Well I finally got my computer. Expect more updates now that I finally got the sex over with so I can adlsfkj write more~~
I don't know what I'm doing. Honestly, I don't know why I'm here. There's a lot of unanswered questions, and my immortality doesn't make me different in that sense. Just because I can't die doesn't mean I know any more of life's mysteries than the average person does. I just try and get through day by day.
Maybe it should bother me, but it doesn't. I think it bothers most people. Not knowing, I mean. But not knowing has always been around for me. I don't know why I can't die, I don't know why my family fucked up so bad while my friends' didn't, I don't know why god only lets in the Mormons, and I don't know why I'm doing this. This. Is it just a game? Life? But no, it can't be, because there's always a winner and a loser in a game, and life has neither.
In the end, we all lose.
Or is that right? If we all lose, we all die, then it's a tie. There's no point, no motive or competition. Not really. People try and make meanings for their lives by getting rich or powerful, but in the end, we're all the same. We're all human. Or at least, I think we are. I don't know what I am. I don't know when I'll die, or if I'll die at all. It's a very lonely feeling. I've seen the shows on TV, the ones where someone is immortal and falls in love with a mortal only to get heartbroken at their death. Is that what will happen to me? I have so many questions.
Given the chance, what would I ask first? Honestly I have no idea. Every question is equal to me in relevance. But they'll never get answered. I'm no more special than anyone else, and no one else has ever (or will ever) gotten the chance to ask. I remember when we went through a High School Musical phase, there was this song- and it was right. We're all in this together. But not in the faggy musical way, but what those words actually mean.
I have no idea what I'm saying now. I think I was going somewhere with this, but my mind is muffled. Someone put a mute in my brain, and now the lyrical notes are filtered. It feels like I'm wandering. Waiting. What should I do? I know what's going to happen tonight, but that's not what I mean. I mean- I've been looking forward to this for so long; fucking Butters. But what sort of impact does that have on my life? What will it mean to finally be able to screw him into the ground? Is it even relevant? Is my life that boring and shallow that this will be the greatest accomplishment I've had in months, perhaps years?
Maybe. Who am I to know. I don't know anything. I don't know the future. Just because I can't die doesn't mean I have real supernatural powers. It just makes me worry that this is what my life has been reduced to; fucking. I've always loved it, always had an affinity for it, but- I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling strange now. Maybe it's anticipation, because my heart is going crazy waiting out in the cold for him. For Butters.
It's not a feeling of love, just of an intense attraction and need. I don't love Butters, I don't need any heartbreak or to take a ride down fag lane, I just want him in my bed. Because tonight is the night. The night, and I can't wait. I've waited for this for so long. I need him. I need him in my bed and under my body and around my cock. Perverse in nature, Butters is all I want at the moment, and I guess I should just be satisfied with that.
I haven't been this excited in a long, long time. That within itself should make me happy. And I am happy, I suppose, because my heart is beating incredibly fast and I keep checking my phone. People walk past me, and I draw my hood up to become inconspicuous. It feels nice, my own little world. Not to be an isolationist, or- well okay, maybe I am. It's true that I'm shy, but it just feels so much better to watch people from a distance. It's like my hood is a barrier. I'll take it off when Butters comes out, I'll let down those walls.
The wind is chilly, and it makes me shiver. Biting cold. Freezing. I don't want to be outside, I'd rather be in my truck with Butters all buckled up and ready to go home to have his brains screwed out. My lips turn up in a smile as I lean back against the bench. He has no idea what's in store for him. It'll be such a wonderful surprise. To think, only a couple hours and he'll be in orgasm heaven, moaning and arching his back as I ram into him.
My already fast heart rate increases with anticipation. Yes, it'll be wonderful. He's so unorthodoxly gorgeous. Thin little body, small nose, glasses and blue eyes, somewhat short, and a great ass. I've felt it before. That's the plus of dating, is that I get in some good gropes every now and then, and have felt him return the favor on multiple times. It will be so nice too-
I choke, and my vision goes black. A pair of hands slap themselves over my eyes, and I'm pulled backwards, my back at a strange angle.
