So I was just watching history being made on CNN (you probably know what I'm talking about, if not, you probably will soon) and thought "Eh, I'll update Firsts!" Random, I know, but hey, let's be honest, I'm pretty freaking random XD

Okay, first off, I always forget something in these author notes. When the chapter takes place. So, since some of you have been confused, here's the timeline and the ages and all that stuff. Brittany and Santana are in middle school, not high school, so it'd be impossible for them to be Cheerios. I saw some people were wondering why they weren't Cheerios yet, so yeah. They are in eighth grade (the last grade of middle school, for anyone who lives somewhere with a different grade system). After this, they'll be in high school. Since the show hasn't really told us their birthdays, I can only guess that they're around the ages of thirteen and fourteen. But probably fourteen, so they are teenagers. It is currently December in the fic, so First Christmas is gonna be up soon ^_^ So I think that covers all the stuff about timelines and ages and junk, but if you're still confused about anything, say it in a review or PM me and I'll be happy to explain :D

So…First Porn XP Never thought I'd get to write Brittany getting her hands on porn…but I am! Well…uh…yeah…guh, writing about porn is kind of awkward…lol You do NOT know how awkward it was to write the description of the porn Britt finds XP So…don't judge me. Also, the DVD Britt finds is made up, although there probably is some porn titled that XD This is so freaking awkward to type! -blushes and runs away to happy place-

Oh, by the way, if I didn't respond to your guys' review last time, it's because FF is glitching and won't let me reply. I think I responded to most of you, but if I did miss you, sorry. Just know that I didn't forget about ya ^_^ Hopefully, by the time I update this, it'll be fixed :/

Now, it is time for you to read this chapter :D Unless you were just here for the author note…IDK…kay, you can read now!


Brittany didn't know how the DVDs had gotten there. The blonde had woken up, called Santana to come over (seeing as it was a Saturday), and then went to go get her Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs to watch before her girlfriend got there. She looked through her closet and couldn't find the DVDs. She suddenly began tearing through her room, looking for the DVDs, but she couldn't find them.

"No!" Brittany cried angrily. "I can't have lost them! Buffy just defeated the Master! I have to see how the Anointed One reacts, and how season two starts, and what happens to Angel and- - -I freaking lost it!" Brittany groaned in defeat and flopped down onto her bed, feeling like she was ready to cry. She luckily held her tears back, but it didn't stop the pain.

Brittany, not being one to give up easily, went back to her closet to search for the Buffy DVDs once more. As she moved away a pile of clothes, she saw a DVD case, but it definitely wasn't Buffy. She picked it up and examined it. It was called "Horny Blonde Bitches" and from the subtitle, it promised "hot, lesbian action". On the cover was two blonde women. One was bent over while the other blonde stood behind her with some kind of whip. Both were wearing unpractical school girl outfits.

"How did this get here?" Brittany wondered aloud. She ruled out either of her parents, because she knew neither of them would buy something like this. And even if they did, they would never put it in her room. She then thought of other people who had been in her room. Could Santana have left it for her, as some sort of present? No, that couldn't be. Santana wouldn't have been able to get her hands on this, and she probably would've told Brittany about it. Brittany was running out of suspects. She turned to her desk, where Fuego, the stuffed unicorn she had gotten at Cedar Point, sat. Brittany walked over to Fuego, and stared into his button eyes. "Was it you, Fuego?" No response. "Okay, I believe you."

Brittany tried to think of someone else who could've had put the porn in her room, but nobody came to mind. Perplexed, she turned over the DVD and read the incredibly short description.

"Two girls…teleported from their classroom straight to Amazon rainforest. With no food, no water, and no men, they must resort to the only thing they know how to do…fucking! But can they fuck their way out of the Amazon rainforest? Watch and find out!"

"It sounds interesting…" Brittany mumbled. She then read the supposed praise for the film below the description.

Oprah Winfrey says, "It's very empowering for women." Johnny Depp says, "Some people say my character, Captain Jack Sparrow, is the best pirate ever to be in a film. I usually have to correct them, because the pirate in this movie, Captain Tappin Datazz, is completely superior." Harley Quinn says, "Me and Mistah J love it!"

Brittany didn't think this was real praise, seeing as she couldn't understand how porn could be empowering for women, or how some pervy Captain could be better than the great Captain Jack Sparrow. Plus, even Brittany knew Harley Quinn wasn't real, as much as she had wished she was when she was a kid.

