Chapter 19

Buffy watched as Dawn raced by her storming up the stairs. When Spike reached Buffy he explained that he hadn't had much luck, however if Buffy would let him he could skim the journal and see if there was anything relating to Dawn in it.

"I think that is what is bothering her. She still doesn't understand why she is here and if that would help" he stated.

"Spike I don't know" Buffy said hesitantly, but his sincere expression made her relent. "You can have it for a few hours and only look for things about Dawn. And under no circumstances do you tell her a word without Okaying it with me first" she ordered him.

"Deal Buffy. Should I tell her I am going to do it or wait until tomorrow?" he asked.

"I don't think she would be thanking you tonight. Why don't you wait until tomorrow" Buffy answered. "I am going to go on patrol and while I'm gone you can read it."

He brought his hand up to brush the wisps of hair away from her face and murmured "I wanted to patrol with you and maybe have a little quality time after."

She smiled at him and ran her hands leisurely up his chest and wrapped them around his neck. "If you get reading we might still be able to arrange that quality time," she said breathlessly just before pulling his mouth down for a kiss.


After a very uneventful patrol Buffy found Spike lounging in the living room reading the journal and snacking on microwave popcorn. Closing the book he motioned for her to take a seat on his lap. Not needing to be asked twice she curled up on his lap. "That was a quick patrol. Should I assume it was a quiet night or were you just in a hurry to get back to me?" he teased her.

Swatting him in the chest she giggled and said "Ego much. It was a quiet night."

Pulling her forward he started to nibble on her right ear. "Hey stop that. Don't we have something to discuss?" she asked while pulling away from him.

"I thought we were together now. You love me. I love you. We having snogging and if your lucky some shagging" Spike said suggestively as he cocked his head to one side and gave her a sexy smile.

"If I'm lucky! Stop trying to distract me. You know darn well I am talking about Dawn and the journal" she told him.

"Nothin' to it luv. Mostly it was Buffy fawning over me. Spike is so hot and sexy. I can't wait to get my hands on his hot body. How did I ever get so lucky? I can't wait to have his..." he was cut off by a smack to the head. "Hey what was that for?" he asked giving her a quizzical look.

"Dawn" she demanded.

"Nothing to worry about there. You can give the book back without thinking you missed something" he told her.

"What about Buffy and Spike? Are they still together? Not that it would matter after all they are not us" she muttered trying to cover her true interest.

"They are still together and if you really want to know what happens the book is right there" he replied as he eyed the book on the coffee table.

"No, I guess not. I have what I want right here. I don't need to look for something in a book" she answered as she pulled him in for a hug. She missed the look of relieve that crossed his face.

Soon her lips were on his and everything else in the world disappeared. All that remained were two hearts, one beating and one that hadn't beat in 126 years. Warm hands caressed chilled flesh, while cold hands soothed fevered skin. Buffy breathlessly tried to speak, "Spike we can't do this here. My room...Oh, oh that feels so..."

Reluctantly she pulled his face away from the rosy nipple that his tongue and lips were practically worshipping. However, instead of getting him to stop she only managed to redirect his attention back to her pink well kissed lips. When his tongue met hers she knew her resolve was failing and they may never make it to her room. But, just as these thoughts were going through her mind Spike stood up, cradling her in his arms, he headed for the stairs.

Within seconds he was at her bedroom door. They had never made love in her house let alone her room. This was one of the barriers she had placed on their relationship. If she didn't have sex with him in her own home, in her own bed than it wasn't love and it wasn't real.

Spike hesitated for a few seconds at the entrance to her bedroom. However, it seemed like an eternity to both of them.

"Spike make love to me" she begged as her small hands stroked his back and her lips trailed kisses along his neck.

Pulling her tighter into his embrace he whispered "Buffy, I will always be yours." Then he crossed the last barrier to her heart.

As they neared her bed she practically ripped his shirt from his body. Clothes were torn and tossed, but neither appeared to care. All that mattered was touching the fire that only occurred when they were together. They were so impatient that when he entered her they were still both partially clothed.

Spike knew how to move, where to touch, how much pressure to apply, as well as what words to whisper to ignite her passion. As he moved within her he sensed her approaching orgasm, so he increased his pace and simultaneously reached down to caress her soft breasts. A final little twist of her nipples and a slight change of his angle of entry were all that was needed for her to cry out his name in release. He followed her into the abyss moments later.

The second time was less frantic but every bit as erotic as the first. Gentle fingertips grazed her skin as the rest of her clothing was slowly removed. As new skin was exposed it was lavished with delicate kisses and cool puffs of air from his sensual lips.

Nothing outside of Heaven should feel this good she thought. Deciding to return the favor she finished removing his clothes, but she lacked his patience and her greedy little hands and lips could not get enough of him. Soon nimble kisses turned into love bites as her hands clutched him possessively.


