Warning: This contains yaoi, boyxboy love, gayness, etc. All homophobes and haters should leave now. This also contains more than just hints at twincest, so if you think twincest or any form of incest is wrong, you should also leave. This contains lemons (sex) and limes (near-sex), (though only in the second chapter), so if you're uncomfortable with mentions of sex, you shouldn't even be in the M section, really.
Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or anything else I may have mentioned in this fic. I own the plot, but am not a good enough author to make any money off this.
So this fic is (supposed to be) mostly Tamaki/Kyouya, but since I have a weakness for Hikaru/Kaoru, there's a bit more than a sprinkling of them in here too, sorry if that bugs you, -sweatdrop- (Now that I think about it, this is almost MORE twincest than Tama/Kyou, hehe, oops)
Chapter One: My Host Club Romance
"Haruhi!" cries Tamaki, reaching out for the "daughter" of the messed up "family."
"Hey, Tamaki," two eerie voices say from over his shoulder.
"AH!" Tamaki jumps a foot into the air.
"We were thinking," begins Kaoru.
"That since you and I always compete over Haruhi," continues Hikaru.
"That maybe you guys should bet on it," completes Kaoru.
"Why? It's obvious that Haru-chan loves her papa best!" defies Tamaki.
"We thought you'd say that. So we're going to make things interesting," says Kaoru with his signature Cheshire grin.
"Whoever can get Haruhi to laugh first wins. Kaoru will be the referee, so it's just you and me, Tamaki," states Hikaru.
"How do I know you won't cheat?"
"If Hikaru cheats, we won't do the 'Brotherly Love' act for a week. And if you cheat, you basically just loose the bet. And I won't just let Hikaru win because that would be no fun," Kaoru shrugs.
"You never said we'd stop Brotherly Love!" complains Hikaru.
"Well, I just thought of it now, and that way I know you won't cheat."
"Fine…" grumbles Hikaru.
"The winner gets Haruhi all to himself, and the other won't intervene. The loser has to go to the upcoming masquerade wearing this," Kaoru pulls out a sparkly pink dress. "And to make things even more interesting, if Hikaru loses, he has to ask out Casanova, and if you lose, Tamaki, you have to ask out Kyouya," Kaoru finishes off with a plotting smirk.
"You're on! I'll get Haruhi to laugh easily, just you watch!" shouts Tamaki as he does some weird pose.
"You guys are stupid," says Haruhi. "You didn't even make sure I was out of earshot, I've been right behind you the whole time. And it's Kasanoda."
Tamaki just shrinks away into his corner and starts growing mushrooms.
"Wow, Tamaki's going to loose that way," says Hikaru.
Haruhi laughs, a light airy laugh with roses floating randomly in the indoor breeze.
"Well, that was easy," says Kaoru. "Hikaru is the winner!"
"NOOOOOOO!" screams Tamaki, snapping out of his depression. "Haruhi, how could you do this to me?"
"Easy, the competition was stupid, so I ended it."
"THAT'S CHEATING!" proclaims Tamaki.
"No, it isn't because I could pick who I wanted to win anyway. You should've made sure I couldn't hear you if you wanted a fair game."
Tamaki just starts to crawl back into his corner, but Hikaru pulls him back. "Nuhuhuh, Tamaki," he wags a finger in his face. "Before you go back into your mushroom resort, you have to ask out Kyouya.
"I'll ask him tomorrow, scouts honour," says Tamaki.
"No, you have to ask him within an hour of loosing the bet," states Kaoru.
"You never said that!" shouts Tamaki.
"It was implied," the twins say together as they push him towards Kyouya.
Tamaki's face is flushed as he is steered to the boy in the glasses.
"But then I have an hour!" cries Tamaki.
"Yeah, but we're bored, so we're making you do it now," reply the twins.
"Eep!" squeaks out a suddenly pride-less and hopeless Tamaki.
"Anyway, what could go wrong?" begins Hikaru.
"It's not like you like him or anything," continues Kaoru.
"Do you, Boss?" finishes both of the twins in unison.
"N-no! Of course not! I just think that this is foolish, that's all..." Tamaki's hopelessness drains him of all will to fight.
"Then why not indulge in some 'foolishness,' as you have put it?" asks Kaoru.
"Be... Because... Oh forget it. I'll ask, and just you watch as he says no."
"If you know the answer already, then what's there to lose?" asks Hikaru.
Tamaki just mumbles something unintelligible.
"Yeah, it's not like you like him or anything."
