I'm currently alternating between listening to Mother Murder by Hollywood Undead and music from Zelda being played on Guitar Hero…THEY'RE BOTH SO GOOD XD

GUYS! WE'RE CLOSE TO SIX HUNDRED FIRETRUCKING REVIEWS! JUST A FEW MORE AND WE'RE THERE :D

So, one thing I wanna address. A few people in the reviews said they didn't want this fic to follow continuity. But, um, it isn't. Not really anyway. Like I said, it will sometimes follow the continuity, but I will be making plenty of tweaks. Hell, if I wanted, I could make it so that Britt and Santana become a real, non-secret couple by the end of freshman year. Or if I wanted, I could make it so that Brittany doesn't date Artie as long as she did, just for a shorter time period. I could make it so Santana comes out of the closet sophomore year. What I'm saying is, this story is gonna be a mixture canon and AU, so to all of you who are worrying that this story will turn out like the show's continuity and be sad as hell, don't worry, because I'm changing some things in the future. There may be dark, sad, depressing moments in this like there were in the show, but I will always add bits of fluff (or sex ;D ) to lighten things up every once in a while. So don't fret, just be a pet, enjoy some het, wait this is femmeslash, and fuck I just ran out of rhymes :(

So this chapter is First Party :D I know you're now expecting a drunk stripper Britt, but sorry, when she's drunk in this, she's a little different from how she acted in Blame It on the Alcohol. Sowwy for no stripper!Britt :/ Also, if Britt does something uncharacteristic, it's because she's drunk. So in this, she might do something she'd never do if she was sober.

Anyhoozel, I need to shut up now and finish this because someone said they'd give me brownies and cake and other delicious treats if I finished this by a certain point XD HUZZAH!


Santana looked at the glowing screen the same way she would look at a flying one eyed alien, she looked at it in astonishment. She reread the text a few more times, wondering if this was real. No way. It couldn't be. He hated her, so why would he invite her over to a party? He wouldn't, and he never tried to before. Something was up, but she didn't know what. Santana reread it once more, trying to fathom why Noah Fucking Puckerman had sent her this text.

Hey Lopez, I'm having a party at my house tonight. You're invited, and you can bring friends. You know where I live, I'm pretty sure. So yeah, it's tonight at eight.

This just baffled Santana. For one, it surprised her that Puck actually knew how to spell words. Two, she couldn't stop wondering why the hell he would want her at his party. Her, Santana Lopez, the girl who had kicked his ass and got detention for it when he talked shit about Brittany. The girl who made it part of her daily routine to call him a dickless pussy every day for the past three and half years. The one girl who didn't think his stupid mohawk was hot and irresistible. The one girl who didn't put up with his shit. Why the hell would he invite his arch nemesis to his party? The whole thing was confusing as balls, as Santana had put it in her head.

A yawn from her left caused Santana to avert her attention to the girl sleeping beside her. She smiled as Brittany fluttered her eyes open. Brittany turned her head and looked at Santana, and the blonde returned her girlfriend's smile. "Hey sexy," Brittany mumbled groggily.

"You think I'm sexy?" Santana asked playfully, already knowing Brittany would answer yes.

Brittany nodded. "You're like, the sexiest thing alive. Well, tied with Alisha from Misfits…and tied with Raven from Teen Titans…and Joseph Gordon-Levitt…and pretty much every anime chick with huge boobs…and- - -"

"Brittany!" Santana exclaimed, cutting her girlfriend off. "I get it, there are a lot of people sexier than me!"

Brittany leaned in and kissed Santana lightly on her cheek. The blonde then whispered into her ear, "Nobody's sexier than you, just as equally sexy. And plus, if I had to choose between you and any of them, I'd choose you…or…well, Joseph could join us in a threeway, maybe…"

Santana couldn't help but laugh. Brittany was so adorable, even during the mornings. Santana was never a morning person, but waking up to Brittany beside her made it soooo much better. They had had another one of their sleepovers, hence the reasoning for waking up together. Much to Santana's dismay, there was no sex, again. As usual, Santana wanted to get into Brittany's pants but she was too scared to talk about it. So, for the eleventy billionth time, Santana went through another sleepover with no sex. So far, the large number of times she had slept with Brittany rounded up to about one. And that was it. Just her first time, and that was it. Why couldn't she sleep with her a second time already? It was like she was stuck in a fanfic where only firsts happened written by some teenage boy with too much time on his hands and an obsessive love for the romance between her and Brittany. On second thought, nah, that couldn't be possible, that just sounded incredibly fucking stupid.

"What're you reading?" Brittany inquired, motioning towards Santana's cell phone.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Nothing important. Puck sent me a text about some party- - -"

"Party?" Brittany interjected. That's when her eyes lit up. "We should go!" Santana looked at her and was about to say no, but then the blonde gave her those puppy dog eyes.