It was just after 3:30 am when Dawn made her way to the kitchen to get something to eat. After ransacking the cabinets and refrigerator she entered the living room carrying a plate containing leftover chicken, potato chips, and cookies. She almost dropped the coke she was drinking when she spotted the journal sitting on the coffee table.


Buffy woke slowly to the feel of delicate kisses on her neck and lithe fingers running up and down her stomach. The cool body pressed to her back and bottom didn't move at all except for tiny twitches coming from one very hard part that smuggled up to her rear. She let out a soft moan and called Spike's name.

"Right here baby" he murmured into her ear after nibbling on her earlobe.

It was his turn to moan as Buffy started grinding her bottom into his erection. "You're going to be the death of me yet Slayer" he groaned as his fingers made their way down to the junction between her thighs and two fingers slowly slid into her body. She was close to orgasm when he removed them only to replace them with his shaft. He moved in and out of her at a frantic pace while his fingers caressed first her nipples than her clit. Moments after they both found release, Buffy turned in his arms to stare lovingly into his eyes and touch his chiseled face.

"I love you Buffy" he whispered before finding her lips with his own.

She wanted the kiss to go on forever, but all too soon he ended it and started whispering more loving endearments as he gently caressed her body. She had never realized how much of a romantic Spike could be. But that was her fault wasn't it, because she never let him. She still craved the dark wild erotic sex, but she also needed and wanted this romantic gentle love making too. How could she have been such an idiot? It was right her at her finger tips and she almost threw it way. Almost threw him away. Just the thought of loosing him made her grab him and hold onto him as if letting go for a millisecond would cause her to loose him forever.

"Buffy, don't need to hold on so tight luv. I'm not going anywhere Baby" he told her as his fingers lifted her chin so he could peer into her eyes. The tears forming in her eyes caused Spike visible distress. Choking out the words painfully he asked, "Buffy, do you regret what happened?"

With his question Buffy realized he had misinterpreted her actions and her tears. Bringing up her hands she cradled his face and brought her lips to his. "No, I'll never regret letting you into my life or into my heart." As she spoke those words a tear raced down her cheek.

With shaky hands Spike's thumb caught the tear. "Then why the tears Luv?" he asked.

She couldn't meet his eyes, so her eyes dropped to stare at her fingers ideally drawing circles on Spike's chest. She could feel the tension in his body as he waited for her to speak. "I was. I was so mean to you. I hurt her so much. I don't understand how you can even look at me. Why didn't you run?" she asked as she lifted her eyes to meet his.

Sighing softly he replied, "That was never an option. I know you Buffy, the good and the bad. I've seen you at your best as well as your worst. I've watched you deal with things that would have crushed the spirit and heart of a lesson person. What I see when I look at you is a woman with the spirit and guts of a warrior, but the heart and soul of a romantic."

As Buffy went to speak Spike placed a finger over her lips and told her, "Let me finish Luv. As far as the way you treated me, I'm not saying that it didn't hurt, because it did. However, I know you had every right to be wary of me. I've brought a lot of pain and destruction to this world. I've hurt you and the people you care about. Nevertheless, loving you has made me want to be a better man. But, no matter what I want I am still a demon, with a demon's bloodlust and penchant for violence. I never want you to forget that, but I promise you that I will try with every bit of my being to be the kind of man you deserve."

"You are the kind of man I deserve" she came back with. "I just wish I had seen it sooner. All the time I wasted trying to push you away" she said apologetically.

"I know what you are thinking" he countered.

"Oh, reading my mind now?" she retorted.

"No, but you are saying we could have been happily together for years, but your wrong!" he told her.

"What! No I am not" she cried as she pushed him away and gave him her best why are you not agreeing with me face.

"Now don't get your knickers in a twist. All I'm saying is those other two are in love, but I don't think they have been tested like we have. Think about it. What happens ten years down the road when she starts wondering what her life would have been like had she chosen a normal boyfriend? You had that chance Luv and it didn't work even though Captain Cardboard should have been your perfect partner. Plus, what happens when she finally takes off those rose colored glasses she is wearing and really sees all of him? You never saw me through rose colored glasses, only Peaches had that honor" he told her.

"Hey, I never saw Angel through rose colored glasses" she countered. He merely stared at her until she grumbled, "Okay, maybe I did a little bit."

"No, wouldn't change places with him or anyone else. Every moment has been adding up to this one right here, with me holding you. Love is easy when it doesn't have to be tested and we have been tested again and again" he said as he smiled at her lovingly.

"The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are" she said with a far away look in her eyes.

"And you wonder why I love you" he replied.

"I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than I already did, but I was wrong. Spike I love you with every part of my being and I wouldn't change places with anyone either."