"Butters what are you doing." My voice is calm, and doesn't betray my excitement of having him touch me even in such a platonic way.
I feel him shift, and then his breath is on my face. I remain seated, not moving an inch. "I'm just excited to see you is all," he says, and places a short kiss on my lips.
My heart goes wild once again, and I reach up to grab the back of his head and pull him closer. We refrain from getting to heavy, since Colorado isn't exactly the most gay friendly state, and he lets go after a couple of seconds. I stretch, and hear a pop as I stand. "You look nice."
He blushes, and rubs his knuckles together slightly. I don't know why he does that, he just always has. Looking up, Butters adjusts his glasses and thanks me. I love it when he does that.
"Are you ready to go, then?" Do I sound too eager? I don't mean too, I'm just excited.
"W-Why sure. Say, where are we goin, Kenny?" He sighs slightly as I wrap an arm around his waist.
I pause, and he looks at me confusedly. What if he refuses to come? What if he figures it out before I start to heavily pet him? I don't want the surprise to be ruined, I want the door to my apartment to be locked in case he refuses, before he figures out what fun we're going to have.
"We're-... going to my place."
But Butters says nothing, and merely smiles. Sometimes I have to appreciate his naivety.
"So which one?"
I lay the DVDs out on the floor, fanning them out as he kneels next to me by my ragged couch.
The trip to my apartment had been spent mostly in relaxed silence, listening to shitty songs on the radio. He hadn't protested when we had to take the stairs due to the elevator being busted, and didn't seem to notice that I locked the door behind myself when we walked in. Now we were kneeling on the floor, our hands close to each other's as he surveyed what I had laid out for him.
It was nothing special, and honestly, I didn't know myself half of the movies that I'd proposed we watch. They were most likely B films, since none of the names or actors rang a bell. Butters studied them individually for a while before picking out one with a woman in a pale dress fishing on the cover. I thought back to Craig. He would have enjoyed how boring it was likely to be. But from the other selections of horror movies, I wasn't surprised that he picked the most cheerful looking one.
I popped in the DVD, and settled down next to Butters on the couch. I noticed how he now sat next to me, instead of a cushion over, and kissed his cheek softly. He stuttered and fumbled with his hands in his lap, and I grinned while going through the DVD menu with my remote.
Five minutes in, and my attention had already waned. Of course movies are never interesting in the beginning, but still, I felt my eyelids droop and my attention being focused on Butters breathing next to me. I could feel the soft fabric of his turtleneck shirt against my skin, and the rise and fall of his chest. I had worked late last night. My manager had been giving me more and more hours, which I appreciated but not when they spanned to 12 hours a day. What a boring movie. A man, a woman, love, and a pet sidekick. So normal, so boring, lulling me to sleep as the glare of the TV reflected off of Butters' face.
"Kenny, wake up."
I groaned, and pushed the hand away that was shaking my shoulder. "Lev 'e alone." I grumbled, and pushed my face into the pillow that I was laying on. It was a slightly uncomfortable pillow.
The voice above me gasped slightly, and tried to rouse me harder. "Kenny, Kenny the movie is over, I want to go home."
...Home? Where was I?
I blinked, and cracked open my eyes, I was laying on Butters' chest, and he was trapped underneath me. I must have rolled onto him when I fell asleep. I didn't remember falling asleep though, and I didn't remember Butters not trying to wake me before. Why hadn't he been as persistent when I first rolled onto him.
"Mm..." I closed my eyes again, and Butters made a slight choking noise.
