You don't know how hard it is to find time to write this, what with my busy life. Seriously, I have to groom Catcake's fur to perfection otherwise she'll bitch, I have to feed Tubbers his chicken and rub his belly or he'll get sad, then I have to get in a pink princess costume, call myself Princess Bubblegum and go slay dragons with Ozzie the Knight (OmazingOzzie). It's hard being me :O But I found time to update, because I love you guys. Well, that and I'm being given treats by someone if I can finish this by a certain deadline XD
Well guys, we did it, 600 reviews :D Am I the only one noticing the pattern of a hundred reviews every two or three chapters? 'Cause that's seriously fucking boss. Just wanna thank everyone for their support and reviews, 'cause without you guys I probably wouldn't continued this from the first few chapters :O Seriously though, you guys leave the kindest reviews, saying stuff about how you love this and how you hope to see me as a professional author someday…it just, means a lot. Before this story my stories never really got popular, and I know fanfiction should be about having fun and expressing yourself, not about popularity, but still. Anyways, thanks for all of your support, I love every single one of you…except if your name starts with a D. Then we can't be friends anymore. I'M JUST KIDDING YA GOOSES! And yes, I know the plural is geese. But gooses is a cooler word, so deal with it.
I probably should shut up and get to the angsty goodness, right?
Brittany awoke and immediately regretted leaving the safe comfort of her dreams. Now that she was awake, her wonderfully silly dreams were being replaced with a pounding headache that was slamming into her brain. Brittany felt around, confused by her surroundings. She felt some sort of fabric, and something like a pillow. She figured she must be on a bed. She tried to sit up, but the sudden movement caused her headache to intensify for a brief moment, until she laid back down, causing her headache to lessen in pain just a bit. How had she gotten here? Why did her head hurt so much? What happened last night? All the blonde could remember was something about a party at Puck's…
"You awake?" The words held a familiarity in the voice that spoke them, but Brittany couldn't tell who they belonged too. Her mind was too clouded and in pain to process her surroundings completely. She figured she was in her bedroom, the dolphins on the sheets were a dead giveaway. Brittany managed to turn her head a bit to the side to try and see who it was that was talking to her. Through her blurred vision, she could make out a girl, dark skinned, a little shorter than the blonde herself.
"Santana?" Brittany muttered groggily, her head swimming in a pool of pain, it seemed.
"Yeah," the Latina said, sighing. Santana was sitting in a chair next to the bed, and from what Brittany could make out, she looked a little bit sad.
"Are you okay?" Brittany asked hesitantly. "Why do you look sad?"
Santana looked downwards, avoiding the blonde's gaze. "Do…you remember anything about last night?" Brittany shook her head slightly, which she immediately regretted due to the throbbing pain in her head every time she moved her cranium. "Think, and you might remember some stuff."
Brittany had wished Santana would just tell her, but she obliged with Santana's request and thought back hard to last night. She remembered the party, packed with people and loud music blaring out from every direction. She also began to remember drinking beer… Santana gave Brittany a few minutes of silence and with those moments of silence Brittany began to piece together what had happened last night. She fought with Santana…about what? No wait, yes, it was about how she didn't want to go public. Then she left her and…oh god. She kissed Mike. Then Puck saved her from that guy, and then she couldn't remember anything else after that.
"Did…did I kiss Mike?" Brittany inquired in a shaky voice.
Santana nodded, a grim expression falling over her face. "Yeah, if he hadn't have pushed you off who knows what you would've done with him." Santana's intonation was bitter and angry, and now Brittany knew this is where she fucked up big time. They had had their little fights before, but it was never something like this. Brittany had cheated. She had cheated on the girl she loved with her other best friend. Brittany almost wanted to burst into tears at her stupidity. She felt like the scum of the earth. The blonde felt like hitting herself over and over again, because she was coming to the realization that she probably just ruined her relationship with Santana forever. The pain in her head from the hangover was nothing compared to the aching in her heart.
"I never…I was drunk," Brittany stuttered out, feeling so weak under Santana's glare as she lay there helpless on her bed.
Santana's eyes practically turned into slits as she gave the blonde her most hate filled look. "Is that some kind of fucking excuse?" Santana asked angrily. "Am I just supposed to be okay with the fact that you cheated on me just because you were drunk?"
Brittany held back the tears. "I…I didn't mean to cheat. It didn't mean anything! I love you, San. Only you." Brittany reached out to hold Santana's hand affectionately, but the Latina mimicked Brittany's actions from last night and pulled her hand away.
"Kind of hard to believe when you shoved your tongue down someone's throat last night," Santana growled, still avoiding the blonde's watery eyes.
Brittany couldn't fight it anymore. She let the tears free themselves and slide down her cheeks. She couldn't help it when a choked sob escaped her throat. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They weren't supposed to fight. They weren't supposed to talk like this to each other. They were supposed to hug and kiss and lock pinkies. They were supposed to giggle together at their own little inside jokes. They were supposed to be best friends. Best friends didn't do this, they didn't fight like this, not on this level. And it's all my fault, Brittany thought unhappily. It was after this thought, that Brittany remembered once more there fight from last night, and the memory of the fight still stung.
"You're not the only one who has a right to be angry," Brittany said shakily.
Santana stared at the girl incredulously. "Excuse me?" she asked, her voice laced with venom.
Brittany took a deep breath in preparation. "Last night, you said we can't be in an open relationship. That's just stupid!"
Santana rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. "It's not stupid, and don't try to turn this around on me. You don't deserve to be angry about anything! I was the one who was cheated on!"
Brittany sat up abruptly, ignoring her thundering hangover beating her brain. She glared at Santana. "I do deserve to be angry! At least what I did was just some drunken kiss that didn't mean anything, and it's not like I slept with him! What you're doing is being too scared to admit that you like me to other people!"
