HAPPY SCREWUP DAY! i mean. Kendall's birthday. It's today. HE JUST SCREWED EVERYTHING UP OKAY. LIKE THE COOL BIRTHDAYS. AND BEING THE RIGHT AGE. AND JUST. EVERYTHING THAT WHORE. But I still love him. Which is why I'm submitting this today. There should be more birthdays, I would finish more stuff. Sorry this is probably completely RIDDLED with errors and typos and stuff LIKE MAGGOTS. I have no time to edit if I want this up today. I might go back and fix it later, just for now. Bear with me.



Hide-and-seek is a funny, funny game.

When you're five, it's fun. You play it because you have nothing else to do, for entertainment. Because you want to.

When you're sixteen, it's a life or death situation.

Now, hiding in one of the Palm Woods trash cans probably wasn't one of my best decisions in the world, but in my defense I'm wearing a tree hat, which totally makes up for it. Right? That makes sense, right? Or did I just say something that makes me sound like a complete and utter idiot? Because I'm pretty sure the saying is, "When in doubt, wear a tree hat, and everything will fall into place." I mean, that is the saying. I would lay my life on it. Sort of. It's hard to say. I think that if I'd had more time to think and choose a better place to hide, the tree hat would make more sense. Especially since it's unbelievably cramped in here. Why can't trash cans be bigger? The world has enough pollution in it, shouldn't there be bigger trash cans to compensate? And maybe have air conditioning. To keep the trash cool. Of course, it all makes so much sense-

The lid of the trash can springs open and blinding light fills the green plastic receptacle, but I recognize the face staring down at me instantly despite the suns razor sharp rays. My heart starts vibrating and panic shoots up my spine in a frenzy, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand tall. My breath stutters and I positively freeze, as if it'll turn me invisible.


"Logan!" I hiss hurriedly, swallowing hard as I stare up at him with wide, frantic eyes. "Just- Don't tell her, please don't- I swear, I'll keep my part of the room spotless if you just close the lid and walk awa-"

"Sorry, dude," Logan interrupts. "She already promised an eight-pack of pudding to whoever finds you and brings you to her."

"But Logan-" Eight cups of pudding? Kendall Knight is a dead man. "Logan, please please please don't-"

"Nnnope," Logan stops me again. "Stop being such a baby, it's not that bad-"

"But you don't understand!" I cry desperately. Realizing my volume, I force myself to lower my voice to an admittedly loud whisper. "Logan, is pudding really more important than you best friend? Pudding, for crying out loud!"

"Kendall," Logan sighs, shaking his head sadly. He looks down at me seriously, or at least trying to be serious. "We just want what's best for you."

"You think this is good for me?" I shriek, starting to hyperventilate a little. I'm going to lose. I'm going to lose.

"Hiding in a trash can? No." He arches an eyebrow. "By the way, why the tree hat?"

"Leave the tree hat out of this!" I yell forcibly, reaching up to clutch at it with both hands. "You're a monster, you know that? A demon!"

"Yeah, well," he tilts his head to the side, then grins, "it pays." I stare up at him in horror and he smiles sweetly down at me. "Now come on, Kendall. You have an appointment with Dr. Claris." He says it in an eerily informative tone, and I completely panic.

"Never!" I screech, knocking the trash can to its side, jarring the side of my head from the fall. Desperately I try to army-crawl out the opening, but Logan shoves the whole thing with his foot, sending me rolling into the waters of the pool. There are screams of surprise and peril that immediately cut off as water rapidly rushes into the trash can, leaving me time enough only to gasp one final breath before I'm swallowed in a vicious torrent.

For a moment I'm disoriented, but I force myself to swim out the opening and then for the light, and when I burst into the air I'm gasping for it, because when you're half-hyperventilating it's really really hard to hold your breath. When I surface, though, the first thing I hear is, "You can't escape, Kendall!"

"Stay away from me!" I shriek, striking out blindly for the way out of the pool. Somehow with my eyes darting all over the place I make it to the shallow end with the stairs, but Logan is there waiting for me. Sucking in a huge mouthful of water, I scramble out of the pool and spit it all in his face before he can grab me. He screws his eyes shut and flails at the unexpected spurt while I make my escape.