"K-Kenny, shucks, I-"
"Just let me sleep a little more, okay? Just a nap, 'so tired..." I wrapped my arms around him, and squeezed him to my chest. He squeaked, but complied. I could feel him tense underneath me, unsure of where to place his arms. I dozed off for a little while more, and felt him breathe underneath me. Our legs were touching, and I think I felt his hand on my back. Being with him felt amazing, perfect, right. It wasn't love, it was just a mutual attraction, and I kissed his clothed chest.
I could tell he was tired, because he didn't react at all. I continued to kiss him, placing light touches with my lips all over his chest, not minding that his skin was clothed. He made a content sound, and I continued upward, kissing his neck and jaw line. I was awake, and looked up at him, his eyes closed.
"Leopold." It didn't mean anything, I just said it, and kissed his cheek. Softly, very softly I worshipped him. Not tentative, I was sure of myself. My lips ghosted over his skin, and I started to touch him with my hands as well. He was awake, then, too, although he had not gone to sleep. I could tell because his breaths were coming in quicker and intermittently. Soft, quiet, I started to get hard.
It was then that I knew that tonight was the night. I had him all there, underneath me, playing along exactly how I liked. I didn't want to just kiss though, as I sucked on his jaw, I wanted to fuck. I wanted to screw. I wanted to make myself his entire world. I think he knew too, subconsciously, because he arched his back when I placed my hand underneath his shirt.
"Butters," I said, my breath and voice heavy, "Butters let's get up."
His eyes fluttered open, and he sighed. I urged him along, and our legs got tangled in the process of standing. He wobbled on two feet, and I caught him, dragging him to my room.
Butters seemed dazed, and a sudden rush of sadism overtook me. I kicked my door open, and the second I pulled him in, I flung him down on the bed. He landed with an 'oomph' and his eyes immediately jerked open. I rushed over to him, pushing his shoulders down and attacking his neck. Butters squeaked and pressed his hands against my chest. I looked up, put off.
"Is there something wrong?"
"Mmm?" I sucked on his neck, and he moved his head from side to side.
"I don't- I don't think- I-I don't know if we should do this." His voice was quiet, tentative and scared.
My stomach turned cold, and I tried to keep my voice straight. I cleared my throat, scared of having him hear the tremor in my voice. I wanted this so badly. "Why? Don't you think I'll take care of you? Butters- Leopold-..."
He squirmed underneath me, and I let up slightly. His hands covered his face and I frowned. "I-I'm scared Kenny, I don't think- I don't know- w-what if you don't like me, what if you won't like me anymore."
"Oh Leopold," I said, and grabbed his hands away from his face, " how could I ever not like you? You're gorgeous, so handsome, I've been waiting to do this for a long long time. Just trust me. Don't be scared, you're perfect."
Butters smiled then, and my heart went wild. I hoped that I had reassured him, and kissed him softer on the lips, but with less passion less I should scare him again. This time he moaned, and melted as I touched the strip of his stomach that was showing underneath his shirt. I massaged his skin with my fingers, kneading and moving them in a circular motion as my tongue slipped out to lick his lips. His lips trembled, but he opened them after a while of persistent kissing the corners of his mouth. My pants felt tight as we mouthed at each other, my tongue delving into the wetness of his mouth and his doing the same. So wet and hot, I felt as if I could die.
My mind was hazy, and I ran my hands up and down his sides. I didn't understand reality at that point, only hearing yes yes yes yes, because I had won. This round, I won. I couldn't win at life, but I could win at Butters, and as he moaned and thrust up against me, I knew that I had finally achieved my goal.
I didn't draw attention to his slight erection or the way he was subconsciously grinding against my thigh, but I continued to kiss him and moved my hand farther up his shirt to tweak his nipples.
He gasped then, and I reveled in the way he squirmed underneath me. Soft little noises began to spill from his lips, and I could have just come right then and there, but I had been waiting for this night for so long. Too long. I wanted it. I wanted it then. I wanted him on his hands and knees begging me to fuck him, to thrust my cock inside him and let him rock back against me. I needed to touch him, I needed to feel him, and suddenly I dragged my finger nails down his chest.
