gently..

Her jaw dropped, and her breath escaped in a low hiss...Damn that felt good..

"I do." He said quietly. "I know all of them."

For some reason, her heart was roaring in her ears, as he continued to run his finger down her neck to her shoulder. "You do?" She squeaked.

He smirked. "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm a physisct... I have a working knowledge of EVERYTHING."

"Everything important." Penny added his usual qualifier.. "Do you think sex is important, then?"

She could not believe she was having this discussion... With SHELDON... As his finger slowly trailed down her bare arm, his eyes following it intently.

"Sex is how our species procreates." He murmured. "Of course it is important."

"But.." She swallowed as his fingertip dragged across the inside of her wrist. "Pleasure?"

He nodded his head slightly. "Pleasure is also important." Then he frowned suddenly. "It is also destructive."

"Yes." Penny whispered, watching, feeling, as Sheldon casually lifted her wrist and then pressed his mouth against it, his lips seperating and his tongue touching it, gently, slightly..

His eyes shifted to her face, and as her knees buckled, he smiled slightly. "Do you like that?"

She took a deep breath. "Sheldon... So help me, if you are teasing me, I'm going to KILL you.." She muttered darkly, electricity from his mouth on her wrist flowing through her veins and making it hard to focus..

He stepped even closer, definately in her space now, and leaned into her, his head dipped so he was speaking directly into her ear, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine, his lips grazing her ear lobe as his mouth formed words.. "Penny... I can't sleep when you are not being satisfied.. and I know how to satisfy you.." He paused for a second, his hands finding her waist, and sliding down slowly to her hips, pulling her against him, his fingers digging into the soft silkyness of her dress, and bunching it up.. "Would you like me to do so?"

She was silent, and he tentatively caught her ear in his teeth, and sucked on it.

Her head tilted back, giving him better access, and it was only because he had vulcan hearing that he heard the word "Yes" on her exhaled breath.. Though the fact that she was suddenly clinging to him, with her hands on his shoulders, and behind his neck, he would have inferred her response correctly even if he hadn't heard.

He smiled triumphantly and set to work, his hand playing over her body like a finely tuned instrument, while his mouth found several places on her neck, lingering at the ones that seemed to draw more of a response from her.

His mind catologued the responses, taking note of her pulse rates and other physological factors...

After a few moments, he leaned more of his weight on her, and his lips found hers, teasing her, with soft touches and licks, and then when her lips formed a pout, he bit her lower lip softly and allowed himself to enter to her mouth, his tongue sliding along hers, while his hands pulled her even closer, sliding down her thighs to the hem of the dress, and sliding his hands up underneath it, slowly... Deliberatly..

She couldn't think... She couldn't even focus... The feeling of his hands.. Who knew her legs were so sensitive? And his tongue.. The man was seriously talented with his tongue.. This was possibly, definately, the best kiss she'd ever gotten.. And she could feel the muscles on his shoulders under her hands, and her fingers were in his hair, and it was so soft, and so short.. And he seemed to like it.. She could feel his body against hers, all of it, he had her pulled right up against him, and if she were to lift her leg and wrap it around his waist, he would be right there, where she needed him, and oh dear lord, hard as a rock..

A faint whine escaped the back of her throat, and Sheldon smiled slightly against her mouth. She was responding wonderfully to his actions, even he himself was enjoying this physically more than he'd thought, but perhaps it was like christmas and birthdays, and the joy was in the giving.. And the recievers response.. His mind went to work on that hypothesis as his hands went to work again on her body, his mouth leaving hers and meandering down her throat to her shoulder.. Her breathing was heavy, and she was flushed.. Her eyes were dilated.. "Penny.." He whispered into her throat.. "Would you like to move to a different place?"

"Like where?" She replied, dazed...

"The bedroom.. or the floor.." He offered, without stopping his actions..

"Oh.. yeah.." Penny opened her eyes.. It felt so good, what he was doing.. Sooo good... Maybe the floor..

"The bed is probably more comfortable." He replied, his long fingers playing at the edge of her underwear, sliding under, against her skin..

She bit her lip, and pushed him away, but unable to take her hands off his chest, his heart beating against her palm, his own skin flushed, his eyes twinkling.. he was enjoying this, the bastard, enjoying his power over her, and damned if she didn't care one tiny bit.. She nodded. "The bedroom." Her hands fisted in his shirt, and she pulled him over the the bedroom, and into it.. "Yes."