"Kendall!" he snaps after me, sounding angry, but I keep running. For one fleeting moment I lose my footing in my panic and it seems like I'm going to trip and go crashing to the ground, and everything will be over. But I only stumble and then I'm on my way again. Running for my life.

I practically run over this group of three twelve-year-old girls on my way into the lobby, but I couldn't care less. I'm almost there, I'm almost free. The elevator. It's right there, and the light for floor level just lit up. If I can just make it in before Logan catches up-

The doors slide open and I immediately catapult backwards, a cut-off shriek bursting out of me at the sight. James is in the elevator. James is in on it. James is trying to kill me. And James is in the elevator.

"James!" I squeak, and I know nothing I say will change his mind, because once upon a time, our roles were reversed and he was the one running. But that was completely different, that was for his own good. This. Is. Torture.

"Aha!" James yells victoriously, pointing at me as if it matters in some way. The elevator doors aren't even open all the way when he springs out, arms spread, like a net ready to engulf me. Crying out, I leap back and turn on my heel, dodging around Logan as I push people out of my way. There's a large group standing right in the middle of the lobby, blocking any escape I have, so I make a snap decision. I launch myself sideways, careening over Bitters' desk, rolling over the top on my back and dropping to the other side on all fours. Immediately I spring up, and my heart sinks. I'm surrounded.

James is standing in the opening to get out from behind the desk, and Logan is standing on the opposite side of the desk than me. Bitters' office is behind James, so that's not an option. I'm trapped.

"Kendall," James begins, holding his hands up and speaking in a nonthreatening tone. "We don't want to hurt you. We just want pudding. So if you'll just come with me-"

"That's a lie!" I interrupt, eyes darting around, looking for invisible escape. "You- you're horrible, you all are! Look at yourselves, you're throwing away friendship for pudding!"

"No, you're overreacting."

"There's nowhere else to go, Kendall," Logan cuts in. Just come with us, and no one gets hurt."

"I get hurt!" I squeak, the fear and panic rising with my voice. "I'll never go with you! Never! You people aren't my friends, you- You're minions of the Claris!" I spit the name like a curse, my eyes widening at the realization. "What have you done with my friends?"

Suddenly the door to Bitters' office slams open behind James, revealing the hotel manager himself.

"What is going on?" he demands furiously. I take the distraction and dart around James, who's turned around, and sprint for my life back to the elevators. But I don't want to take my chances with those again, so instead I slam into the stairwell and start taking them three at a time. I'm already on my second flight when the door opens again and Logan and James are yelling at me to come back down. My legs are burning from the exertion of taking so many steps at a time and so quickly, but I ignore that and the unbearable pounding of my heart and push myself to keep going. I'm thinking Logan isn't really so much of a problem here, but James is the tallest out of all of us and is therefore the biggest threat right now. I'm horrible away of the two drawing closer, catching up with a speed that seems almost supernatural to me. I can't go much longer. I make it to the second floor and wrench the door open, flying into the hallway and diving for the nearest supply closet. The door slams shut behind me not a second before I hear the door to the stairwell bang open against the wall.

My heart is in my throat. It's in my ears, in my fingertips, the back of my neck, my legs. I hold my breath even though I desperately need air and stare fearfully at the door, just waiting for it to spring open and for everything to end. Voices.

"Where'd he go? Did you see?"

"James, I came in after you did. How could I have possibly-"

"I don't know!" James interrupts, sounding frantic. "We just need to find him so that-"

"If you think you're getting the pudding-"

"I am getting the pudding!"

"Not if I find him first!"

There's a lot of commotion and pounding footsteps race past, but I can't relax until I hear another door slam shut. I let out a huge sigh of relief and feel my body loosen up as I sink back into the shelves behind me.

"Gotcha!" cries a pair of arms as they wrap themselves around me and pull me back into a warm body. I scream, adrenaline alive again as I twist and squirm desperately to get away. I manage to break free and spin around, backing up against the door with my knees bent and my arms spread wide against the solid wood. There's a click and a light flicks on, a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. Its dim yellow light reveals the round, smiling face of Carlos. Carlos.

"Carlos!" I burst out. "Carlos, you understand, don't you?"

He tilts his head. "What? That I get a free puppy if I turn you in?"

"I thought it was an eight-pack of pudding."

He shrugs and grins. "Yeah- But wouldn't it be so cool to get a puppy?"

