This, I hope, isn't really relevant anymore, since (without giving too much away) 3.04 showed a better side of Cal and more hope for him and Gillian, and the trailers for 3.05 made me squeal with shipper happiness... HOWEVER, Cal's behaviour at the start of season 3 cannot be ignored, and for whatever reason, despite being in a happy place about the show right now, this just came pouring out of me. Who can fathom the way my brain works? Lol. Anyway. It is what it is.

Set during the first few episodes of season three, no real spoilers except the 'tone'.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything to do with the show *sigh*

I Don't Know You Anymore

There's a distance between them that's never been there before. He knows it's his fault; knows he was the one to build up this wall that now stands between them, brick by brick.

Time trickles by, and some things don't change. The company continues to run (although not always smoothly), he continues to push people a little too hard, continues to do his job, live his life the way he's become accustomed to.

But things have changed.

She's different, and he knows it's because of him. She's stepping further and further away from him every day, it's getting harder to read her, and where once he looked and saw his best friend, now he sees somebody who reminds him of someone he used to know a long, long time ago. What they have is merely a shadow of what they once had, an echo of a sound he no longer hears. He doesn't know her anymore, really, and that terrifies him. How can she have become a stranger – how can he not have noticed, until it was too late, that he was putting everything at risk, that they were heading towards a place from which they could never return?

There's a flicker of something in her eyes and he doesn't know what it is, she goes home on Fridays and comes in on Mondays and he has no idea, for once, what passes in between, she smiles and it's so hollow that he wants to punch something, or himself, over and over until the anger dissipates and he learns how to turn back time to when things were better, to when he was better.

He looks at her, and thinks how did we get here? and is there a way back? and, more than anything, why? He looks at her and thinks, I don't know you anymore. It's the same feeling he gets every morning, whenever he looks in the mirror.