I'm awoken by the assaulting rays of sunlight through my window, groaning unhappily at the pain in my brain from it. I don't bother opening my eyes again after squinting them closed, I just flip over and bury my face in my pillow. There's laughter heard from somewhere in my room, and if I hadn't recognized it as the most beautiful laugh in the world, I would have freaked out.
I turn back over and squint against the sunlight, looking around my room until I see the silhouette of my love, standing by my table. "Good morning sunshine," Gerard says happily as my eyes start adjusting more, and I'm finally able to pick out his features. At first I thought he was naked, but I remembered then that Gerard's legs aren't black, so he can't be. He's got on his tightest pair of jeans, skin tight to his legs and shaping his perfect ass. My eyes nearly bug out of my head, and I really notice for the first time in a week, since we'd gotten together again, how skinny he's gotten. They say that's what coke will do to a person's body.
"Hi... good morning," I smile and sit up completely, the sheets falling off of my body to reveal my shirtless torso. "Did my mom let you in?" I ask groggily, rubbing my eyes and opening them oddly to see again.
"Fucking a, yes," he chuckles and looks back down at a paper in his hands as he speaks. "She fucking attacked me- in a good way, I mean... she opened the door and saw me smile at her, she almost lunged forward and hugged me," he chuckles, shaking his head. "You probably knew already that she's known about us for a long time, she said 'are you here to take Frank back? Because he's been really lonely' and blah blah fucking blah, it was really funny. I told her that we're already together again and she smiled like the proudest mom ever. I think I made her day," he grins, feeling obviously proud of himself too for making my mother happy.
"Yeah... she really loves you," I grin, admiring how great those jeans make Gerard's ass look. He doesn't notice, just keeps looking at the paper in his grasp, and it occurs to me that he's reading something of my own work. "What are you looking at?" I ask as I crawl out of bed, trudging up to him and wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. I missed this.
"This song that you wrote. You did write it didn't you?" he asks as he brings an arm around my shoulders.
I read what it says at the top, seeing 'Secret Goldfish', and chuckle. "Yeah... I had to get some feelings out," I mumble as I bury the side of my face in his chest, taking in his cologne and sighing happily.
"It's great, the lyrics are amazing," he grins, putting the paper down to hug me to his body. "I'm guessing it's about me," he chuckles, and obviously he knows it's true.
"Mhm," I mumble, the sound being muffled in his shirt as I smell him some more. The way he sprays his cologne on this shirts more than his skin, I fucking love that. "I decided to let my feelings out by other means than drugs and harming myself," I murmur, looking up and seeing understanding in his expression as he nods. "Speaking of drugs, I need to fatten you up," I chuckle as I bring a hand around to pat his unhealthily flat stomach, almost cringing when my finger touches his rib by accident.
Gerard sighs and nods his head, looking down at his stomach. I take him over to the bed to sit down with me, pushing him against the headboard and cuddling between his legs and against his chest. He grins and holds me tightly to him, like he's afraid that I'll disappear if he lets go. "I've been eating more, I actually gained a few pounds since last week around this time, but not too much," he mumbles and rubs my forearm as I lightly draw unknown shapes on his black clothed stomach.
"That's a great start," I say with a grin as I take his left arm into my hand, without hesitation. At first he doesn't want me to, but then he eases up and lets me take it, slowly lifting up the sleeve to see his marks and if he's improving. It may seem insensitive of me to look, to see the marks on my love's body, but he knows that I only check because I care, and I truly want to help him stop. I trust him, he knows that as well, but visual proof of his improvement makes me feel much better. "I'm proud of you Gee," I tell him softly and kiss over his cuts, very lightly, my lips almost not even touching them.
"God I fucking love you, you know that?" he breathes out, sounding like I literally took his breath away. "No one else would even want to look at those, but you... you amaze me," he mumbles and I swear, I can hear his heart beating rapidly inside his chest.
I smile and look up at him, wrapping my arms back around his side. He hisses in pain and I jump, pulling away quickly and nearly hopping away from him. "Wh-what's wrong?" I say quickly, almost shouting because of how much I hate hearing him in physical pain.
He sighs and reaches for the hem of his shirt, shifting his position so his side is facing me now as he lifts it up to his chest. My eyes are greeted with more cuts up his side, exactly like the ones on his arm, but longer and deeper looking. "I didn't want you to ever have to see them, I was hoping they would heal before you got to see them," he says quietly, watching my eyes carefully as I look at his side. It's obvious that he hasn't cut his sides in a while, longer ago than his arms. I think these cuts are purple.
I sigh and pull his shirt back down for him, staying in my position sitting up as I look hopefully at him. "Please don't ever do that again," I mumble sadly, having him nod and lean over to kiss my lips softly.
"I promise," Gerard murmurs after pulling away from me, though I wish he hadn't.
I grin and scoot a little closer, but not cuddling against him like before. Gerard's hand braces against my chest, looking down at my body and then back up, licking his lips. I laugh and shake my head. "No Gerard, I'm not up for sex right now." Did I really just say that? Not up for sex with Gerard? I think I'm dying.