"Carlos, please. Don't tell me they got you, too."

"Kendall, I don't understand. Why are you so afraid of th-"

"Don't say it!" I scream, clapping my hands over my ears. "Don't you dare say it, Carlos, or I swear-"

"Okay, I won't, sorry," he allows, putting his hands up in defense. "But seriously, Kendall, this is getting way out of hand. Even I know that. So please, just come with me and-"

"You'reworkingfortheClaris!" I yell, chucking my tree hat hard at him and scrambling back out into the hallway, making a frantic sprint for the elevator. No one else can surprise me. James and Logan are searching somewhere on this floor, and Carlos- I turn around as I reach the doors and slam my fist on the down button, seeing Carlos just coming out of the closet. He's talking into his watch, glancing up at me as he speaks. He's insane. There's no way-

He's running. Holy crap, he's running over here and the elevator's not even here-


Motorized creak of opening double doors-







"Carlos, no, nonono, please-"

"I'm sorry, Kendall," Carlos snaps the metal together, my face shoved harshly into the back wall of the elevator while my wrists are locked behind my back, "but you have an appointment with Dr. Claris."

And then the world goes black.


He launched into the elevator just as the doors were sliding shut. It was a last second stunt he pulled, and I couldn't find it in myself to call it admirable. The doors came to a close and the elevator began humming steadily as it began its descent, but there was only a split second to acknowledge that, because he had my shoulders and was spinning me on the spot, slamming me forward into the wall, my hip jamming into the metal handrail lining the perimeter. His knee forced my legs apart and my arms were wrenched violently behind my back as cold metal encircled my wrists. It tightened to a point it hurt, and as I babbled in a panic for him to stop, I could feel rancid fear stopping my heart and buckling my knees. My eyes rolled back and I toppled over into unconsciousness, his last words ringing terribly in my ears, seeming to echo even after it was all gone. I had lost.


My eyes blearily fade open, or something. I pick something, but reality picks my eyes blearily fading open, so that's what happens. I feel aching pain in my left temple, my hip, and my wrists, and a dull, faint burning in my calves. It only takes a second after that for everything to come swirling back in a torrent.

The trash can. The elevator. The pool. The desk. The pudding. The tree hat. The closet. The doors. The Claris.

The adrenaline is back in full, bringing with it a nice, heaping dose of panic and my spine snapping almost in half so I'm sitting up.

Not my best move.

The dull ache in my head and hip burst to life and explode into harsh, stabbing pain that strikes deep within the muscle and bone, resonating so intensely that I have to groan and hold a hand to my temple. Except my had doesn't actually move. It just jerks against something solid that makes the sore pain act up again, and now I'm hurting in three places. Great. I groan again, and then I hear another voice that is most certainly too feminine to be mine.

"Oh, good, you're awake; we can go."


"No. Mom, no, nonononono, we cannot go." I struggle to stand, which brings me back to my hands. "And why am I handcuffed?"

She comes over, setting a hand to my shoulder and gently but firmly attempting to push me back down. "No, honey, don't stand up so quickly, you'll hurt yourself. Carlos said you hit your head pretty hard." she looks genuinely concerned, and I shake my head, complying by sitting down again, straining unconsciously against the now heated metal.

"Mom, really. Take them off."

"Oh, honey," she says regretfully, "I really wish I could."

"Wh-Why not?" I stutter, stomach dropping at her tone.

"Well because," she starts in a tone that suggests the answer is obvious, giving me a strange look. "We have to go."

"Mom-" I choke on the word, fear building up over the false assurance that this is my mom, and she'll protect me. Because she won't. She's the source of the problem, the source of evil. I'm in the lair of the demonic dragon who's been kidnapping the village's children and devouring them whole. I'm next. The jaws are wide open, foul breath cartwheeling out to tear my hair windblown, overwhelming me with hopelessness and yet a new determination. I'm not going to be struck down. I'm gonna make it out alive.

"So he got you too." It's a simple statement, spoken in a dead tone. She looks confused. Such an old act. "I thought you were better than that."

"Sweetie, what in the world-"

"The Claris," I hiss at a whisper, and realization dawns, her eyes rolling. Before she can say anything, I shrug out of her tough, shaking my head in disgust. "I never thought I'd see the day my own mother betrays me."

