Welcome to chapter 1 of my second ever Twilight story.
Here we have studious, shy Edward and wild, emotionally unstable Bella in college.
Let me know what you think.
Also, if you are interested, I am planning on posting teasers and fun stuff on my tumblr at jaxington(dot)tumblr(dot)com/
Enjoy and thanks for reading.
December 20, 2010
I'm perched on a lumpy couch, nursing beer number I-don't-know-what and glancing casually at my watch. I have only been here for sixty-two minutes. I promised Jake I would stay for at least another hour.
Jake is having a party. Jake is always having a party. He has no more ambitions than when I met him at age seventeen. He's still content to get wasted nightly and work as a mechanic daily. I thought by the time he hit his mid-twenties he would have developed some goals for the future, but Jake doesn't like change.
Med school is usually an excellent excuse to get out of shit like this, but I just finished exams for the fall semester. Plus, Jake enlisted the help of my twin sister. The two of them together spell doom for me.
They say I am in a funk. That I need more social interaction outside my study groups. That I need to get laid.
I can grudgingly admit to myself that they're right. I just haven't felt much like doing anything since she left me. Again.
I look past the thin blond whose name I can't remember, searching out the Jake in the crowd. I can't take any more. This girl is vapid and gushing about doctors and sitting too close to me. She's opposite of the girl I want and that is why she is here, selected by Jake specifically because she is nothing like the girl who left.
Jake knows what is like to be left by her, too. This may be how he coped, but it is certainly not working for me.
I let the thudding bass and the timbre of the voices of those packed into Jake's dingy living room drown out the babbling of this annoying girl. She says she goes to The University of Colorado and I wonder how she ever managed to get into college.
It really says something about the educational system, if you ask me.
In my irritation with Jake and Alice and this blond nobody, I've had too much to drink. I will never make the drive back to my crappy apartment in Denver and will be forced to sleep at my sister's. My old bedroom remains vacant, but I try not to spend too much time there. The walls of the house are thick with memories of her.
Finally, I meet the warm gaze of Jacob. I send him a look that demands him to rescue me from the woman who is now practically in my lap, and I am surprised to see that panic has replaced the laughter normally present in his eyes.
Shivers of electricity creep up my spine, and I blame it on the beer. It has been months since I last drank, and the alcohol is making my system fuzzy. All my defenses are down. Normally, I don't let myself think of her at all. Over the years, I have gotten very good at distracting myself from the fact that she's gone.
Yet tonight, as the perfectly French-manicured hand of this blond bimbo creeps up my thigh, dark hair and big eyes have infiltrated my consciousness.
In my drunken, pathetic state, I have even conjured up the electric shivers, so unique to her and me.
There is a warm hand on my shoulder, and the touch feels so good, I am prepared to give the owner of this hand anything to stay by my side forever and just keep touching me.
"Can we help you?" the blond asks. I focus on her because for the first time she isn't flirting with me, but is glaring at the owner of the hand. I want to punch the bimbo in the face for glaring at the person who gives me the shivers. "We're kinds of busy here."
The sneer on the blonde's face does nothing to make her more attractive.
"Oh, honey, you have no idea who you are dealing with, do you?"
I close my eyes. The voice plus the touch are enough to send my poor, neglected, lonely body into tremors. I wonder if I have accidentally ingested anything to cause such vivid hallucinations, and I make plans to take whatever it is again as soon as possible.
"Really. Get your hands off his dick and back the fuck up. Don't make me bitch slap you, shorty."
After another moment, the suffocating presence of the blond is replaced by lightning and heat, a fucking electric storm that is sending little jolts of almost-forgotten pleasure into my every pore.
I really did try to forget.
"Edward," says the voice. Her voice. "Come on, baby. Open those pretty, pretty eyes."
I do just what she says, because I always do just what she says. It is pathetic and fucked up and the reason for all the heartbreak, but that is just how it has always been with us. It's too late to change.
And there is my dark angel, in all her glory and beauty and pain.
Since she left two years ago, I've spent a good amount of time convincing Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Jake, and myself that I'm over her. That I'm done with her. That I've finally, finally, finally had enough. At some point, I actually started believing myself.
Apparently, I am not only a terrible liar, but also an idiot.
Looking at her, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she owns me. Mind, body, and soul. I've belonged to her since she accidentally stumbled into my dorm room freshman year.
"Bella," I reply, knowing that whatever happens next is sure to be the death of me.
