A/N: "Just Drive" did well to make it into the final three, but alas, it fell just short of the final two. It is down to "A Different Kind of Kogan" and "No Way Out" just like I had a feeling it would be. You have until the end of today to go to my profile page and vote for which idea you want me to turn into my next story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Til I Forget About You

Bittersweet

Kendall, James, Carlos, and I were sitting in the living room eagerly waiting to hear whether our newest single, "Nothing Even Matters" had made it on the Weekly Top 40 countdown or not. It was number 24 last week. They had just played the number 2 song, so that meant one of two things; either it fell off the countdown completely, or it was the number 1 song this week. The highest the three of them got on the countdown without me was number 2.

"Guys, how exciting is this? We might have the number 1 song on the Weekly Top 40 countdown!" Carlos exclaimed.

"Yeah right, Carlos. We probably didn't even chart this week," I replied, ever the pessimist.

"Shh! It's back on!" Kendall informed us.

The four of us craned our ears. We got ever closer to the radio as if that would somehow help us to hear better. We all held our breath.

"We're back, and now for the moment you've all been waiting for. It's time to reveal the number 1 song this week on the Weekly Top 40. Up twenty-three from last week, it's 'Nothing Even Matters' by Big Time Rush," the DJ announced.

We all started jumping up and down screaming like little girls. We fist bumped one another, hugged each other, and gave each other high fives. I don't know about the rest of them, but it felt like I was on cloud nine. It was so gratifying to know that all our hard work paid off. As a band, we had been on quite a journey, mostly because of me; with my leaving the band and then going to rehab before rejoining. This was like the culmination of our journey as a band.

'Cause the world stops

When I put my arms around ya

Around ya, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

It's like one for the haters, and two for all of those

Who try to shut us down, they don't really know

There ain't nothing they can do that can tear us apart no

I don't care about the money, don't care about the clothes

When we're together baby anything goes

And we don't even need to prove what we feel in our hearts no

This wall we built together

There ain't no way of knocking it over

And we'll be here forever

Getting closer and closer baby

'Cause the world stops

When I put my arms around ya

Around ya, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

They can all talk

Say what they want about us

About us, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

It's like the sound goes off and the people all freeze

They disappear and it's just you and me

Anything you wanna do anything that you please

Forget about our problems and forget our past

I've seen the future and I know we gonna last

Every second I'm with you just goes so fast

This wall we built together

There ain't no way of knocking it over

And we'll be here forever

Thought I told ya, thought I told ya baby

'Cause the world stops

When I put my arms around ya

Around ya, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

They can all talk

Say what they want about us

About us, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

We don't even need to fight

Everything will be alright, oh yeah

Nothing even matters but you and I

'Cause the world stops

When I put my arms around ya

Around ya, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

They can all talk

Say what they want about us

About us, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

'Cause the world stops

When I put my arms around ya

Around ya, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

They can all talk

Say what they want about us

About us, oh

And nothing even matters

And nothing even matters

Listening to the lyrics of the song, I started to get all teary-eyed and emotional. I wanted to be the one to put my arms around Camille. I thought Camille and I were going to last. I'd do anything she wanted or pleased; I moved out to New York as proof of that. I started retreating to my room, but apparently, I wasn't very subtle about it.

"What is it, Logan? What's wrong?" Carlos asked.

I held back my tears and gave him a fake smile. It was remarkable how much of a pro I had become at feigning happiness.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," I lied. "I just need to be alone for awhile."

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Kendall remarked.

I knew what he was referring to. Based on the looks on the faces of James and Carlos, they knew what Kendall meant too. I was kind of irked at them for their unnecessary concern. I mean they were being ridiculous. I hadn't tried to kill myself since I got up on the roof of the Sycamore Treatment Center and was going to jump.

"You guys really don't have to worry. I'm not going to do…that…anymore," I said.

I don't know if they believed me or not. I didn't stick around to find out. I looked straight ahead as I set off for my bedroom.

XXXXX

"Hey, Logan, can I come in?" James asked, knocking on the doorframe.

