First - Elisabeth asked me to write a First-Time story. Your wish is my
command. Voila here it is - hope you like it and
Second - I am just having a very nice cold, complete with the fact that
even my teeth hurt when I am not numbing them down. Which gets me in a
VERY mean mood. So here I am, a grumpy flu-head on cold medicine, who is
writing a story. All in all this should pretty much explain everything.
Normally the atmosphere would have been better, but under normal
circumstances I wouldn't have
written this story.
Sorry Bettina for using the Tape-title, it just fit so perfect to the
This Story is rated PG.
*ANY* CCC (Comments, Complains,
Corrections) *PLEASE* to Strange Music
It was a rare occasion that Simon Banks was speechless, but today it was
so. Watching his friend leave the office, all he could do was not to let
his jaw connect with the floor. That and to stop Blair before he could
leave the room as well.
After all he had just told Jim that his since 3 weeks planned vacation
had to be canceled and all the other man had done was to look at him and
Normally at these situations he could at least read the other man's mind
by counting the number of times his jaw twitched per minute. Today,
there had been nothing, no twitching *and* no expression. How the hell
am I supposed to know what is going on in your mind.
Well, there was another way to decipher his detective and at the moment
it stood right before him. It was the only way to find out about Jim's
As soon as the door closed Blair started to shake his head, while a
smile crept up his face.
"You are not making it any easier for him Simon. That for sure was a
Great, now he was even more confused.
"Why? He seemed to take it rather well. His jaw didn't even twitch
Now Blair laughter was openly. "You mean no one told you?"
"Told me what?"
"Jim has had toothache since yesterday afternoon, so everytime he grinds
his teeth he feels it from head to toe. He has not other choice that to
be even more grim than he normally is and now these news....phew.....I
guess you just made his dentist a very happy man."
"Toothache that's all. Beside that you can say that he is all right?"
"Within these limits, he is." With these words he left the office.
I was thinking much worse possibilities, Simon though relieved,
Well at least his problem is solvable.
He couldn't have been more wrong.
Dull-eyed Jim was starring at the mirror in front of him. Thirty hours
of toothache where bad, but then having *none* of the painkiller show
*any* kind of reaction was even worse. Somehow also everything his Guide
had ever shown him about the paindial didn't work as well.
Blair had told him to go to the dentist, and sure why shouldn't he. Why
should he, a grown-up man have something incredible stupid like
'panicattacks from hell' everytime he thought about going the dentist.
The bright light in his face that almost burned into his skull. The high
pitched noise of the drilling machine. And last but not least the
feeling of being strapped down in that chair with no control whatsoever
about what's going on around him.
It all gave him the creeps and the certainty that he was better of with
He should just tell Blair and then watch him laugh.
But what a laugh that was. Jim thought, as he felt a smile appear on
his face. It made his eyes shine like diamonds and the voice was like
Christmas Bells, crystal clear, promising so much. So much, that he
would never have.
Why the hell did he have to fall in love with him. A guy who was more
straight than most streetlights he knew. Admit it Ellison, your
chances with him are similar to those of a snowball in hell. And date
after date they were getting slimmer.
Angrily he grinded his teeth, however regretting his action only seconds
later. Back to problem Nr.1.
He took another sip from the glass in front of him and then after a few
seconds thinking emptied it in one big swallow. It helped him silence
the pain. Both of them. But it didn't help him to solve them, either of
Ordering yet another drink, the third in the last 30 minutes, was slowly
starting to get him dubious looks by the bartender, but as long as he
looked like he had enough money to pay for the drinks, he got them.
To Blair Sandburg, he toasted silently, and to the woman, who one
fine day will be happy enough to marry you. Once again he emptied the
Four more glasses later, he had to admit that a certain response had
been gained, his toothache had stopped. Problem was, the other pain had
percentually increased as the other pain had decreased.
Three glasses later, his senses were dull enough for him so that he
should have stopped to care about *anything*. Thinking was suddenly
something very hard to do, so just stopped. Problem was, the pain still
hadn't stopped. Just as he was about to order his next drink he saw a
person appear in front of him.
A person that was a dead ringer to one of his mainproblems. They had the
same smile, the same beautiful blue eyes. The mouth was saying
something, but the words didn't make any sense to Jim, as he was just
following those gorgeous lips as hey moved.
"Yyyou..swaaant....a...drinks" he heard himself bubble.
The other man just shook his head "...and beside that I'll don't drink
that much alcohol" to the bartender he signed, "I'll take a soda."
"...Thatts....Sssokay..." he chattered and went back at staring at the
man who was now starting to talk to him. Might as well listen what he
has to say and imagine what it would be like if Blair was here.
For the last 3 hours Blair had been searching for Jim in every possible
and impossible place he could think of. When the older man hadn't been
at home, at the promised time, he had been worried and 1 hour later he
had started to search. Jim was never later without some serious reason.
And now with all those painkillers in his system, Blair had been worried
that his senses might have freaked out again.
If he hadn't seen his car standing in front of the bar, he would never
have though to look in there.
Jim would never go into a bar like this.