He chuckles and pulls away from me, standing and pulling me up with him. "Get dressed," he tells me. "I'm taking you out today."
I groan and try to sit back down, my groaning turning into growling in my throat when Gerard won't let me sit. "Noooooo Geraaarrrd," I whine as I try to let myself fall onto the bed by using all of my weight.
"Come on!" he says all too happily, yanking me over to my closet. I fucking hate having a small frame, I can't do shit with myself. "I'm taking you out and you're going to like it," he exclaims as he grabs a random shirt and throws it at me. I roll my eyes and shrug the shirt on, sighing softly when the warmth of the fabric soaks into my skin. Gerard doesn't fail to notice and grins as he walks to my dresser and pulls out a random pair of jeans.
"Mmm, I love it when you get my clothes for me, you're like my sexy slave," I exclaim and take the jeans from him to pull them on. He rolls his eyes with a smile and chuckles as he watches me pull my jeans over my thighs, taking over so he can button and zip them.
"And you're like my sexy boyfriend... wait that's because you are," he grins and kisses my lips softly, making me sigh contently against his lips.
"Shit... can we just stay here and have sex and cuddle all day? Because now I'm in the mood," I ask him with a huge grin on my face as my hands travel around his body and into his back packets, and I make sure to squeeze his ass. Damn these jeans are tight on him.
He laughs and shakes his head, bringing his hand to hold my wrists and remove my hands from his pockets. "No, but maybe I can blow you in the car," he says as he takes my hand into his, leading me out of my room and towards the stairs.
I'm about to protest when we've gotten to the bottom of the stairs, where I hear my mother's happy laughter. We turn to see her sitting on the couch with her cup of coffee in her hand, smiling wide at the both of us. "So things really are back together again?" she asks hopefully.
We both grin at her, Gerard nodding as his hand is still clasped with mine. "Well I don't think guys walk around holding hands, Linda," he chuckles and holds our hands up for emphasis.
She giggles and nods, looking at us both in adoration. It's probably the coolest fucking thing to have your mother be so supportive of her gay son, even congratulate him when he's got a boyfriend. "I'm so glad, you two are good for each other," she tells us as she stands with her cup, heading towards the kitchen.
Gerard giggles and pulls me quickly towards and out the door, before I can even comprehend it. "Woah, slow down Flash," I mumble and giggle when I see him close the door behind us. As soon as I've finished my sentence, his lips are on mine, kissing me roughly with his hands gripping my waist tightly and pulling me hard against his body. I hate to admit it, but I can feel my pants getting tighter when his tongue penetrates my mouth, forcing a moan to spill out of me. My hands slip under his shirt to graze his stomach and he pulls away from me, all too fast as he chuckles and shakes his head at me. "Wha.. you're the one who kissed me first..."
"I know," he mutters and takes my hand again, leading me towards his car. "I just don't give a fuck." I growl lowly in my throat but let Gerard lead me, and a grin grows across my face when he opens the passenger door for me. "After you, my love," he says dreamily before kissing the top of my hand.
I blush hard and giggle, taking my hand away and getting into the car. Fuck, Gerard can be such a fucking gentleman, it's unreal. He closes my door and gets into the driver's seat, smiling over at me. "Okay, now I want you to close your eyes."
"Why...?" I ask hesitantly, scrutinizing him carefully and warily.
He grins mischievously and leans over to kiss my cheek quickly. "Just do it, I want this to be a surprise," he tells me, referring to where we're going, I assume.
I sigh and close my eyes, leaning my head back against the seat as I hear him sigh happily. That makes me smile, because just knowing that I'm able to make him happy is the most amazing feeling. Not to mention that I could give him anything he wanted, and he knows that. I suddenly feel like the gap in my heart has been filled again.
I jump a little bit when the car starts backing out of the drive way, because I hadn't been expecting the movement to be so quick. He goes into drive and begins cruising down the road, silently at first. The air is filled with the sound of humming, something that I recognize but can't quite pinpoint the name. I give up trying when I feel Gerard's hand on my thigh, making me jump again, and having him chuckle. "Any clue where I might be taking you?" he asks proudly.
"Nope, why don't you give me a hint?" I ask, and I don't even notice that my legs had parted for his hand until it's too late.
I think he noticed too, because just before he speaks, I hear a small breathy laugh. "Nah, you'll have to wait and see."
I sigh and nod, resting my head further back into the seat. Gerard keeps humming, and I suddenly know the song, like I had just listened to it yesterday. It's our song, the song that Gerard had written for me, the song that I slaved to come up with chords for when it was presented to me. I can literally feel heat coursing through my body, causing my heart to pick up speed as the memory comes back of the day I first heard him sing the song fully to me. A small smile creeps over my face, and I try my best not to mention it, because hearing him hum this song is the most amazing sound, and it's almost lulling me to sleep.