I stare at the woman I hate for making me love so much. She's made it clear from the beginning that she's broken, that she has nothing to offer me, that she doesn't do commitment. That she doesn't even really like herself, so she couldn't possibly like me.
Going into this fucked-up relationship, I knew all this. Yet I did it anyway, eagerly. I made my choice. I gave up my right to hate her for leaving, but I did anyway.
I hate her for making me love her and refusing to let me help fix her.
"You are gawking at me," she says, smiling and running her fingers through the short hair at my temple. "I am going to take that as a sign that you missed me."
I sit silently and glare as I try to conjure the strength to tell her to fuck off.
"You look different. Your hair is shorter." She pouts as she studies me critically. I shudder unwillingly against her touch when what I really want to do is slap her hand away and tell her that she doesn't get a say in my life anymore. It shouldn't bother me that my hair isn't longer for her, but it does. "You know I like something to hold onto, Adonis. I hope you grow it out."
Still, I don't speak. I wish I could read her mind.
She looks different too. Better. Healthier. Stronger. Some things are the same, like her messy mane of mahogany hair and her punk-rock-meets-hippy-meets-mountain-man wardrobe. But there are no dark circles under her eyes, and there is a little bit of color in her cheeks.
"God," she says, shooting a glare over her shoulder at Jake, who is attempting to pick his way towards us through the crowd. "Let's go somewhere, okay? Before Jake and Alice freak out on us."
What she means is before they freak out on her. Alice and especially Jake will love her forever, but they are done putting up with her shit. They don't want me going anywhere with her. They are the smart ones.
My hand is in hers, and I suddenly find myself on my feet, moving towards the front door. I grab my jacket a second before she closes the door shut behind us.
Will I ever stand up to her? When will it be my turn to make the decisions regarding our combined future? Why can't I just tell her what I want and make her let me in all the way past the shield she has been building since she was fifteen?
I am a fucking zombie.
I can see our combined breath as we trudge through the snow. Boulder is beautiful in the winter. The ground is white with fresh snowflakes, and the night sky has a pinkish hue, indicating more will fall before morning. I try to focus on the sky instead of her hand in mine.
We get a few blocks away from Jake's place when Bella stops abruptly, wrapping her little arms around my waist.
She feels so good, and I am whole for the first time in two years. Even so, I somehow find the strength to not return her hug.
"Where have you been?" I choke out, my throat scratchy from alcohol and shock and disuse.
"Everywhere, Edward. I have been everywhere, and I miss you so much." Her voice is a whisper in the dark, and I will myself to stay strong. I have spent the last two years building my defenses. A little booze and a sneak attack shouldn't change that.
"Did you fuck anyone else?" I growl out. I am pleased that I sound as angry and violent as I feel.
"Don't be like that, Edward. I am here. We are together. Just hold me." Her breath is hot against my neck, and my fingers twitch at my sides as I fight my compulsion to do as she asks. It is even harder because I want it just as bad.
"You left me, Bella." I reply, looking anywhere but at her. If we make eye contact, I will fail. "No one has heard from you in months. I am allowed to be mad at you,"
Is this even real? Part of me thinks it is a dream, but I dismiss the idea because in my dreams, Bella comes back full of apologies, spouting words of love.
"I know, baby." Bella says, her hands moving to cup my face. "I know. I should have let you guys know I was all right. But I am here now, and I just want you to make me feel good,"
Resistance is futile, and I get lost in her deep eyes. We see all the way down to each other's souls, and it is still not enough for her.
I really want to be strong enough to tell her to fuck off.
"Are you still living in Goss Grove?" she asks without breaking eye contact.
I shake my head and keep my mouth shut. Her face falls, and I hate that I have somehow disappointed her, which is ridiculous, seeing as she disappoints me daily.
"Do Alice and Jazz and Em and Rose still live there?" Her fingers trace my jaw, and I have to close my eyes to keep my breathing from getting too ragged.
"Yes." I spit the word out quickly before asking the questions I have been dying to ask since I first saw her tonight. "What the hell are you doing here, Bella? What the fuck do you want form me?"
The words shoot out of me, and for one terrible moment I think Bella is going to cry, right there in the snowy street.
"I am here, Edward." She talks slowly, as if addressing a second grader. "Because Boulder is my home. And all I want is you."
My legs buckle slightly as she says all the right things. I forget that I hate her and that she still hasn't apologized and that she will only end up leaving me again. My hands find her hips, and my fingers dig into her soft skin in desperation.