A surprised look appears on Hikaru and Kaoru's faces as a look of horror shades Tamaki's. "H-Haruri?"
"What? It's not normal for you to deny asking anybody out, even if it is a guy. And half of the stuff we do in the club is for Kyouya anyway; even last week just because he was sick, you put a hold on the club, but if it was anyone else then you always say 'the show must go on,'" explains Haruhi.
"Yeah..." say the twins, dumbfounded. They didn't know that Haruhi saw what they saw, but then again she was one of the few able to tell them apart.
Tamaki stares at Haruhi, also dumbfounded, before exclaiming, "I'll complete my end of the bet, but I will not acknowledge any feelings which do not exist!"
"You never said that your feelings towards Kyouya didn't exist though," mumbles Haruhi so only Hikaru and Kaoru can hear.
"You caught that, huh?" says Kaoru as Hikaru searches for a camera to film Tamaki's torture.
"Yeah, he just changed the subject, really. But most people would just take that as denial, but really he just didn't want to answer it at all. But I guess being a Host would make him choose his words carefully, right?"
Kaoru just shrugs as he and Haruhi hide behind a couch to watch Tamaki approach Kyouya.
"Hey, Kyouya..." begins Tamaki.
"Yes?" replies Kyouya shortly, not bothering to look up from the laptop he's working on.
"Well... I was wondering..." Tamaki tries, but is soon forced to a stop by a lump in his throat.
Kyouya looks up, "I'm sure it must be very important, as you're so nervous about it, but I'm very busy. Can you just spit it out, please?" His smile is obviously faked, and a comical vein pops out from his forehead.
"Will-you-go-to-the-dance-with-me?" rushes Tamaki.
Kyouya's brain vein pops back into place, "Well, of course. The Club always goes to the dances together; why would this one be any different?"
"Ah... Sorry. I can't do that. See, none of the club members can have a date, or else we can't use that as a selling point," calmly replies Kyouya.
"Dammit!" whispers Hikaru, reasoning lost on Kaoru and Haruhi.
"Now Kyouya's doing it, the whole 'change the subject only slightly so they don't notice' thing," whispers Kaoru to Haruhi.
"Yep, which means Kyouya likes Tamaki back but is afraid of something. But what? Tamaki was the one to ask, not him," whispers back Haruhi.
The three hush themselves to hear what's next.
"Oh right..." says Tamaki as he stares at his overly-expensive shoes. "Of course," Tamaki forces a smile, "I have to go... be over here now..." and he runs off to the couch the twins and Haruhi were hiding behind, almost giving them a heart attack in the process.
"Stupid bet, I knew he was going to say no, but he didn't have to make excuses. A 'no' does just as well and doesn't make it sound as if he pities me," says Tamaki, but he whispers it to himself to the point where Hikaru is straining to hear until the point where he stands and blows his cover.
"You eavesdrop!" shouts Tamaki.
Not wanting to be alone, Hikaru grabs for Kaoru's hand and runs out of the clubroom.
The two are panting once outside, which was an unnecessarily long journey since they took a few wrong turns.
Kaoru catches his breath but quickly loses it at the sight of a still panting Hikaru, 'Has he always been so... sexy? But that can't be right. We're twins, identical. That would be like narcissism, wouldn't it? But it isn't... His abs are more pronounced, and his arms are stronger; he can pick up Haruhi, but I can't. He always was faster than me in gym. And he never has had acne, so he doesn't have the few scars I have. And though I get better grades, and think things through, he always acts spontaneously, which is always fun to see. ... I can see myself falling in love with him, even if he is my brother...'
In his thoughts, Kaoru's eyes glaze over, but he's till facing Hikaru, so his brother asks, "Hey, Kaoru, are you alright?" Kaoru doesn't notice Hikaru's slight blush from being stared at, because he's too busy hiding his own obvious one by turning away.
"Yeah, I was just thinking, we never planned on what would happen if Kyouya said no to Tamaki, we were sure he was going to say yes," Kaoru improvises, heading for the gardens.
"Well, I bet we could convince Kyouya to dance with him at least once, even if his only excuse is that it would get more yaoi fangirls to become permanent customers. But either way, we should say it was part of the bet for Tamaki to wear the dress to the masquerade."
"Oh, it's a masquerade?" asks Kaoru with a hint of disapointment.
"Nothing, I guess it just slipped my mind," replies Kaoru with the thoughts of, 'But now I won't be able to see your face, or maybe even slip a kiss and just claim it was the "Brotherly Love" act...' Kaoru suppresses a sigh.