I'm about to ask Gerard to sing it instead when the car, and his humming, both come to a stop. "Caaan I open my eyes now?" I ask, getting a laugh from Gerard.
"Don't you dare, hang on," he tells me as I hear his door open, rustling, and then the door closing, leaving me in a small state of panic as I realize I'm alone in the car, with my eyes closed. My door is suddenly open, and I instinctively turn in that direction and move my arms, almost defensively, and I feel a cold hand touch mine. "Calm down, it's only me," Gerard's soothing voice tells me, calming me instantly and coaxing me out of the car. My foot catches on a rock as soon as I stand up, making me fall forward into Gerard's body as he catches me and holds me tight, with my hands braced against his chest. He laughs and closes the door, leaning his lips down to kiss the top of my head. "Always clumsy," he chuckles and pushes me back onto my feet. It's fucking true too, I'm clumsy as fuck, and it's much worse when my eyes are closed.
"Can I pleeaase open my eyes now?" I plead, curling my fingers around the fabric of his shirt and gripping tightly, because him leaving me would not only make me sad, but spell disaster since I know I'll fall again.
"Fine," he sighs a bit sadly, and I open my eyes immediately. I open them up to see his perfect face, watching me, and behind him is a large, gray tombstone. I look around to see more of the same thing, and it dawns on me that he's taken me to a cemetery. My eye catches view of a mausoleum, and my insides feel warm again as I realize where exactly he's taken me. I look back at him and grin, moving my hands to hold his as I turn towards the mausoleum. The very same one where Gerard confessed his concern for me all those months ago, and where many of my dreams and nightmares from the most recent months had been staged.
I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, "anxious aren't we?"
I shrug my shoulders casually and link my fingers with his, smiling to myself as he walks beside me. "Not really, I just love where you've taken me, baby," I say sweetly and lean my head up to kiss his cheek as we walk, admittedly hopping to reach him.
Gerard giggles and squeezes my hand, forcing me closer to his side. "Good, I knew you would." Within minutes we're at the mausoleum, and I take my hand from Gerard's, mostly unwillingly, so I can climb the latter to get to the top. I probably resemble something close to a spider as I climb, but who honestly gives a fuck? I get on the roof of the place and stand up, looking around over the view. I hadn't even noticed that Gerard had joined me until he scared the shit out of me. He pushes me forward and grabs my shoulders, pulling me back against him and almost giving me fucking whiplash all in that terrifying two seconds. I almost scream and I hear him laughing, sounding proud of himself for scaring me. "Geraaarrd," I wine and pull out of his hold, turning to see him. "That's not nice, I thought you were going to kill me," I mumble with a pout, making Gerard's expression soften as he reaches out to pull me against his chest.
"I'm sorry babe, but you set yourself up for it. I couldn't let you die anyway, you know I love you too much," he murmurs into my ear and kisses the skin just below it, bringing a huge smile to my face.
"I know... and I love you too," I almost whisper as my arms curl around his waist gently, trying not to irritate any of his cuts. "Plus if you killed me, I would haunt the fuck out of you... and watch you shower," I grin, having Gerard laugh. "I'm serious though, I would watch you shower, change, masturbate... oh god, watching you masturbate," I muse and lick my lips, making Gerard laugh more.
"I know you would love it... I've done it a lot to thoughts of you lately, since you haven't given me sex yet," he muses and stares mocking daggers into my eyes, making me giggle and nod. "Oh, and speaking of giving," he mumbles and reaches into his jeans pocket, yeah, the sexy tight jeans, and pulls his hand out, enclosed into a fist. "I have something for you."
A grin spreads across my face and I hold my hands up in cup for him to drop the item, but instead he takes my hand and turns it over, sliding a cold piece of metal onto my finger. I look down at my hand and take note of the engravings on it, little musical notes. The same ring Gerard had given me months ago, which I harshly threw at him before storming away. "You kept it all this time?" I ask, a bit bewildered.
"I wore it so I wouldn't lose it," he informs me with a smile. "So that if this day ever came, I could give it back to you. It was yours all along anyway, you deserve to have it."
I blush a little bit and lean up to kiss Gerard's soft lips, sighing happily against them when I feel him return the kiss sweetly. "Mmm, I really love you," I murmur once I've pulled away, looking into his smoldering eyes.
"I love you more," he tells me, and once I've opened my mouth to protest, he silences me with his lips. Dammit, he knows that it always works on me.
"Let's just... not argue about it and agree to disagree," I suggest as a pat his chest lightly while my other hand rests on his hip.
He smiles and nods, looking over my face carefully. "I can agree with that," he mumbles, leaning down to kiss me again, with passion.
I guess that's why I love him, he always finds a way to be passionate about something. Like the band, which we'll probably get back into later on in life, just not now. For now, I think we'll just focus on each other and be together, as a couple. And I know that since he's so driven to make me happy, and since we've also gotten through the biggest obstacle that I can think of, we'll be together for years. That's the most that I could hope for, anyway.