Okay…so you're all probably wondering where the hell I've been. "Rob, where'd you go? Why didn't you update? Give us a reason now or we'll choke a bitch!" Well…my reason for not updating was I didn't feel like writing Brittana. Yes, as much as I love this ship with a burning passion, sometimes I need a break from focusing on plotting and planning for this fic, so I took a little break. In hindsight, I probably should've taken a shorter break, but then again, if I were to write when I didn't want to write, the end result would be a lazy, badly written mess, because good writing doesn't come out when you have no inclination to do just that, write. Also, my computer has been fucking up lately, so I was unable to update. AND, I've been having a shitty few weeks and have been kinda down :( Even my freaking birthday (which was on December fifth) sucked! :'(
Okay…holy shit. That's all I have to say about the past two episodes of Glee, I Kissed a Girl and Hold on to Sixteen. HOLY FUCK, these episodes have TOTALLY reshaped my opinions on stuff about Glee. Well, first off, the Brittananess in IKAG was amazles, but that's not what's making me crazy. First, in IKAG, I went into that ep ready to hate Finn…and when it ended, I liked him. I FUCKING LIKED FINN! THE GUY I'VE HATED SINCE SEASON ONE! :O And because I started liking Finn, I even started liking…I can barely say it…Finchel! THERE, I SAID IT! Holy hell…never thought I'd say that. But then in HotS, Finn got even BETTER :O :O :O And…I like Tina now after this latest ep. HOLY SHIZNUGGETS. The girl I've hated since forever, I like her, as well as Tike. Somebody slap me O_O But other than that stuff, Blaine got character development and stopped being too perfect which is good, Brittany and Santana DANCED TOGETHER DURING SECTIONALS OMFGYESYESYES, Sam is back and so is Samcedes and Samcedes is amazles because it's so cute and unexpected and it breaks so many stereotypes, San and Rach held hands which is a total Pezberry moment, Finntana is quickly becoming one of my fav friendships, and…SUGAR IS IN NUDE ERECTIONS! FINALLY! I love everything about this girl, her personality, her humor, her hilarious background facial expressions, and just…everything. I love you Sugar. Marry me. Nao plz. But all in all, IKAG and HotS were FANTFUCKINTASTIC episodes as you can tell by my EXCESSIVE USE OF CAPS LOCK. XD But yes, I wuv these episodes, and they've inspired me to now write for Samcedes, Tike and even Finchel. Oh, and my crack!ship, Rory/Sugar XD
But as for a person showing up in this chapter, it's my good friend TweedleDumb'N'TweedleFakeBoobs :D Yep, she's been my friend for a while, and since she asked nicely about having a cameo, I decided to give her one ^_^ She goes by Effy in this, but you shall never know her REAL name. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCHES! Hope you like your cameo Snooki :D (And no, her real name isn't Snooki XD )
God I talk too much in these reviews… -cue the anonymous asshole reviewer who is going to say "Uggggghhhhh, I fucking hate how much you talk in your author notes, and those cats are stupid, and you're gay, and herp derp dadaderpderp"-
Brittany, being awoken by the harsh ringing sound of the alarm clock next to her bed, groaned a little as she realized her nice little dream about meeting the Kids Next Door abruptly ended. She frowned, turning in her bed to glare at the alarm clock, which she promptly smashed with her fist to end the unpleasant noise. She sat up a little, holding herself up on her elbow while rubbing her eyes away of any remaining drowsiness she still had. Brittany yawned loudly, throwing the covers off of her. The blonde looked over at the empty spot next to her bed sadly, wishing Santana was in it, but that was impossible, since Santana wasn't allowed to sleep over on school nights. Damn you, evil school of…evilness, Brittany mumbled in her thoughts.
She slipped out of bed, standing up fully and stretching her lithe body. Yawning once more, she smiled as she felt something curl around her legs. She looked down and was pleased to be greeted by Tubbington, who was nuzzling his head against her legs affectionately.
"Hey there big guy," Brittany said warmly, reaching down and picking up the cat, cradling him in her arms. She patted his stomach to which he purred happily.
"Hi Brittany," Tubs said dreamily, mesmerized by Brittany's superb petting abilities.
"So cute," Brittany commented, to which Tubs happily purred once more. "Hey, I gotta change and get ready for school." Brittany, remembering that today was her first day, set Lord Tubbington down onto the bed and sauntered over to her closet, beginning to rummage through it in search of a cute outfit.