But he had and all that Blair could do at the moment was stare at the
older man who obviously was so plastered that he didn't even have a clue
who was sitting in front of him.
For a few seconds neither of them spoke then Jim stared to talk again.
"You know...you look like a friend....of mine....Blair....Sandburg."
"Jim.....I am Blair." Blair insisted, not knowing whether or laugh or to
sigh at Jim's statement.
"Nooo....you are not," Jim insisted with the persistence of a drunk
"because....*he* is not here....so....if you are him....you shouldn't be
here as well....Since....your *are* here.......you cannot be him." He
underlined his sentence by pocking his finger at Blair's shoulder
I guess that's what you call striking logic. "This Blair, I bet he
is pretty worried about you?" he tried probing. "Maybe he is waiting for
you at home."
"NAAA......probably out with some girl." Jim snarled making the last
word sound like something dirty."
"Come on leave him the fun." Blair stated, slowly starting to play along
with the game. He know that he wasn't being fair to the older man, but
it was his one and only chance to see behind the curtain. "Be fair, what
else do you want him to do."
"Fuck me senseless." Jim stated matter-of-factly.
Blair nearly choked on his soda.
"What!?!" I am only drinking soda, am I?
A dopey grin spread on Jim's face "I want him..to...sspend his
nights...withs me......for a session...of...mind-blowing sssex....I
"Don't bother explaining. I get the picture." And what a picture it
is....Wow!!!....I would never have guessed.
All those times that he had spent cursing all higher beings for making
the love of his life a man who was straight as an arrow. And now this.
"Barkeeper...One Whiskey please."
If he would have known that he would have gotten Jim drunk a lot sooner.
When the glass arrived he turned back to his friend.
"The question is...Why?"
For a second Jim was starring at him like he had grown a third eye, then
a dreamy smile appeared. "Because I *love* him.....and.....I want to
make love to him."
Well, simple logic is the best.
"Does he know about this?" No of course he doesn't know about this.
The question was pure theoretically, but Blair had started the game and
now he had to continue playing. Because if he would have known, we
wouldn't be having this conversation here in this stinky bar, but rather
we would be at home having this session of mind-blowing sex you were
"No.." Suddenly Jim's voice got very quiet "I...never...told him."
"You never told him?"
"Yes....am I talking Chinese here?"
I couldn't have more problems understanding you if you would.
"How or better when.....should I have told him? At the Station? At the
"How about at home?"
"Yea sure.......could have told him over breakfast. I can see it right
in front of me, here is the butter Blair, here is the sugar, here is
your tea and by the way 'I love you.'" He shook his head emphatically.
"No.....wouldn't have worked."
Blair smiled and then softly stated, "Maybe his answer would have been,
'I love you too James Ellison. I have loved you since I saw you for the
"Oh yea....or.....maybe he would have thrown his hands in the air and
would have taken of running though Cascade.......waving his
arms....screaming the whole time. No....Blair Sandburg has the sentence
'Don't kiss me I am straight' practically tattooed on his forehead.
I....could never....ever...tell him....I don't want to
During the last sentence Jim's head has slowly sunken to the bartable.
His eyes were closed even before his head connected with the wood.
Disbelieving Blair shook his head smiling softly as he drove his hand
through the other man's hair"You really don't have a clue, do you?"
He paid the bill and then arranged help from some friendly gentlemen to
get Jim into the car.
It was an adventure worth telling, to get him out of the car again and
then up all those stairs till he finally had him safely in his bed.
Blair laid one more glance at the man in the bed.
Tomorrow they would talk, as soon as Jim would be able to.
And he was definitely looking forward to it.
Waking up with one *hell* of a headache, Jim couldn't stop himself from
groaning out loud, even when the sound only added to his pain.
Just as he was about to bang his head against the wall, only to kill
that that guy with the pneumatic hammer who was sitting there, a soft
voice reached his ear.
"I guess I can safely assume that you are awaken now, Big Guy and from
what I paid on your bill yesterday I don't have to make a wild guess to
say that you have one hell of a headache at the moment."
If you say so, I have to believe you, because I don't remember a thing
after the 6th drink.
Jim nodded slowly even when he knew that Blair wouldn't be able to see
it. However the movement caused another surge of pain to strike through
his head. He moaned again.
"Though so." the small voice laughed, "Well how about a nice cup of
coffee and a nice glass of aspirin. All you have to do is come down
Letting it all run through his head, Jim contemplated which maneuver
would be the better one. To safely lie in bed till sundown or to face
the self inflicted pain and get up. No question that the first one
sounded better and much more comfortable. But there was coffee down
there *and* aspirin, which meant that he wouldn't have to hit his head
against the wall after all. No matter how hard his head was, in his
current situation, it would have hurt like hell.
He got up.
For a few seconds he was fascinated by the way the room turned around
him, almost like one of those merry-go-around's he had enjoyed so much
when he was a kid. When everything had slowed down a bit, he wanted to
start getting dressed, only to find out that he was still dressed. One
Now he only had to make it down the stairs.
If only they wouldn't sway so much, that was forced to grip the rail
like he was holding on for his dear life. The soft chuckling he heard
coming from the kitchen didn't exactly help.
