An: Heeey, everybody. You guys can all call me Maggie (it's short for Margaret, my middle name). I'm new to this site, though not to reading everybody's wonderful fics, and this is my very first, so please be gentle with reviews. I hope you all funny ideas for this parody, loosely based on "Just Another one of those Wicked Parodies" by areyoufeelingwicked, which is hilarious, and I highly suggest reading it. Also, if you don't know who Joe Mantello, Gregory Maguire, and/or Avaric are, then shame on you! *wags finger* Those who review will receive a visit tonight from their favorite paring, bookverse OR musicalverse, and have a chance to see them "in action.

xoxo-

Maggie

Disclaimer: Trust me, people, if I owned Wicked, all of the actors from the original Broadway cast would live with me and I wouldn't spend all my time talking to miniature figments of my imagination that sit on either shoulder and my head/the bridge of my glasses and just happen to look and sound like the girls and Fiyero. But I currently have Glinda sitting on one shoulder, her heels digging into my flesh (I'm gonna flick her off-no, I love her too much-I'm gonna-no, I love her too much), Elphaba sitting on the other reading a book, and Fiyero laying on top of my head muttering in his sleep about "his green girl Fae."

Chapter One: No One Mourns Airplanes with Ripped Bloomers and Broken Wheelchair

Ozian: Psst! *whispering* She's dead.

Random Dancers: *singing* GOOD NEWS! SHE'S DEAD! THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!

Ozian: What? No, no, I mean my sister-in-law. SHE'S EVIL!

Dancer 1: Oh...Alright, guys, back in the cauldron.

Other Dancers: Awwww!

Joe Mantello (over loudspeaker): Can we PLEASE focus on getting this right, for ONCE?

Bookverse Frex: THE UNNAMED GOD! HE SPEAKS! *falls down in worship*

Joe: Wrong universe, Book Frex. SCRAM!

Book Frex: HIS NAMELESSNESS SPEAKS TO ME!

Gregory Maguire: I got this, everybody! *drags Book Frex away*

Glinda (in bubble): HIIII, EVERYBODY!

Elphie: GLINDA, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR YOUR CUE, DAMMIT!

Fiyero: Look who's talking. You aren't even s'possed to show up until those random background people start singing the Shiz song, Fae!

Joe: No, I sent Elphaba down there to rein things in and get them back on track and under control, so she's cool.

Fiyero: YOU HITTIN' ON MY GIRL, MANTELLO?

Joe: *headdesk*

Me: SHUT UP, OR I WILL AUTHOR BAD THINGS TO YOU ALL! FEAR MAH POWAH!

Nessa: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, you're SOOO powerful!

Me: *scribbles in binder full of note-book paper. her wheels break* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Random Ozian Dude (ROD for short): Hey, Glinda! Is it true that you and the Witch were friends? Cuz yesterday, I met these gossipy chicks, and they said you were!

Elphie: Oh, HECK yeah! We're BEST friends! Aren't we, Glin?

Glinda: Totally! *idea* FLASHBACK TIME!

Me: YAAAAAAY! FLASHBACK! I LOVE flashbacks!

*FLASHBACK LIGHT*

Shiz Students (S.S): (singing) ROOOOOXANNE! ROOOOOXA-

Joe: WRONG MUSICAL, GUYS! THIS IS "WICKED," NOT "MOULIN ROUGE!"

Satine: Oh, really? Then I guess we're in the wrong place. Come on, Christan!

*they leave*

Galinda: MY TURN! (singing w/ thick country accent) I'M JUST A GIRL WHO CAIN'T SAY NO! I'M IN A TURRIBLE-

Elphie: As fitting as that song may be for you, this isn't "Oklahoma!" and you're not Ado Annie.

Me: Yeah, cuz if it was "Oklahoma!" then Hugh Jackman would be here showing off his muscles and wearing no shirt! *drools*

Yero: Nice country accent, though.

Elphie: Yeah, it was great.

Me: Oh, totally.

Joe: GUYS! FOCUS!

All four of us: SORRY!

Me: I am very easily distracted, Joe, I already gave you a heads-up forewarning about that!

Boq: (running around with arms spread out making plane noises) I AM AN AIRPLANE!

Me & Joe & Gregory: *multiple simultanious headdesks*

Nessa: SWEET OZ, EVERYBODY TAKE COVER! IT'S THE GIANT CARP!

Me & Elphie: Is that carp or Carp?

Morrible the Carp: Hello, everybody!

Me & Elphie: Oh, THAT one!

*everybody faints except me*

Me: Hmm...*lightbulb* *I chuckle darkly to myself and scribble furiously in my notebook-paper filled binder of stories*

*There is a loud tearing/ripping sound. Blushing, Morrible realizes her bloomers have ripped in half and leaves sheepishly*

Me: SHE'S GONE, THE COAST IS CLEAR!

Joe: How do we prevent her from coming back? QUICK, WE NEED IDEAS, PEOPLE!

Avaric: Hm...*snaps* We hit her over the head with the world's thickest book a.k.a the Grimmerie, then throw her into a river and let her float away so we never have to look at her butt-ugly face again!

*cricket chirp*

Avaric: WHAT?

Gregory: Avaric, why are you even here in the first place? You're not even in the play!

Me: Well, yeah, he is, remember?

Gregory: True, but it's EXTREMELY brief, and you can hardly even hear his name the one time it's mentioned. AVARIC, GET YOUR SORRY, DRUNKEN BUTT BACK TO THE BOOKVERSE! NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE!

Nessa: YEAH!

Elphie: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO GET WASTED AT YOUR PRECIOUS PHILOSOPHY CLUB THAT NOBODY HAS EVER EVEN HEARD OF!

Everybody: YEAH!

*he sulks away sadly*

Elphie: So how ARE we gonna prevent Queen Carp's return?

Fiyero: Maggie's got an idea...*glances at me*

*Everybody looks at me*

Galinda: NOOOO! MAGGIE, PLEASE, NOT THE BINDER!

Me: YES, THE BINDER!

Fiyero: NOOOOOO, ANYTHING BUT THAT! WE BEG OF YOU!

Me: TOO BAD, SLAVE! MWAHAHAHAHA!

*writes the chapter over and we fade to black*

If you do not understand why I refer to Morrible as a giant carp, SHAME ON YOU! *wags finger* Remember: First story, so gentle on the reviews. Also remember: Review=visit from fave pairing book OR musical, seen "in action" *wink wink*

xoxo-

Maggie