So here's what you missed on Firsts! Brittany and Santana started their first day of high school and Brittany wanted to join the Cheerios but Santana didn't want to at all. But they tried out and they got in! YAY! Jacob tried at too, but he only got produce thrown at him. Tubbington and Catcake got into a fight because Tubs finally stood up for himself and now they're not talking to each other because he really hurt Catcake's feelings. Then Santana and Brittany had awesome sex, which was great, but then the author disappeared for three months because he lost interest in writing. But after watching Glee's worst episode ever "Goodbye", the finale, he kinda felt obligated to update for his fans. And that's what you missed on Firsts!

Long story short: got bored with Firsts, got distracted by Tumblr, wanted to focus on my original writing more, and my heart wasn't in this anymore. I don't know if it still is, but after that piece of shit episode, I feel I owe it to you guys to update, maybe it'll make some of you happier. I don't know about the future of this story, or if I'll continue to frequently update, but I'll try my best not to abandon it.

Also, I haven't been on FF in a loooooong time, and I notice some of you have been dropping me messages. Guys, I know it sounds so douchey to plug this right now, but the best way to message me to where I'll respond is prolly my Tumblr. My blog is bubblegumshoes dot tumblr dot com. If you message me there I'll respond 100 percent of the time.

Enough bitching, here's First Cake.


"Santana, we must bake."

"What? Why?"

"We are the bakers. This is our last stand. We must save the world. Coming to a theater near you. We. Must. Bake."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I'm trying to sound cool like the guy in movie trailers."

Santana stopped sipping her coke and shot her girlfriend a curious look. She put the drink down and gave Brittany a little smile. "Baby, you're already cooler than that guy."

Brittany gave a big smile at this. They were sitting in the living room of Brittany's house. It was a Sunday, and the two girls were cuddled up in each other's arms while Brittany's parents were out at the mall. Santana was sitting on the couch, and Brittany had her lithe body sprawled out, resting her head in the Latina's lap. Santana was absentmindedly stroking her blonde locks which made Brittany's heart flutter a little.

"Why do you wanna bake?" Santana asked curiously.

Brittany pulled her head out of the clouds and brought her attention to Santana. "No reason, I just thought it'd be fun. Plus I'm hungry for some cake."

Santana looked down at her girlfriend. The girl's blank look was super adorable. "So you just randomly feel like baking a cake for no reason?"

Brittany bit her lips and closed her eyes, thinking. "Well…we did just hit a thousand reviews, and the author got off his lazy ass to write this…"

Santana's eyes lit up a bit. "Seriously? Awesome, I was beginning to miss the self referential humor."

While Santana continued playing with the tall girl's hair, Brittany looked up at the Latina with her big blue eyes that suddenly reminded Santana of a puppy's. "So will you bake with me? Please?"

Santana placed her fist under her chin and squinted her eyes, deep in mock thought. She already was going to say yes, but she thought it'd be fun to tease Britt a little. Brittany's eyes widened a little as she waited for her girlfriend's answer in anticipation. Finally, Santana vocalized her decision.

"Well Ms. Pierce, it would be an honor to bake a cake with you…even though I don't know shit about baking…" Santana concluded.

Brittany sat up quickly and turned, grinning. "Neither do I, that's what'll make it fun! Come on." Brittany hopped off the couch, grabbed Santana's wrist, and yanked her up, dragging her to the kitchen.

The couple hopped over Tubbington, who was lying lazily on his side in the dining room, sulking quietly. As the cheerleading duo ran past, the large cat sighed. He should be happy about this. Catcake had left him alone for days. That was supposed to be a good thing. But instead, it was eating away at him, and he had no idea why. All he had done was stand up for himself, for once in his life, was that so wrong? He didn't think so, but apparently Catcake did. He missed her. He missed the taunting she gave him. He missed how she'd always poke his stomach and laugh at how much it jiggled. He missed their rare moments when they actually were friends.

As he laid there, he heard a light tapping near him. The sound of paws on wooden floors. It was her.

Tubbington rolled over and was met with the white fur of Catcake. "Hi," Tubs said.

Catcake didn't give him a glance and continued to walk past him. Tubs scrambled to his feet. He slyly skittered over to her, blocking her path from walking. "Please talk to me," he said, practically begging her.

"I don't want to, now move," the cat said coldly.

"You just talked!" Tubbington exclaimed, happy to hear her voice for the first time in days.

"Suck my dick," Catcake growled, turning to walk the other way.

Tubs quickly followed her. "Uh, you don't have one of those."

"Bitch you ain't know shit about what I got," Catcake said heatedly.

"I miss you."