"Sure," I answered.

He came in, and sat on the bed next to me. I felt a little uneasy. Even though I let him come in, I wasn't entirely certain that I wanted him to come in. Through all of this, my relationship with James had perhaps been impacted the most. I hated how it had come to this.

"So, we have a number 1 song! How cool is that? It's all thanks to you, Logan!" James remarked.

"Yeah right," I replied.

"No, really. 'Worldwide' only got as high as number 2 on the countdown. That's because you weren't a part of the band then. Now that you are, 'Nothing Even Matters' is number 1."

"Don't be ridiculous. It's just a coincidence."

"Come on, Logie. You don't give yourself enough credit."

I averted my gaze. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flicker of a frown cross James' face. I didn't mean to make James sad. I didn't mean to be such a killjoy. It's just…I was at a loss about what to do. I didn't know how to deal with everything. It was overwhelming.

"This is about Camille, isn't it?" James asked.

I pressed my lips together in a firm line. Other than that, he got no response from me.

"If me dating Camille makes you uncomfortable, then just say the word, and I'll end it. Your friendship is much more important to me," James said.

"James, I can't ask you to do that," I replied.

"Why not? I want my best friend back. Even if that means…"

"I don't want you to break up with Camille, James. She makes you happy, and you make her happy. I had my chance with her; two chances as a matter of fact. It's time I let someone else have a shot. Just…be good to her."

"I will. Thank you, Logan."

I decided to take the high road, and be cool with the fact that James and Camille were now dating. Like James, my friendship with him was much more important to me. Besides, at least Camille was dating someone I knew. James would treat her right. At least I hope so.

"So, are we cool?" James asked, holding out his hand for me to shake.

"Yeah, we're cool," I replied, shaking his hand.

An infectious grin spread across his face, and the next thing I knew, I was smiling in a similar fashion. I had to admit that it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders now that James and I were on good terms with one another once again.

XXXXX

I knocked on the door to Apartment 4J, Camille's apartment. I noticed my hand was shaking, so I stuffed both of them in my pants pockets. Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to this, but now was as good of time as any to get this over with.

"Logan! I'm surprised to see you," Camille said upon opening the door.

I chuckled nervously. Her statement had already started to chip away at my resolve. I would be lying if I said that the idea of bolting hadn't crossed my mind. No, I came all this way. I didn't come all this way to get cold feet.

"What brings you by?" Camille asked.

"I just wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. Not that you need my blessing, but in case you were wondering, you have it. I'm happy for you and James. Okay, well maybe not happy, but I'm not completely against it anymore. Hey, that's a start, right? I think that over time, I'll grow to be happy about it, or at least more okay with it. I think I'll shut up now. I probably sound like a rambling idiot," I said all in one breath.

She laughed, which made my cheeks heat up out of embarrassment. I suddenly became all too conscious of her gaze, and stared down at my shoelaces instead.

"Oh Logan, you're so sweet," Camille commented.

"Just not sweet enough for you to date," I remarked.

"Logan, that's not fair."

I still refused to meet her gaze, but I could feel her eyes on me. I was trying not to let my bitterness take over, but it was so hard. I mean I still felt that Camille was the one for me, but I didn't want to come between her and James.

"This isn't a competition, Logan," she said.

"Then why does it feel like I lost?" I asked.

"Logan…"

Try as I might, I couldn't stop some tears from leaking out of the corners of my eyes. I hated how emotional I was. I had been taking my antidepressants and everything, but sometimes, it seemed like the meds were making me more emotional. I hated how I was such a baby now. I cried over the littlest thing. It was really annoying.

"Well, I said what I came here to say, so I think I'll be going now," I said.

As I turned to leave, I felt Camille gently grab my arm, stopping me. I froze in my tracks. A part of me wanted her to let me go, but the rest of me wanted her to ask me to stay; for her to say that she wanted to give us one more chance. It was that hope that made me stand there anticipating what she was about to say or do next.