Fuck, I am so whipped.


Why did I agree to this? Why did I agree to this? Why did I agree to this?

Santana couldn't help but have that thought run through her mind over and over again. She was sitting on Puck's couch, and she was surrounded by loud, drunk teens drinking beer (which Puck had stolen from his dad) and even louder, annoying music. Brittany was here, but the blonde had gone off to go get them some drinks. Santana already didn't like this idea. The thought of Brittany getting drunk in a room full of horny teenagers…if she drank alcohol, someone could easily take advantage of her in a drunken state. At least the Latina was here to protect her.

Santana sighed. It had been several minutes since the blonde had left to get the two of them beverages, and Santana was getting worried. Brittany should've been back by now, right? Just as Santana was about to get up and go searching for her, she saw Brittany emerge from the crowd, carrying two drinks. Santana already noticed a bad sign, the blonde was wobbling. And by the looks of the goofy smile on her face, she had drank more beer while she was away. Brittany giggled as she plopped down on the sofa next to her girlfriend. She handed Santana a beer.

"Britt, you okay?" Santana asked. She was worried, Brittany had never consumed alcohol before, and now Santana was regretting letting her drink it.

Brittany just giggled. "Hey Sanny-bear! Look at this!" The blonde then raised her finger and pressed it lightly on Santana's nose. "I boop your nose!"

Santana sighed. Yep, she was really hammered. Santana placed her cup of beer on the table in front of her. She wanted to stay sober. If she was sober, it'd be easier to protect Brittany from these assholes.

"Hey, pookie?" Brittany muttered. Where the hell are these nicknames coming from? Santana wondered curiously. "Me and youz has gotta talk…right now!" Santana resisted the urge to facepalm at how much Brittany slurred in that sentence.

"What do we need to talk about?" Santana asked, already exasperated. She really didn't need to deal with a drunk Brittany right now.

"I wantsta go public, with our relation of ships," the blonde slurred. Santana stared at her. What did she just say? She couldn't be serious. She had to be joking, or maybe it was just the booze talking. But then again, alcohol did have sort of a truth serum effect on some people. Could she be telling the truth? Did Brittany actually want to go public? Santana couldn't do that…no, no way. If people found out…the names would never end, the taunting wouldn't cease…no, she couldn't come out. She couldn't tell people she was a…what was she anyway? Santana never really thought about her sexuality. Ever since she had dated Brittany, she hadn't really had feelings for anyone else. She didn't look at boys, she didn't look at girls, the only person she cared about was Brittany. Did that make her a Brittsexual?

"Brittany, keep it down!" Santana scolded her, even though nobody could probably hear her. "Brittany…we can't be girlfriends in public."

"Why not?" Brittany asked shakily, her eyes forming into angry slits. Great, the last thing Santana needed was a drunken angry Brittany.

"Because, Britt, people will make fun of us, they'll call us terrible names, we'll be outcasts," Santana tried to reason.

"Psh, fuck people!" Brittany exclaimed. It was at that point that Santana wished she had never come to this party. Brittany didn't swear. She just didn't. Sure she let out 'damn' and sometimes 'bitch' once or twice, but she never said fuck. It was just…an unBrittanyish thing to do. This wasn't her Brittany, this was some drunk chick. Santana sighed. Now it was time to leave. If they didn't leave soon, Santana figured Brittany would just get her hands on more beer.

"Britt, I think we should go," Santana tried to reason. When the Latina placed her hand over Brittany's own, she was shocked when the blonde pulled away.

"Screw you!" Brittany slurred. She stood up, dropping her drink to the floor. Santana tried to reach out for her, but a moment later Brittany disappeared into the crowd. Brittany pushed past a bunch of loud, annoying guys and loud, annoying girls. After pushing away another annoying boy, Brittany grinned as she saw a familiar face. She staggered over to the familiar boy and wrapped her arms around him. "Mike! Dance with me!"

Mike gave a little gasp at the blonde who was now clinging to him. "Brittany? Is Santana here?" As Brittany looked up, Mike grimaced at the smell of Brittany's breath. "Ugh, Britt, have you been drinking?"

"Just a teensy bit," she said drunkenly. "Now dance with me!"

"Um…what about Santana? Won't she be jealous? I don't wanna come in between you guys, we're just friends right?" Mike asked, very flustered.

Brittany just giggled. "You talk waaaaaay too much." With that, Brittany smashed her lips against Mike's and began grinding her hips into his.


Santana sunk into the couch, sighing. "Now what the fuck do I do?" She wanted to go after her girlfriend, but that would be useless. One, she wouldn't find her, and two, even if she did, it was obvious the blonde didn't want to see her right now.

