He stared up at his ceiling, bemused.

The plaster was swirled and vile, and usually he managed to fall asleep by imagining that it was a topographical map of his favourite place, Sheldonopolis..

Ahh... The wonderful land of Sheldonopolis...

But tonight, Sheldonopolis wouldn't come.

The plaster swirls were dull and flat, and boring.

And Sheldon was never bored..

His mind worked far to efficiently for that! There was always something to consider.. Which socks to wear tomorrow.. Was it too warm to wear the blue argyle? Perhaps the grey cotton would be better? But tonight, even such questions as these floated away before he could focus on them.

He figited with his hands, feeling a sudden course of heat flash through him.

How odd.

Usually he only felt that in the morning, about five minutes before his alarm clock rang.. He would, in his half asleep state, slide down the blankets, and his pants, and take care of the problem, allowing him to go on with the rest of his day, his libido assaged by the morning activity.

On really bad days, he sometimes found he had to repeat the action in the shower, but that rarely happened.

Sheldon Lee Cooper knew lots of things.. He especially knew how to handle himself in a way that was Very Satisfactory..

He also knew that while the sound of his mothers warnings (Sheldon Lee Cooper, you better not be yanking your own chain in there, God will make you go blind, and you KNOW that its hard to do physics when you can't see!) often reverberated in his head later in the day like an unwelcome echo, it had never stopped him then, and never did now either.

God, if there really was a god, was NOT going to strike him blind for a little morning masturbation, or clearly Wolowitz would be blind already, and Leonard would have been blind by the age of five if his mother was to be believed..

What a sensible woman.

However had she birthed a person such as Leonard?

Besides.. Physics was only hard to LEARN if you blind. Once you already knew it, it was just as easy to perfom the necessary equations and adjustments in ones own head, and quicker too.

But even the rare times when Sheldon had had to take his hand to himself in the shower, he'd never been this bad... Really! He'd already taken care of this issue this morning as usual, in the shower, and even, horror of horrors, behind his desk at work, when he really couldn't stand it anymore, (it was distracting him from the really important work at hand, which colour pen he should order for his white board), but he'd NEVER had to take care of it at night too!

DARN Penny and her morning milk raids!

He'd woken a little earlier than usual because of a particularly erotic dream, and had been working it out, when he'd heard the key in the hall door..The pitter patter of little Penny feet on the kitchen flooring, the crack of the seal on the fridge being pulled open, and the woosh of the milk, HIS milk, being poured into a mug..

The footsteps had continued to the hall, and he could feel her eyes looking through the door, trying to see if he was awake.. Of course his door was firmly closed, and she had no super power that he was aware of except to effect his reproductive organs and occasionally to make him speachless for a brief moment when presented when some dubious form of 'Penny logic', he had still felt her eyes..

And he hadn't stopped.. His hand had continued to move.. He hadn't cared. If she had opened the door and walked right in.. He wouldn't have cared..

This was alarming news.

He'd considered it deeply, which is what had led to the recurrence of the action in the shower.

Why did he not care if she caught him, with his own hand wrapped around his flesh, manipulating it in the fashion which would elict the most pleasure?

Because he was thinking of her?

He most certianly had been in the shower... Thinking of what might have happened had she indeed, opened the door and came in.. Would she have turned and fled? Would she have watched in shock, her own hand sliding down to the waistband of her nearly indecent sleeping attire? Or, even more mind boggling.. Would she calmly step over to the bed and bend down, replacing his hand with her own, her lips shinging in the light of his glow-in-dark-fish as she licked them and then placed them around him, lowering her mouth over him, his moans filling the room...

Sheldon blinked, and swallowed. In the darkness, he'd nearly got lost visualizing it.

Where were these thoughts coming from?

They had continued to plague him, to the point of taking action at work, something he NEVER did, and something he had instantly regretted, once the pressure had been relieved.. Thank goodness he kept tissue on his desk, same as he did on his bedside table.. What a mess that would have been.. And he knew from past experience, when he had dropped a bottle of orange soda and it had exploded under the desk, that if you wanted the night janitor to clean there, you had to give explicit directions and then stay to supervise! And that would have been mortifying...

It should have solved the problem though.. It HAD allowed him to finish the work he had wanted to conclude today, his findings proving, of course, that he was right, and he had been able to enjoy the company of Koothrapali and Wolowitz this evening, at least until Penny had swept in, with her hair all piled on her head in a mess that made his fingers itch to pull all the pins out..