As Kaoru begins to sit on one of the stone benches within the garden's maze, Hikaru slips beneath him, making his brother sit on his lap.
"Hi-Hikaru? Were you there before I sat down? I could've sworn you were over - !"
Kaoru's nervous rambling is cut off by a forceful kiss from Hikaru. It wasn't even a plan, Hikaru just thought, 'Why not? ... He tastes better than I could hope for, like those plum commoner's candy, only...' the rest of his thoughts were wiped away as Kaoru responded to the kiss.
'How did he get here? This is so embarra-! Okay, he's kissing me. This is not a brotherly kiss; does he feel the same way for me...?' and about there is where Hikaru added his tongue leaving Kaoru a mumbling mess.
When they separate, Hikaru says, "I know Kyouya said the club members can't have dates... But will you be my date to the masquerade?"
At loss for words, Kaoru just throws his arms around his twin and kisses him once more. After forcing himself away and closing his eyes, both from the sensation and to think clearly, he responds, "Of course. Now let's go get Tamaki and Kyouya admit they love each other!"
"So you match yourself before the boss? What kind of matchmaker are you?" laughs Kaoru.
"Hey! I'd finally gotten the courage, don't go making me regret it now that it's too late!"
"I'm kidding," chuckles Kaoru as he slips his hand into Hikaru's and they walk back to the clubroom, taking shortcuts along the way.
Hikaru chivalrously opens the door for Kaoru once they make it back to the clubroom door, only for Kaoru to be met face-to-face with a murderous Haruhi.
"NEVER leave me alone with Tamaki when he's moping!" she shouts in the twins' faces before leaving in a huff.
Kaoru gives Hikaru a look of confusion, aren't Honey, Mori, and Kyouya in there too? In response, Hikaru just shrugs, equally at a loss.
"Haruhi~!" shouts a familiar voice. "Don't leave your papa!"
But Haruhi only runs away faster, soon becoming a blur. Once outside, a Lobelia High School student finds her and she's forced to run even faster from yet another crazy person.
Upon inspection, the twins notice Honey and Mori are gone, and that half of Honey's cake is left, and Honey never leaves even a crumb. What could have happened?
Kyouya and his computer are gone, chair pushed in but not as perfectly as the norm for the glasses-wearing teen. Did he leave in a rush too?
"This is all your fault!"
The tone Tamaki used sent chills down Kaoru's spine, making him hold onto Hikaru, who gladly clutched his twin for comfort also.
"It's very depressing to be rejected, you know? Couldn't you just take my word for it, and just make me wear the dress?" Tamaki says in a creepy yet depressed way.
"You... like him don't you?" asks Kaoru, waiting for a confession from the "king."
"YEEEEESSS..." whines Tamaki suddenly more normal, this time with puppy-dog eyes and tears streaming down his face.
Hikaru smirks, "If you tell us what happened to make Honey leave his cake unfinished, we'll fix everything."
"I don't know what you two can do, but okay," says Tamaki, hesitant, but knowing no other way out. "I don't know what happened to Kyouya, he just left suddenly, so I allowed myself to - my eyes to sweat. Honey tried to stop it, and I attac- held him, explaining that it wouldn't stop. Mori took him out of my embrace and promised him all the cake he could want once they were home if only Honey would 'let go of him, he needs his alone time.' So I held Haruhi for warmth and she tried to leave the clubroom, only she forgot it was push not pull."
Hikaru and Kaoru smirk at each other, understanding exactly what happened, even with Tamaki's filter.
"Come with us," Kaoru offers a hand to Tamaki as Hikaru flips out his cell phone and calls a ride, picking up the dress on his way out.
Tamaki follows, confused but willing.
Once the limo pulls up to the gates of the Hitachiin mansion, the twins pull an uncertain Tamaki out of the vehicle and towards the front doors. Letting themselves in, the brothers start calling out "MOTHER!" until a figure appears at the top of the stairs.
"Yeees?" she calls out.
"We need you to tailor this dress for Tamaki," they reply in unison.
"Oh my, I haven't done dresses for boys since you two were still in the primary school," begins Ms. Hitachiin, hands on her cheeks, smiling at the memory. "But alriii... What is that horrid thing?" she finishes once she sees the sparkling Barbie pink ensemble.
"It's a bet Tamaki lost."
"I assume he lost to you, Hikaru?" asks his mother knowingly.
"Then I won't make you change the terms, but we're burning this dress immediately. It's a crime to the fashion world," says Ms. Hitachiin, giving the dress to a butler.