So now Brittany, being totally more confused than usual, was contemplating what to do. Should I throw it out? Or…should I watch it? I've never seen people doing it before…She walked over to her DVD player. Brittany thought about her parents walking in, but then she remembered that her mother was at work and her father was out at his friend's house. She was completely alone, except for Catcake, but the cat was nowhere to be found. Brittany had also completely forgotten about her girlfriend coming over.

Brittany took a deep breath. Her curiosity won her over and she opened the case. She then slipped the disc into the DVD player and turned on her TV. The title screen appeared, with the words "Horny Blonde Bitches" in big red letters. Then, the title disappeared, and the movie began to play…


Santana walked up the steps of Brittany's porch, her hands deep in her pockets. The snow was falling heavily now, and the ground was almost completely covered. Her converse were ruined due to all the trudging through the snow she had to do. She tried to avoid the snow, but that was a pretty dumb idea, seeing as it was virtually unavoidable. Angry and cold and all around in a bad mood, Santana knocked on the door, hoping to see Brittany answer the door. The blonde would probably make this shitty day a lot better.

There was no answer. After knocking a few more times, Santana just forgot about her manners and opened the door, walking in the house and kicking her shoes off. Shutting the door behind her, she realized that it didn't seem like anybody was here. Well, of course Brittany was here, seeing as she had called Santana over, but it looked to the Latina that Mr. and Mrs. Pierce were gone.

"Good," Santana muttered. "More time with my baby."

Santana ascended the staircase to Brittany's room and was about to open the door when she stopped. She heard strange noises coming from behind the door. At first it sounded like screams, then it sounded like grunts, and soon, the grunting noises were morphing into moaning noises. Santana's eyes widened and she pressed her ear against the door.

"Oh yes! Right there! Mmm! Right in my- - -"

Santana pulled away from the door, gasping. One thing for sure was that it wasn't Brittany making those sounds, thank goodness. But then, who was it? Santana, feeling impulsive and wanting to see what the noises were, grabbed the knob and with a deep breath, opened the door. There sat Brittany, watching a porn movie.

Brittany, hearing the door open, turned and gave a little frightened squeak when she saw Santana standing in the doorway. Brittany quickly scrambled to her feet and raced to turn the TV off.

"What were you watching?" Santana asked in awe.

Brittany finally hit the power button and the television, along with its moans and sex on screen, shut off. "I didn't mean to I swear! I was looking for Buffy DVDs and I found this DVD and I got curious because Harley Quinn was on it so I watched it and these two girls just started putting there fingers- - -"

"Brittany!" Santana exclaimed, cutting the girl off. "Calm down. Just…explain to me how you found it…slowly."


After Brittany explained how she obtained the DVD, Santana nodded. "Okay…and you have no idea how it got there?"

"No," Brittany said. "I ruled out everybody I know, pretty much. I'm sorry. Am I in trouble?"

Santana laughed. "Babe, you're not in trouble. It's not that big of a deal. I only reacted that way 'cause it was a shock. But I'm not mad at you or anything." Santana, who was sitting on the bed next to Brittany, hugged the blonde close to her. "You're just overreacting. Watching porn isn't a big deal. Everyone does it, pretty much."

Brittany's eyes widened as if she had never heard this before. "Seriously?"

Santana nodded.

"Whoa…wait…doesn't that mean that you've watched porn?" Brittany questioned.

Santana suddenly blushed at the question. "Well no…well, once…okay more than once…but it was only…yes, I've dabbled in porn a bit," Santana said, embarrassed. Santana wasn't usually embarrassed, but when she was, it felt terrible.

Brittany giggled. "Perv."

"Shut up, Britt," Santana said, scowling. She turned away from Brittany.

"Aw, don't be mad," Brittany said, placing a kiss on Santana's neck. "I'm sorry."

Santana turned back and shrugged. "Alright. It's not like I was gonna stay mad at you, anyways."

Brittany was about to say something when something crossed her mind. Needing an answer, she couldn't help but to blurt it out. "Do you think we'll ever do that stuff? Like, ya know, do it? With each other?" Brittany blushed like crazy as soon as the words escaped her mouth, and she quickly noticed Santana blushing along with her. Needless to say, it was incredibly embarrassing.

