A/N: This is a little obscure, but I felt like I had to do it. Ami and Makoto are slightly OOC but not overly so. It's from a Makoto POV, so keep that in mind. I don't know why I did this, I guess it was just, well, I felt like someone had to do it, so I did. Only a one shot.
I do not own Sailor Moon.
Glasses...tinted with a fingerprint on the lens draped haphazardly over a book. Such simple beauty in the most normal of things. Often, I fear or dream that by chance I am a lowly person. One of many on this earth, and because I am one of many, I may not be all that important. I may not be. Not for everyone at least. Still...if that were completely true than these glasses would not sit perched on such a thick book. At least, I would not see them as such.
Do you know why?
I could never read a book so complex, and yet...she can. The woman so captivates me now, the look of concentration astounds me as she sits here wasting away the idle time. Without a computer she can not play her games and speak online with those called family. Without her sketchbook she is unable to draw her dreams in vast lines that draw me into the simple complexity of her work. Without her homework, she finds herself unable to delve deeply into the immersion of constant study for hours on end. She is so smart, and yet...
Why did she change...I want to know that so very much...
Her intellect hides her true beauty. That blush behind thin rimmed glasses is perhaps one of the most astounding things of all creation. It is also now a very rare sight to behold. Still, with her contacts in, that beauty is gone, hidden behind thick gothic style makeup. Cloaked in clothing as dark as pitch. Why does this beautiful creature hide so?
She's never told me. I've never asked because it is not my place. I do not ask, she does not answer, and yet, we just know that it's alright. I can do as I will, without remand, without worry. She is given the same. It is simply how we work. Even if I wanted to know, which honestly I don't...but even if I did, I know that the answer wouldn't be for me. If I did ask, it would be so that she asks herself. So that she answers to the air what she feels inside, but, like I said, I don't care either way.
I feel as if it's because she's afraid. Some girls hide behind makeup. Others hide scars under shirt sleeves cut so their thumbs can keep pains that have bled out into crimson truth a secret only they know of. Others hide behind falsehoods if only to appear lovely, so that the ugly truth stay masked forever. But she...she hides because of her fear. This girl before me cakes her face to appear tough, but merely, she's a soft girl. One who smiles every day at the bright sunlight, one who looks at the moon with a depth not many see. This is the girl I see. The truth before the mask is placed on.
If only I could get her to see her true beauty...
She's blasting metal through the room. She listens to what I think of as absolute racket. Two industrial piercings and an eyebrow ring are only only part of her edgy ensemble. Her nails always painted black or deep navy blue, her shoes are years old, she refuses to buy a new pair. Her jeans are actually my old pair from three years ago. They fit her in an overly baggy nature, the holes in the knees only adding to her sloppy appearance.
She's wearing a shirt that she used to sleep in when she spent the night at my house. It still falls to her knees. Her body dwarfs my taller figure. Still, she's so beautiful. The way she bites her lip, strumming thin air, she's happy...and truly stunning. How I wish I could get her to see. She dyed her hair a more vibrant blue, hot, shocking blue, her bangs fall over her eyes now, and I wonder where the girl I used to know went. At one time, though her hair was short, it was well kept. Now, with her bangs over her eyes, styled in such a way that looks like she slept on it for a week, I laugh.
That beautiful girl is still there. True, she's not in her dresses for school, her hair is a mess on any given day, my sloppy shirts are her daily clothing, jeans, no matter how torn, somehow suitable, she's still the girl I used to know. Those glasses with those thin rimmed wire frames...the ones I dented when I sat on them about a year ago... I wish she would wear them for me just once again...just once so I could say what I wanted to say...but alas, I know that won't ever happen, so I'll just watch from afar and protect this shy, sweet, gentle girl that I know she is...
After all, looks can be deceiving...and, this girl...she's only the mask behind a woman that's so passionate, so endearing, that I know, without a shadow of a doubt is kept dormant within. She's merely donning a cover much like of one of the books she so loves and often reads.