Tubs was about to say something, but he jumped up in surprise as he felt a familiar feline leap up onto the bed next to him. "Catcake!" he said, breathing heavily.
"The one and only, bitchtits," Catcake said arrogantly, holding her head high as if she were royalty.
Tubbington sighed. "Will you ever stop calling me bitchtits?"
Catcake shook her head defiantly. "Hell no. The reviewers laugh their ass off when I call you that, and we gotta keep 'em happy. Plus I like torturing you."
The obese cat sighed. "Why do you always break the fourth wall?"
"'Cause I'm motherfucking Catcake Charity Cat Jade Tori Trina Beatrice Mandy Rose Martha Donna Amy Doctor Sam Carly Alisha Kelly Sally Liz Patty Maka Tsubaki S. Pierce the Third," Catcake claimed triumphantly, then took an enormous breath because she had said all that in one take.
Tubbington was about to respond, but stopped dead in his tracks and quickly placed his paws over his eyes, shielding them. Catcake looked at him strangely. "The hell is wrong with you?"
"Brittany's…changing. I can't look…it's not right," Tubs said, embarrassed. If cats could blush, that's what he'd be doing right about now.
"She is?" Catcake looked up and was greeted by a naked Brittany, bending over at her closet. The cat smiled. "Niiiiiice. Fine, you don't have to look, you pussy, that just means more of Britt's boobage for me."
"Boobage?" Tubs questioned. "You're so immature."
"And you're so flamingly gay," Catcake shot back.
Tubs, being the bigger man he was (no pun intended…okay, the pun was kind of intended because the author is kind of a dick about Tubbington's weight), was not about to stoop to her level. So he just supplied a simple "Hmph" and left it at that, still covering his eyes of Brittany's nakedness.
After about a minute, Catcake sighed. "You can uncover your eyes, bitchtits, BrittBritt has now put on those stupid, horrible, boob covering, stupid clothes on."
"You said stupid twice," Tubs said tentatively.
"Excuse me?" Catcake growled, sounding offended. "Are you defying me? Does Catcake have to choke a bitch?"
"Calm down, Catcake, it was only an observation," Tubbington said in his defense. But Catcake was having none of it.
"Excuse me?" she repeated, with even more venom laced in between her words. "I thought it was clear that you were to refer to me as boss lady from now on until the day you die from overeating kitty litter?"
"Okay, one, I don't eat kitty litter. I have standards, thank you very much. And two, maybe I don't feel like calling you boss lady, since you're not the boss of me anyways," Tubs said, standing up to the bully.
"Oh, but I am the boss of you," Catcake growled.
"And if I say you're not?" Tubs questioned, his voice growing more confident.
"Then…" Catcake's eyes widened. She never really had a plan as to what she would do if Tubbington were ever to defy her almighty wrath. "Then…uh…I'll beat you up. Yeah, that's what I'll do."
"But you can't do that," Tubs said firmly, desperately wanting to win this verbal battle. "If you did, Brittany would be sad that I was hurt and angry at you for hurting me. And since you love Brittany so much you'd never intentionally make her sad, so you can't hurt me."
Catcake frowned, realizing he was right. Catcake though, never the one to accept losing an argument, continued on. "Well then…I'll call you even worse names!"
"Oh really?" Tubbington asked, getting more and more confident with each sentence. "I don't think that'll matter, after everything you've already called me I've become quite durable against your comebacks and rude name calling."
"Well…I'll steal your food!"
"Brittany will feed me."
"I'll poop in your litter box!"
"We both have the same litter box."
"I'll…I'll never talk to you again then!"
"That would be a plus, actually."
With that last sentence from Tubs, Catcake's face fell. For whatever reason, the words stung to Catcake. Her feelings were…hurt. How could this be? Catcake was…Catcake! She was made of steel, she didn't get her feelings hurt, especially from a fat lard like Tubbington. Why the fuck are you sad over bitchtits? Because he said he never wanted to talk to me again? Catcake inquired inwardly. I can't actually consider him…a friend, can I?
"F-fuck you…" Catcake said, trying to hide her sadness. The white cat leapt off the bed and quickly skittered out of the room.
Tubs became confused. What was her problem? Tubs just ignored it, brushing it off as Catcake just being her normal, weird self.