The look of total joy that crossed his face before he pulled her to him for a kiss made all the pain and anguish she had endured in her short life worth it if it brought her to this moment in time.


Buffy was in the kitchen trying to make cookies while she waited for Whistler to arrive. Cooking of any kind was not a talent that Buffy excelled at. But so far she had only burned one batch, so all in all it was turning out to be a better than average day of cooking for her.

She was just taking out the last batch when a knock came from the kitchen door. Opening it she found Whistler smiling at her. He was wearing the same crumpled suit he had on several days ago. "Come in Whistler. Would you like some cookies? They are pretty good if I do say so myself."

"No, thanks can't stomach human food." He replied.

"I don't think I want to know, do I?" she questioned.

"Probably not" he answered.

"You're here for the journal, so let me go get it" Buffy said as she exited the kitchen.

When she returned he asked "Did it help?"

"Yes, it did. And thanks for bringing it" she answered as she handed it to him.

"I guess I better get going. Have to get this back. There is only a small window of time in which to return it. I'm glad you found it useful" he said as he started to walk toward the door.

"Whistler, wait" Buffy called out.

He turned to look at her. "Is there something else you wanted to know?" he asked.

"No, more like something I wanted to tell you" she replied. He stood silently waiting for her to continue. "I was really angry with you the other day. But that is not something new. I've been angry with a lot of people lately. Blaming everyone for how messed up I thought my life was. I was looking for someone to make everything better when the only person that can make my life better is me. And how bad is my life anyway? I have saved the whole world about eight times. I saved my graduating class. I like to think I helped two vampires start on the road to redemption. I have a sister and friends that love me. I have a boyfriend that loves me and I love him."

"I take it you and Spike worked out your differences?" he asked genuinely interested.

"Oh yeah, I think we are good. I think we are better than good" she replied trying not to smile too much.

"I'm glad for both or you" he told her.

"You didn't mess up. You know that don't you" she said to a stunned Whistler.

"Not sure I understand how you can say that slayer" he said.

"The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. Everything that has happened to me has made me the kind of person that can fall in love with two different vampires, die twice, defeat a god and still keep my bouncy shampoo-commercial hair" she said with a hint of laugher in her voice.

It took him a moment but he started to laugh and a moment later she was laughing with him.

"I see why he loves you. You are truly a remarkable woman Buffy Summers" he told her as he clutched the journal in his hand. "Did you get a chance to finish it?" he asked.

"Didn't need to, everything that I need is right here" she answered.

He smiled and nodded. "Good luck Miss Summers" was his parting words as he left her.

A few minutes later Dawn entered the house and Buffy called out for her to come into the kitchen. Dawn reluctantly entered the kitchen.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"I made cookies and I'm sorry" Buffy told her.

"What, like that is some big deal. I have tasted your cookies" Dawn replied.

"Hey, they are good. Try one. Plus I ordered pizza" she added.

"Pineapple pizza" she asked.

"Yes, and I have one other thing to tell you. Spike skimmed through the journal before I gave it back. He says there was nothing about where the key comes from or what it is" she told a sad faced Dawn. "Hey, has that ever stopped us from finding out anything before. We will just keep looking until we have all the information that there is. I promise."

"I'm going to go to my room for awhile" Dawn told her as she headed out of the room.

"I'll call you when the pizza gets here" Buffy yelled after her.


Dawn made her way to her room and went straight to her bed. Pulling up the corner of her mattress she pulled out a stack of papers from under it. Maybe Spike missed something she thought. She quickly started to scan the pages she had made copies of. She had just found a page that mentioned her when Buffy called out that the pizza was there.

Dawn quickly tucked the pages back under her mattress and headed down the stairs to join Buffy.


She found Willow, Spike and Buffy opening pizza boxes. "Starting without me" she told them.

"Dawn, Willow picked up a couple of videos, so why don't you and Spike take the pizzas and videos into the living room while Willow and I get the drinks" Buffy told her.

"A nice warm mug of blood, pizza, my beautiful girlfriend curled up on his lap, and a video what more could a vamp ask for" Spike said as he pulled Buffy forward for a kiss.

Dawn clearing her throat brought Buffy and Spike back to the present. "Sorry Bit, let me help you with those pizzas. I hope she rented something good. If I have to sit through The Goodbye Girl, Terms of Endearment, or When Harry Met Sally again I just might have to stake myself."

After Dawn and Spike left the room, Willow said "You really love him."

"Very much" Buffy replied.

"I'm glad Buffy, but I have one favor to ask. When Xander gets back wait to tell him until I am far, far away like the state of Wyoming for instance" Willow said.

"Oh crap!" was all Buffy said.


I really want to thank everyone for all the wonderful feedback. I am so sorry it took me so long to finish the story. I want to especially thank all my friends from the Fan Forum board.

I am not sure if I will do a sequel yet.