"Kendall, this is ridiculous-"

"I didn't want to do this," I talk over her, raising my voice slightly as I stand once again, balance a little thrown off because my hands are behind my back.

"Sit down-"

I stare at her through narrowed eyes, shaking my head again. "But you've given me no choice."

I bolt.

"N- Get back here!" She chases after me, her cry sounding exasperated and just shy of homicidal. I ignore her, though, focused only on escape.

Anything behind a closed door is not an option. Stupid handcuffs- why am I even handcuffed, anyway? Carlos- It was Carlos, wasn't it? Where did he even get handcuffs in the first place? He's not a cop as far as I'm concerned, and after that incident in the sixth grade with the disappearing trick gone wrong, he never touched magic again. Spectacular Sparky, the Terrific Turtle. Now you see him, now you don't, and now you never will again. Carlos had been devastated and depressed for weeks, which makes me certain he's not a magician. Which scares me, because he really shouldn't have handcuffs otherwise. Makes me wonder how many people he's tortured and killed by now. My mother's shrill voice reminds me that I'm yet another victim.

"Kendall, stop being so ridiculous, we're late for your appointment!"

"I'll never come with you!" I screech back defiantly. "Dead or alive!"

"Kendall!" She chases me around the apartment as my adrenaline flies through my veins and gives me the energy to do insane things I would never be able to do on my own like climbing over the table and clearing the couch in one leap, even with my hands cuffed behind me. "Kendall, I'm warning you-"

She has me trapped. Cornered. Worse than James and Logan did earlier. This time there's no escape, no distractions. Just me and my mom and the corner made by the couch and the walls. No open doors. Just the coffee table and the T.V. and the window-

The window.

My eyes dart to the transparent pane of glass and in that second I'm sprinting, flying over the couch towards freedom-

The impact is shattering- not just the window, either. I crash through the window, my mom's cry of alarm and distress ringing hollowly in my ears as the deafening sound of my body sailing through the window beats against my eardrums mercilessly. I can hear every single piece of glass snap in half, breaking apart, shattering. And I can feel it slicing through my shirt my shoulder, arm, chest, hip, but the pain doesn't register, because the screaming wind is just a blazing neon light sign throwing my stupidity back at me, but I don't care. I'm falling, my breath has evacuated my lungs, the ground is shooting up towards me-

The fall only lasts a second and a half, and the impact of hitting the water of the pool on my shoulder and back, it feels like a million shards of glass tearing through my skin and stinging harshly, and it probably is shards of glass but I can't even pay attention because I'm underwater and there's air three feet above my head and my hands are locked behind my back.

I start kicking out, but all it does is propel me forward, and I'm practically upside-down in here. It's so close, and yet unreachable. I'm going to die.

Just as my head starts getting fuzzy I feel a slim pair of arms encircling my waist and it registers that I'm being righted and brought up. Before I can think again my head breaks the surface and all I can do is gasp and couch. There's a hand clapping my back, but it doesn't help any because my feet aren't touching anything and I'm slipping under again. One of the arms disappears from my waist and the body beside mine ripples as the freed arm strikes out, I realize, to bring me to the side of the pool. Or the shallow end, that works too. My shoes scrape the bottom and I struggle to stand, the hand around my waist moving to steady me. I realize my eyes are screwed shut and force them open, my breath still coming in short, difficult gasps. A face comes into focus, eyebrows furrowed and alarmed concern apparent in pretty brown eyes.

"Jo," I gasp in slight shock. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't her.

"Are you okay?" She looks almost scared, and I don't blame her. I mean, I just crashed through a window; I would be scared, too. In fact, I should be. I don't know why I'm not. The only thing that really has an effect on me right now is the thought of-

"Kendall, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm- No, I'm not."


I don't let her finish, or even start for that matter, cutting her word off at the very beginning; "Jo! Jo, we have to get away from here. Jo, they're all in on it, and my mom, and James and Logan, and Carlos- Pudding, Jo! Pudding!"

"Kendall!" She takes a firm hold on my shoulders, grip so strong that I have to force myself not to freak- girls should not be that strong. "What are you talking about?"

"I-" And then I realize, this is not how a guy acts in front of his girlfriend. "Nothing," I pass off casually, suddenly feigning the fakest calm I have ever faked in my life. She does not look impressed.