Catcake stopped in her tracks and her ears perked up. She turned her head, perplexed. "What do you mean, missed me?"

Tubs looked down a bit, as if embarrassed. "I miss talking to you. I miss dealing with your insults. I miss watching the girls together. I miss referencing the fact that all this is coming from a fanfic written by a fifteen year old boy. I miss those little moments where we were actually friends. I miss…us."

Catcake stared at him blankly, not willing to show her true emotions.

"And…and maybe I was out of line for talking back to you, or maybe you deserved it after everything you've said to me…but I just don't care. I don't care if you call me a fatass, or bitchtits, or hoebagel. I just don't care. I just wanna be semi best frenemies again…please?"

Catcake looked into his eyes and saw he was just as sincere as always. Not a hint of sarcasm or dishonesty in his voice. The snow furred cat appreciated that. She didn't like being lied to. And she hadn't really had a friend before…except for Brittany, but she couldn't talk to her. Catcake had to hide her smile as she was beginning to realize she had found someone who was willing to put up with her shit.

Catcake walked over to Tubbington, her tail swishing lazily behind her, and began nuzzling her head against his. "Thanks hoebagel. But if you tell anyone we had a moment…I'll make sure you never show up in another chapter again, got it?"

Tubs just chuckled lightly at the threat and nuzzled back. "I'll keep that in mind."


Now let us leave the kitties in peace and get back to the blonde and the brunette who're in el kitcheno…hey fuck you I wanna be all Spanish-y…what do you mean kitcheno isn't kitchen in Spanish?

Anyways the cake situation isn't going…well…as well as Brittany thought it was.

There was cake batter, Cheetos, and bananas everywhere. It was all over the kitchen, the amount of batter, cheese puffs and potassium around the room was ridiculous. Brittany sat on the floor glumly as she slowly realized that maybe putting all of that in the microwave wasn't such a good idea. Now she was covered in white, delicious cake batter and she had to refrain from licking herself.

Santana returned to the kitchen (she'd been in the bathroom) and her eyes widened at what she saw. "Brittany! What the hell happened?"

Brittany shrugged, pulling a Cheeto out of her hair. "I dunno. I got bored of waiting for you so I put all the batter in the bowl, put some other stuff in it and microwaved it…like a boss…"

Santana looked around in astonishment. How the hell did she get so much batter on the walls? Santana wondered. "Why did you think microwaving it would be a good idea?" Santana asked loudly, sidestepping to avoid the batter on the ground.

Brittany shrugged, causing a chunk of banana to slide off from her shoulder. "I thought since I was baking them with love it'd turn out good."

Santana couldn't help but smile. Only Brittany could try and microwave a Cheeto banana cake with love. Santana continued her precarious walk over to her girlfriend, still dodging the fallen food. "Babe, have I ever told you that you're perfect?"

"Well, there's been lots a times. But if tried to remember all of them I'm pretty sure my brain would explode, and the kitchen is messy enough as it is." Brittany stuck her tongue out and finally hoisted herself up. She almost slipped on some batter but caught herself on the counter, finally standing tall. She reached out and grabbed the Latina, pulling her close to her body. Santana gave a tiny gasp of surprise as she got batter and Cheetos on her clothes but seeing how close she was to Brittany at the moment she didn't really mind.

"Hey," Santana said.

"Hey," Brittany repeated.

Santana leaned in and pressed her lips against the blonde's. It was a light little kiss, nothing extravagant or obscene. Just a nice little touch that sent sparks through both of their bodies. It lasted a few seconds before ending, but that was all either of them needed since they both pulled away smiling like the dorks they were.

"Britt, you taste like cake batter," Santana said with a smile.

"Bitches love cake batter."

If you consider yourself a bitch and you don't love cake batter, get the fuck out.

Before the girls could do anything else, they heard a little honk from outside. Brittany and Santana's eyes widened. Brittany's parents had returned. And the kitchen was fucked up beyond all recognition. And the two cheerleaders had a gut feeling that Mr. and Mrs. Pierce would not be pleased with the…battered up kitchen.

Get it? Battered up? Like beaten? But…with cake batter? Whatever, why do I even try.

So the duo scattered out of the kitchen as fast as possible upstairs, pinky in pinky, together. And that's the best part about it.

They're together.


Wow my writing is so shit it's not even funny. I'm extremely tired…too tired to leave a witty ending author's note. Yeah I know, I suck anus. Remember to review, follow my Tumblr cuz I'm a plug slut, and uh…next chapter…uh…Britt will ride a unicorn. Okay, yep. That's the next chapter. First Unicorn Ride.

Later y'all.