Well, I promised I would do it, so here it is! Again, if you spot any script errors, please tell me. I've only seen it three times, and the recording I made with my MP3 didn't catch every word they said. Thank you in advance!
The Legend of the Boneknapper Dragon
Chapter One: Hunting for a Myth
A week or so ago, it was not uncommon to wake up to a cacophony of noise outside, rush out your door, and see a house on fire. It was also not uncommon to see dragons flying around above the fire. This was normal.
Now, everything that used to be normal...wasn't. A dragon setting fire to a house was extremely unusual. Which is why Hiccup was feeling unpleasantly surprised and confused to be riding Toothless above Gobber's blazing house in the wee hours of the morning, dumping buckets of water and sand on the flames.
"FIRE!" a Viking on the ground screamed. More dragons flew up to the house in teams, each with a rider on their back, and took it in turns to drop sand on the flaming structure.
Chief Stoick the Vast stood on the ground, shouting orders at the sky. Astrid swooped down on her Nadder and let a giant bucket of sand fly.
"Gronkles!" roared Stoick, "Aim for the roof!"
"I'm on it!" a blonde Viking called, leading a formation of Gronkles over the house and coating the flames in sand. "Yeah!" cheered the team of Vikings as most of the flames died.
Toothless swooped down to the ground for a landing, and Hiccup jumped off his dragon's back as Toothless neared the ground. Landing evenly on his prosthetic, he ran up to his dad, who was yelling, "Good one! Just a few more hot spots left!"
"Where's Gobber?" Hiccup asked worriedly. "Is he still inside?"
Stoick turned to his son. "No," he said gravely, "We can't find him."
"I'm right here!" came Gobber's angry voice from the burnt remains of his house. Gobber emerged from his house, pushing a wheelbarrow filled with charred belongings. "That beast will pay for this!" he swore, hobbling toward Stoick.
"Gobber, what happened?" Stoick said urgently.
"What does it look like?" Gobber exclaimed, "A dragon set my home on fire!"
All the nearby Vikings looked at Gobber in confusion as he shook his fist at the early morning sky and yelled, "YOU'VE PUSHED ME TOO FAR THIS TIME, YOU UGLY BAG OF BONES!"
Hiccup frowned in confusion and turned to Stoick, who let out a heavy sigh. "Dad, what's he talking about? Our dragons don't do that anymore."
Stoick shot Hiccup an exasperated look. "Ah, he doesn't mean one of yours." He turned to Gobber with the same exasperated expression and said, "Gobber, for the last time, there is no such thing as a—"
Gobber interrupted him. "A Boneknapper?" Gobber yelled, with an expression that clearly said 'I'm not crazy, so why won't you believe me?'
All the adult Vikings in the crowd relaxed and shook their heads in amusement, whispering to each other about Gobber's sanity. Obviously they had heard this story before.
Tuffnut glanced at his twin and laughed sarcastically along with the other Vikings, but eventually had to ask: "The what-knapper?"
Gobber swung his left arm, which bore a wicked-looking hook, though the air and advanced on Tuffnut. "Disgusting, foul beast," he said menacingly, "Wearing a coat of stolen bones like a giant, flying, skeleton."
"Oh!" Fishlegs piped up excitedly, scurrying up to Tuffnut, who was staring at Gobber with a look of disbelief, "The Dragon Manual says that the Boneknapper will stop at nothing to find the perfect bone to build its coat of armour! It's…AWESOME!" he exclaimed.
"Come on!" Stoick interrupted, "It's a myth!" He laughed. "It doesn't even exist!"
"I'm telling you!" Gobber protested, "It's real! I've been running from him my whole life! He's the one who started this fire!" he finished, with great conviction.
At this moment, a tall Viking holding a large piece of blackened, charred material on a stick approached Stoick. "Stoick," he said, trying to sound formal, "We found Gobber's underpants hanging from the stove. They must have started the fire."
All the surrounding Vikings except Gobber and Hiccup erupted in gales of laughter. Chuckling under his breath, Stoick turned to Gobber. "Still think it's the Boneknapper, or just your underpants?"
"I don't think!" Gobber said loudly, "I KNOW! Somehow he found me again!" He lowered his voice. "This dragon is pure evil."
Stoick held up a hand to stop his friend. "Gobber," he said wearily, "It's late, and we're too tired for your stories. Get some rest."
"You rest!" retorted Gobber, gripping the handles of his wheelbarrow, "I'm putting an end to this." He turned and began to walk away from the crowd. "C'mon, Phil," he said to a sheep who was calmly chewing a mouthful of grass, "We don't need their help anyway." Phil bleated and followed Gobber down to the dock.