Butters screamed, and instantly recoiled. I held him down and shushed him, kissing him harshly and tonguing the inside of his mouth. He pushed against me again, and I had to chuckle as I drew back.
"What the fuck Kenny, w-what the fuck!" His eyes looked hurt, and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, I guess I just got a bit carried away. Because Butters-" I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, and breathed deeply. Our erections rubbed together, only the clothing of our pants separating us. "I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you so hard that you can't see straight. I want to tie you up and make you cum without touching what you'll need me to touch, I want to put my fingers in you as you sit on my lap blindfolded, but most of all, I want you now."
He didn't say anything for a while, and I only listened to the sound of his breathing. His chest rose and fell rhythmically as my own matched it. Turning his head to the side, away from where my face was, his voice was quiet.
"I don't want you to leave me."
I froze. "I'm not going to leave you, I already told you I'm not going to leave you."
He was silent again, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to fuck him, I didn't want to talk to him like this. I'd known that Butters had a shitty self esteem, and I remembered back to when we were talking about addictions. He'd mentioned having an addiction of his own, and I wondered what his could be, and if it could possibly be on his mind now. I frowned, and held onto his chin.
"Butters, I'm going to do this. I'm going to touch you, I'm going to have sex with you. You're going to like it, Leopold. And I'm not going to leave you. This isn't a one night stand, I've been thinking about this for ages. I haven't done this with anyone else in so long. Trust me, Butters, I just want to make you feel good."
"I've heard those words before, Kenny. I've heard it all. I'm not- golly, I'm not blaming you or insinuating nothin, but-"
The rest of what he said was drowned out by the rush of blood in my ears. Before? He was not a virgin? My stomach dropped. I had been looking forward to being his first, his only, and the idea of taking him for his first time. Who had he slept with before? Rage suddenly washed over me, and I shook my head.
"Then let me prove it."
If I couldn't be his first, then I would be his best. Holding him down with one hand and glancing up only briefly to see his worried face, I scooted down on my bed. My free hand fumbled with his zipper. I felt his hand around my wrist, but I shook him off.
He fell back against the bed, and I moved the hand that had been on him to fiddle with the button on his pants. It came undone and I zipped them down. Smiling, I saw the underwear he was wearing. Light purple. I hadn't even known that men's underwear came in light purple. But nevertheless, I pulled his pants off and flung them in a corner. His breathing was becoming irregular, his eyes wide as I hooked my thumbs into the top of his boxers. I could see the tent in them, his erection, and I throbbed with need.
"Trust me," I said, and pulled them down.
His penis sprung free, no longer tightly contained, and my jaw clenched. He was averaged sized, blonde pubic hair framing the base, but I had never seen anything more of a turn on in my life. My hands trembled, and I could see Butters squeeze his eyes shut. His lips were white and thin as they pressed together tightly.
"Don't be afraid."
Softly, tentatively, I placed my hand on his stomach. I felt my cock twitch, and I trailed a finger down to settle in the light layer of pubic hair at his abdomen. Again my hand trembled, and I set the other on the inside of his thigh. With great consideration and care, I finally wrapped my hand around his erection, and Butters gasped. The absolute emotion that dripped from his voice made me moan, and I travelled a finger up the underside of his dick along the vein. I reached the head, and ran my thumb over it, smearing a bit of precum down the sides. Butters whimpered. I moaned again.
I started to pump him, slowly at first but growing faster. He writhed, whimpering and keening as I touched him. To touch him so intimately was something I had only dreamed of, and my breath hitched as I felt his milky skin. Wonderful, everything I had ever dreamed about. This was not a dream, but it was a nice dream, and I never wanted to wake up. I wanted to please him, to touch him and make him groan my name for me. I wanted it all. My hand increased its pace. I wanted to taste his cum.