"Wanna drink?" a voice asked. Santana looked up to see Puck holding two cups of beer.

Santana rolled her eyes. "No thanks, I don't like the idea of taking roofies. Sorry."

"Yeah, like I'd do that," he said sarcastically. He put one cup down on the table and sat down next to the Latina, taking a sip of his beer. "So, having fun?"

"Puckerman, this party fucking sucks," Santana growled. "So far, all I've done is sit on my ass."

"That's your fault babe," Puck said, taking a second sip.

"Puck, do you like having balls? If you do, don't call me babe, or I'll rip them off," Santana threatened.

"What crawled up your vag and died?" Puck asked. It was then that Santana noticed a slight waviness in his voice. Great, he was drunk too.

Santana thought about slashing him with another one of her vicious words, but decided against it. Fighting with a drunk person was just stupid. "Okay Puck, why the fuck did you invite me to this thing?"

"I don't know," Puck mumbled. "'Cause I like you or whatever." Another swig of beer was taken by the mohawked teen.

Santana gaped at him. "You like me?"

Puck shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, you're hot and stuff, and I like your attitude. I like a chick that can kick my ass, that's kind of a turn on. Plus I bet you're great in the sack."

Santana wanted to punch him across the face right now. But she withheld her anger, for now, at least. "Listen Puck, even though you're such a charmer and all, there's someone else, so you don't have a shot. And I wouldn't go out with you for a million fucking dollars, so how about you piss off."

Puck just laughed. "Oh yeah? Who are you screwing then, huh Lopez? Because the only person I ever see you with is…holy shit you're dating Brittany!"

Santana's hand quickly flew over Puck's mouth and clamped it shut. "Okay, listen Puck," she growled in her most threatening voice, "let's get something straight. If you even think of telling anyone about this…I will beat you up. I will beat you up harder than I've ever beat anyone up ever. I'm not gonna think of a clever threat, this is just a simple warning. I will kick the shit out of you. You know my secret, and if you let anyone else in on it, I will hunt you down and beat you so hard you'll bleed tears…that was a fucking terrible threat but I don't care. Are we clear?"

Puck grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away. "Crystal clear," Puck said. "Calm the fuck down, I wasn't gonna tell anyone about it anyways. So…have you…two…ya know?" Santana just glared at him. "Are you guys up for a threeway?"

Santana punched him in the shoulder angrily, causing him to retract back in pain. "We really would, but we wouldn't want your hand to get lonely." With that, Santana stood and decided it was time to search for Brittany. She wanted to take her girlfriend home now and get out of this shitfest of a party.

Puck scratched his head, taking yet another swig from his beer. "What's that even mean?" he asked drunkenly.

Disappearing into the crowd, Santana called out to him, "It means you have to jerk off alone, dumbass!"

Great, now Puck knows, Santana thought sadly. I swear, if he tells anyone, I'll murder him. Stupid idiot jackass…

Santana hacked her way through the party goers. She couldn't find her girlfriend anywhere. At this point, she was just shoving people out of the way, ignoring their annoyed yelps as they were either pushed into others or fell over. But when someone called out her name, she stopped and turned. A second later, Mike emerged from the crowd.

"Uh…hey Santana," Mike said awkwardly.

"Hey Mike," Santana greeted, still craning her neck to look around for her girlfriend. "Hey have you seen Brittany?"

Mike blushed. "Uh…yeah. She's…really drunk. And…don't hit me, but she kissed me. And I immediately pushed her off! Honestly!" Mike added quickly.

Santana held back tears. This could not be happening. Brittany kissed Mike? She didn't blame Mike, or even Brittany. She blamed herself for giving in and letting Brittany come to this stupid fucking party. Now she was probably off somewhere with another guy, drunk off her ass.

Mike was still rambling on about how it wasn't his fault and how he was sorry when Santana finally cut him off. "Mike, shut up, I don't blame you. Just…we have to find her and I need to take her home. Where'd you last see her?"

"I saw her walk off with some guy," Mike said, shrugging.

Santana gasped. At these kinds of parties, it was incredibly easy to take advantage of a drunk girl with no supervisor. "Fuck, quick, we gotta find her! Someone could take advantage of her or rape her or kill her or- - -"

"Santana, calm down! We'll find her!" Mike assured.

Santana didn't even realize that tears were streaming down her cheeks. If anything happened to her, she didn't know what she'd do. Adrenaline pumping through her veins and her anger boiling, she pushed through the crowd once more and scanned the area for her girlfriend. After all they had been through, Santana wasn't gonna let some random guy fuck something up. Santana called out to Brittany a few times, but her calls went unheard and unnoticed as the loud music drowned it all out. That is, until Santana thought she heard something.