"You're a great guy. The truth is that I don't deserve a guy like you. I feel like I'm not worthy enough to be on the pedestal you place me on. I practically forced you to move to New York with me only to pretty much ignore you. I know you disagree, but I feel completely responsible for your suicidal behavior. You have so much trust in me. I don't even think I have earned your trust. Quite the opposite; I think I've destroyed your trust. I kissed James before we broke up the first time. I started going out with James after we broke up the second time," Camille said.

"I'm not perfect either, Camille," I replied.

"Yeah, but you're more perfect than I am. You're smart, funny, talented, sweet, generous, loyal, kind, selfless, cute, loveable, and just an all around amazing guy. I'm the reason we didn't work out; not you."

"Who's putting who on a pedestal now?"

I didn't think I was all of those things she said I was. Apparently, I wasn't as selfless as she thought I was. Apparently, I was also insecure. Even if I was all those things she said I was, it still wasn't good enough, was it? Camille still didn't want to be with me. I felt a twinge of pain right where my heart was.

"You're going to make some lucky girl real happy, Logan," Camille said.

"I wanted to make you happy though," I responded.

Her eyes started to fill with tears. A plethora of rebellious tears escaped the confines of my tear ducts. Now we were both crying; we were both emotional. Hearing and seeing the other cry just made matters worse.

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is," she pleaded.

"So you rather I pretend that this is a walk in the park? I'm sorry, but I can't do that, Camille. This is hard. While I appreciate your faith in me, I can't help but wonder if I'll ever find anyone else like you; if I'll ever find anyone else at all," I said.

"You will, Logan. You will. Any girl who doesn't think you're a catch is stupid, and doesn't deserve you to begin with."

"You know how I feel about you, Camille; I love you."

"I know you do, Logan. I know."

That wasn't quite the response I was going for. My body shook with sobs. My tears fell much more frequently, and they almost seemed to increase in size as well. She couldn't even say it. She couldn't even say that she loved me. She didn't even have to say it in the present tense. I just wanted some reassurance that something about our past was real for the both of us.

"If things don't work out between you and James, not that I hope things don't work out for you two, on the contrary, I wish you guys nothing but the best, but if they don't work out, I'll be here. I'll be waiting," I said.

"I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to be happy too, and you can't be happy if you're waiting for me," she replied.

"So, that's it then? We're never going to get another shot? We're never going to get back together?"

"I don't know. Let's just play it by ear, okay? In the meantime, can we still be friends?"

I hesitated as I contemplated that for a moment. Could I handle being friends with someone who is dating one of my best friends? Would it be too painful for me? On the other hand, if I chose not to be friends with her, then how could I ever expect to get back together with her? Maybe I should just suck it up and get over myself. Having her in my life, no matter how, was better than not having her in my life, wasn't it?

"Yeah, of course," I answered.

The two of us shared a hug. I tried to savor every moment of this because for all I knew, this would be the last time the two of us would hug like this. Just as always, it felt so right holding her in my arms.

"No matter who I am dating now, no matter who I may date in the future, you will always be my first, Logan. No one can ever take that away from you," she said.

I placed a finger over her lips before she could say anymore. I made a shushing sound.

"Don't say anything else. Let's just leave it at that," I stated, a hint of a smile appearing on my face.

My heart swelled with pride. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who could be sweet. Likewise, Camille will always be my first too. She would always be the first girl I ever asked out. She would always be the first girl that I kissed. No one could ever take that from her either.

"I'll see you around, Camille," I said.

The End

A/N: Ugh! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update/finish this story. I knew that I wanted this chapter to be the last chapter, but writing a suitable ending was much more difficult than I anticipated. Plus, I had fairly recently purchased three new video games, and so naturally, I had to geek out over those. Yeah, I know. I'm so lame…Not to mention that the past few days, I've been sick, and still am. Ugh! Oh, and if any of the lyrics are incorrect for 'Nothing Even Matters,' blame the liner notes. I still don't 100 percent like this ending, but I just kind of want to be done with this story already. Anyhow, thank you all so much for reading and supporting me and this story!