My head bowed, my eyes constantly focused on his face as I flattened my tongue against the side of his erection and licked all the way up to the top. Butters' eyes opened suddenly and he gasped, not expecting me to so suddenly please him in such a way. It felt nice, and he gripped the sheets of my bed. I exhaled hotly through my nose, and watched his pleasured expressions as I rubbed my tongue against the slit of his cock. Precum was already forming there, and it tasted not unlike how Clyde had been so many years ago. But this was not Clyde, this was Butters. Clyde had only been practice to please Butters, and so with a great sense of pride, I lowered my mouth down on him.
If his gasps had been satisfying before, I was absolutely sated as he moaned above me with fervor. My hand was still wrapped around his base, and I pumped him, feeling his body underneath me and every move he made as I sucked him off. My tongue swirled around him, and I made a slight humming noise in my throat. Bobbing my head, I felt his hands reach down to grasp my hair lightly. I didn't mind, and continued to watch him as I blew him.
His erection swelled, needy in my mouth as his thighs trembled. It was happening. It was happening for real. No more fantasies, he was mine and I heard him moaning above me. "K-Kenny... Kenny, Kenny I-! O-Oh hamburgers I- M-mm!" His hand reached up to cover his mouth, but I pulled it away. He looked down at me, and our eyes met. A blush immediately formed over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. I looked up with lowered eyelids, drawing his dick out with a pop and sucking only on the head in a way that was incredibly lewd. I knew it was, I had fantasized about him doing the same thing.
Our eyes still locked, I used this distraction to gently insert one of my fingers into him. He barely noticed, but squirmed anyway, and I resumed sucking ferociously. I moved my finger inside him up to the knuckle, and still he didn't notice. Taking this as a sign that he was thoroughly relaxed, I inserted another, and this time, he gasped.
"K-Kenny!" His blue eyes widened, and he tried to squirm away, but I held him by the hip and pulled him back down onto my fingers. I began to move them in and out, and I could hear him start to hyperventilate. He looked scared, so I sucked harder, trying to take his mind off of it. It shouldn't have hurt that bad, and I began to scissor him.
A couple minutes of this passed, and he started to untense and relax against my bed. He shook his head back and forth on my pillow, continuingly making 'mmm' noises. I couldn't tell if this was from pleasure or not, so I gently added my third finger. Butters inhaled sharply, and I shushed him with a kiss on his inner thigh before resuming licking and pumping him. I began to scissor my fingers inside of him, and my heart beat wildly as he bucked up into my mouth.
"K-Kenny." My name was repeated over and over again, his hands twisting in my hair, and I knew what was coming. Bracing myself, I tried to relax my gag reflex and deep throated him. His cock brushed lightly against the back of my throat, but I repressed the need to gag, and without much warning, he came inside my throat. His hips jerked up against my mouth, and he sat up, curling over my head. I continued to pump him, forcing him to ride out his orgasm as his thighs clenched shut and he cried out.
Butters trembled, and I breathed through my nose as I let him finish. He spasmed, sobbing and sputtering through a continuous stream of moans. My name was repeated multiple times, along with things that sounded something like 'fuck' and 'fella' and 'gosh'. After a while he relaxed, and I drew away slowly as he fell down against my sheets. I removed my fingers and listened to him pant.
I laid down next to him on my side and watched him as he recovered from orgasm. He really was beautiful. Everything about him was wonderful, and I noticed that his glasses had fogged up slightly. Small things like that made me hard, and I waited eagerly for him to finish recuperating so that I could finally fuck him. The idea made my head spin. How would I first do it? Would I use any toys, would I tie him up? What kink would I cater to? But no, this would happen again and again and again, tonight, I would use nothing other than my body alone. I didn't want to scare him, I wanted to make him feel safe. And so, when his breathing evened and I rolled over onto my back, I pulled him onto me and kissed him on the lips.