Whether it was because he wanted her to do it again and make it tidier, or to see the effect, her hair tumbling down around her creamy shoulders, the faint smell of vanilla releasing into the air, strands tickling the backs of his hands as he reached for the next pin...

He shook his head minutely. He couldn't really say.. He'd never pulled the pins from her hair, he couldn't understand why he could visualize it so well..

It had plagued him, he had not moved from his spot until she had left again, worried that if he dared to move, he might brush against her, and loose all reason and control..

What he might have done, he couldn't say, he just knew that above all else, he should not move.

And so he hadn't.

She had smiled at him, as she said goodnight, and he knew that he was in trouble. It wasn't the normal smile, the "oh your so smart and cute look at you like a little human robot" smile he usually got. It wasn't even the "I'm leaving so I don't loose control and throttle you junior rodeo style" smile either.

It was a knowing smile..

As in, "I know what you think about, when you are alone, and I know that it drives you wild when I touch you, and that when I wear that yellow shirt you want to rip it off me and have me against the wall" smile.

Sheldon raised an eyebrow at the ceiling. Maybe he really was watching too many movies lately. Have her against the wall indeed...

At least not her walls.. Who knows when they were last washed?

His eyes widened again.. He really WAS loosing it.. DARN Penny and those 'romantic comedies' she insisted on watching.. They really WERE turning his mind to mush.. No wonder she couldn't grasp basic physics.. She had probably been staring at his rear when he'd been explaining..

He sat straight up in bed.


This had to stop... He was turning into... *gasp* Leonard! Or... *double gasp* WOLOWITZ!

He wrung his hands in a panic..

Name the elements... Name the elements.. Backwords.. By order of mass.. He ran the names and figures through his head at rapid speed.

It didn't work..

He was sitting there, rocking back and forth, when the taps on his door began..

"What?" He asked, rudely.

So what if he was rude, he was in a real crisis here!

The door popped open, and a blonde head looked in. "Alright if I come in Sweetie?"

"Could I stop you?" He answered, before mumbling to himself "Not even physics can stop you, how could I possibly.."

She sat on the bed beside him, and his urge was to lay down, but he knew that if he did, his physical reaction to thoughts of her would be immediately obvious.

She stared at him. "You were acting funny tonight."

"How so?" He countered swiftly.

She leaned forward her eyes narrowed. "And I thought I heard you call me this morning, when I was steal-I mean borrowing, milk."

He shook his head. "You must have been hearing things Penny." He twisted his head and gave her a Sheldor look.

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

She leaned closer. "Sheldon.. Do you.. Think of me? Sometimes?" Her eyes drifted to his lap, and he sat up straighter.

"I don't know what you are talking about." He lied, his cheek twitching merrily.

"Hmmm.." Penny tilted her head and pushed him down, straddling him, smiling with a gasp when she felt proof of the lie underneath her. Her head came nearer, and her hair drifted across his face with its sweet vanilla scent as she rotated her hips slightly. "Now, this is what I'm talking about!" She exclaimed, her eyes nearing his as her lips touched his, her tongue sliding inside..

Sheldon gasped, and his eyes flew open..

Good lord..A dream, and yet not..!

He took stock of himself.


He hadn't even had to touch himself this time.

How efficient!

A little messy... But as he was wearing pajama bottoms, it was no great issue. The clock said it was now saturday, which meant laundry day.

Yes.. Very effiecient.

Across the hall, Penny shut her door silently, her face red.
She was bad... she was soooooo bad..
But she'd wanted to see..
He'd given her this look..
And he'd PEEKED..
You didn't peek if you really weren't interested, right?
So it was just an experiment.. Overdue really..
Just.. a trailing of hair under his nose, while he was sleeping.. She hadn't meant to touch him, to let it go that far.. But the sound that had come from his lips.. Her name.. The slight shift of his lower body.. And it wasn't like she had slipped her hand UNDER the sheets.. Or his pajamas.. Though the knowledge that her other hand, had slipped under her OWN pajamas.. Well..
She couldn't really feel too bad, because that was seriously the best freakin orgasim SHE'D had in a great long while, and he'd been satisfied too..
She would just overlook the fact that he'd been asleep...

Sheldon looked at his bedroom door, a tiny smile on his lips. She'd forgotten to close it on the way out... He really wasn't THAT hard of a sleeper, no one was! But as it had seemed hardly the time to ask why she was there when under his lashes he'd been able to see, quite clearly, what she was doing to herself, and as he had indeed, not woken up till he was fully aroused and feeling quite dependant on her hand rubbing over the sheet.. Well.. As his Meemaw used to say.. Sheldon Lee Cooper, you're no dumb bunny!