"Oh Penny.." He whispered knowingly, as she pulled off her dress and dropped it to the floor.. "I'm going to make you come sooo good."

Her hands yanked his shirt over his head before she pressed herself against him, her bare breasts against his chest. "Prove it." SHe whispered into his mouth..

``` She couldn't believe it... Everything he did, EVERYTHING, made her body hum like never before.. And she couldn't blame her response on how bad she needed it either, he was really just that good.. If she'd known this kind of information was in books... Well.. She'd CLEARLY studied the wrong ones... Because this... This was incredible..

Most men, by now, would have had their pants off, been in her, be on the edge of ending it all, but Sheldon... His mouth was sparking fire off of places she didn't even know existed, and she was writhing underneath him, low pitched noises she'd never heard before coming out of her mouth, but seeming to come from afar.. She was in the zone.. With his mouth on her breasts, and his fingers sliding into her heat at a steady pace, he watched as her body seized, felt it squeezing his fingers, as the shudders of her first release shot through her..

His pants were feeling uncomfortably tight, but he ignored it, he had yet to test several areas south of his current location, and if he ever wanted to do this to her again, he'd better make sure she knew what all he could do... Part of his mind was alarmed that already he was wanting to repeat this process, but most of him didn't care.. His mouth trailed down over her stomach, his hands sliding her panties down her hips, his tongue caressing her as it meandered through his pre-plotted zones, in the order he had deemed would cause the most pleasure..

She was wild beneath him now, her hands clutching at his shoulders, her mouth begging him incoherently, though he seemed to understand exactly what she wanted, and the way she needed it.. Again and again the climaxed, but never seemed to come down, just riding higher and higher on a neverending wave of pleasure and sensations, until she reached a point when pleasure was beginning to become pain, because she needed him NOW, right NOW, inside her, she needed him to thrust her up over that peak, and fill her entirely, and her hands clawed at him, pulling him up, tearing at his pants, her eyes crazy with lust, and the sight of her so desperate for HIM, for his touch, sent him out of control..

His need for her washed over him and thrust into her, both of them gasping at the heat, the sensation of perfection, his hands gripping her hips as he thrust again, and caught her nipple in his lips as she arched her back to brush against him, a high pitched noise coming from her throat as he took her closer, an answering note, almost of desperating replying from his own, as he battled to regain control, he was the master or self control and yet he couldn't stop himself, he couldn't slow down, or be gently, his body thrusting into hers, slamming into it, like he couldn't get enough, because he couldn't, her fingers were leaving tracks on his arms and his back as she tilted her hips and urged him on..

She was getting higher and higher, and him in her, it was so right, so damn right, every thrust seemed to hit a spot elusive before him, she wanted him, she wanted this, this... She felt him swell inside her, and his lips pressed against hers, then she was over the edge, shaking in his arms, his name in the air around them as she pistoned off into darkeness, stars on her eyelids as the suges rocked her to her core..

He felt her come apart with his kiss, and he was lost completely, his own body exploding with hers, pulsating together, the base of his spine sending all the stress of his life through him, into her, where it changed into something.. undescribable.. Something sweet... And his arms were full of soft, sweet smelling Penny.. His head resting against her shoulder, as they both struggled to regain their breath..

"Wow.." She whispered..

"Holy Crap on a Cracker." He responded..

Pressed as close as they were, he could feel her laughter bubble up inside her, and he chuckled too, rolling over onto his side so he didn't squish her with his weight...

Penny was in a great mood, even though she was at work.. It was Tuesday, and the boys always came to dinner on tuesdays.. And she hadn't seen Sheldon since he tiptoed out of her apartment early that morning, after proving his abilities to her again... Who knew, that quiet, brilliant, practically asexual Sheldon, was a sex bomb?

She giggled to herself..

Across the room she saw them entire, and get shown to their usual table.. They picked up their menus, and she walked over, standing at Sheldons elbow, her hip jutted towards him, her eyes on them, her pen at the ready..

"So what are you all having tonight? The usual?" She smiled brightly.

Three men stared at her in confusion, she seemed happy to see them.

"Yeah." Two of them said, while the third nodded repeatedly.

Under the table, unseen by the others, a long finger reached out and drew a line up her inner thigh, while its owner blandly announced that he was hungry tonight, and would like to add a large order of fries to his usual order.. And a milkshake.

He looked at her innocently, and she swallowed her grin and tried to hide the shiver going trough her spine from what his finger was doing, and nodded.

"Sure thing Sheldon."