Hiccup watched Gobber walk away from the village. True, he didn't really believe Gobber's tales. The burned underpants were proof that the Boneknapper—if there even was a Boneknapper—had nothing to do with the fire. But still, Gobber was Hiccup's friend. Hiccup did not desert a friend who needed help. Hiccup sighed. "I can't let him go by himself," he murmured. He turned around and pointed at the rest of the kids, who were staring at him, waiting to see what his next move would be. "Alright, Vikings," Hiccup said, "Grab your shields."
The twins, Fishlegs, and Astrid all grinned. "Yes!" they exclaimed in unison.
Snotlout crossed his arms and stared at Hiccup with narrowed eyes. "There's no way," he stated, "I'm getting on a boat to go after a fake dragon."
Snotlout, sitting behind Hiccup on the longship, grunted as he strained to lift his oar to row through the thick waves of icy sea.
"C'mon, put your backs into it, you lazy dogs!" bellowed Gobber, who was rowing with one hand as he stood at the head of the boat and surveyed the kids. "Stroke! You're not even trying! Stroke!"
Hiccup leaned back slightly to address Snotlout. "How fun is this, right?" he said optimistically, "We got the team back together, another adventure…" He set his oar down in his lap for a short break. "This is pretty cool."
Snotlout leaned forward so Hiccup could see his sarcastic smile. "Yep, nothing cooler than rowing until your hands bleed."
Gobber paused his stream of insults for a second to say, "I just want you kids to know that it touches my heart, you helping me slay the Boneknapper." He dabbed at the corner of his eye with a finger. "True Vikings, you are," he said in a choked voice.
Ruffnut, panting with exertion, called from the back of the boat, "Gobber, are we there yet?"
Fishlegs, sitting behind Snotlout, answered the female twin. "You'll know we're close," he said enthusiastically, "When your ears explode from its piercing screams. Legend says this dragon's roar is so fierce, it can melt the flesh right off your bones."
"Not so, Fishlegs," Gobber interjected.
Fishlegs looked up, surprised. No one had ever questioned his knowledge before. "Huh?"
"The Boneknapper has no roar at all!" Gobber informed them, "That's why he's terrifying!" Gobber lowered his voice and said menacingly, "He's a silent killer."
"Wait…" said Ruffnut, setting down her oar, "So if we don't hear anything, we're dead?"
Everyone stopped rowing and fell silent. The only noise was the lapping of the waves against the sides of the boat and the distant cries of sea-birds. "I don't hear anything," Tuffnut whispered.
From the back of the boat, Phil bleated loudly into the silence. Everyone screamed and pitched forward in their seats. Gobber burst out laughing. "Good one, Phil!" he praised the sheep. "Ha, ha, ha…eh…" he stopped laughing as the kids shot him dirty looks, "Did I ever tell you about the first time I met the dreaded Boneknapper?" he asked, changing topics.
A longship sailed through icy waters laden with enormous glaciers. Rowing the boat were two male Vikings; one a great, muscular man with a long moustache and a serious expression, the other his son, a large Viking lad with shoulder-length blond hair and a happy smile. In his youth, Gobber still had all of his limbs and maintained all the innocence of a little boy holding an axe. Gobber's mother, a short, squat woman with carrot-coloured hair, sat in the middle of the ship, holding a shield.
"I was a young lad, about your age, on Summer Vacation with my family," began Gobber, nicely setting the scene, "When I heard the call of nature."
Gobber's eyes widened and he squeezed his legs together uncomfortably. "Oh! Dad! Pull the boat over" he called, leaping off the boat onto one of the ice platforms. "Didn't I tell you to go before we left?" Gobber's dad yelled irratibly as his son dashed into an ice cave to do his business.
When Gobber was finished, he pulled up his trousers, lifted his axe over his shoulder, and turned to go, when he caught sight of something and gasped.
"I saw an army of Vikings, frozen in battle!" Gobber described.
Gobber stood facing an enormous wall of ice. Vikings were stuck in various battle poses in the ice like berries in jello. One of the Vikings nearer to the bottom of the ice wall had his arm extended toward Gobber. In his hand was a small treasure chest.
"Clutched in the fingers of one of the Vikings was a small treasure chest! I had to have it."
Gobber's eye twitched as he gazed at the chest. He lifted his axe above his head and let out a yell as his brought it down hard onto the ice. The ice shattered, creating a hole large enough for Gobber to reach in and grab the chest.
"I reached in a pulled out the chest! It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!" Gobber said dreamily.