"Kendall," she presses, staring straight into my eyes. "Seriously, what's the matter?"

"I said nothing," I assure her, but it kind of doesn't work because the last word comes out as a squeak. "Just- Hey, do you wanna go back to your apartment or something? Can you drive yet? Let's go to Canada, c'mon, Jo, doesn't that sound fun? L-"

"Hey!" she interrupts abruptly, bringing my rant to a halt. "Why don't we get a few things straight between us, okay? Like, why are you freaking out, why are you handcuffed, and why did you just jump out of a two-story-building through a window that doesn't even open?"

She has some pretty good questions. All of which I have a mere one answer to.

"The Claris," I hiss in her ear ominously, and there's like one second for her to give me the most incomprehensive look I've ever seen on her face before there's another voice calling out to me from across the pool area where the lobby is.


"Hide me!" I shriek, jumping behind her.

"K- What are you-"

"Where is he?" demands James in that high-pitched tone he gets under stress sometimes. I shrink back further, trying to hide myself from James in all his thirteen-foot-whatever glory. My heart hammers in my chest and if I didn't need air so badly, I would totally be underwater right now. Also if I weren't handcuffed that would be a possibility. Jo stares up at him, shaking her head.

"Uh... behind me?"

"Jo!" I hiss, kicking at the back of her leg. She makes an angry exclamation but I can't hear it because that kick threw me off balance and now I'm crashing back into the water again.

"Aha!" I hear before sound is cut off in the replacement of water. Oh yeah, and I can't breathe anymore. I struggle fiercely, not about to be caught, but it kind of happens again. A hand plunges down and grabs the front of my shirt, lifting me up and out of the water, and then I'm face to face with James.

"Hey, buddy," I laugh nervously, eyes darting around for some form of escape. They land on Jo and she shakes her head. My eyes narrow at her before snapping back to James. "Fancy meeting you here?"

He grins, but it comes out as more of a grimace, and says, "Let's go, buddy. You're late."

"Ha! Late for what?" I laugh hysterically, starting to attempt to tug myself out of his grasp. "I'm not late for anything, much less an appointment of any sort, did you get enough sleep, James?"

"Thanks, Jo," James waves to her, and she nods back, smiling. My eyes widen in horror and as James drags me away, something clicks.

"Traitor!" I scream back at her. "Jo, you traitor! I thought we were friends! You were my girlfriend! We're supposed to be going out and having a good time and not betraying each other, traitor!"

"Have fun!" she calls back, waving cheerily, and I want to shoot her or something. James' grip on my upper arm is firm as he pulls me forcefully into the Palm Woods lobby.

"Gonna kill her," I mutter under my breath repeatedly, until James tells me to shut up. We make it into the elevator, and the doors closing seems like such a bad thing to me. I look up at James as we ascend, grinning shakily.

"So," I start, biting my lip. "You wanna... uh... maybe just let me go and forget about all this?"

James snorts. "Not a chance."

"C'mon, dude!" I burst out indignantly, trying not to sound frantic. "Friends! That's what we are! We're supposed to work together, help each other out. If friends were made for betrayal, we would be called backstab buddies."

"This is for your own good."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Kendall!" he snaps, making me fall silent. I grumble to myself, but then the panic shoots up into my heart again when the elevator dings and the doors begin to slide open.


"There you are!"

James freezes, his grip on my arm tightening to a point I'm not sure there's a hundred percent circulation going on in there. We booth snap up to see Logan, and- what, did he go through a lawn mower? He's covered in leaves or something green, and there appears to be- is that- salad dressing?

Apparently Logan is the human salad. He's decorated in croutons and tomato slices, and I think I see bacon bits in his hair. He looks absolutely furious, and the second he sees James and Kendall his eyes narrow and he lifts a hand to point at James.


"Logan!" James greets, eyes darting around nervously much like mine were earlier. "There you are! Wh-where'd you go, buddy?"

There's a split second where Logan just stares at him with the most hatred I think I've ever seen accumulated on his face, and then he's screeching a fierce battle cry, leaping onto James and attacking every inch of him he can reach. I don't even want to know what went on between these two, but now I'm knocked to the ground, and I wouldn't be surprised if my hand is broken, because it stings. Freaking handcuffs. For a second I wish I were Harry Houdini. I'm pretty sure he would know how to get rid of these.