Santana stood up, looking down evilly at her girlfriend. "Just because it was a drunken kiss doesn't make it any less wrong! And why do we have to be an open couple? What the fuck is the big deal about being exclusive or some shit?"
Brittany stood up as well, albeit a little wobbly in the knees. But at least she was taller than the Latina, that might give her an advantage in the intimidation department. "It's a big deal because it makes me feel that you don't actually like me!"
Santana looked up at her in confusion, damning her shorter height in comparison to Brittany's. "That doesn't even make sense Brittany…"
"Yes it does!" Brittany insisted. She struggled to stay on her feet, the hangover was making her slightly dizzy. "If you could just be with me, no secret stuff, then I would know that you cared about me!"
"You should know by now that I care about you," Santana said, her tone softening just a bit.
"Well sometimes I feel like you just don't. Like when I first met Mike and you were jealous and didn't trust me. I just want to be in an open relationship, okay? I want everyone to know you're my girlfriend, I want to kiss you in public, I wanna go on more dates without having to check if anyone we know is around us. I'm sick of all the secret relationship junk," Brittany said, hoping Santana would understand her.
Santana took Brittany's words into consideration. She did like the idea of being able to kiss Brittany whenever she wanted. But the Latina was smart enough to realize that an open relationship would lead to the pain. The pain inflicted upon them by others, others who made fun of them for being together. Santana could already picture being called a 'carpet muncher' or a 'dyke' by some dumb bitches at school. "Britt, why can't you just realize that I'm not comfortable with this?"
Brittany looked hurt, and her tears threatened to return. "So you're not comfortable with dating me?" she asked sadly.
Santana shook her head. "No, I'm just not comfortable with being open about our relationship. I don't want to be bullied everyday just because I like someone…I can't go through that. The kids at school…Brittany, nobody would accept us. We'd get bullied everyday, we'd be called names all the times, and hell, someone might be fucking hateful enough to try to hit us or beat us. This shit happens Britt. It's a reality. I don't want any of that if it means opening up."
Brittany looked agitated at Santana's words. "If someone bullies us, we'll be there for each other. If someone calls us names, you can call them a worse name like dickless pussy or something like you do with Puck. And if anyone ever tried to hit you, I'd kill them. I just want you to be with me, out of the closet. I love you Santana, I love you more than anything in the world. You're one of the few people I truly care about. I wanna be with you, and only you. Not Mike. That kiss didn't mean anything. And if you're still angry about it, I'll do anything to make it better. I just want us to be a happy not secrety couple, like in the movies."
Santana wanted that too. She really did. She wanted to be the happy couple that you saw in movies, and have a happy ending with the girl of her dreams. But life wasn't like movies. Movies lied, about everything, pretty much. "I don't know if I can do that…it's just…I don't know, okay? I'm sorry." Santana wiped at her eyes, not daring herself to cry, knowing if she cried it would only worsen Brittany's already saddened condition. "All this shit is so fucking confusing, I hate it."
Brittany cupped Santana's chin in her hands and raised her head so the Latina looked in the blonde's eyes. Brittany placed a small kiss on the smaller girl's lips. "Be with me, for real. Just say yes. Just say you will, and I promise you we'll have the best relationship ever. Our relationship will he so awesome if you just said yes…we'd always be here for each other, we'd have like, the best sex ever, we'd go to college together, we'd get jobs, buy a house, live our lives together. Don't you want that? Just say yes. It's so simple."
Say yes. Lopez, don't fuck this up, just say yes… Santana told herself. "I…don't know. Maybe…but I don't know if I can deal with everyone else treating us like…look I just…I need time to think. I have to go." Santana immediately stepped away and quickly ran to the door, her tears now falling over her cheeks. She ran down the stairs and out of the house, trying not to look back. Santana was pretty sure she had just made the biggest mistake of her life, but she just didn't know what to do. She was so confused, about her relationship with Brittany, about her own sexuality, about how people would react to their relationship had they come out. All this confusion was weighing her down, and she wished it would just stop.
But it didn't stop, because Santana just wasn't that lucky.
Tubs walked through the halls, having just awoken from a pretty epic powernap. It was a good day so far for the cat, seeing as he got to eat his favorite foods, take his nice little nap, and to add to his joy, Catcake hadn't ordered him to do something once today. It was like all his dreams were coming true. Just as he thought about his boss, he saw the white furred cat at the end of the hall, lying in front of Brittany's closed door. He thought he just saw Santana leave out of the corner of his eye. When Tubs got closer to the boss lady, he saw her face and noticed she looked sad.
"What's wrong?" Tubs asked, walked over to his frenemy.
Catcake thought about hiding the sadness in her voice but decided against it, knowing it would be useless. "Brittany and Santana…they're fighting…" she muttered sadly. "I…don't like when they fight."
Tubs was taken aback for a moment. Since when did Catcake of all people get sad? But suddenly he felt a little sad too, he never liked anybody fighting anyway. "Me neither," Tubs said simply. Catcake sighed, and an awkward silence fell over them. Tubs, feeling risky, nuzzled his head against Catcake's head affectionately, sort of as a way of saying it would be okay.
Catcake silently thanked him, although she'd never tell him that.
Brittany sat at her desk, crying audibly as she wrote a very important diary entry.
Dear Diary, make a note to never drink again…I messed everything up…
AAAAAAAAAAAAANGST! Sorry for the sadness, but hey, angst is fun to write :D Also, if it's a little short, sowwy about that too :/
Well, did you guys like it? Am I good at writing angst? Please tell me, review!
Next chapter, First Advice: The girls need advice, so Brittany goes to Mike and Santana goes to…Puck?
See you next time! ^_^ Whoa, a short author note from me? HOLY SHIT