"But, Mooooom..." whines Hikaru.
"But nothing, you can humiliate Tamaki with a dress, but not that one. Actually, I think you'll quite like the one I have in mind," she says with a gleam in her eye.
Tamaki gulps, he knows that gleam from when the twins plot; it must run in the family.
"John-kun!" she shouts out, and a young man with expensively torn clothes and colourful hair comes in.
"Yes, ma'am?" he says chuckling and puts his hand to his head in salute.
"Oh, Johny, you know better then that, call me Yuzu-chan! Ever since Charles managed to ask your hand in marriage, you've been like a son to me. No! Sooner!" says Yuzuha fairly loudly. "Now," she whispers, "I need you to get the dress, you know the one." Raising her voice again, she nearly shouts, "Oh! I'm so glad I get to use it so early. Don't worry Hika, Kao; I'll make Kao another one."
"You made a dress for me?" shouts Kaoru as Hikaru yells out, "You made a dress for him?"
"Well of course. You two have had the biggest crush on each other for almost four years now, it was made for your honeymoon. But just because I'm loud and dressed you two as girls before, don't be thinking I'm a fangirl. I'm just unprejudiced. ... Well, that and you're holding hands. Did Hikaru finally ask?" she turns away, but tilts her head in their direction, fluttering her eyelashes in questioning.
"Uh... yeah, about an hour ago actually," mumbles Kaoru, scratching the back of his head nervously.
"About time, now I can help Yuzu-sama make your wedding tuxes!" says a recently returned and excited John with a dry cleaner bag.
"Oh, of course, but we'd have to wait at least until they get out of high school, sadly," says the mother of the twins as she takes the bag and places it onto a nearby table to unzip it.
"What," says Hikaru.
"$_%+^*#=!" shouts a mortified Tamaki.
"You wanted me to wear that? What kind of mother are you!" shouts a now-scarred-for-life Kaoru. But then he mumbles, "I still want to wear it, but what kind of mother..."
Yuzuha pulls out the dress. It's deep, sexy red, very short, and shows off all the right curves for a bishonnen male. The back has been cut out for some loose fishnet and lace lines every edge, making it sexier and more erotic than necessary.
"Tada!" she and John say together in pride. Alone, Yuzuha says, "Like it?"
"Um... erm... Aha! This is a prom, I can't go around wearing that! I would prefer wearing a tux, but if I am required to wear a dress, it must be a ballgown!"
"Sorry, Tama-kun, but you're still going to have to wear it. There's a skirt that goes over it for formal occasions, just in case!" she grins, making Tamaki search frantically for a reason not to wear the nosebleed catalyst.
"Well, now that that's settled, let's get it fitted to your figure!" Yuzuha claps and drags Tamaki by the wrist upstairs into design room.
About an hour later, the twins' mother comes bursting through the door from upstairs, and gracefully walks down the steps until she meets the teenagers at the bottom. "And now! For my... cree-ay-shon!"
Behind her is John with a very disgruntled Tamaki covered in a sheet, slightly resembling a child dressed as a ghost on All Hallows Eve. At Yuzuha's cue, Johny removes the sheet. The sight of Tamaki effectively gives the twins a nosebleed.
Kaoru goes up to his mother and whispers so no one can hear, "I don't know what you've done, but if you can pull the same magic on me, I'll be the best son you could ever want, as long as I get that same dress in black for my wedding night."
"I would, but I have something much more risque for then."
"But you said-"
"I know what I said, but after seeing this on Tamaki, I figured it suited him best anyways. I already have designed another dress for then, don't you worry," says his mother with a knowing smirk.
"You. Are. God," says a shocked, yet very grateful Kaoru, who wraps his arms around his mom, squeezing in thanks.
"I try my best," smiles Yuzuha. "See here," she points at Tamaki's upper thigh, "I had to get rid of three inches of length to let the over-skirt sit correctly. But don't you two be worrying over his 'equipment,' I have Tama wearing very special underwear for that. And now~... Part duex." John hides Tamaki's form behind the sheet as Yuzuha does something to cause Tamaki make some fairly interesting noises.
From an unseen cue, Johny removes the sheet from obstructing the twins' view once more, this time showing off a very suddenly and simply beautiful Tamaki.
"How did you..." whispers Hikaru.
"It's the magic of versatility, boys," replies his mother, grinning at her sons' dropped jaws.
"Well, this is going to be an interesting masquerade, isn't it Yuzu-chan?" whispers John to Yuzuha as the twins gape at Tamaki.