He responded lethargically, but kissed back with passion. His face felt wet, and I could tell he had been crying slightly. It was probably too intimate for him, as he hadn't done it in so long (I was supposed to have been his first.). My hands massaged his back, running down along his shoulder blades and the dip before his ass.
"You did good Butters, you were wonderful. You see, I'll take care of you. Good care of you. Just trust me, and I'll make you feel amazing."
Again he didn't say anything, just kissed me again as I removed his glasses and set them down on the bedside table. I needed him. I was sure he could feel my erection strain against my pants, and what that and my fingering had meant.
"I think you should give back." My voice was quiet, and his was even quieter as he replied:
Maybe he knew what I wanted, or maybe he was not as innocent as I had thought, but he swung his leg over me so that he straddled my hips. Beneath his lap, Butters undid my zipper and let my erection spring free. I hissed, and my head went wild with lust and disbelief that it was actually happening. I couldn't contain myself, and reached up to plant a kiss on his lips. He kissed back, and massaged my cock gently. Falling back against the pillow, I watched in fascination as he sat up, angled my erection, and sunk slowly down on me.
I inhaled deeply.
I held it.
I stopped breathing.
I didn't remember when I exhaled.
Everything was Butters then. Butters Butters Butters as he ground down against my hips and let out a high pitched moan. He was already hard again, and I could feel myself inside him, him around me, clenching. It was bliss, perfection, and even my wildest dreams couldn't live up to what it actually felt like. Still clothed myself, he looked perfect, naked against me. I had to force myself not to thrust up inside him. So instead I grabbed his hips and pulled him down harder. This made Butters grunt slightly, and he placed his hands against my stomach for leverage.
"I-I trust you Kenny," Butters said, panting,"y-you're a great fella, y-you're the best boyfriend I could ever want. Thank you. T-Thank you so much."
With fascination, I watched him ride me. Up and down he moved, his legs spread wide straddling my lap, and his cock bouncing against his stomach each time that I jerked up into him. Pleasure overwhelmed me, and I could only smile. It felt so good, so right, so hot. This was what I lived for. This was my life and meaning, and always had been. I had been made to do this, to fuck Butters and hear him cry out my name as I hit his prostate over and over again. I could tell, because he flung his head back, and looked down at me entering him behind him. I put on a show, thrusting up hard, my hands reaching around to spread his ass slightly as I pounded into him.
Butters was heavy on top of me, his body hot and tight. His hair bounced with the momentum of my thrusts. Everything about him was perverted and lewd, the way his chest heaved and he parted his lips. I reached forward to grasp his erection, and he gasped, writing on top of me. I continued to pound into him, rubbing my cock against his prostate and watching as he mouthed my name over and over.
We continued our game, his grinding down and my grinding up. His strained muscles and my relaxed posture. His tears, and my grin. Everything about him and us was a motley combination of humanness and lust. He bounced on my lap, riding me, fucking me, and I controlled him. He couldn't do it without me. Without me, he would be nothing. And without him, I would be alone. And maybe it was okay, because we had each other, and when Butters cried out and came against my chest and clamped down on me, orgasm finally hit.
Finally, finally finally finally I came inside him, rising up to meet him and falling down to ride out orgasm as it enveloped me. It washed over me, enfolding me in heat and blackness, my world consumed by pleasure and tightness. My cum coated him inside, and I finally marked him. Mine. Mine. He was mine. Forever he would be mine, because I had fucked him and I had claimed him and I owned him. I would fuck him on all fours and in public and with a vibrator and while I choked him down on the floor. I wanted to make him scream. I wanted to whip him and bend him over and spank him until his ass was raw. I wanted him to blindfold me and humiliate me. I wanted everything, because I owned him. I owned Leopold Stotch.
My breathing slowed, my heart rate decreased, and he slumped against my chest. Crying. Butters was crying. Why was he crying?
"Kenny, I love you."
I felt cold.
Review if you've been waiting for some buttfucking all this time.