"If you start to laugh out loud," he whispered growling, "I will gladly
"Ooohhh." Blair continued teasing. "Do we have a headache. Ohhh
Holding his hand up Jim stopped him before he could say any more "Don't
say it!" and he continued his way to the waiting chair. His cup and his
glass waiting in front of him. Waiting till Blair had sat down as well,
he then swallowed down the aspirin in big gulps and started nursing his
However he semi-friendly declined to eat any of the food that Blair held
under his nose.
Maybe it was his lack of scientific curiosity, which Blair always told
him that he had. Still there was nothing on this table that he wanted to
see again after he had swallowed it. Yet, he knew that this would be
exactly what would happen, when he would eat it.
A few minutes passed and the younger man still had this big grin on his
"Okay Sandburg, spill it before you burst. What did I do yesterday? I
didn't dance on the tables and started to sing, did I?"
"No you didn't ....all you did was talk."
Just as he was about to relax, Jim noticed that there was still this
strange smug grin on his Guide's face. A grin that spelled 'I know
something - that you don't know'
It was no small amount of fear that crept up his spine. "What did I
"Well, first you invited me to a drink."
Jim relaxed again. This fairly normal. "And....."
"Then you said that I looked like a friend of yours."
Wincing Jim drew his eyebrow together. "I didn't recognize you?....I am
Blair shrugged it of "No need to feel sorry, at your state I guess you
wouldn't even have recognize your own face if someone would have shown
it to you in a mirror."
"What else did I do?"
"You complained that I was probably out with some girl."
"And then you said that you want me to fuck you."
Jim spilled his mouth full of coffee over the table.
"Hey man," Blair complained "Be careful. I already did shower this
"I said *WHAT*?"
Shacking his head Blair laughed out a bit too loud for Jim's taste, but
somehow the headache, that had been his mainproblem only a few moments
before, wasn't so bad anymore.
"You said that you don't like me being on a date because you want me to
spent my nights with you. I guess 'having mind-blowing sex', were the
words that you used."
"I get the picture Sandburg."
"Strange, that's the same thing that I said."
Not finding the right words, Jim just buried his head in his hands and
sight, after a few moments had passed he looked up again. He didn't
know, what to do, what to say. He only hoped that one night of drunken
talk hadn't driven away the only person he ever really cared for. At
least Blair hadn't started screaming and running so far, he supposed
that this was a good sign.
"I don't know what to say." He whispered slightly embarrassed as he felt
his face burning as it grew into a dark shade of red.
"How about 'Here is the butter, here is the sugar, here is your tea and
by the way 'I love you Blair'."
Jim felt as if his eyes would pop out of his head and he had a very hard
time remembering how to breathe. "You mean you don't mind?"
"Of course I don't mind. Mutual love declaration beats the unrequited
love out of shadows everytime."
"Yes, that's what I mean or in your words 'Thanks for the butter, thanks
for the sugar, thanks for the tea and yes Jim, I love you too'."
Jim assumed that his eyes couldn't have glowed brighter if he would have
set them on fire.
"I've been in love with you ever probably ever since I saw you in that
examination-room in the hospital, I guess I knew it for sure, since that
time we were at that strip show and I found myself, feeling very little
for those halfnaked girls up there. The only thing I felt, was, how much
more I would enjoyed it, if you were the one standing up there, doing
"I knew it since I started to look for you in every woman I dated. They
somehow never achieved the upperhand in the comparison with you. Why the
hell do you think I never dated a women more than once in the last time
or better since 3 years now."
"Because you were a Casanova." Blair tried to joke.
"Me? You must be joking?" Recognizing his own words a smile appeared on
Slowly Jim stood up, to make his way over to Blair, finally he was able
to do, what he had only dreamed of, for such a long time. As his lips
touched those of his Guide he was certain that he could feel a
ton-weight being taken from his shoulders.
Gently he couped the other man's cheek. "Suddenly I don't remember why I
waited so long to tell you this. All the reasons are gone, as if they
never really had been here. No I know that I should have told you this a
long time ago."
"And let me miss all the fun I had yesterday? Never!"
"What am I supposed to do with you?" Jim asked laughing
Drawing an innocent face Blair made a great deal as he was thinking of
an idea. Then his face lit. "Well now we can finally have that night of
mind-blowing sex you wanted."
"Maybe we should wait a bit longer with that."
"Okay you are right. It wouldn't be too early anyway."
Jim nodded and Blair continued, "I say let's go to dinner and talk. Then
we can have lunch.....and *then* we can call it a night."
Throwing a playful gaze heavenward Jim sighed, "What have I gotten
He laughed out loud as he felt two hand grap his collar. They drew him
back down to were he felt two lips eagerly engulfing his own.
When the need for air drove them apart he could hear his partners husky
"I don't know what you have gotten yourself into, but I can promise you,
you'll have a lot of years before you, to find out." He smiled
mischievously. "At least your toothache is gone now."
It was at the same moment that Jim felt a sharp pain run though his
mouth. His hand that had been tangled in his Guide's hair, shot back to
"Thank's a lot, Blair," he moaned,
"Thanks a lot for reminding me!"