Meanwhile across the room, Brittany was checking herself out in the mirror, fixing her hair a little. Satisfied with her appearance, she turned around and smiled, walking over to Tubbington and kissing him atop the head, which earned her a meow of content. Brittany pulled away from the large cat, grabbing her backpack. She groaned as she lifted it up, hating how heavy it was with all the textbooks inside it. Stupid school…being all stupid…
A few minutes later, Brittany was walking down the street, heading towards the bus stop. A couple of tired looking kids were standing around the stop sign, all exhausted due to not waking up this early for the past three months. Brittany couldn't help but grin as she spotted her girlfriend standing near the stop too, looking just as tired as everyone else.
"Santana!" Brittany called out, waving. Brittany had almost called out babe, but that would've been bad, since nobody was supposed to know about their relationship.
Santana raised her head a little, frowning, waving back a little. Her eyes drooped down, so close to shutting. Brittany ran up to her. "Something wrong?" Brittany questioned.
"So. Fucking. Early," Santana growled. "My mom shook me to get up this morning, almost punched her in the face. No puedo creer que esa mujer maldita…"
"What's that mean?" Brittany asked, confused.
"Nothing, forget it," Santana said irritably. "Sorry, I probably sound bitchy."
"Yeah, you do," Brittany said, giggling. "But it's okay because I know how cranky you are in the mornings."
Santana couldn't help but smile back at Brittany. "I am a cranky motherfucker…" This caused both Brittany and Santana to laugh, which got them strange looks from the other kids at the bus stop, but they were so exhausted they just went back to sleeping while standing.
After the girls both stopped laughing, Santana leaned in a little so as the others wouldn't hear her. "I missed you last night," she whispered.
"Me too," Brittany said sadly. "I got so used to having sleepovers every night during the summer."
"Yeah, same here. Now all we'll have is the weekends," Santana muttered unhappily.
Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana to comfort her, rubbing her back. "Hey, don't be a sad panda, babe."
Santana chuckled. "Alright B, I won't be a sad panda."
Brittany could say nothing more other than a "Yay!" of approval.
A few seconds later the bus rolled up, its headlights blinding all the kids. The big yellow "limo" (as Brittany called it) halted in front of the bus stop, its doors opening for all the kids. The kids lazily dragged themselves inside, immediately gravitating to the seats in the back. Brittany and Santana shared a look, smiling, and locked pinkies, getting onto the bus, about to embark on their first day of high school.
Unlike in middle school, the girls weren't fortunate enough to have all the same classes together. The girls had separate first hours, which disheartened them, but they did have second hour Algebra together, which Brittany was very thankful for since so many of the numbers confused her, so she was glad that she had Santana there to help her out with all the difficult math problems. And then, after second hour, the girls had lunch.
Brittany and Santana, unable to see anyone they recognized, sat together at an empty table near the back of the cafeteria. They didn't feel lonely though, since they were at least together, and the lack of people at their table meant they could talk like a couple now without risk of anyone hearing them.
"Thanks for helping me with all that math stuff," Brittany said as she munched on some fries.
"No problem, baby," Santana said, absent mindedly playing with her food. "High school sucks so far."
Brittany rolled her eyes. "Stop being so negative, San, we're only halfway through the day. I'm having fun. Since there's so many new people, it's like I can start over. Everyone made fun of me in middle school for being dumb- - -"
"Which you're not, by the way," Santana quickly interjected sincerely.
"- - -but now I have a second chance to restart my reputation. Maybe I'll become popular. I'd love that. Then nobody would wanna make fun of me. Popular people don't get made fun of, right San?"
"Not usually, I mean, if they do get made fun of they prolly wouldn't give a fuck seeing as they're popular as hell, so I guess not," Santana replied.
"Then I hope I can be popular. Then nobody will make fun of me," Brittany said, more so to assure herself than to inform Santana.
Santana looked into her girlfriend's eyes. "Sweetie, if anyone ever makes fun of you, if anyone hurts you, emotionally or physically, ever, just tell me, and I'll handle it. Whether you're popular or not. Nobody's gonna hurt my girl."
Brittany sighed happily and let her head rest upon Santana's shoulder. "I love when you get all protective over me."
Santana smiled. "Yeah, well that's because you're worth more to me than anything in the world, silly."
"Anything in the world?" Brittany asked in astonishment. "Like, more than ducks?"
"Way more than ducks, honey," Santana promised, and then, making sure nobody in the cafeteria was looking, placed a kiss atop her girlfriend's head.