"Please, Edward." I can never withstand her begging. "Please" really is the magic word. In my drunken state, I decide I see the apology she is unwilling to utter in her eyes.
I kiss her, crashing my lips to hers as I let out two years of pent-up emotion, hurt feelings, confusion, and the ache of being without her. The kiss is needy and violent and desperate. She moans around my tongue, and I lift her off the ground to get closer.
We grope and kiss as we stumble blindly to a nearby bus stop. The Hop pulls up seconds or minutes or hours later. I can't tell. I flash the burly female driver my bus pass that comes with my tuition. Bella uses an expired pass that worked when she was still a student at CU. The bus driver doesn't notice.
We sit at the back of the bus, our bodies facing each other. She traces the planes of my face with her fingertips, gazing at me reverently.
"How is it possible that you are more beautiful than I remember? How can a photo or my memory fail so horribly in capturing the real Edward?"
It is very hard in moments like this to remember that she doesn't love me.
We get to the house on Goss. It is devoid of occupants, and I am glad because I don't need the judgment of my friends and family. And neither does Bella.
She leads the way to my old bedroom, and the past two years didn't happen.
We stumble down the hallway, slamming each other's backs into the walls and kissing roughly until neither of us can breathe. She finally gets me in my old room, and the door swings shut, plunging us into darkness. Alice keeps the room exactly as I left it, down to the blackout curtains.
Without words, we find each other in the dark. Articles of clothing are removed as we fumble towards the bed. I fall forward, pinning her to the mattress with my hips. I pause to catch my breath, wishing that even a little bit of moonlight could get past the curtains.
Bella has been in shadows for too long, and I want to see her- really see her- so badly my chest hurts. I need to see her so badly that I violently rip back the drapes. I have to be able to see her because this will be the last time.
Our bodies are now bathed in the strange reflection of moonlight off the snow. I make her come with my hands and my dick and my mouth. She goes down on me and rides me and lets me fuck her in every way imaginable. The night is endless. I don't know if we sleep. I lose track of how many orgasms I give her.
I hope it is enough for her to remember me by.
Then it is dawn, and I wake to find Bella curled into my side. Her hair covers my chest and her shoulder and a good portion of the pillow. She looks happy. Content. I kiss each eyelid and then her lips softly as my chest aches.
I have to leave before the lies start coming out of her sleeping mouth.
I slip out of my old bed and pull on last night's clothes. With one final glance at the dark angel sleeping so soundly and a whispered "I love you," I close the door behind me, intent on reaching my car that is parked out front as quickly as possible.
For the first time since our accidental and awkward meeting in our freshmen year, I'm doing the leaving.
August 16, 2004
On my very first weekend away at college, Bella Swan ends up in my bed.
Oh, how I wish that it's as sexy as it sounds, but it's not seduction or lust. It's simply a miscommunication. When you are drunk and new to the dorms, it is really easy to wind up in the wrong room.
Unlike my fellow eager young freshmen, I opt to stay in on a Friday night. It's an odd decision to most I suppose, and my twin sister called me an anti-social douche bag, but I have little interest in partaking in the overindulgence common of people my age. It doesn't appeal to me. A scantily dressed co-ed invited me to a frat party but that's definitely not my thing. And though Alice calls me crazy for deciding to not participate in the desperation of making new friends during the first weeks at school, I can't bring myself to regret the decision to stay in.
If I had gone out, I might have missed her.
And it's not like I'm completely alone. I met some equally shy, awkward, geeky students and we played a little ping pong and watched a movie before calling it an early night.
I nearly fall out of bed when my door slams open, abruptly bringing me back from the verge of sleep. Not that I'm the least bit upset about the bedtime interruption because in stumbles the single most attractive and engaging creature I've ever seen in my 18 somewhat sheltered years of life.
Even in the dark, she's glorious.
She stands, illuminated by the light flooding in from the hallway. Her dark, voluminous hair curls haphazardly around her head. Her painted red lips pout and her eyes are closed as she attempts to steady herself against the doorframe. Her hot, tight little body is clothed in a tiny scrap of black material that passes for a skirt and an equally form-fitting long sleeved black shirt. Her creamy legs go on forever and she stumbles into my room in chunky combat boots, allowing the door to slam behind her.
Thank God I neglected to lock it.