Gobber lifted the lid of the chest and golden light spilled out. Gobber's young blue eyes widened in awe as he gazed in wonder at what was inside. Suddenly, something grabbed Gobber's arm and started yelling something in a muffled voice. Gobber yelled in shock as he saw the hand of the frozen Viking gripping his arm. Gobber made a fist with his hand and tried to punch the Viking's arm, but the Viking steered Gobber's fist toward his face and repeatedly punched Gobber in the face.
"But the frozen Viking was alive!" Gobber continued, "He started punching me! In the face!"
The Viking punched Gobber one last time, and something large and white fell from the bottom of Gobber's mouth. "Oh!" Gobber cried, stretching back his bottom lip and trying to peer into his mouth at the empty space where his tooth used to be. "My tooth!"
The frozen Viking continued yelling. Gobber glanced at the frozen Viking, who pointed his un-frozen arm at something in the sky. Gobber turned and his jaw, minus one tooth, dropped.
"And there it was!" Gobber exclaimed, enjoying telling his story, "I never even heard it coming! The Boneknapper!"
The Boneknapper flew at Gobber, its talons ready to strike. Gobber dove out of the way in the nick of time, and the dragon crashed into the wall of frozen Vikings. The wall shattered, and chunks of ice, each with a frozen Viking within, began to fall.
"It crashed into the glacier, causing an avalanche of frozen Vikings!"
As Gobber ran, trying to keep ahead of the avalanche, he tripped, and the treasure flew out of his hands. "AH!" Gobber cried, as the treasure fell off the edge of the ice and into the water, "THE TREASURE!" Gobber scrambled to the edge of the ice and plunged his hand in. He sighed with relief as his numb fingers closed around the chest. But then he cried out as something grabbed his arm from deep below the surface of the water. He pulled the chest out of the water, and gripping his arm was the same Viking, still frozen in his block of ice.
"I reached into the water, only to find the frozen Viking punching me in the face again!"
The frozen Viking slammed Gobber's own hand into his face again and again, blackening the boy's eye. Gobber pulled his arm free just as the Boneknapper was swooping in. Gobber leapt away from the dragon, but the dragon's claws latched onto the treasure chest and flew away with Gobber still clutching the other side of the chest. Gobber realized, with half panic, half hope, that the Boneknapper was flying toward another glacier with a crevice just large enough to fit Gobber in its side.
"The Boneknapper wanted that treasure, but I wanted it more!"
Gobber wrenched the treasure free and curled into a ball, aiming for the crevice. Gobber shot through the crevice, slid through a cave, flew out the other side, slid up and around a slick, curved wall of ice, and was flung into the air. He sailed up, then down, and landed squarely on his seat on his parents' longship. "What took you so long?" complained Gobber's dad. Gobber looked at the treasure in his hands and quickly hid it behind his back, giggling nervously and grinning, displaying an empty space on his lower jaw where his tooth used to be.
Gobber laughed merrily at his memory while the kids stared at him. "You expect us to believe that a frozen Viking punched you in the face?" Snotlout said in a monotone.
"Yeah!" Gobber exclaimed cheerily. "Twice!"
The kids all rolled their eyes while Hiccup tried to defend Gobber. "Hey, it could happen!"
"What do you mean it could happen? It did! But I outsmarted the silent beast!" Gobber grinned, congratulating himself.
"Um, Gobber?" Fishlegs put in, "I hate to be a stickler for detail, but Boneknappers are not silent."
"Fishlegs," Gobber said, annoyed, "I know what I didn't hear! Ah, but I could feel it. I have a sixth sense for danger…"
Fishlegs, who suddenly was not paying attention to Gobber anymore, peered over the side of the boat and said anxiously, "Um, guys? Are there supposed to be…uh…" His voice became more panicked. "Okay, I-I-I really think we're going to hit these…"
Gobber was still talking. "I can smell it, taste the oncoming doom…"
"No I think we're going to hit these—" whined Fishlegs.
Despite being able to taste the oncoming doom, Gobber had failed to realize that the boat was now sailing through dangerous waters. Jagged rocks sporadically jutted out of the water, and even though the boat had managed to evade most of them, it couldn't go on forever. With a loud, jarring crash, the boat became intimately familiar with one of the rock formations, sending everyone flying out of their seats and onto the deck of the boat.
Tuffnut, who had recovered first, peered off the side of the boat and grinned. "Whoa…"
"Uh, I'm tasting rocks," Astrid said to Gobber, staring at the damage the rocks had done to the boat. The only ones who didn't seem worried about the crash were Phil and Gobber, the latter of which was smiling broadly. "Ah," he said, squinting into the fog. "We're here."
Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Who wouldn't want to be shipwrecked on an unknown island with a sheep and seven Vikings searching for a seemingly fake dragon?
I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Maybe sometime this weekend. And then we can get to all those beloved hammer-headed animals...