Brittany couldn't believe how much of a lucky girl she was. Sure, she wasn't always the brightest bulb in every aspect of academics, and she got made fun of a lot for her different way of thinking, but she had something no one else had, a perfect girlfriend, a perfect best friend, a perfect…Santana.
Brittany was close to getting even more lost in her thoughts, but her stream of thought was broken as she saw a flyer posted on the wall of the cafeteria. She noticed something about cheerleading on the flyer. The blonde reluctantly pulled away from the Latina and walked over to the flyer on the wall, and read it.
CHEERIO'S SIGN UP SHEET
TRYOUTS FOR CHEERIOS ON SEPTEMBER 16 IN THE AUDITORIUM AT 4:00PM
PLEASE DO NOT SIGN IF YOU ARE FAT, UGLY, ANNOYING, UNCOORDINATED, A FAN OF SHOWTUNES, OR ALL OF THE ABOVE
Brittany's eyebrows knitted together in confusion at the last part, but she was interested in the cheerleading part. She wasn't much of a gymnast, but as a dancer she was very flexible and agile, so that could help her if she were to tryout. Cheerleaders are super popular, Brittany thought. If I became a Cheerio…I'd be super popular…
Brittany felt Santana come up from behind her. "What's wrong Britt?" Santana then looked at the sign. She immediately burst out laughing at the last part. "Who the hell wrote that part?" Santana asked, still laughing.
Brittany, ignoring what Santana had said, blurted, "I wanna tryout."
"What?" Santana asked, confused. "Why? Since when were you into cheerleading?"
"Since I wanted to become popular," Brittany insisted. "Cheerleaders are super popular, and everyone envies them because they're so awesome, right?"
Santana shrugged. "I guess…" A thought came to Santana's mind. "Holy fuck you'd look so damn fine in a cheerleading costume. Put your name, now."
Brittany giggled. "You perv." Brittany, not missing a beat, grabbed the pen next to the poster and signed her name in cursive (Catcake had taught her how to write in cursive when she was nine), and then below her name she wrote another name. "There," Brittany said happily, "all done!"
Santana stared at her, and then at the poster, and then at the second name she had put on the list. "Britt, babe, tell me you didn't just…"
Brittany held a finger to her girlfriend's lips to silence her. "Oh come on! It'll be fun! We can be cheerleaders together. You're pretty flexible too, and it's still a couple days until the tryouts, so we can practice before then."
Santana shook her head. "Brittany, cheerleading really isn't my thing. So, just scratch my name off, kay?"
"But Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Brittany complained in a high pitched voice.
"No whining." Santana crossed her arms and gave the "I mean business" look.
Brittany pouted. "Fine, meanie. But please? It'll give us an extra reason to hang out more after school- - -"
"The answer is no and nothing will change that," Santana said firmly.
"- - -plus we can change together in the locker rooms and…ya know…other stuff…" Brittany whispered the last part seductively right into Santana's ear.
Santana, being the hormonally driven teenager she was, crumbled right then and there. "Fine. You win. I'll be a freakin' cheerleader. I can't believe you, Britt, using sex to your advantage. You're straight up evil."
Brittany winked. "I learned from the best."
Santana tried to maintain her "I mean business" look, but could no longer hold it and laughed. Brittany laughed with her. Afterwards, the two headed back to their table, eating their lunch while talking about a multitude of subjects, such as unicorns, rainbows, the economy, and bunnies. Wait…the economy? Why the fuck would they talk about the economy? Is the author writing while he's high…again? He's such a dumbass, I swear…
A few minutes later, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Brittany and Santana discarded their trays and began to make their way to the exit when Brittany stopped. "Wait, San, one sec. Come over here."
"What is it?" Santana asked, as Brittany dragged her towards another girl who seemed to be wearing a cheerleading outfit. It had the same Cheerios logo Santana had seen on the poster on it.
"Hi, my name's Brittany," Brittany greeted the girl.
The Cheerio, surprised by the strange girl talking to her, turned and waved slightly awkwardly. "Hi…I'm Effy…"
"Are you a Cheerio?" Brittany asked the obvious question.
"Um…yes, I am." Effy then motioned to her outfit.
"Oh, yeah, duh…" Brittany trailed off awkwardly. "Um…anyways, me and my friend Santana - say hi Santana."
Santana looked at Brittany weirdly, but then turned to Effy, "Hi."
"So yeah," Brittany continued, "me and San were thinking about joining the Cheerios, and we were just wondering what it's like to be a Cheerio."