"Ami," I say standing slowly, my thoughts forgotten but my worries clear. "Why must you wear that mask?" my finger traces lightly over raven lips, tainted by the gloss shaded deeper than night.
"I think the better question is, why do you live within a world you can never attain?" I pause, her words stun me and causes me to laugh.
"I can..." I know she doesn't believe me...but I know I can. "You're a smart girl, but let me ask you this, if people lived in a world they could only simply attain, would they have dreams set out for something greater? Would the thought of limitless expanse have come about? Would the adventures in your books ever exist?"
"I suppose not." she nods at me, a wordless thought in her mind. She quickly removes it from her eyes, and the wall of indifference comes up. Her protection that I know so well, it is a wall I welcome even if others would shun it for being an undesirable trait. "But why do you live there?" I guess she would want to know, wouldn't she?
"Because I want too, I have no other reason than that. You can either walk in, or your stay your place, but in the end it won't matter, because you, like the rest, will leave, walk away, and I will be here, right where I've always been, right where I'll always be." She looks at me a slight confusion on her face...
"What if I want to prove you wrong?" The look on her face is much like a petulant child. "What if I want to tell you someone won't leave...is that a possible goal?" I merely laugh...she wants to be a clown now...what an amusing thought. I thought she wanted to be a neurosurgeon, not a comedian. What else might come from her lips I wait to hear.
"You will one day too. I promise that you will." No one ever stays. She should know that by now. That's why I'm alone. We've changed so much...and yet...
"I haven't left your side have I?" We're still the same. Just like we were so many years ago. "I haven't walked away have I? I've never given you reason to doubt my words have I?" She's still here...isn't that funny...
"You're still here." I nodded, she still is after all... "And you've never given me reason to doubt your words either." She never has. She never makes a promise she can not keep, never says a words she does not mean. "What's the face for?" She gives me that look sometimes...admonishment.
"No one will ever stay with us...will they?" I laugh. No, they wouldn't but I'll let her keep dreaming...then, perhaps her dream will become true and someone will stay...
"You've never been wrong before, have you?" I know the answer already.
"No, but neither have you." I know that, dear gods do I know that.
"It doesn't matter, I'll always be here, regardless of what anyone wants, here is where I'll stay. Nothing, and no one can ever change that, because if they do, they'll change me...and I...don't really want too." My soft smile makes her just shake her head. We've caused so many people to be driven away by some of our harder situations, or more difficult aspects. I guess though, that's just who we are.
"Me either..."She agrees with me while I laugh, she's still the same...she'll be the same a while longer, and for that I'm happy, and, should she decide to stay bound to our home that remains only in our heart, I'll happily let her stay, but should she one day walk away, that'll be alright too...
"What are you thinking about?" She knows I'm thinking something I wouldn't normally tell. I'm always pensive. She can read me like an open book more so than anyone. I don't need to speak, I don't need to say a word, and I know she would just nod in understanding. Still, I say this because I feel like I have to, if only for her sake.
"The same thing I always am." I walk over to the table and pick up her glasses, twirling them in my left hand, leaning on her bookshelf with my right. "Tell me exactly why it is someone as beautiful as you hides behind such a mask..."
"That's rather simple, really. It remains the only way I can stay with you here...the mask is the embodiment of what I used to feel, used to fear, and now that it's gone, thanks to you and a few others, the only possible way I know I can stay is if I have it on...and I want to stay, even if it is for just a little while longer."
She wants to stay...I wonder why, but I'll never ask. If she wants me to know, she'll tell me. I don't really care either way, as long as she's still here everything I've fought for, even if it was only halfheartedly will remain the same. I like the same, its old, its boring, its dramatic, but...its the same.
"Please. Where no mask is needed, put your glasses on...just for me." I honestly wish those days would come back once again.
Yeah, I know, it's a little obscure, but I felt like I had to do it. Please leave a review, let me know what you think.