Mike, who had been following behind the Latina, stopped dead in his tracks when she stopped as well. "What's wrong?" he asked his friend.

"Did you hear that?" she inquired. Santana listened closely. She heard Brittany, she could've sworn she could. She listened closer. And closer. The music almost drowned it out, but she could hear her. "This way!" Santana quickly motioned for Mike to follow her as she tore through the crowd. More drunken teens were pushed out of her way, and it was only a few seconds later that Santana saw Brittany from across the room. Santana's heart almost stopped beating. Some guy, obviously drunk, had Brittany pinned up against the wall, and it looked like the blonde was trying to push him away to no avail. No…no, he can't hurt Brittany! Fuck, fuck, fuck…

Santana growled angrily as the crowd became thicker around her, making it harder for her to get to Brittany. She didn't have time for all this. Santana tried to squeeze past people and push them aside, but it was becoming much more difficult due to how many more people were over here. Santana looked over at Brittany once more. The guy was trying to kiss her. He was trying to fucking kiss her. Santana felt like tearing the entire house apart with how much rage she felt flow through her.

Brittany wasn't going to be able to fight this guy off forever. He looked like a sophomore in high school, and he must've been on the football team too because he had big burly arms. "Brittany!" Santana screamed out to her, only for it to be ignored and replaced with the loud music. Now Santana and Mike were both calling out to her, trying to get closer but not being able to with all the people blocking them.

Santana almost cheered when someone walked up and pushed the boy off the blonde. Santana couldn't tell who it was, but whoever it was, she could never thank them enough. The older boy looked angry for a minute, but that's when the other, shorter kid decked him right across the face. As the bigger teen fell to the ground in a slump, every person stopped dancing and looked at the scene that took place. The music suddenly was cut short, and now everyone could hear them.

"What the fuck dude?" the older teen groaned, grabbing his jaw.

"Get the hell out, now. Or I'll call the cops," the younger guy threatened.

There a few more dirty looks between them, but finally, the older boy ran out through the crowd and made a quick exit through the front door. Silence fell over the crowd, that is, until a boy in the back piped up. "Shit just got real!" After that, everyone began cheering for the boy who had punched the other guy. Santana finally managed to worm her way through the partygoers and get a look at who the hell had saved Brittany. Her jaw dropped. Puck? He was the one who saved her?

Before Santana could even process what Puck's motivations had to be behind this, she was interrupted by warm arms wrapping around her. It was Brittany, hugging her tightly, sobbing into her neck. Santana instinctively hugged her back, rubbing her back. This was the worst idea to bring her to the party, Santana realized quickly.

"Santana…" Brittany sniffled. "I wanna go home now."

"We will," Santana whispered. "It's okay, don't cry, I'm here." Santana hoped her words were comfort enough for the blonde in distress.

I fucking hate parties.


You know that guy near the end who shouted "Shit just got real"? Yeah, that was me. I was at that party, and I was the one who said that. THIS JUST BECAME A SELF INSERT FIC HOLY SHIT!

Angsty angsty angst :) Haven't had it in a while, so decided to sprinkle in a little bit near the end :P But I think I balanced it with cuteness, like with the Brittsexual line :D

Okay, so a couple things. One, I got a twitter. No, not a personal twitter. A twitter that is for my fics. Basically, if you follow me on that twitter, you'll be told when I update something, or I might give you hints to future chapters, or I might reveal future Firsts. Keep in mind, this twitter is for ALL my stories, so I may tweet about a story or oneshot that I wrote for another fandom. But still, it's useful if you wanna know when stuff happens. And plus, if I haven't updated in a while, then I can tweet about WHY I'm not updating so you'll guys know. It's basically just a thing for you guys to follow so you can be more updated on my stories, plus it's a nice way to know when I've added a new chapter just in case your story alert on FF glitches and doesn't show up. If you care, the link will be in my bio on my FF page. If you don't care, don't follow the link, simple as that :P

I also got a formspring :D Basically, it's a site where you can send me questions (anonymous or not) and I'll answer them. I got this because I know some of you guys have questions about either my fics or me or whatever, and I can't answer all of them on here, so it's just an easier way for me to answer any of the possible questions you have. And before people send me this question, no, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual XD People STILL ask me about this in messages, not that I mind though :P Like the twitter page, the link to my formspring will be on my bio page on FF, so if you wanna send me a question, send me one :D

Alright, enough whoring out my other pages, it's time to end this bitch XD Review please, and make it so that we get to 600 reviews :D

Next chapter, First Rant: Brittany and Santana deal with the repercussions of the party and realize they may want two different things out of their relationship.

See you guys next time :)