Effy gulped, looking around as if to see if anyone was watching her. Once she saw the coast was clear, she started talking. "It's complete torture! The coach, Sue Sylvester, she's fucking nuts! She puts us through the worst conditions, and she'll do anything to win, it's awful. The only reason I haven't quit yet is because I'm scared she'll kill me or something if I do. Do not join! Just…save yourselves…it's better this way…" Effy then quickly ran away while Brittany and Santana stared after her in confusion.
Santana looked at Brittany and tugged at her sleeve. "Um, Britt, I don't think I wanna be a Cheerio anymore…"
Brittany looked worried, but she tried to put up her poker face. "Uh…I'm sure she was just overreacting. It can't be that bad. We'll be fine. We're still trying out."
"That's final. And if you disagree then you get no more head from me for the next month," Brittany threatened.
Santana gritted her teeth. "Fine. I need to go to third hour now." Santana turned and stormed away. Damn that gorgeous girl and her evil, evil ways.
Brittany grinned, pleased with herself, and headed off to her third hour. She was excited. Sure, maybe being apart of the Cheerios wouldn't be a hundred percent fun based on the description that the Cheerio gave, but even then, becoming a Cheerio would ensure that Brittany would have more time with Santana and would gain more popularity. And then everything would be perfect.
The rest of the day went by pretty quick for the girls. Third hour was boring for both of them, fourth hour was quick and easy, and fifth hour was one they shared together, Spanish. It was really easy since Santana could speak fluent Spanish, and the teacher, Mr. Schuester, was pretty nice. Soon after all that, the final bell rang, and the first day of high school was over. All the kids, including Brittany and Santana, piled into their respective buses. Brittany and Santana naturally sat next to each other.
"Thank fuck, it's over," Santana groaned, exhausted from all the walking around she did throughout the day.
"Did you have a good first day?" Brittany asked the Latina curiously.
"Every moment without you sucked ass. What about you?" Santana replied.
Brittany couldn't help but grin. "I loved every second."
Santana shook her head. "Girl, you're crazy, ya know that?"
"Yep, but I'm only crazy for you," Brittany whispered so nobody else would hear.
"So cheesy," Santana giggled, sticking her tongue out.
"Yeah, it was cheesy, wanna fight about it?" Brittany asked jokingly.
"No way, you'll whoop my ass," Santana said sarcastically.
"Hell yeah. Now hush, we need to be quiet now because the chapter's ending the author kinda sucks today so he couldn't come up with an ending like, at all…so yeah."
I. AM. DONE. BOOYAH.
Again, sorry it took so long, but at least I got it done :D
Okay…I wanna talk a bit more about Glee. So like, am I the only one who fell in love with Finn with all the stuff in IKAG and HotS? Seriously, he's so effing AWESOME! Also, I'm so excited for the Samcedes stuff. Like, legit, Samcedes beat out Klaine as my second favorite ship. It's THAT good. Yeah, I said it. SAMCEDES IS AWESOMER THAN KLAINE. I SAID IT. HATERS GONNA HATE. Although Klaine is still my third fav :3 But Samcedes better be endgame or I'ma fucking…punch somebody…in the dick…yeah…that's how it'll work…this is awkward…
Did you like your cameo Snooki? I might have you appear in another chapter as Effy again btw :D
Also, both this story and I myself have reached some milestones :) For the story, it now has over four hundred favorites and over five hundred alerts! THAT'S FUCKING CRAZY! AAAAHHHHH I LOVE YOU GUYS XD As for myself, I'm on over one hundred people's favorites and over one hundred people have alerted me. AGAIN, FUCKIN' CRAAAAAAAAAZY AS BALLS! So I want to thank all of you guys for your support, your reviews, your kind messages, your nude pictures that you all sent me to my phone somehow…which was kinda weird…but anyways, yes, thank you! YOU ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL! YES, EVEN YOU, THAT GUY WHO LOOKS FUGLY AS BALLS! EVEN YOU!
Next time, First Cheerios Tryout: Brittany and Santana tryout for the Cheerios, but will they be enough to impress the coach, Sue Sylvester? THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF SUE IN THIS FIC OMFGWTFBBQ
Okay, I'm tired, so please leave a review while I go fall asleep listening to Blood on the Dance Floor. -goes to listen to "Scream for My Ice Cream"-
P.S. Oh, forgot to mention, that whole Cubbington scene will be developed upon in a future chapter. Firsts: The only fic where cats get character development.