James and Logan are rolling around behind me, throwing punches and launching kicks to each other, and suddenly I realize: this is my chance. My breath catches at the thought of opportune escape, and I quickly roll over onto my stomach, attempting to army-crawl away with only the use of my legs. Despite popular belief, it's not very difficult when your life depends on it.

Now, when a certain backstabber comes out of nowhere and stands in your way, that's when it gets difficult.

My eyes trace up, following the path of the body until green meets brown and what do you know, there are is eyes staring right at me! We spend a short moment staring at each other, and I try to magically inherit those big sad doe eyes my sister has, even though I know genes don't work that way. So it doesn't work, and Carlos is dragging me upwards by the arm, as if it hasn't gone through enough abuse today.

"H- Heyheyhey," I get out rapidly, trying to shrug away from him once I'm on my feet. "I know we all want the huge reward over my head, but couldn't we be a little more careful with the merchandise?"

"No, we are out of here." Carlos starts pulling me away from the battlefield hastily.

"But- Didn't you already get your pudding for turning me in the first time?" And I've said the magic word. Everyone freezes, and Logan and James notice Carlos apparently for the first time.

"Hands off!" James declares forcefully at the same time as Logan's screech of indignance. They both have lightning speed and are on Carlos in one second flat, once again knocking me over in the process. I notice for the first time that I'm not totally panicking like I was before, but that's only because it's starting to take over again; what if I can't get away from this? What if they actually manage to get me to- the Claris? The fearful thought travels like wildfire, and oh- adrenaline is back in full force.

Somehow I manage to leap up from the floor onto my feet and I attempt to escape, but the second I make my first footfall a hand has shot out and grabbed my ankle, pulling me back and throwing me off balance again. I narrowly avoid hitting the floor on my poor hands again, but the fall still sands my heart jutting up into my lungs, which is bad, because I need those to breathe.

"You're not going anywhere!" Logan yells, to which I respond frantically for him to let me go. From there I'm pulled into the fray, and has a heart ever beat so fast? I'm breathing in short, rapid gasps, trying desperately to get it all back, under control, but I can't do that until I'm free, and Logan has a freaking death grip on my ankle, which either Carlos, James, or even Logan's other hand has joined. I struggle my hardest to get away, and I guess I kicked Logan in the face because there's a loud cry of angry pain from him and I'm released. I try desperately to worm myself away but then something heavy and shaped like a body lands on my back, thwooshing the air out of me and leaving me once again breathless.

"Let me go! What did I ever do to you guys?"


Racing heart, impossible to breathe.

"Agh, Carlos, gff- pah- g'off me!"


"Cn't brrf!"

Thoughts of being overwhelmed crowding in, rapidly becoming a reality.

"I wouldn't hurt you guys like this! Get away!"

"It's for your own good, Kendall!"

"Carlos, c'mon-"

"Feel the love, James! Smell the defeat!"

"Never in my life-"

Desperation, hyperventilation-

"Logan, stop it, I- I'll get you all pudding, I swear I will, I'll-"

"Stop complaining!"

"Still can't breathe!"

"You can't do this to me, I have- a sister, and a mom-"

Fear, betrayal.

"-and three backstabbing friends!"

"Oh, shut it, drama queen!"

"You are going whether you like it or not!"


"Victory will be mine!"

"Stop it!"


"I can't go-"

"Yes you- gah!- can!"

"B- You don't-"

"Let go of my-"


Fading, clouding, and- and-

"Hold still!"

"No! Th-"


"The Claris."


"All better?"


"Worth it?"


"But you're fine now."

"I guess."

"You got a yo-yo."

"I know, I'm not stupid."

"What did you just say?"


"You're in big trouble, you know."

"I know."

"You disobeyed me."


"No, you're way too old for this nonsense. You can grow up a little."


"You ran away."

"I know."

"You hid in a trash can."

"I know."

"Everyone thinks you tried to commit suicide."

"I- Wait, what?"

"Yup. You're gonna have a lot of explaining to do."

"But mom-"

"Hush up, dear, and play with your yo-yo."

A beautiful Kendallicious cookie for whoever can guess The Claris' profession. AND IT LEGITIMATELY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW. Big Time Jobs. That's your clue. IT'S IN THERE TRUST ME.