"I…I dunno," Santana said simply. Although what the Latina said wasn't entirely true. She had been thinking about sex (specifically with Brittany) ever since she had gotten to second base with her. She was being honest when she said she didn't know if they'd ever get to do that, but she left out the part where she mentioned that she did want to do it with the blonde. "Maybe. Would…would you want to do it, with me…like, in the future or something?" Santana could almost sense her heart stopping as she waited for her girlfriend to respond.

Brittany twiddled her thumbs around. "I think so. I mean, you have a nice body, and my mom told me in a really weird conversation that sex should only be with someone you truly love. And I really do love you, like, a whole bunch. So yes, I guess I would sleep with you…um, but not now 'cause I don't feel ready for that yet." Brittany looked down, avoiding the Latina's deep eyes.

Santana found it very hard to breathe at this point. "Um…uh…ditto. Er, I mean I feel the same. I think I would like to do it with you, later on though, when we're both ready for it."

Brittany giggled nervously. "Cool…so…when we're ready, we can be each other's firsts."

Santana nodded. "Yeah. Cool." Santana's head was spinning so fast she feared it may pop off with all the thoughts stuck inside of it. Santana now couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like sleeping with Brittany, and now she couldn't get the visuals out of her head. Then again, that wasn't that much of a bad thing.

"So…when do you think we'll be ready?" Brittany asked.

Santana shrugged. "I, uh, don't know. But I guess when the time is right, it'll just happen." Santana, trying to lighten the awkward mood, cracked a joke. "Hey, on the bright side, neither of us can get pregnant if we have sex!"

Brittany just tilted her head, deep in thought. "Yeah…hey wait, speaking of that, what if we ever have kids?"

Santana's eyes widened. "Uh, Britt. Calm down. One 'what if' at a time, please."

Brittany sighed. "Okee dokes. So…now what do we do?"

Santana thought for a moment. "I think we should get rid of that DVD. It wouldn't be good if your parents found porn in your room." Brittany nodded and Santana walked over and took out the disc from the DVD player. Popping it back in its case, Santana took the disc and case and walked downstairs, followed closely behind by Brittany. They walked outside and over to the trash cans on the front lawn. Santana took the case and chucked it in the trash can. "There you go," Santana said. "Now you won't get into trouble."

"Awesome!" Brittany said, smiling. "Now come up to my room."

As Brittany tugged Santana back towards the house, the Latina smiled. "Make out session?"

"Nope, you gotta help me find my Buffy DVDs, and fast!" Brittany urged.

Santana groaned.


Catcake sat on the windowsill in the living room, watching the two girls as they threw the DVD into the trash can. As they took the case to the trash, the cat's heart almost broke in half. And when they finally put it in the trash, Catcake just had to look away, fearing she would cry if she continued to watch.

"Those evil…heartless…monsters!" Catcake growled, fighting back the urge to sob. "They find my porn stash and they just throw it out! Now how am I going to get through Saturday nights?"


Yes, ladies and gentleman, Catcake has a porn stash. If that isn't the greatest thing ever, I don't know what is.

So, yeah, the concept of sleeping together has been awakened. Both girls have agreed they'll have sex when they're ready, so I'm sure all of you are happy about that XP Some people may want to know when they're gonna do the deed, but all I wanna know is if those two girls from the DVD fucked their way out of the Amazon…OMG I AM TERRIBLE! XD

That DVD…how did I come up with that? I especially love the praise on the DVD lol And for those who don't know who Harley Quinn is, watch Batman the Animated Series. Harley Quinn is like Brittany if she was a little less ditzy, a little more bubbly and if Brittany was a villain. Yeah, I'm sure all of your minds are blown. Seriously though, Harley's the bestest. She can turn straight woman into lesbians and gay males into heterosexuals. So she really IS like Britt XP

Also, Buffy reference 'cause I just recently got into the awesome that is Buffy ^_^

Next First: Brittany, who usually spends Christmas in Michigan with her grandmother, finds out they'll be staying in Lima this Christmas due to her grandmother going on a cruise. This means that Britt and San can go have wonderful funderful Christmas fun! That's right, it's Brittana's First Christmas!

Remember to review if you liked it. See you next chapter guys! -flies away on unicorn/pegasus hybrid-