It Ain't All About Love & Sex

PenName: rbsschess

Title: Human Sexuality 101

Chapter Count: 5

Rating: NC-17 or M

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Summary: Professor Cullen wonders if he has found his next submissive in his Human Sexuality class, but she has been right before him for years unnoticed. When he finally sees her will it be too late?

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.

Beta'd By: My sister, she's not a FF member.

Chapter 1

"Hello class. I am Dr. Edward Cullen and this is Human Sexuality 101. Let me say for those of you who enrolled thinking this was an easy class with free porno I suggest you withdraw now. We will be covering anatomy of the human body, how male and females react to each other, the role the mind plays in sexuality, the different levels of sexuality in the real world and yes the mechanics of sex and how to please a partner. You will also be expected to keep a journal. This can be anything you want it to be, I am not looking for a retelling of your sex encounters. I want your thoughts on sexuality, sensuality, sex if you want to add that and the different nuisances those encounters bring to your life. From brushing against someone's hand, unwanted attention from someone who won't take no for answer, pleasuring yourself, satisfying and unsatisfying sexual experiences. This course is your chance to learn about sexuality in all forms and how it influences your life and decisions.

The journals will be submitted anonymously and I will be the only one to read them. After class see my TA, Mr. Whitlock, he will assign you a number. Your journals are due the last class of the month from now until December, so you will be turning them in 4 times and they will be worth 30% of your final grade. They will be given back when you take your final exam. To keep them anonymous I will not know who was given which number. When they are due you will simply stack them on top of the table, I will read them, makes notes and assign a grade. The grades will be given to Mr. Whitlock and he will log them in, never having seen the journals. They next class they will be placed back on the table and you can pick them up then. Any questions? Good let's get started."

The end of September was approaching and it was time for the students to turn in the journals. I knew they would be all over the place. In general the women's would be filled with love and romance, unless she was let's say very experienced then they seemed determined to let me know how good in bed they were. Some would outright proposition me and in others I would be able to feel the embarrassment in their writing. The men would no doubt be a retelling of all their encounters for the month in an almost bragging fashion. If I was lucky one or two students would truly understand the purpose of the journal, to explore the things they found sensual and sexual and to recognize the signals that were given in everyday life. Human sexuality was more than sex and few people realized that especially in college.

I was reading the journals and it was as I expected. In most it was easy to tell if it was a man or a woman writing by the content. I had two classes with about 50 students in each, after the first 20 journals I was tired of reading about the number of different partners they had and positions they had sex in. It was all about the parties and the hook ups, not what I was hoping for but what I expected. At 34 was I expecting too much from a group of 18-22 year olds, obviously I was until I read journal # 57. None of the entries were dated but there were large gaps in between writing that told me each was a new entry, this person understood the meaning behind the assignment.

I took this class to find out if something is wrong with me. I think about sex but it doesn't consume me and everything in society screams that at 22 it should consume me but it doesn't. Am I just old fashioned because I don't want to roll in and out of bed with interchangeable people or am I weird? Friends seem to think I am weird because I don't want to flaunt my body or get drunk every weekend and roll into bed with the biggest dick offered to me. Are they friends? I'm not sure anymore, they used to be before they saw me as a project that needed to be fixed or just get laid. Is it odd to want a connection, besides a sexual one, with a person first, to want to know something besides the fact that they are 'hot'? People seem to think so. Live a little they say, college is meant to have fun and experiment before going out into the real world. You'll have plenty of time to settle down later, lighten up and just enjoy life. Will the person I settle down with understand this? How can I expect them to respect me when I don't think I will respect myself if I act this way? Is it that unusual for someone my age to want something more than someone that just sees and wants my body? Aren't I more than my body and a way for them to get off?

I was surprised. It looked as if this person would definitely enjoy the class and understood what the journal was about, a journey of self discovery.

I worry I gave the wrong impression in the last entry. I am not a virgin. I have had sex with two people; both would be considered serious relationships. I lost my virginity to a boy I had known and loved my entire life. He loved me to, I know he did. I felt his love every time he touched me, even if that touch was just his hand on my back. I was his first also and when we made love the awe on his face at the pleasure he gave me, it was...there aren't words. The first time was a fumbling, embarrassing, painful mess that we laughed about later. It was the love and respect we had for each other that allowed us to laugh about it and then do it again, a little better an hour later. We had two years together as partners and in that time we explored each other bodies fully without the embarrassment of the first time. Nothing was off limits as long as we both wanted it and believe me we did both want it. He was my protector and I was happiest seeing him happy. Is it wrong to want that again? He was killed on the night of his graduation by a drunk driver because rather then have my side of the car be hit he swerved and the driver's door took the impact head on. Did I lose my soul mate at 17? Is that why I feel this way? Will I always feel this way? Is it wrong or tempting fate to want the same thing again, knowing it will never be exactly the same? Is it wrong to want a man to touch me with reverence just one more time?

