Hello! I'm haaschiibrownii. (failure to come up with a better user name has left me with this)

Anywhoo, I was bored today and was going around on fanfiction, reading and searching stuff. I realized that there was only one Artemis Fowl Maximum Ride Xover. I realized that this was quite a tragedy. (not the story, it was pretty good, but that there was only one)

Now, I'm going to try to write the second one.

I'm not sure how this will turn out. I'm not sure if it's going to be funny, or serious, or a total piece of junk. I apologize for whatever happens in here, folks. Heck, I don't even know if this is a oneshot or if I'm gonna continue with it.

Basically, under all of that stuff, what I'm saying is bear with me. Whatever happens happens.

Alright, I'll be going, but first let me say… actually, there's nothing to say. I just wanted to quote Seussical. (but does that really count as a quote? It's only half of a line. Hmm… Well, whatever.)

Disclaimer: I do not Artemis Fowl, or Maximum Ride. Sadly. I have yet to kidnap a character. We'll just have to see how that turns out! *insert evil laugh*

Note: I'm only going to write in first person when it's Max talking. I'm going to try to honor the author's writing styles. So, if it says Artemis's POV, it means that the chapter or section is focusing on him, but being written in third person.

Another note! (yay?): This takes place after The Atlantis Complex and Saving the World. (Why not Fang? Because I really, really, hated the way Fang ended. And I enjoyed Saving the World.)

Artemis's POV

Artemis Fowl had adopted a dog.

It was not his decision. It had been his mother's. She decided he needed a companion, and ignored all of his protests against the idea.

"I have Butler, Moth- Mom" Artemis had said stiffly, grimacing at his stutter. This was a rare event, for Artemis Fowl almost never stuttered. "He provides all of the companionship that I need."

Angeline Fowl crossed her arms. "A bodyguard does not pass as a social connection for a fifteen year old boy. I know that you and Butler are very close, but I refuse to let you grow up without any interaction with much of anything besides your computer."

Artemis began to protest. "Mother. I have plenty of other friends. You don't need to take any drastic measures."

"Arty, your fairy friends don't count here."

"That's hardly fair."

"I know you don't think this is fair, Arty, and I'm sure that you of all people know this, but life is not fair. You need a companion." As an afterthought she added, "One that doesn't bring you into such situations."

Artemis sighed, knowing that she was referring to the previous events involving his "fairy friends". He knew that he was defeated. Angeline Fowl had been trying to move him into what she deemed to be a "suitable" life for a fifteen year old boy, as soon as he had returned from his treatment at the Argon Clinic.

What his mother didn't understand was that he didn't need people in general. It was true that he needed certain people, but another fifteen year old boy wouldn't fit into that elite category. Plus, it was hardly plausible that Angeline would find a boy suitable to Artemis's needs. Artemis retreated to his study, confident that this would be nothing to worry about.

He was wrong.

The next day as he walked, no, glided, down the stairs gloatingly he found a (from his point of view) quite nasty surprise. In the lobby of the mansion, there was his mother, attempting to cuddle a sultry, stiff, dog.

"Wha-what is that?" Artemis stuttered, mortified both at the appearance of the animal and the fact that he had actually stuttered.

"It's your new dog!" Angeline beamed at him, her happiness metaphorically blinding Artemis.

Artemis rubbed his temples. "Mother," he began. Angeline glared at him. "Fine, mom. I don't have time to take care of a dog. There are many other things far more important than that poor creature. Which, by the way, I think you're strangling it."

Angeline glanced down at the dog, who appeared to be asphyxiating. She set it down gently, and it growled at her, baring its teeth. "Look, Arty. You need to be more normal. I've been trying to get you into a better lifestyle ever since that horrible Atlantis business."

"Are you referring to the complex or the city?"

"Both. Arty, please, humor me. For one week. Then, we can take the dog back to the pound. Think of it as one of your, eh… projects."

Artemis sighed, realizing that his mother wouldn't let the matter drop. "So be it. But honestly, Mom, where am I going to find the time to care for a dog?"

Angeline smiled as she started up the stairs. "I'm sure you can find some somewhere, since you have such a gift at bending it. Oh, and one more thing."

Artemis barely managed not to flinch.

"I want you to wear your jeans and t-shirt at least twice this week."

"D'Arvit." Artemis muttered under his breath.

"I heard that!"

Artemis rolled his eyes. His mother was the mother of perhaps one of the world's most unusual people, but she still had the mannerisms of a normal mother ordering her teenager around. And, as any resident of Fowl Manor could tell you, she was quite adept at it.

Sorry that was so short. Gah, barely nine hundred words. But it seemed like a good place to end the chapter, so I just went with it. But, the next one should be up pretty soon. We're into play week, so rehearsals are crazy. But since today's a Saturday, I have some time.

Okay, sorry for rambling. I'll leave now.

But, wait! Please, please, please, if you're logged in (or even if you're not) REVIEW! I love to read reviews and really appreciate constructive criticism. And I'll always try to PM you or respond in the next chapter. Thanks!