This is the SANE part of my two-part USUK fic that I wrote for Joey before I got in a crack mood and sort of just went off and wrote things I pulled straight out of some ungodly place. You can totally ignore the cracky second half of this or if you enjoy crack, you can go look it up on my profile where it's hopefully up! It'll be called 'Of Exploding Hopes and Invisible Four Walls' so if you're interested (which I hope you're not) you can go check it out! If not, ignore this AN completely!

In any case, enjoy how I think England would react to a call from America announcing something ELSE he found cool. Which I won't elaborate on unless you ask in a review or PM or something (if you don't want to read the mind-scarring crack that is the second half of this fic).


Gets Me Every Bloody Time

It had been a relatively normal day for me.

I finished an enormous pile of paperwork, drank some tea, read some Shakespeare, made some delicious crumpets, talked to my fairy friends (unicorns can't come in the house, after all), casted some spells- you know, the usual.

Then I got a call from America on the blasted cellular phone that he had made me get a month prior, telling me I needed to start getting "jiggy with the times, Iggy" or something stupid like that.

As you can probably guess, the day's normalcy was shattered into a million tiny fragments by America's incomprehensibly huge ego and loud voice.

"Yo, Iggy!" he'd said (yelled) over the phone ecstatically. "You gotta come see this! It's AWESOME!"

I sighed into the phone.

"What could possibly get you to believe," I started walking towards the coat closet unconsciously, "that I would ever," I opened the door and started sifting through the jackets with both hands as I pinned the receiver to my ear by my shoulder blade, "uproot my free time to be with you!" I pulled out a modest black jacket for the fall and started pulling my arms through it, all the while huffing over the phone, "honestly. I bet this is another half-assed scheme you want to drag me into for fun and what-not. Well, our conceptions of fun are completely different!" I pulled on a pair of leather gloves before I started stomping up the stairs to brush my teeth. "Or should I say, your conception is totally skewed!"

"Uh... Arty-" he tried to interrupt. I, of course, would have none of it.

"No! I don't want to hear it!" I practically screeched at him, opening the door to the bathroom. "I've had enough of these stupid stunts you pull and I'll have you know the last thing I want is to partake in such time-wasting tomfoolery!" I wet the toothbrush and squeezed the toothpaste out angrily, shoving it in my mouth and talking around the brush as I violently brought it back and forth. "Last time it was the Mentos in the Cola, the time before that it was the snow-surfing in the freaking Himalayans, and even before that, we searched for Big Foot in your backyard! I almost got pneumonia after how bloody long we camped out in that bush! Excuse me a second."

"Yep," he answered calmly.

I set the phone down on the counter, turning on the faucet and spitting out the toothpaste into the sink. I unscrewed the cap to the mouthwash, drank, gargled, and spit again before turning off the tap again and picking up the phone.

"Sorry about that. Now where was I..." I started down the steps again, frowning and trying to remember what I had been going off about... Something to do with America and idiocy...

"I believe you were up to 'America's undeniably awesome and deserves all my love and attention and I shall throw myself at him naked because it is the right thing to do!'" America tried irritatingly to mimic my accent in a high-pitched voice that sounded nothing like me.

"Right," I responded scathingly, shoving my feet into my brown shoes and wriggling them until the heel was in, "you're an idiot, was what I was saying. Thanks for reminding me."

"PFT," I heard the indignant snort over the other line and smirked.

I started walking to the kitchen, getting back into rant-mode as I sauntered over. "In any case, I want you to stop calling me with this dang-blasted cellular device and maybe do something useful with your time like find a cure for cancer or find a solution to world hunger."

I think I heard him say, "I'm a hero, not a miracle worker," but I ignored it.

"Or you could just stop dragging me into your idiotic experiments. Although, I think you're old enough to mature out of such sophomoric activities! I mean, really, America, what are you, three hundred? It's time to grow up!" I took my car keys off the ring and started heading back towards the front door. "When I was your age I was conquering the seas and striking fear into the hearts of million- oh, but I'm not suggesting that path. Please God no. But it wouldn't hurt you to mature a little!" I unlocked the front door and headed out into the chilly afternoon air, locking the door behind me and heading for my car. "You know, you always ruin my good, normal days of relaxation and spell-casting! Why can't you call up Japan or something? You're friends, right? Why always me?" I unlocked the driver door and got in, putting the key into the ignition. "And another thing- wait, why am I...?" I began to ask, gaping at the steering wheel in confusion.

"See you in a few hours, Iggy," I could hear the smile in his voice as he hung up.

My jaw dropped as I stared at the screen of the device before I threw it harshly into the passenger seat with a scowl.

"That bloody mother f-"


Sorry, that is inappropriate for our younger viewers, England.

I hope you enjoyed this somewhat-sane fanfiction that is relatively unedited and was written in like a half an hour. Yeap.

Hope you enjoyed~ PEACE~