"I have a feeling you're right, John-kun. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she says.
"Always," replies John with a knowing smirk. "I'm glad Kyouya has so much pride, though, or else we wouldn't have been able to make the dress!"
"No, no, no... Kyouya would have gone along with the dare too, and sent Tama to get a better dress from me anyway."
"Ah... so your thinking Cream Lemon then?" (A/N: Cream Lemon is a hentai from the seventies that gave fanfiction the word "lemon.")
"Yes... and not only for those two, either."
"Most people wouldn't be so accepting of their twin sons falling in love."
"Well, I guess I'm not most people then!" Yuzuha says with a twinkle in her eye.
John rolls his eyes, but Yuzuha continues. "Now, come, Johny. We only have so long until they're all grown up!"
"There's like two years!"
"I know! We have dresses, suits, and lingerie to make! And we must design the weddings, or should it be a double wedding. Or triple if Honey and Mori tie the knot. Or -"
"Or you can calm down. I'm on your side here, I just like procrastinating too much," laughs John, following her into a room full of fabrics of every kind.
"When did Mom and John leave?" asks Kaoru once he regains partial mental function.
Hearing Kaoru snaps Hikaru out of his daze, and he replies, "I dunno," and shrugs.
"You know Tamaki, I think you should go and prepare yourself for Sunday. As much as blush is a good colour on you, it won't help our plan if you're a stuttering mess," smirks Kaoru.
"YOU-!" starts Tamaki.
"Yes us. Now get a move on, Boss," say the twins in unison as they shove Tamaki out the door.
"Now, we can ..." begins Hikaru as he shuts the door.
"Hika! No kissing before the first date!" shouts Ms. Hitachiin from the top of the stairs.
"No 'but's. Go plot how to get Kyou-kun to confess with Tama-chan," the twins hear from upstairs.
Hikaru just shakes his head before turning to Kaoru and asking, "Care to plot under the covers with me, Kao-koi?" (A/N: koi = love)
"Oh, Hika-seme, of course!" giggles Kaoru as he takes Hikaru's hand and begins to bounce of to their shared room.
Veins (the author): Okay, so John was supposed to be a one-time-use OC, but he turned out to be a mix of one of my friends from school and Billy from Beauty Pop (if not only in my head). I swear that was an accident, and he's sorta an AU version of them anyway, so it's okay right?
Johny: I'm insulted. -scoffs and flips hair- I kid! -laughs-
Veins: Whatever, you were just there for laughs and help anyway. Changing subject! Sorry if there were any errors in this, I'm running on caffeine and almost no sleep (EDIT: I wrote this for like a month and it was true every friggin day), so the Author's Note will be more random than usual (if I had any repeating readers, they'd know; but alas, I change fandoms much too often -puts hand to forehead in dramatic pose-). Also, this is a requested fic from my beta, Eos, and I'm not letting her beta it.
Kaoru: Couldn't you just get another beta?
Veins: No! I'm not going to cheat on my beta. D:
Hikaru: Riiiiiight. You make it sound as if you guys are going out.
Tamaki: Ah, young love, shimmering in the hearts of teen lovers, until it bursts forth in confes—!
Veins: Erm, no. Shut up, David Bow— I mean, Vic Mignogna.
Tamaki: Who's Vic Mignogna?
Kyouya: He's your voice actor.
Tamaki: So… I-I'm not real? -retreats to mushroom farm in corner-
Kyouya: -sigh- Come on. –whispers in Tamaki's ear- I'll make you feel real. –leaves with Tamaki-
Veins, Kaoru, and Hikaru: -nosebleed-
Hikaru: -holding Kaoru- Let's go feel real, too, Brother. –leaves with Kaoru-
Veins: -nosebleed- Well, as I try to not die from nosebleeds, I - !
Random girl from the rival all-girls school: Hold on a second! I see what you did there! -battle cry- YURI!
Veins: -headdesk- That doesn't even deserve an answer. And anyway, I'm not the main character. Go bug Haruhi.
Haruhi: N-no! -gets glomped-
Veins: Sorry, Haruhi!
Yuzuha: Don't worry, Haru, dear. I keep scissors on me at all times; that should scare them off!
-loud horror movie effect noises and screams from fangirls-
Veins: That should have been expected, and yet even I didn't see it. If you loved it, hated it, or are Eos, review, please. Flames will be mocked and nice reviewers get R&R cookies. Eos gets the next chapter. This is all up to you! X3