She exhales loudly, dropping her bag by the door. She crosses her arms over her chest and yanks on the bottom of the shirt, attempting to remove it. Something goes wrong however, because it gets stuck over her head. Her arms are trapped above her head, which is also obscured by the shirt, and she blindly trips around the room, toppling the recently alphabetized textbooks on my shelf.
Giggling manically, she spins around the room before her boot catches on my bedside table and she lands directly on top of me.
"What do we have here?" Her voice, even muffled by the shirt, is almost as sexy as her long, flat stomach and the beginnings of her black bra peaking at me. "Someone in my bed."
"Uh… um… actually… uh…" I stutter, losing my train of thought completely as she kicks off her boots and climbs onto my lap, giving me an even better view of her gorgeous body.
I'm pretty sure I fall in love in that moment.
"Oh, you feel nice," she slurs. "Urg." She thrashes around, continuing to struggle against the offending garment. "Get this motherfucker off me you cocksucker."
It seems my angel had a bit of a potty mouth.
"Uh…. Mumph." My mouth moves, but nothing comprehensible comes out. I do what she told me to anyway, sitting up and assisting her, until we both manage to detangle her. Finally, her head pops out and she tosses the shirt aside.
"Whoa, you're pretty. Where the hell did I find you?" She sways above me, straddling my lap, an absolute vision. Her dark chocolate eyes, rimmed with too much black make up, watch me intently. Despite their hazy, drunken lack of focus, I can see the intelligence there.
"Um, you found me here, in um… my bed."
"You're sooo pretty," she continues to slur as she brings her fingertips to my jaw. I shudder under her touch.
Yup, I'm definitely in love.
I've had very little experience with girls. Alice blames this on what she called my outdated Victorian morality. I don't think a respect for women and a desire to be in love was outdated. Alice also doesn't know that I broke up with my one and only girlfriend in high school after letting the overly aggressive Tanya get me drunk and steal my virginity. That whole horrible debacle put me off girls for a while.
Until she barged into my room.
I sure as hell don't feel Victorian in that moment.
"My Adonis," she giggles, rolling her hips and causing me to groan. "Are you this chiseled everywhere?"
I whimper a little and try to focus on how obviously wasted she was.
College isn't supposed to be like this for me. I want to learn, not get hammered and have random, faceless, nameless sex. I have goals, hopes, dreams.
"Edward, not Adonis," I manage to choke out.
Upon arriving at the University of Colorado, I became very aware of the fact that I'm good looking. Well, I've always had some understanding of this. But everyone has known everyone forever in Forks. My pretty face had long ago been forgotten, and the only thing my peers see is my big, know-it-all brain. I lived in the shadow of my social butterfly twin sister and super jock big brother.
I didn't think college would be any different, but already I've received a lot of attention for my green eyes, weird colored hair, and general pleasing appearance.
"Edward," she purrs as she continues to rock above me, further provoking my growing hard-on. "Humm."
Her gaze scorches me, and she slowly lowers her face to mine. Inch by inch, she closes in on me, while my brain screams at me that this was wrong.
I don't even know her name.
She's really drunk.
I don't do stuff like this.
"Pretty Adonis, in my bed," she murmurs, so close now that I can feel her breath on my lips. I'm a moment away from not caring about anything but the feel of her against me, but then her eyes flutter closed and she collapses against my shoulder, cuddling into my neck.
She falls asleep, and I exhale in relief.
What the hell just happened?
If this is really what college is like, I honestly don't know if I can handle it.
My older brother, Emmett first showed interest in CU because of its party school reputation. He was sold when he met fellow applicant Rosalie on a campus tour. They've been together for a year. I'm more interested in the pre-med program. Alice, never one to be left behind, followed us both east.
Alice and I opted to live in the same dorm. It was mostly at her insistence that I needed someone to look out for me, but I know she is just as freaked out about starting over half way across the country as I am.
Our parents, Carlisle and Esme, are thrilled with the convenience of visiting us all in one place.
We moved in two days ago. It's Friday night now and school is to start on following Monday. My roommate seems cool, a tall Texan who really enjoys his pot, and is studying history. Tonight, he has big plans to seduce some chick he met at an orientation event. He assures me she has hot friends and invited me to come but I passed. I was looking forward to the alone time.
This is much better. My arms naturally came around the girl's narrow frame and we lay close in my small twin. I glance over at Jasper's empty bed across the small room.
If I'm really the gentleman I claim to be, I would relocate to the empty bed. But she feels so nice against me and the thought of separation makes my heart hurt.
I fall asleep debating the merits of each option.