Normally I didn't write any comments until the end of the new entries but this person had shared more in two entries then I would get from some people all semester. This was the last entry on this page; I decided to comment in this journal as I went along.

You are not weird or necessarily old fashioned. You obviously have experienced love and a fulfilling sexual relationship, respect and stay true to yourself - it is the only way to be happy and fulfilled.

My friends 'ho'd me up' and dragged me out tonight. I hated it. I have been thinking about what was said in class and I think I am a privately sexual person. I don't hate my body. I know I have a nice body, the hours I spend in the gym attest to that but I don't like putting it on display. On the other hand I love wearing sexy lingerie, matching bras and panties. I love La Perla, Victoria's Secret, Agent Provocateur - I love it all. But I wear that for me, because it makes me feel good. That is why I think my sexuality is more on the private side. I would like to have someone to share it with but I don't wear it for them. Does that make me more or less confident than the people who flaunt their bodies or am I more confident in the fact that I am more than just my body? I wonder? Although I have to admit I loved dressing for him. When he would pick my clothes or unwrap me slowly to see what I had on underneath just for him, I still get shivers sometimes remembering. It has been five years and if I close my eyes I can remember how it felt when he would graze his fingers under my cheekies and softly bite my ass or how he would caress my folds as he was removing what he called my ass floss. Sometimes when my friends are on me to get laid or just let loose I want to tell them I am plenty loose. They think they are so experienced sexually, they have no idea what kink is. They have never been tied to the hood with their own thong and worked over, when they do that come talk to me about kink. But even that was private, taking place in the woods and he never explained to anyone what the extra latch on his hood was for, only we knew what its purpose was. Do they have that level of trust with the different men they sleep with? I doubt it.

Now I was certain the writer was a woman and how wrong was it that I was getting a hard on thinking about someone wearing La Perla. I love the sexy matching sets. She was being vague about her sexual past but I had the sense her tastes ran darker than any of her friends could imagine. She struck me as the type of woman one would be vanilla in public and a slut in the bedroom, the best kind of woman in my opinion.

This is due in a few days and I wonder if I am getting this assignment correct or not. I know you said there is no right or wrong but still I am bothered. Sometimes I feel as if I was born in the wrong century. Why couldn't I have been born at the turn of the century when men revered and took care of their women? Not in a controlling way but in the way of 'I am the man and as the man it is my job to take care of you'. That sounds very anti-feminist but I want that sometimes. I want to be the woman to someone's man. I want to trust someone to give myself over to them fully. I loved when he would take control, using my body for his pleasure. Nothing would make me cum harder then knowing he got pleasure from my body and feeling him release in me. To this day I have to remember his voice as he commanded me to cum before I can when I am using a toy. He never allowed me to use them by myself and it is a rule I still remember. Am I abnormal because thinking about that thrills me? I know my need to please is what allows my friends to talk me into doing things that go against my grain, does that add or subtract from my sexuality? Because I believe on some level even friendships affect our sexuality. I'm definitely weird and I know your comments will just reinforce that point.

I was shocked. This woman was a natural submissive and didn't realize it or maybe she did but because of their age she didn't know what to call it. She was looking for a Dom, a man to her woman. I would have to make it a point to pay close attention to her journal; I did not want her getting mixed up in the wrong type of relationship.

You are on the right track, it does seem as if private sexuality is more to your liking and people show confidence in different ways. Be true to yourself. Wanting to be a 'woman to someone's man' is not a bad thing but beware of the men who will take advantage it. Any type of relationship, including friendships have the potential to affect sexuality if you allow it. You are not weird, you are very normal and more in tune with your sexuality than most. I find it refreshing.

I finished with all the journals and printed the sheet to give to Jasper to record the grades. At the next class I stacked the journals on the table for the students to retrieve and was careful to place #57 at the bottom of one stack. As wrong as it was I wanted to know whose journal it was. I couldn't get some of her comments out of my mind and a faceless woman tied to the hood of a car by a thong starred in my morning sessions this weekend. At the end of class I told the students to come collect their journals. One of the students called me aside to ask questions. Ms. Denali was going to be a problem. I recognized the book she was holding as one of the ones that had been filled with fantasies about me, not going to happen. By the time I shot her down nicely and returned to the table #57 was gone and so were most of the students. Damn, maybe next month.